hw172 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 So quick summary, i got dumped new years day, day after my bday. Since then she has gotten back with her ex, and broke up with him about a week ago. She called me right after breakup crying and i gave in and offered to talk if needed. Since her breakup she has hungout with two guys she had flings with, and one kissed her, and she kissed the other guy the following night. Not even a week later and she has kissed two guys. She was my first love so its been hard. But before she contacted me last week, we had been nc on and off and I actually told her there was no future so just to leave me alone. Last night i tried to tell her it's just too hard to be friends and know she is hanging out with other guys. She would get offended and just didn't get it. We fought, i felt bad, we talked again and decided to be friends and she said "see where it leads". So here is my question- should I just immediately go NC and leave it at that, or should i try and explain to her again and then go NC? I don't want to be jerk and just drop off, but I feel it could help me keep some dignity. If i tell her it's too hard, i will appear and feel weak. I will also feel like i didn't say everything i wanted to down the road i'm sure or wasn't persuasive enough. I know the cons out weigh the pros of being friends. It will make it hard to heal. I'm thinking give it ONE shot at being friends and let her make the efforts and if it fails, then go NC. So how does LS think i should go about implementing NC? Help please!
Hopeinme Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I think you should just send her a text and explain how you feel and never contact or reply her again. Doing it face to face might just be hard for you. You dont need to, she does not deserve a proper explanation after how she treated you. Hope it goes well for you x
Author hw172 Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 I think you should just send her a text and explain how you feel and never contact or reply her again. Doing it face to face might just be hard for you. You dont need to, she does not deserve a proper explanation after how she treated you. Hope it goes well for you x Thank you for your response. So do you think she definitely treated me poorly? You think i should offer a brief explanation? I guess if i were to just drop off and ignore calls/texts it would be extremely hard to not respond at times maybe.
insomniax Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I made a thread just about this subject, i didnt want to be friends with my ex and she couldnt handle that fact. Do whats best for you she made her choice. 1
avelonia2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 You can't just be friends while you're feeling this way. You need to be completely over her first - indifference - before being friends can happen. Send a short text saying you cannot be friends with her right now and you need her to respect your request and not contact you. Tell her you will conact her when and IF you want to be just friends. Then delete all her info, block her and stick to NC. 2
Hopeinme Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Hell yeah, DEFINITELY! You deserve someone else. Yes, I think you ahould just drop a brief text and wish her well. Never contact her again and block her. This will aid the healing process. If you do not want to block her, do NOT reply to her messages. I know how tough this is, but you need to help yourself. You will be on your way to healing soon. Xx 2
Author hw172 Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 You can't just be friends while you're feeling this way. You need to be completely over her first - indifference - before being friends can happen. Send a short text saying you cannot be friends with her right now and you need her to respect your request and not contact you. Tell her you will conact her when and IF you want to be just friends. Then delete all her info, block her and stick to NC. Thanks again for your response. I take it you think giving the whole friend thing one chance is too much to handle?
Hopeinme Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 You already know there's no future. Until you get over this, by being friends, you are delaying the whole getting over process. Why are you doing this to yourself? It is going to be painful but think about it long term. 2
avelonia2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Thanks again for your response. I take it you think giving the whole friend thing one chance is too much to handle? Definitely. I've BTDT and it is an impossible thing to do when you are still healing. It sets you back, keeps you secretly holding onto hope and you are forced to shove how you really feel deep down inside. It's not a good situation if you're not fully healed yet. What's the purpose of being friends right now anyhow? It will make you feel like total cr*p and she only wants to be friends with you so she can get an ego feed. Do you want to be her hit of herione when she's jonesing? There is no need to pressure yourself into trying to be friends with her right now. What's the rush? Wait until you are at indifference and then reaccess the idea. Chances are you will feel differently by then and won't want to be friends anyway. 2
Author hw172 Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 Definitely. I've BTDT and it is an impossible thing to do when you are still healing. It sets you back, keeps you secretly holding onto hope and you are forced to shove how you really feel deep down inside. It's not a good situation if you're not fully healed yet. What's the purpose of being friends right now anyhow? It will make you feel like total cr*p and she only wants to be friends with you so she can get an ego feed. Do you want to be her hit of herione when she's jonesing? There is no need to pressure yourself into trying to be friends with her right now. What's the rush? Wait until you are at indifference and then reaccess the idea. Chances are you will feel differently by then and won't want to be friends anyway. Very good advice. Thanks for all the help. I've decided i'm going to text her and let her know that i was considering being friends but after her kissing two guys in less than a week, it's just more than i can handle. I'm going to let her know it's done for good. I care and have hope that it could maybe work out, but when i ask myself if i now see myself marrying her, it's almost a definite no. Too much damage has been done. I can forgive but i cannot forget. I think me cutting it off like that will leave me with some dignity don't you think? Much better than being the ex that's hanging around hoping for something more. 3
spice4life Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Absolutely. You have every right to want and expect to be treated with dignity. That shows a lot of class on your part and it means you are taking care of yourself. Charity begins at home. You're doing great...keep up the good work even though you are feeling low right now. 2
avelonia2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Absolutely. You have every right to want and expect to be treated with dignity. That shows a lot of class on your part and it means you are taking care of yourself. Charity begins at home. You're doing great...keep up the good work even though you are feeling low right now. Ditto to this.
Frank13 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I've decided i'm going to text her and let her know that i was considering being friends but after her kissing two guys in less than a week, it's just more than i can handle. I'm going to let her know it's done for good. I think me cutting it off like that will leave me with some dignity don't you think? Much better than being the ex that's hanging around hoping for something more. Cutting her off will leave you with some dignity, but telling her it is because she kissed two guys in less than à week shows weakness and you will lose any dignity by saying that. 2
mammasita Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 It's quite simple. Delete, block, forget. She doesn't deserve an explanation. She clearly gives no **** about you nor does she respect your feelings. 1
insomniax Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 If you want to tell her do it just stand your ground no matter what, i felt better from doing it. I dont need a demontion nor do you. She broke up with you and hasnt been considerate of your feelings. Screw her man.
insomniax Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Oh and on what to say, i have what i said to my ex word for word in my thread but the long and short of it i just told her i dont have platonic feeling for her and it would hurt me too much to be friends.
Author hw172 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 Cutting her off will leave you with some dignity, but telling her it is because she kissed two guys in less than à week shows weakness and you will lose any dignity by saying that. You really think letting her know that it's because she kissed two guys will kill any dignity? I just don't want to seal the deal and later regret not saying exactly why i had to do so. Personally, i think having the strength to cut it off shows a sense of empowerment, but i do see how mentioning the two guys could counteract that. But I mean really, who wouldn't be annoyed at that? Two guys? I wouldn't expect any guy to be immune from that and to be able to shrug it off like it's nothing. That's just me. I appreciate your input though. Please explain more.. i could be seeing this wrong though.
Author hw172 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 Say / Write this... "I was your Boyfriend not your Friend and I'm not interested in being one." Haha that almost seems a little too harsh.
TaraMaiden Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Harsh?? So kissing men and falling back on you - knowing how deeply you feel about her - isn't harsh?? Oh for goodness' sake - man up! Be harsh! Be firm! You need to be cruel to drive the point home. This is no time for pussyfooting and messing about. This isn't about her, it's about you. Read the No Contact link in my signature - the guide is the first post - but really, the remainder of the thread is just as important for you as the guide is. You have to understand that anything less than - "Leave me alone, do not contact me, and quit trying, it doesn't work" is pathetic. Okay?? 1
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