Cheapmondays Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 It's kind of crazy. At first the relationship was very intense and romantic and I thought I found the one. But then I started to come to a harsh realization that I might have been dating a narcissist. I've noticed when issues began to arise, she was quick to dump them on me and walk away. She loved the romance, the attention, admiration, adoration, promise of ideal love and hope that she had found "the one" who will tolerate all her issues without question. When I began to question her , differ with her , or make demands, her "weirdness" escalated. She used manipulation in order to get me to stop bringing up issues . Dumping everything on me saying, It is my fault. I have something wrong with me! I'm not good enough. I'm not manly enough. Her love seemed to be immature, self centered and needy. She searched for unconditional love, but was unwilling to return it. I felt so lost. I started to question her behavior whether it was dancing on guys, seeking attention, ignoring me, she got defensive which in turn lead to more manipulation in order to seek validation to no matter what she did. she expected me to tolerate her frivolous escapades , the love for attention, her indecisive nature, commitment problems, avoidance issues, and anything other issues she had. Throughout our 10month relationship she often cut me off, abandoned me for an abusive ex( which I spent practically 8 months helping her get over) , And as victim to what I think was her personality, I believed it was somehow my fault that she treated us with such contempt. I wondered what I did to deserve such cruel treatment. I became so conditioned to her that I would take her back on multiple occasion after she left me for her ex. She was like a monkey swinging from one man to another. Her ex treated her horribly and manipulated her in so many ways and I guess I showed her true love, unconditional love. And despite the amount of pain she put me through I always took her back. I understand that she has been using me as a doormat and I can honestly say I did nothing wrong in the relationship. Recently, she finally committed into a relationship after 8 months of me helping her get over her previous relationship and one month later she cuts it off and gives the excuse that she's young and she wants to be a free spirit and date other people. I let her go once again, and she came back in a matter of days. As you probably could already tell she did it once again. Understand , that I am shocked because I've never done anything , but scarf iced my life for this girl and honestly I came into this relationship with 0 baggage and an open heart. I feel like she never even gave the relationship a chance at all and Im afraid I fell in love with an illusion. I know these type of women are extremely shady and challenging. One day she loves me, two days later she doesn't know if we are right for one another. She seems to always brainwash me by saying all these beautiful things, taking me places, or actually putting effort in for a little while, but then quits. Its been a week since things ended and I'm copping to the best of my ability. It just baffles me and I cant wrap my head around how everything I knew was a lie, and it kills me inside that she doesn't even care. Sorry for the long read
happywithlife Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Please take the time to heal and grow. I was married to someone with a personality disorder for 11 years. During the entire time, I was mistaken to think I could help him get better. I left when I realized the toll it was taking on my kids and me. My trying to help him be happy was destroying the kids chance at a happy childhood. And, after taking the time to heal, I couldn't be happier with my decision to end the relationship. Plus my kids are thriving now. The thing is a person has to want to heal for themselves. Because of the nature of the beast, people with personality disorders cannot see how their illness is affecting their relationship with others. They don't see a reason to heal. It is very sad and truly wish it were different. 3
EasyHeart Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Check out the "Self Improvement and Personal Well Being" subforum. There are several BPD threads there.
insomniax Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Keep your head up and you are not alone in experiencing this. My ex did the same, very intense and fast moving. We have been split for 3 months and she has been dating someone for about the same timeframe. She said they are "engaged", i laughed to myself. Such a terrible narriscist. I hope you get better soon, just try and realize you are better off. She didnt value you very much emontionally and probably never would. 1
Author Cheapmondays Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 Please take the time to heal and grow. I was married to someone with a personality disorder for 11 years. During the entire time, I was mistaken to think I could help him get better. I left when I realized the toll it was taking on my kids and me. My trying to help him be happy was destroying the kids chance at a happy childhood. And, after taking the time to heal, I couldn't be happier with my decision to end the relationship. Plus my kids are thriving now. The thing is a person has to want to heal for themselves. Because of the nature of the beast, people with personality disorders cannot see how their illness is affecting their relationship with others. They don't see a reason to heal. It is very sad and truly wish it were different. First and foremost, I would like to thank you for your response to my thread. The healing process is very difficult and I find myself itching to call her sometimes. I commend you for your courage to end a 11 year marriage for the sanity of yourself and your kids. We believe we can fix these individual with unconditional love and devotion when in reality that's not possible.
Author Cheapmondays Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 Check out the "Self Improvement and Personal Well Being" subforum. There are several BPD threads there. I will definitely do that thank you.
Forever Learning Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I am so sorry for your pain. Do you think, this time, you done with her for good now? I hope so, you deserve better. 1
orionboxing Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Your relationship echos many that have dealt with a partner who fits with the "Cluster B" realm. I was married to a woman for three years who had a split of BPD and NPD. No empathy, selfish, intense courtship, angry outbursts, heavy devaluation, no sex. Do you a have any specific questions about why she did the things she did to you? All I can tell you is that you need to look at your ex as a mental patient and nothing more. Ignore her good looks, and remember the ugliness she inflicted on you. It hurts to lose them, but they do not make great life partners. What she did to you, she will do to other men. Count on it. What you should do, RIGHT NOW, is find a really bad photo of them...and under it type out of a list of all the things you HATED about her and put it on your refrigerator. De-program yourself of this person. 2
Author Cheapmondays Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 Keep your head up and you are not alone in experiencing this. My ex did the same, very intense and fast moving. We have been split for 3 months and she has been dating someone for about the same timeframe. She said they are "engaged", i laughed to myself. Such a terrible narriscist. I hope you get better soon, just try and realize you are better off. She didnt value you very much emontionally and probably never would. Thanks a lot. It's very tough, living a lie and taking in a false reality. The simple fact that your ex was able to not feel any remorse for her actions just confuses the heck out of me. It's like these types of women are parasites and they suck all the life out of you. When they have you, you're no longer a challenge and it's on to the next one. 1
Forever Learning Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 And just remember, this is not gender specific. I was married to a similar NPD/Psychopathic man for 16 years, it was a real hardship and I hope to never become entangled with another, God willing. There is a real silver lining to all this: You know better now. That really is golden. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 According to many websites and much of the literature I have read on BPD your girlfriend sounds like a typical case. People with BPD are attracted to two broad categories of people. They are attracted to people with NPD, or they are attracted to people who are "fixers". The prototype of this is a BPD woman with a NPD man (i.e. perhaps your GF and her EX) A NPD/BPD man with a woman who is a fixer. Having dealt with a series of lovers who like me had issues, and had differing levels of self knowledge about their issues made me read up on it. The best advice I have for you is to just forget her. I know it is hard. There are women in the world who do not have those issues or who are at least aware that they have issues, who would be better for you.
Author Cheapmondays Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 I am so sorry for your pain. Do you think, this time, you done with her for good now? I hope so, you deserve better. It's funny you say that. It's weird how I acknowledge what she's doing and understand why she is like this , but for some reason I still long for her. She has destroyed who I am and my self-esteem has hit an all time low. I don't think these women can care. For all I know, she's probably out with another man. I think I've been conditioned to believe that there isn't anything better out there for me.
Author Cheapmondays Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 Your relationship echos many that have dealt with a partner who fits with the "Cluster B" realm. I was married to a woman for three years who had a split of BPD and NPD. No empathy, selfish, intense courtship, angry outbursts, heavy devaluation, no sex. Do you a have any specific questions about why she did the things she did to you? All I can tell you is that you need to look at your ex as a mental patient and nothing more. Ignore her good looks, and remember the ugliness she inflicted on you. It hurts to lose them, but they do not make great life partners. What she did to you, she will do to other men. Count on it. What you should do, RIGHT NOW, is find a really bad photo of them...and under it type out of a list of all the things you HATED about her and put it on your refrigerator. De-program yourself of this person. Thank you so much. You are absolutely correct. I couldn't imagine being married to one of these women. It is difficult to not love her because my love was just and real. She was physically beautiful as well, but her looks is not what I was attracted to the most. But I can tell you for a fact a lot of these women use their appearance to lure any guy into their trap.
Author Cheapmondays Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 According to many websites and much of the literature I have read on BPD your girlfriend sounds like a typical case. People with BPD are attracted to two broad categories of people. They are attracted to people with NPD, or they are attracted to people who are "fixers". The prototype of this is a BPD woman with a NPD man (i.e. perhaps your GF and her EX) A NPD/BPD man with a woman who is a fixer. Having dealt with a series of lovers who like me had issues, and had differing levels of self knowledge about their issues made me read up on it. The best advice I have for you is to just forget her. I know it is hard. There are women in the world who do not have those issues or who are at least aware that they have issues, who would be better for you. Thank you very much you speak the truth. I came into the relationship with 100% confidence and commitment and in the process of attempting to fix and build her self esteem I lost mine.
insomniax Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Yes it was a very draining relationship, sounds like you experienced along the same lines. I just know i am a happier less drama ridden person now. Imo i would ignore her and move on the best you can it will take some time. My exes actions from what little contact we have had make me feel secure in that i have made the right choices to move on, hopefully you can find the same kind of closure.
Author Cheapmondays Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 Yes it was a very draining relationship, sounds like you experienced along the same lines. I just know i am a happier less drama ridden person now. Imo i would ignore her and move on the best you can it will take some time. My exes actions from what little contact we have had make me feel secure in that i have made the right choices to move on, hopefully you can find the same kind of closure. I hope I will. Thanks.
Author Cheapmondays Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 I have a question for everyone. Do these individuals with BPD or NPD, ever feel sorry or regret anything? Is it impossible for them to feel pain? And can they actually have a functional relationship if they tried.
Author Cheapmondays Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 I have a question for everyone. Do these individuals with BPD or NPD, ever feel sorry or regret anything? Is it impossible for them to feel pain? And can they actually have a functional relationship if they tried.
vegaslady Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I miss my BPD ex at times....then I remember the name calling, the violence, the spitting in my face, the destruction of my property, the death threats, the panic attacks... You are missing a fantasy of what you wished she could be...the person you claim to love doesn't exist....she's a ghost. Accept this as a fact and let go. Date others casually, see how much fun it is to date sane people again and regain your self respect.
TheGuard13 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I have a question for everyone. Do these individuals with BPD or NPD, ever feel sorry or regret anything? Is it impossible for them to feel pain? And can they actually have a functional relationship if they tried. Yes. Of course they do. They're people with BPD or NPD, not just sociopaths. Yes, they can have a functional and happy relationship if they want to and are willing to work at it, just like anyone else./ 2
vegaslady Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Yes. Of course they do. They're people with BPD or NPD, not just sociopaths. Yes, they can have a functional and happy relationship if they want to and are willing to work at it, just like anyone else./ Maybe some can. However, I was actually on Dr Phil with my ex and he clearly had NO remorse. My friends could see it in his face and eyes. I think he was more a NPD, but I wrote BPD by accident. BPD's are like a wounded bear, lashing out in pain. NPD's are more like a crocodile, cold and without remorse, like a reptile. I will never deal with that kind of bull**** ever again, not worth it. 2
Author Cheapmondays Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 I miss my BPD ex at times....then I remember the name calling, the violence, the spitting in my face, the destruction of my property, the death threats, the panic attacks... You are missing a fantasy of what you wished she could be...the person you claim to love doesn't exist....she's a ghost. Accept this as a fact and let go. Date others casually, see how much fun it is to date sane people again and regain your self respect. You're right. I've accepted the fact that everything was an elaborate lie, and I guess I feel really foolish, stupid, and hurt.
Author Cheapmondays Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 Maybe some can. However, I was actually on Dr Phil with my ex and he clearly had NO remorse. My friends could see it in his face and eyes. I think he was more a NPD, but I wrote BPD by accident. BPD's are like a wounded bear, lashing out in pain. NPD's are more like a crocodile, cold and without remorse, like a reptile. I will never deal with that kind of bull**** ever again, not worth it. It's not worth it. The worse part is that these individuals, believe it or not, are very addictive to be with. You think you can fix them with love, buy that's never the case.
orionboxing Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I will also add the best experience is dating someone who looks a lot like them, but isn't a mental case. It's the best of both worlds! It's like getting a repaired version of your ex.
Author Cheapmondays Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 I will also add the best experience is dating someone who looks a lot like them, but isn't a mental case. It's the best of both worlds! It's like getting a repaired version of your ex. Haha almost a carbon copy. Life would be too good if that were to happen.
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