d0620 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I was wondering if anyone broke up in person or had a closure moment at the end of their relationship. If so, how did it turn out?
TaraMaiden Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 ...what....? How are the two connected? Breaking up in person, doesn't mean closure, any more than breaking up any other way does. Closure doesn't come from breaking up. Closure comes from 'letting go'. And only the person letting go can give themselves, closure.
SimonSerenade Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Nope, I wish I did, I feel it's so important to get that face to face momet for closure, phone calls and texts and such are cruel ways to go about it, I always felt you needed to explain yourself in a situation like that and let the dumpee open up and express their hurt feelings, If your getting dumped you need to know the dumper has heard your say aswell as hearing theirs but mostly, it's the dumpee's moment and the dumper has to be there to support them through that difficult moment, that's the best analysis I can think off from being dumped in person and being dumped over the phone and text message, not having that closure can close a door and lock it tight, ending it the right way and giving they closure opens that door for you to walk through it and see the light on the other side.
Enna Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I agree - sometimes, to avoid further strife, you have to facilitate your own dumping. Very cruel and cowardly people will just do a disappearing (even worse, a disappearing-reappearing) act. There is no such thing is closure - unless you REALLY want someone to tell you they don't love you anymore/have met someone else/you're just not good enough. The main thing is - don't let anyone treat you badly, ever!
Author d0620 Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 (edited) ...what....? How are the two connected? Breaking up in person, doesn't mean closure, any more than breaking up any other way does. Closure doesn't come from breaking up. Closure comes from 'letting go'. And only the person letting go can give themselves, closure. So Tara, you are basically saying that having a closure conversation after a break up will not help you to let go? Breaking up via disappearing is the worse and I have found it immature especially if they are use to giving space and then coming back. I guess I was thinking if you say all you have to say and get all the questions out in person that's what you will need to have closure and there will be no second guessing. Edited June 16, 2013 by d0620
Feelin Frisky Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I faced break up in person several times in the romance in which I almost married. Each time I believed it to be final. But she would keep coming back until I threw myself into closing her out forever. I moved away and changed my number. There wasn't all this net stuff around then. I was left by someone I loved before that and it was sad but we lingered on as being on good terms until something bad happened and she gave me a terrible tongue-lashing I didn't deserve to finally end it badly. I thought she was going to hit me and I grabbed her hands. And she pitched a crazy fit not to "put my hands on her". She called me on my birthday two years later to try to set things right an take responsibility for the terrible show she put on. If you ever have office romances, don't have rivals or enemies who seize on opportunities to destroy you. When I think of this incident I get insanely angry. I took the lady I first screwed to luch to give her the kiss off. So, I guess now looking back the majority of breakups were done in person. It's surely not fun and can be tear-producing. But it is what it is.
TaraMaiden Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 So Tara, you are basically saying that having a closure conversation after a break up will not help you to let go? Breaking up via disappearing is the worse and I have found it immature especially if they are use to giving space and then coming back. I guess I was thinking if you say all you have to say and get all the questions out in person that's what you will need to have closure and there will be no second guessing. There is no such thing as a 'closure conversation'. generally, it involves the dumpee firing a host of questions at the dumper, about they whys and wherefores of the break-up. And sadly what happens is one or more of the following: They lie. to protect your feelings (hah!!) and/or to protect themselves. They really aren't sure, and they'll say something - which, if a second opportunity to ask the same questions were to arise, would evince different responses. They will turn it round on you and make you feel like a heel - - and all of this will simply perpetuate your curiosity and make you find yet more questions you want answered... Closure is like vomit. It comes from within, but you have to get it out of your system. 4
Author d0620 Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 (edited) Closure is like vomit. It comes from within, but you have to get it out of your system. Ha. I like this quote. I think NC is horrible especially when we leave and come back after several attempts only coming back to what we knew from the beginning. Most people seem to have unanswered questions which spurs the desire to come back or contact to get them answered. Letting go is harder when you have so many unanswered questions especially by text as this is my case. In my previous NC attempts I always had so many unanswered questions and when I went back he still never answered them. I would think that if a person really wants you gone that they would at least be honest about it. I wonder if closure in person made anyone more capable of letting go? Edited June 16, 2013 by d0620
inaya42 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 i'm not sure if breaking up in person gives closure necessarily. but it provides a moment in time to process the end of the relationship together. it takes a lot to look a partner in the face and declare the end, and it takes a lot to hear it. it can be agonizing. but it is the only way to respectfully conclude a long-term relationship. (think of why we have funerals instead of tossing dead bodies in the dumpster.) anything other than a face-to-face ending feels like a heartbreaking, mind-numbing discard... 1
aloneinaz Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Twice in person for me. I broke up with a 6 month girlfriend at her house. I was so nervous but i just didn't love her and needed to let her go. It was unpleasant to say the least. Recently, my GF and i were at her house for dinner w/her kids. She (like always) got annoyed by a few silly things I did and started talking to me w/a poor tone and attitude. This had been going on for too long and I told her it was getting old. We ended up talking about it and I said it wasn't fair and was a double standard because she'd FLIP OUT if anyone talked to her the same way. She started making excuses for her terrible behavior and I told her make a decision and she said she was done. I got up, said see ya later and haven't spoken since. 2 1/2 weeks ago. In retrospect, I knew she wasn't going to change and came home MANY nights thinking she was just a selfish, screwed up woman. I almost dumped her a couple weeks before but didnt. I should of! 1
SimonSerenade Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 i'm not sure if breaking up in person gives closure necessarily. but it provides a moment in time to process the end of the relationship together. it takes a lot to look a partner in the face and declare the end, and it takes a lot to hear it. it can be agonizing. but it is the only way to respectfully conclude a long-term relationship. (think of why we have funerals instead of tossing dead bodies in the dumpster.) anything other than a face-to-face ending feels like a heartbreaking, mind-numbing discard... Couldn't of said it better myself, a loss is a loss, we mourn and we need that memory of being dumped to be a respectful and meaningful one.
SimonSerenade Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Twice in person for me. I broke up with a 6 month girlfriend at her house. I was so nervous but i just didn't love her and needed to let her go. It was unpleasant to say the least. Recently, my GF and i were at her house for dinner w/her kids. She (like always) got annoyed by a few silly things I did and started talking to me w/a poor tone and attitude. This had been going on for too long and I told her it was getting old. We ended up talking about it and I said it wasn't fair and was a double standard because she'd FLIP OUT if anyone talked to her the same way. She started making excuses for her terrible behavior and I told her make a decision and she said she was done. I got up, said see ya later and haven't spoken since. 2 1/2 weeks ago. In retrospect, I knew she wasn't going to change and came home MANY nights thinking she was just a selfish, screwed up woman. I almost dumped her a couple weeks before but didnt. I should of! Aw man I hate the double standards some people pull, my ex was the same, talked to me like crap whenever she felt like it, if the roles were reversed I'd never live it down, she still wouldn't let me live down stuff that I said a year a go, I wish I had your strength right now.
Ordinaryday Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I have been dumped many ways, the ex before my most recent dumped me in person, and I got no 'closure' out of it. I would have honestly just preferred she dumped me by text. She texted me at 9am on the morning she dumped me asking if I was free to go out. we went out and spent three hours together having what appeared to be a great time, she gave me no indication whatsoever that anything was wrong. and then at the end of the date she gives me the whole "let's just be friends" line, using a whole bunch of meaningless cliches like "it's not you... it's me" and "I'm just not ready for a relationship right now" I was furious because I realised that she would have known at the start of the date that she was planning on dumping me, so for her to spend three hours with me having what appeared to be a good time all the while knowing she would be dropping me at the end was flat out lying. Yes, I would have preferred it if she just dumped me by text, as I would have simply ignored the text, given her no response whatsoever and that would have been the end of it.
aloneinaz Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Aw man I hate the double standards some people pull, my ex was the same, talked to me like crap whenever she felt like it, if the roles were reversed I'd never live it down, she still wouldn't let me live down stuff that I said a year a go, I wish I had your strength right now. Oh she was the queen of double standards. A week earlier, we were on the phone. She kept repeating the same thing again and again. I finally said in a slightly raised voice "ok, her name".. Oh man, she was pissed, lectured me for talking to her that way and said she was going and hung up. She's a nut job and i'm a wuss for putting up with BS for as long as I did.. Some on here said "look, she' someone else nightmare now".. Amen! 1
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