Camron Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 Once again, my G/F and I have broken up. I really need you'alls opinions on what I should do in this situation, so a brief history: We met about two and a half years ago. I was engaged to another woman, and we slept together. After a year (!) of going back and forth with the fiancee and the G/F, I halted things witht the fiancee and came clean. For over a year later, we battled trust issues stemming from my lack of self esteem and her own issues as well. In May, her lease on her apartment was up and she pushed for us to live together. I agreed, and I moved her into my place, payed all the bills and rent, and cleaned, cooked and basicly tried to take care of her the best way I knew how. But we argued a lot, mostly over her big sister who like(d) to meddle in the relationship. Anyway, in August, a week before her Birthday, she called it quits. I was in the process of paying off an engagment ring (We both discussed marriage) and a $700 two day trip for her B'day. I was devastated, bought her flowers, cooked romantic meals---she 'gave in and asked if we could make it work. We went away to Toronto and not to sound corny.--we both agreed that we 'fell in love again.' Before we left, she found and apartment, and even made mention many times about us living there together. Things were so sweet, even her mother who opposed our relationship was all for it.... Then two weeks ago, her phone rang at 2:00 in the morning. I picked up the phone, and gave it to her. It was her 'friend' who just so happened to be both in love with her and a biggot. (I'm African American, she's Italian) She got all defensive when I asked her (Very calmly, I may add) what was his deal. A week later, and she wanted to 'take a break.' Then moves out.... So after going back and forth, we agree to meet once a week for counseling. I try N/C, but we both break down and call each other. A lot, go out for drinks and dinner, etc. So THIS weekend, I call her, drunk on a Saturday, and I know that was wrong, but I missed her (Know that was selfish of me). Sunday, I get locked out of my apartment. I live in the middle of nowhere and only had a cell phone. My landlord would not pick up the telephone, my friends were all MIA, so I call her (She only lives a few blocks away). She doesn't return my calls so I call her a lot that Sunday, because now I'm worried about her. I get in my apartment and go to a friends house and then go home. I get a call from her sister at 1:00 in the morning and she says "Stop calling my sister. The police have been called and I wish you well, but your out of our lives." WTF? Then I found out that her (G/F's) apartment had been broken into. (Has'nt been the first time). They think I did it! I have nothing to hide in this life, and I may be a lot of things, but I'm no thief. I'm here in shell shock, I can't believe this is happening---I'm in shock, but I need someone to please talk to me out there.....my heart is in a million pieces..The sad thing was, she was supposed to meet my family for the first time this Thanksgiving, and we were going to agree to counseling...but thats all gone now...what to do???
SoleMate Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 What you need to do right now is accept that this relationship is over. As painful as that sounds, it is better to accept it now, rather than cling to the shreds. It sounds like the relationship was always one-sided - you paid all the bills and did all the work. And you knew that she had a close friend who hated you unfairly, and I guess you didn't call her on that. And you know you have your own issues: lack of self-esteem (really??), cheating, harrassment. Sorry, but all those phone calls were NOT smart. And I hope you didn't break into her apartment, but I sure can understand why they think it was you. If you didn't do it, then relax. I think you should definitely use NC, and really use it. Get some individual counselling to help you improve your relationship skills, and don't settle for a one-sided deal ever again. Possibly take a break from all women for 3-4 months until you can get your head straightened out. Good luck!
Author Camron Posted October 12, 2004 Author Posted October 12, 2004 I have not broken into her apartment, but I hate the fact that my best friend is gone. I Have been going to counsling, and will continue with that for a while. Its just so lonely sometimes..
Devildog Posted October 13, 2004 Posted October 13, 2004 Going to have to agree with the let it go advice. You need to be honest with yourself. You were engaged to one woman and started cheating on her with the woman you just broke up with. The fact that she continued seeing you makes me wonder who has the self-esteem issues in this situation? Have you been faithful? How could she ever trust you to be faithful? The relationship was doomed from the first "hello". I think you need to let this woman alone, get your head on straight and decide what you really want in life. If monogamy isn't for you than neither is marriage or a serious long term exclusive relationship.
Author Camron Posted October 13, 2004 Author Posted October 13, 2004 Originally posted by Devildog Going to have to agree with the let it go advice. You need to be honest with yourself. You were engaged to one woman and started cheating on her with the woman you just broke up with. The fact that she continued seeing you makes me wonder who has the self-esteem issues in this situation? Have you been faithful? How could she ever trust you to be faithful? The relationship was doomed from the first "hello". I think you need to let this woman alone, get your head on straight and decide what you really want in life. If monogamy isn't for you than neither is marriage or a serious long term exclusive relationship. The problem is that I have been very honest with myself. I've let her go two days ago. I know that people look at life in a complex manner sometimes, but I don't see things as being that way. I made huge mistake, but the fact was that I straightened my head out and have been faithful to my ex for almost a year. In my head I made a commitment to be with this person because she was the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. She was the only person that I wanted to be with and because I have been going to counseling; I've learned to love myself, as well. I wish her the best and even though its hard saying goodbye to my best friend, I hope that the man she ends up with gives her his all. I'd been honored to stand up in her wedding, my heart filled with bittersweet memories, but I'd be proud of myself which is enough to fill any void...
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