Author Cheapmondays Posted June 18, 2013 Author Posted June 18, 2013 It's only been a week guys and I'm doing much better. Wish me luck. I should have left months ago, but I couldn't help myself. These indivuals are often very addivtive to be with. I felt like I had to prove to her that I can be perfect. Even though I already was doing everything that I possibly could. There were multiple times where I've drank myself to the hospital. Due to the unpredictable treatment of this girl. When I would get out, she would put me down and say stuff like you're stupid and I don't love you. Couple days later appolgize for not caring and not visiting me in the hospital. She literally would break down crying, saying that she's crazy and she doesn't know why she does this. And of course, I say, no matter what you do, I will always love you. She seeks that validation constantly, but I guess I never noticed it until now. Always thought I was promblem. At least that's how she made me feel. What's anyoing is there are times where I still miss her despite what she has done. Part of me wants to hate her, but part of me is still in love. I think I'm more mad at myself for puting up with it I guess. I know that love was an illusion, but the fact that it felt so real makes me very skeptical now.
Estate Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Thank you so much. Your post really helps me a lot. The weird part is that she tells me she knows she has a promblem, but she doesn't want to rely on any form of help to live her life. I agree with everything you said in your post. What I don't understand is why her mind flips so quickly. It doesn't make any sense. Last week she wrote me a long letter apologizing for the the pain and hurt she put me through and that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. She then proceeds to lure me more by being extremely romantic and caring. Two days after, she ignores me until I beg for her to answer. When she finally does, she says the same thing that she has said a billion times. " I can't do this anymore" It came to the point where I got used to it, and was predicting when she would leave me. Yup, that's exactly it. I have a list off letters, emails, texts, and all sorts from her. They are so long winded and emotional. They go on and on about how she is aware of her problems and she is fine but that she can't go to anyone about it, nobody understands her but you... only you can help her by being there for her through everything... does that sound familiar? She'll say she knows she's done wrong but that "it's not really her when those things happen". She'll tell you that you can't leave her, only you understand her because you "are the one" but nobody else can understand her, not even her family, they would turn on her if they knew. She will paint everyone in her life, past and present in a negative life, everyone else made her the way she is.... she blames everyone but herself. It's never her fault but you can "save her". When you try to break up, I shudder to think. I hope it's not as bad as what I went through but be prepared for all sorts, she'll suddenly get ill, have terminal illnesses, fake pregnancies, tell you of dying relatives and that it's your fault for not being there if they die, she may even act suicidal, but she won't do it, she knows a good person like you will be too guilt ridden to walk away from those threats.... I REALLY hope it NEVER gets that far with you but that's why I say LEAVE NOW, and no matter what of the above she throws at you, DO NOT REPLY. I left it too long, I was too young and immature and didn't know what to do and stayed for too long and it got awful. Saying she is "aware" of her problems is again to jerk on your emotions. It means that when she does something which makes no sense, she may even claim later to have no memory of it, an tell you that because only you understand her, you can't leave her. She'll refuse to actually address the problems with any sort of medical or pyshcological help from professionals but will instead use it as a way to make her craziness acceptable. Turning in the bat of an eylid and almost for no reason? Yes, that's exactly it. I can't even tell you some things she did to me but some things ended with police being called when passers-by saw what was going on but she knew how to make it look like I was the one causing her problems. Multiple times she threw herself to the ground and went into spasms, screaming as though she had been hurt. I stood over not knowing what to do, run, help her? There was no winning, either way I looked guilty to an onlooker. She had a way of grabbing my arm and raising it above her as though I was about to strike her, sounds insane, don't know how she did it. SHE would be grabbing MY arm but knew how to get me into a pose where it look like she was being threatened and would then scream "rape". She multiple times, right in the middle of a very normal conversation would get this look in her eye and attack me physically. Also... NEVER allow yourself to be alone with her. Especially at night. When police were called it was only because she allowed things to happen where people might be, usually she wouldn't allow it. She'd want to see me at night or in quiet places where others weren't around. She'd turn very sweet as it she was seducing me and try to lure me to quiet or dark places... I was smart enough to manage to get away... she had a history of claiming people raped her (as was her excuse for her problems) but we later found in court, none of it was true and there was serious evidence to prove her claims to be false, she had apparently tried to ruin her step-dad and several others guys lives before. She even made an accusation to the police about my own father but by that stage she was so well known to them, they knew what she was at and it never went further. So do not allow yourself to be alone with her, even when she acts very sweet, especially then! I hope none of that happens you but I'm just highlighting how bad it got for me, this doesn't even scratch the surface really but get out now and stay out before it gets any worse or escalates. If she's not willing to accept and deal with her problems, you are not the one who can fix her. You simply can't... you cannot fix her mind, infact, you staying only validates that she can get away with the things she does in her mind. I learned that the hard way.
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