Wink77 Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 [font=arial][/font] I really need help! I met a married man about 6 months ago and feel for him deepley! I can't believe I would do such a thing! I was married to my husband for 3 years with him 7 years! When I met this married man, I just lost a really good friend of mine and my marriaged seemed to be falling apart! By the way this married man is a cop! I guess that should tell me a lot! We kinda of work in the same field! Helping victims! (Just to give you a little background) When we first started hanging out it was crazy! There was so much passion and the little things he did just meant so much to me! Stuff my husband never did! Stuff I tried to get my husband to do! Well, things just started to get so crazy, I couldn't handle being married anymore! I just didn't feel like it was fair to him or me! So, I left for reasons I'm still not sure on! Now the relationship with this married man is going down hill fast! We hardley talk at all and when we do it's only on his terms! I know this is not right and I should stand up for myself but I feel like I'm in it to deep! He tells me things have changed since I left my husband and to be honest the only thing that has changed since I left my husband is him! I never really asked much from him except respect! I'm hurting so bad! How can someone tell you he loves you and cry to you and tell you that he is unhappy but can't leave because of his daughter and now he hardley talks to me but tells me he still wants to see me! I ask myself everyday why am I doing this! I just can't believe I am one of those women! How disappointed I am in myself! But I just can't help the way I feel for this man! Can someone please help me! I'm crying out for help! I need help on moving on! Everytime I see this man, I melt but I know it's time for me to do what's right for me but honestly I just don't know how!
Moose Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 Wink, I'm not for cheating at all so I'll try not to be too harsh on you. But this is what I read into this. This married man was fine with the arrangement you two had before because you are married. He was getting the best of both worlds. Now that you left your husband his biggest fear is that you'll want to get serious with him and that's why he's no longer interested in you. You are now a threat to his marriage. Fooling around on your husband was the first mistake. You should've told your husband what was missing in your marriage, and if you already did and he didn't listen, then you should've told him that you're going to get it from someone else. Dump this guy, try to patch up your marriage, and let this be a lesson to you.
MMBastard Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 Seems it was fun for him until you left your H. He was in a safe zone......he was married....you were married....and there was no expectations.....Now that you've left your H he's pulling back (I know exactly how you feel) scared you might expect him to do the same for you. Classic. This should tell you SO MUCH abut him....and at the end of the day you should draw your own conclusions. Take care of yourself and be wise.
Author Wink77 Posted October 12, 2004 Author Posted October 12, 2004 Thank you guys for getting back to me! I left my husband for others reasons besides this other man! When I lost my friend, I realized that life was to short to be just content. I want to be happy! I feel everyone deserves that! When I met this married man, I realized that there is more out there! Also, i told this married man, that I was going to leave my husband, so he knew from the beginning how I felt! Let me add this little bit of info also! Which confused the heck out of me. I received a phone call from this married man one day telling me he left his wife and to call him, everysince that day things really changed between us! He told me his family made him feel so bad and they kept telling him to think about his daughter! Which to be honest he should! I think he is a really wonderful father! His parents reminded him on how he felt when his parents divorced.
Author Wink77 Posted October 12, 2004 Author Posted October 12, 2004 To be honest! I have heard lots of rumors about this man that he has cheated on his wife from the beginning! He told me they were one night stands that he never got involved with them like me! I know everyone, this is a RED FLAG! But to be honest I didn't think I would fall for him either! But I do believe his wofe knows he cheats! She already tried getting his cell phone logs but he's a cop and he caught that before she could get them
MMBastard Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 Sorry to tell ya but you gotta get out of this..........
Author Wink77 Posted October 12, 2004 Author Posted October 12, 2004 I know you are right! It's hard I feel so deep for this man!
Quilly Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 I'm right there with you Wink... you know in your mind that this is the dumbest thing you've ever done... you know you want to get over him and move on... you try to do that but all it takes is imagining his wonderful smile or hearing is voice and you're right back where you started. I know... being in love with the right person at the wrong time is the worst! It's not as easy to get over as most people think or will try to tell you. However, the sooner you start to work on getting over him, and I mean truly getting over him by not holding out any hope that he'll change his mind or that you can convince him too, the sooner you'll move on. You have to accept the realization of what he is and what he's not willing to do to be with you. Until you can do this, nothing is going to change. I wish I had better advise; I could use some myself right now. Unfortunatley there is no easy answer or quick fix... you just have to do whatever it is that makes you feel better to get yourself through another day. Good luck!
VivianLee Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 Sometimes you get flat out addicted....I'm not discounting you may be in love with this guy but you are VERY addicted to him.... Because when we're in love there is usually some positive reinforcement behind it (dedication, love, trust and faithfulness from the one we are in love with or the fact that they reciprocate what we send their way).... If he's a serial cheater, I'm afraid his feelings for you weren't any different than those "one night stands" he claims the other affairs were... He used you for sex (it sounds like) and when you left your husband, you messed him up big time....now it makes his using you look obvious now that he won't commit.... Not all MM are jerks to the OW but it sounds like you found one. I'm so sorry.... Sinner and some others on the forum taught me alot about love addiction.....that seems to be what you are experiencing and not unlike an addiction to heroin.....it's a very, very hard habit to overcome and usually the person you are addicted to is very, very bad for you but you can't get enough.... I with I could find the site about love addictions, maybe someone can find link it. If you can get a grip on this then you can move on away from this man and find someone you can rebuild your life with....
Author Wink77 Posted October 12, 2004 Author Posted October 12, 2004 Thank you Quilly! You are so right on that smile! When i see him smile I melt! I just keep asking myself how did I get myself into this! I should know better! I'm out there looking for other men but I hate to say this no one compares to him! I guess I'm not meeting the right men or maybe I'm just not giving them a chance?? What i really wish is i never met him at all!
Quilly Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 I know... you think he's the best thing since sliced bread, but in reality he's a man just like a the rest. Keep looking... flirtation does wonders for the ego. I also find it helpful to focus on the things that make me angry about MM... like the fact that he rarely (and only in the beginning) gave up a lunch hour of playing basketball to be with me. And let's not forget about the fact that he allowed me to fall in love with him likely knowing all along he wasn't going to leave his wife (kinda makes the basketball issue pale in comparison -- but still, you see the point). Nonetheless, the more angry I am with him, the easier it is to let go... and stay away from him! It also helps to have someone to talk to... none of my closest friends or family know about my relationship with MM so it makes it very difficult. Fortunately I've been able to vent/process online with someone I met on the forum here and that has helped tremendously. I also have a friend that lives out of the area that I've started talking to about it as well. Don't keep it all to yourself. This forum is great but sometimes you don't feel like putting your setbacks and complete sob stories our there for everyone. At any rate, it will be a struggle... two steps forward and an occassional step back is the way it seems to go. I just said goodbye to MM today, hopefully for the last and final time. It hurts like hell, but there's not much I can do about it. All I can do is work to be happy again without him... which is good because I'm realizing more and more that I really don't have time for a big, stupid, smiley, MM in my life... and neither do you!
Author Wink77 Posted October 12, 2004 Author Posted October 12, 2004 Quilly, you have been great! I know ur pain and I feel you know mine! With judging me and telling me how bad it is! We both know that deep down! Ur story sounds SO much like mine, it's scary! The basketball, the lunch hour! All the same! In the beginning he was willing to give up everything to see me! Now, everything has changed! How sad is that! I know one thing I will not take all the responsibility for this! This man told me he loved me, he cried to me! He opened that can of worms not me! He told me that a couple of time before I ever said anything to him! I would love to talk about this more with you! I feel like we have so much in common! Thanks for everything!
Author Wink77 Posted October 12, 2004 Author Posted October 12, 2004 Quilly I mean without judging me!!!
Quilly Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 Feel free to private message me... I'd be happy to listen/share.
Rockee76 Posted October 13, 2004 Posted October 13, 2004 Wink, I really feel for you! You seem like a very caring and sensitive person. I'm sure you'll do the right thing. In your posts, Wink, you don't seem to mention the possibility of being WITHOUT a man. I suspect that you are frightened of loneliness. I'm afraid that if this is true, your decisions will forever be driven by the fear of being alone and you may be at risk of always going along with whatever (little) the men in your life offer you. You deserve so much more!!! Perhaps you can think about what it is that MM does for you and how you can get that same feeling or need met elsewhere, like with GIRLfriends, siblings, volunteer work, theater, or other activities. (When you're ready, you may even meet the RIGHT man that way!) Years ago, I went out with a married man who didn't tell me he was married until I already had deep feelings for him. I considered staying with him anyway, when he told me how much he loved me (and not her), how unhappy he was, etc. But I ended up leaving him. I just couldn't trust him and felt sorry for his family. But I really missed him! I was so tempted to call him! So I can understand your mixed feelings. But please stay strong. There is a better man out there for you, one who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve. MM made me feel important. (I started volunteering with the mentally challenged and THAT made me feel important.) He made me feel beautiful. (I got new clothes and a new look. I felt even more beautiful.)... Get the idea, Wink? Wink, you have recently left your husband. You are probably hurting from that, along with the loss of your friend. You are vulnerable right now and perhaps somewhat desperate and lonely for a soul mate who loves and understands you. Just what is it that you want from life? You say you recently lost a friend. I'm guessing from what you said that he/she died. (I'm so sorry!) No wonder you're feeling so lost, lonely, and desperate for love and meaning. I think it may be helpful to take some time to learn about YOURSELF now. When loved ones die, Wink, it often causes us to reevaluate our own lives, which may be why you felt that your marriage no longer was meeting your needs. You obviously want more and you DESERVE more! Give yourself some time to grieve, and to get to know yourself and what you really want out of life. Don't be in such a hurry to find that special someone. He will arrive when you least expect it and when you are ready to fully commit to a relationship as a confident and giving woman. Spend at least a year doing things for yourself. Spend time with people who love you and who you trust. Try new things. Please forgive my rambling on and on. You just seem like such a good person and I wanted to help. Good luck to you! (You can do it!)
KissMyTiara Posted October 14, 2004 Posted October 14, 2004 What! is! with! all! the! exclamation! points?!?! !!!
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