destroyed4sho Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I have been on this board for a while, for those of you who don't know my situation ive been about 8 months NC and in a month it will be about 1 year initial BU...ughh. She BU with me through text, never really explained herself. It was a shock and frankly, when I think about it, it still is shocking. It has been a tough year for me, both job wise and relationship wise, totally hit rock bottom. I feel jaded and not sure if I can trust anyone that says they love me again. My friends tell me the reason I am still hung up on her is because I haven't met someone else. I really haven't even put the effort in at all. The good part about this whole experience has been, this past relationship has been an eye opener and I feel like I have gained a lot of knowledge about relationships and breakups since I have reading numerous peoples stories on this forum. The bad news is, I still feel sad and down. It has been a long and difficult experience along with deep depression.....still not in the indifference stage. I know she was no good for me, she was silly immature 35 year old that has a lot to learn about what love is. Even though I know this, I still cant help but feel/know that she is better off than me. She has a job, money, having a good time probably in a relationship etc....and I am still miserable, depressed, down and jobless.
scorpio1978 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I am sorry you are hurting and I agree that not having met someone else has you feeling down. I encourage you to instead of focusing on why she is better off, you write down all the things that are bad about her. You will slowly see that by finding faults in her and not thinking she is better will start to change your perspective. 2
aloneinaz Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I have been on this board for a while, for those of you who don't know my situation ive been about 8 months NC and in a month it will be about 1 year initial BU...ughh. She BU with me through text, never really explained herself. It was a shock and frankly, when I think about it, it still is shocking. It has been a tough year for me, both job wise and relationship wise, totally hit rock bottom. I feel jaded and not sure if I can trust anyone that says they love me again. My friends tell me the reason I am still hung up on her is because I haven't met someone else. I really haven't even put the effort in at all. The good part about this whole experience has been, this past relationship has been an eye opener and I feel like I have gained a lot of knowledge about relationships and breakups since I have reading numerous peoples stories on this forum. The bad news is, I still feel sad and down. It has been a long and difficult experience along with deep depression.....still not in the indifference stage. I know she was no good for me, she was silly immature 35 year old that has a lot to learn about what love is. Even though I know this, I still cant help but feel/know that she is better off than me. She has a job, money, having a good time probably in a relationship etc....and I am still miserable, depressed, down and jobless. It's in YOUR hands to pull yourself out of your funk. I think your friends are right. You can't get over your last love until you find your next one. FAR too many people on this site have pity parties for themselves for months and months while their ex is living there life. Time on this planet is short. Why not take advantage of it and get back in the game. Get a job first. That in itself will help your self confidence and build momentum to address the other areas in your life that you need to shore up. YOU CAN DO IT. Take the first step! 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Hey DFS - I totally can relate to all of what you are describing. It is still socking for me when I think about my BU as well. I think for us (a little older than most on here) this stuff is very hard to deal with. Its almost like we should know better. Of course that is not true, but it does feel that way. My ex was sending such strong signals in the beginning, almost pushing me to propose. And I did. Also followed her 300 miles where I know no one. Now I am here, by myself, alone to deal with this nonsense. While she has moved on and thinks nothing of it. You are right about this being an eye-opener and i am not sure about trusting this whole 'game' any more. If I couldn't win this time around, I am not sure I know how to play I don't have any advice that you haven't heard before, just know you are not alone!! 1
Author destroyed4sho Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 Hey DFS - I totally can relate to all of what you are describing. It is still socking for me when I think about my BU as well. I think for us (a little older than most on here) this stuff is very hard to deal with. Its almost like we should know better. Of course that is not true, but it does feel that way. My ex was sending such strong signals in the beginning, almost pushing me to propose. And I did. Also followed her 300 miles where I know no one. Now I am here, by myself, alone to deal with this nonsense. While she has moved on and thinks nothing of it. You are right about this being an eye-opener and i am not sure about trusting this whole 'game' any more. If I couldn't win this time around, I am not sure I know how to play I don't have any advice that you haven't heard before, just know you are not alone!! Thanks mtnbiker, on a positive note, maybe soon we will see better days and post about them. I hope and pray this nightmare will be over soon. I lost so much time and my motivation is low. 1
Author destroyed4sho Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 It's in YOUR hands to pull yourself out of your funk. I think your friends are right. You can't get over your last love until you find your next one. FAR too many people on this site have pity parties for themselves for months and months while their ex is living there life. Time on this planet is short. Why not take advantage of it and get back in the game. Get a job first. That in itself will help your self confidence and build momentum to address the other areas in your life that you need to shore up. YOU CAN DO IT. Take the first step! Your so right. I need to get back out there and build momentum, but it feels like the future is so bleak and hopeless right now. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Your so right. I need to get back out there and build momentum, but it feels like the future is so bleak and hopeless right now. Yeah, the term I feel describes me best right now is 'lost'... Plain and simple...
Author destroyed4sho Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 I am sorry you are hurting and I agree that not having met someone else has you feeling down. I encourage you to instead of focusing on why she is better off, you write down all the things that are bad about her. You will slowly see that by finding faults in her and not thinking she is better will start to change your perspective. Why she is better off: She dumped me, not thinking about me Has not lost months of her life, depressed, hung up on the BU Has job, money and always will Prob has a relationship(s) Has tons of friends Her faults: Immature, silly ideals, narcissistic idk what else...ergghhh
scorpio1978 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Why she is better off: She dumped me, not thinking about me Has not lost months of her life, depressed, hung up on the BU Has job, money and always will Prob has a relationship(s) Has tons of friends Her faults: Immature, silly ideals, narcissistic idk what else...ergghhh How about disrespectful, hurtful, mean? Now you go. That's the only way I can describe someone who would break up in text and not try to say anything about it further.
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Yes - disrespectful!!!! that's the one that hurts me the most!!!
scorpio1978 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Add inconsiderate too. Now, I am done. This is your project!
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 One thing that has helped me a lot is counseling. Do you have access to any resources like this? Can help in many areas of your life, not just the BU. At least has for me 1
aloneinaz Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Why she is better off: She dumped me, not thinking about me Has not lost months of her life, depressed, hung up on the BU Has job, money and always will Prob has a relationship(s) Has tons of friends Her faults: Immature, silly ideals, narcissistic idk what else...ergghhh Dude, you got to be competitive. F-her. My ex dumped me 3 months ago. I went out with 4 girls in the two weeks we were broken up. Made out with 3 and boned the other. We got back together again. Now, she ended it again 2 weeks ago and I have three dates lined up with one tonight. I'm not over my ex, who could be after dating off and on for almost a year and a half. She made the final decision to end it but either of us could have. She FAILED to make changes to herself that she admitted to and that's what ruined it in the end. She's a nasty *itch and I need to move on. I'm not going to sulk over someone who ultimately said I don't want you in my life anymore. Your loss and heaven help the next guy who gets to deal with her emotional, angry, BS. 4
Author destroyed4sho Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 Thanks for the advice above. Had a bad day today and sparked another meltdown and just in bad mood.So I thought I would try to give this another shot: Why she is better off: She dumped me, not thinking about me Has not lost months of her life, depressed, hung up on the BU Has job, money and always will Prob has a relationship(s) Has tons of friends Her faults: Immature, silly ideals, narcissistic Not sure if she is really capable of a LT real relationship, I was her longest Unstable with relationships Not trustworthy Not respectful Has mommy issues, her family is not reliable Did not want to have kids in general Couldnt communicate on a deep level Was a lonewolf, did not believe in teamwork in a relationship Not sure if she has any really close friends or real relationships? Smoked pot everyday, hard to make conversation or have a discussion Did other drugs Drank too much I wish I had more faults that were not within a relationship setting.
Author destroyed4sho Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 One thing that has helped me a lot is counseling. Do you have access to any resources like this? Can help in many areas of your life, not just the BU. At least has for me Yes, I have been going to counseling. My therapist has been telling me to leave her for pretty much the whole time we were dating.
Author destroyed4sho Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 Dude, you got to be competitive. F-her. My ex dumped me 3 months ago. I went out with 4 girls in the two weeks we were broken up. Made out with 3 and boned the other. We got back together again. Now, she ended it again 2 weeks ago and I have three dates lined up with one tonight. I'm not over my ex, who could be after dating off and on for almost a year and a half. She made the final decision to end it but either of us could have. She FAILED to make changes to herself that she admitted to and that's what ruined it in the end. She's a nasty *itch and I need to move on. I'm not going to sulk over someone who ultimately said I don't want you in my life anymore. Your loss and heaven help the next guy who gets to deal with her emotional, angry, BS. I havent really been going out that much and when I do, I dont meet anyone. I have been having a really rough year. I just know if I met someone it would make my life so much easier and so worth living. I know that she made mistakes too and failed to change. But I also made mistakes as well that I regret and it gets to me because I do not know if I will be better in the next relationship. Life seems so bleak right now.
McGriff Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Destroyed4sho, I understand the bad days, bad weeks, bad months and even bad years. I've experienced all of them man! Anyway, that's a pretty long list of faults you got there. She sounds VERY immature. Anyways, you just gotta keep going. And while a new relationship would be nice for you as you say, you gotta get to a happier place with your own life to be able to sustain anything long term. I wish I had more words of encouragement, but you are not alone in suffering. Know that. 2
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