Author Hoaks Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 Ok, I have finaly come to realise that I will never get answers from her about this. Now im definately thinking its another guy . It must be, if she cant face me or talk to me for the last week. I have deleted any means of contact from my phone. I cant remember her home number or her dads number so no temptation there now. Its still hard though becausevi drive past her house on the way to work every day. stuff hanging around while she test drives other guys. Totaly gutless, I always told her to not be with me just to make me happy, never be scared to end it, I just wanted her happy. She could never do it.
Author Hoaks Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 Pain pain pain, I had her dad text me last night "is j with you". I just said no mate. He used to do this all the time when we were together. I cant believe she has not even told him whats happening. I habe been like 5 or so days no contact amd I get that last night. I felt like saying no shes not withe, I think you need her bf's number. ry hard to get through the days right now, they seem like they go forever, I just want it to get dark so I can try to sleep. Sooo angry and hurt still. All she had to say to me (even if its anothet lie) yes its anothet guy. I woulf get immediate closure and never want to see her again. I guess im just lonely, I wish I haf some female friends I could hang out with, I feel like there is nothing to look forward to. I should have learned from the first time not to go into it 100%. Especialy after all the therapy I pais for. Last time I spoke to her she said today would be the day she wanted to talk about things after her break from us. I will not answer, it will be from a private number. Maybe I should? Maybe I can get some closure from it?
TaraMaiden Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 You will never get closure from her. Closure never comes from the dumpers. It comes from you - when you accept it's completely over (and it is) and you let go (and you should).....
Author Hoaks Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 Just when I thought things couldnt get any crueler, I just had her ex bf send me a bunch of messages on facebook. Saying that she has been back with him for ages and thats where she has been sleeping. He has tried this before to try and upset us both so I totaly dont believe him. She hated him and her dad wants to hurt him. But he was saying things that were pretty accurate that had happened with us over the last 2 months. Which means he is in contact with her again, or one of his friends is filling him in on it. So this is just another kick in the guts. Now she allows him to rub it in. I tell you, I never thought this type of thing was possible in life. What a massive lesson I have learned, definately the hard way. Time to deactivate my facebook. I cant take anymore, my family cant either. Sooooo many lies from her, I didnt think she was cabable of doing this to me. I really need to fast track losing her from my memory. This is nuts.
mano Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 its okay dear , hate her what she has done and move on, u never deserves someone like her, its quite possible she has been busy with her other bf, vent it out , we are here for you dear, she was just using you ,
aloneinaz Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 If you truly want to cut ALL contact from her, you need to block her on all media, phone (or change number), everything! The sooner you stop seeing her and hearing from her, you'll start to heal and feel better. Delete all pictures or store them out of easy reach. Get rid of all reminders of her. You have to worry about yourself and at this point, disappearing from her life will make yours SO much easier.
Author Hoaks Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 (edited) Ok well I finaly got my closure. I saw her and said if this is what you want then goodbye. She agreed. I gave her a hug and said good luck. She said the same. Everyone is right, im a wreck right now. Really really shattered. I got played and I know it. I embarresed myself the last couple of months. But I dont let people in very easy. And as bad as she was for me, I saw her as a important part of my life. can still smell her perfume on me as it was only 10 minutes ago. It just really hurts right now. See, in a way I was hoping for a call from her in a few weeks to apolgize to me and I wanted to hear that she is over whatever it is shes going through. I just wish she never called to try again all those months ago. I feel like a fool, lonely, dumb, lost, but mostly hurting like hell. But I guess I can move on knowing I wont ever hear from her again. Wish she would have let me go 2 months ago :( Edited July 5, 2013 by Hoaks
Author Hoaks Posted July 13, 2013 Author Posted July 13, 2013 Hi guys, I just felt like writing down a update with me. I have noticed that my anxiety has almost completely gone now that she is no longer part of my life. No waiting for a 4 hour late reply. No waiting for a call that she said she would make, and wondering why its is that she did not call when she said she would. So her telling me that my doctor is not doing anything for me, well no, he cant cure me from a lying cow. So i have started to chat to a few girls online, nice girls, more mature. That is helping me. My ego has taken a huge hit after feeling rejected for the last couple months. So girls taking a interest makes me feel good. Looking back, i dont think i would have many friends left if it was not for this site. Being able to vent with others going through nearly the same thing has helped too. And Tara being blunt and to the point is what i have needed. Obviously i am have one of the good days, tomorrow might be different. Thanks for reading 2
happydate Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Ok well I finaly got my closure. I saw her and said if this is what you want then goodbye. She agreed. I gave her a hug and said good luck. She said the same. Everyone is right, im a wreck right now. Really really shattered. I got played and I know it. I embarresed myself the last couple of months. But I dont let people in very easy. And as bad as she was for me, I saw her as a important part of my life. can still smell her perfume on me as it was only 10 minutes ago. It just really hurts right now. See, in a way I was hoping for a call from her in a few weeks to apolgize to me and I wanted to hear that she is over whatever it is shes going through. I just wish she never called to try again all those months ago. I feel like a fool, lonely, dumb, lost, but mostly hurting like hell. But I guess I can move on knowing I wont ever hear from her again. Wish she would have let me go 2 months ago :( Hoaks, all manipulators do is to lower their prey's self-esteem to their level so they will have the control and power. They are masters of their own deceitfulness. The question is, is this a one-off thing or are you always dating these type of women? If you are, then you must be a nice guy?!? Nice guys who are people pleasers are themselves a type of a gentle manipulator who tries to manipulate events so to alter the outcome towards their favor because they dislike criticism. Problem is, you attract exactly the women like her cause like attracts like. If you want to reduce the chances of meeting these type of women, work on your self-esteem as well as your authenticity. Do not be afraid to say "No" and disagree and maintain your dignity so not to change the outcome of the events you are in like you are so used to before. When you do, the women who you will date will respect you more and because you have a spine being authentic, they will stay with you longer. 1
Author Hoaks Posted July 14, 2013 Author Posted July 14, 2013 Hoaks, all manipulators do is to lower their prey's self-esteem to their level so they will have the control and power. They are masters of their own deceitfulness. The question is, is this a one-off thing or are you always dating these type of women? If you are, then you must be a nice guy?!? Nice guys who are people pleasers are themselves a type of a gentle manipulator who tries to manipulate events so to alter the outcome towards their favor because they dislike criticism. Problem is, you attract exactly the women like her cause like attracts like. If you want to reduce the chances of meeting these type of women, work on your self-esteem as well as your authenticity. Do not be afraid to say "No" and disagree and maintain your dignity so not to change the outcome of the events you are in like you are so used to before. When you do, the women who you will date will respect you more and because you have a spine being authentic, they will stay with you longer. Yes, i do need to work on my self esteem. I used to say no to her, i was the one asking for space from her awhile ago. But when she starts lying to me and acting shady, then i became more clingy and wanting answers from her. Which became a turn off to her and ofcourse she would want to be having more fun away from me. I was very confident and was happy with myself when i met her, i was not seeing a doctor or had any issues at all. Im sick of trying to put pieces together but from what i can understand she was bored when we got back together and used me until she got back with her friends. So now i need to become healthy before seeing someone else because as i see it, she turned me into this. And yes, i see myself as a nice guy, this is what i have learned from this site. There is a balance to it, i cant be always available. Which i was to her, i do need to get my spine back, just need to pry it out of her cold witch grasp lol
Echo000 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 man i read through this ENTIRE thread..i can relate to it so much. The ignoring and not getting back to you..one of the most messed up things someone who claims to love you can do to you. My ex and I started talking again after four months of NC, but i noticed that she often would stop texting me halfway through a convo, take 10 hours to respond, and fail to ever call me back if i called/make any effort to call me. Even when she knew i wanted to talk. I asked her to simply say goodbye or ttyl if she had to stop/didnt want to text for whatever reason. I asked her to make more an effort to make time to have a simple phone conversation. She REFUSED to change, continued to randomly not text back (oh sorry i was at work..),.not call back or even suggest a better time to call her..etc. It felt AWFUL. and when i was like enough if you arent going to change up in this way then i dont want to talk to you anymore cuz this HURTS big time, she would say stop no I love you, you just need to relax and "go with the flow". Omg- difference between going with the flow and being respectful of someone. So yea, i can totally 100% relate. If the person really cared, they would have found time to call you/speak to you. Why? Because people make time for things/other people that they care about. I kept getting sucked in because, even though her actions NEVER changed, she kept saying she loved me and cared and that I needed to calm down (like this was MY fault). Your ex sounds like mine in that regard. Just found out mine is moving away, which is probably for the best even though its killing me now. Because like you, I should have walked away about a month ago after seeing this type of behavior. Hope you are doing well...being strung along makes it hard to let go. You get used to the anxiety and pain, the cycle is very negative.
Author Hoaks Posted July 14, 2013 Author Posted July 14, 2013 man i read through this ENTIRE thread..i can relate to it so much. The ignoring and not getting back to you..one of the most messed up things someone who claims to love you can do to you. My ex and I started talking again after four months of NC, but i noticed that she often would stop texting me halfway through a convo, take 10 hours to respond, and fail to ever call me back if i called/make any effort to call me. Even when she knew i wanted to talk. I asked her to simply say goodbye or ttyl if she had to stop/didnt want to text for whatever reason. I asked her to make more an effort to make time to have a simple phone conversation. She REFUSED to change, continued to randomly not text back (oh sorry i was at work..),.not call back or even suggest a better time to call her..etc. It felt AWFUL. and when i was like enough if you arent going to change up in this way then i dont want to talk to you anymore cuz this HURTS big time, she would say stop no I love you, you just need to relax and "go with the flow". Omg- difference between going with the flow and being respectful of someone. So yea, i can totally 100% relate. If the person really cared, they would have found time to call you/speak to you. Why? Because people make time for things/other people that they care about. I kept getting sucked in because, even though her actions NEVER changed, she kept saying she loved me and cared and that I needed to calm down (like this was MY fault). Your ex sounds like mine in that regard. Just found out mine is moving away, which is probably for the best even though its killing me now. Because like you, I should have walked away about a month ago after seeing this type of behavior. Hope you are doing well...being strung along makes it hard to let go. You get used to the anxiety and pain, the cycle is very negative. Hey man, thanks for replying. Its very hard, painful and soul destroying. I'm at a stage where i keep thinking back on things, if and where i did things wrong. I remember around 2 months ago, she used to call me every night we were not together. But for some reason i felt uncomfortable calling her. I used to text her saying "Hey, will call you around 9:30 if your free then?" She text back one day "Babe, im your gf, i love you, you dont have to let me know when you are going to call, you can call me whenever you want..i love talking to you". That response made me happy and comfortable, it actualy made me secure and not want/need to call her. This lasted a week, then the change. So its just confusing, and frustrating. And i am sorry to everyone that sees my thread at the top all the time. This just helps me sooooo much. Oh i had 3 missed calls from a private number today, i know it is her. I am not answering
Echo000 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 yea that treatment..the ignoring and honestly, just the rudeness of it, speaks volumes. Its so hard to believe it when you love someone, that their words actually dont match their actions at all. Those thoughts suck, but you realize that if you cant even communicate clearly with your ex, and you are the only one that seems to care at all, then what is there to have with that person anyway? That would NEVER work, with anyone. Maybe that works for two immature people, but even then it seems like it would fail. Someone who cant find time in a 24 hour day to text you back/call you clearly doesnt care about you. Or maybe they do, but you clearly clearly are not very high in importance to them. Like i say to myself over and over. Doesnt matter if someone loves you and cares about you, if they are incapable of showing it.
Author Hoaks Posted July 16, 2013 Author Posted July 16, 2013 Struggling a bit today I have my old phone that she was using sitting in my drawer. I dont know why I have not turned it off but heard it going off last night at 6pm so I had a look. I recognise the number, its a number she used to contact on and off, maybe once a month or so during our time together. I think its her ex boyfriend before me. this guy is nuts, emotionaly and physicaly abused her. her dad wants to hurt him. Then 2 texts came through on it "J what is up?!? I have tried calling both your numbers...dont you think you have hung up on me enough now??" Then "r u coming to see me tonight or not?" This floored me, how she could be seeing him, well she probably was the whole time we were "back together". Why wouldnt she tell this guy not to use her other number? she knows I have that phone now. I dont even know why im worried and hurt and miss her Even if she called in a month and crawls back with im so so sorry, I want to commit to you, move in together and leave my toxic friends, I know it wont work It can never work, my family never want to see or hear from her again. So around day 12 of nc, I have turned that other phone off. it looks like she does this to everyone, just hangs up when she feels like it.
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