daddy87 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I have been broke up with my ex for over a year now and I've pretty much been hanging around for all that time. People say NC is the best way either for them to realize that they need you or for you to heal if nothing happens. But Does that mean u need to be nasty to them aswell? i do have to see my ex every so often because we have a child together, do i just make the visit short and avoid conversation with her when i do see her?
PR08 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 What you do is ultimately up to you. There are no rules for human emotions. If you think the best thing is to completely avoid any sort of relationship with her on any sort of level, then continue ignoring her. There is also a difference between being mean to someone and simply being indifferent, and you don't have to automatically be mean to someone just because they are an ex.
SimonSerenade Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I have a child with my ex from 3 years a go, honestly, I don't care about her anymore, she hurt me bad a long time a go but it doesn't matter now, I talk to her about our son when I need to and see her when I pick him up from her house, we make small talk and that's it. 3
Author daddy87 Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 Thanks for your reply Simon i have been trying to find someone on here who have been similar situation, I've been hurt really bad even it was over a year ago I'm still hurt, I still love my ex but i cant do NC because of our child so it feels like my feelings wont go. Would you mind to tell me roughly what happen with you and your ex? also how did you cope and heal?? Thanks
georgia girl Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Even though I was the no contact queen and may have been a little "mean" in my attempts to not have any contact at all, I would also say that you never want to be deliberately mean to any other person. At that point, it's not about them or your failed relationship, it's about you and how you deal with hurt. Dating is a huge gamble. There are no contracts and everyone risks being the one who still cares when the relationship ends. Healing is your responsibility and if no contact helps - as it always did with me - then it's smart to do that. But lashing out really isn't about healing; it's about hurting the other person so that you can get some satisfaction out of it. My advice? You will hurt more and for longer and have a lot more regrets when you are finally healed if you are mean as well. Be you. Protect yourself but still be you. Not a bad version of you. Just my two cents' worth... 2
SimonSerenade Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Sure man, I was in the same situation when I came here so long a go, found it so hard at first to move on as there wasn't really anyone who could relate. We broke up in August 2010, it came literally out of nowhere, we were great at the time, couldn't be happier, at the time I was working in Preston covering somebody who went on maternity leave so I wasn't as available as I used to be, it was only temporary though so nothing I thought we couldn't handle. Anyway, she figured I was seeing someone in Preston after work, I was but not in the way she assumed, I was seeing my old best friend from high school, he went to university there, so it was nice spending with him after so long not hanging out, she thought I was messing around with a girl I used to have a laugh with on a social network too. When she left she wouldn't give me a reason, just that she was leaving, for the next couple of weeks I was attempting to bring her back around with no success, so eventually I started to accept it was over and wanted to completely leave her alone but I just needed to know why, she wouldn't give me a thing so still I clung on thinking it was a phase and we were going to be alright. In the mean time I gave her money and did her favours and she would still say she wasn't ready to talk about it, she did give me little tiny answers to keep me around, saying she wasn't sure it she wanted to be commited so young which was odd because we had a baby lol but I figured we'd be alright after she got over that feeling. Eventually her friend was getting quite upset that i was doing this that and all the other for her and came clean saying she left me for someone else and had been with him since, it killed me but the worst had happened and it gave me some closure and put me off the idea of a me and her ever again. For a while my step dad picked up and dropped my son off for me to give me a break from seeing her, so it was nice to have that break, I still found it hard to move on as I was losing a family and not just one person and I just couldn't get over that so whenever I saw her I'd just be nice and friendly, even give her a hug here and there, I never forgave her for what she did or how she played me, she never once apologised and to this day I still don't know what I meant to her. Eventually I found someone else and being with her did it for me, anything I felt for my ex was dying, any feeling of love or sadness, gone in an instant, now I can see her or speak to her and feel nothing at all, maybe that's the key?, my recent ex and I were together for a year and a half and she randomly left only now I have the tools to cope and get over it and that's something I took from the heartless bitch I was with 3 years a go, that was the hardest break up I ever had but more good came out of it than bad in the end. If your going to move on from her once and for all, I think you'll need that someone special to truly snap you out of it, it got easier and I did more and more with my life once I found out the truth, seeing her got easier and it will for you too. 2
Author daddy87 Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 That sounds so similar to what happen to me. Not long after she had our baby i could see she was changing and she was young when we had our baby. Then she got a job not long after and starting to talk to a lot of male friends at work and there was this guy she said they were just friends then literately no long after we broke i found out that she went back to that guys house after a night out, and that really killed me but they never got with each other and recently ive found out that the guy got a gf, so sounded like my ex got used by him well that's what i think anyway and there is a few things i know my ex either haven't told me or think i don't know about with other guys but i don't think its right for me to be angry because we are not together but sometimes when shes with me she act like we are. So in ways i feel like i cant forgive her because it sounds like she wants to go out and have fun but why when we got out daughter involved? But i do love her a lot still so my feelings are so confused at the moment especially when she goes hot and cold to me
SimonSerenade Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 That was always one thing that hurt the most for me, thinking of that person with someone else especially in such a sleezy way, breaks your heart at the core, you don't know wether to cry or punch a hole in a wall, i did both lol simply because there's nothing you can do about it, you jut sit back and watch it unfold and as a man you need to feel powerful, your the complete opposite in that situation. Don't try and make excuses for her, I always live by one rule in a relationship, the moment that person is intimate with somebody else wether I'm with her or without her, it's over because there's no going back from that. Maybe you need to set some boundaries with her and find another solution which means you don't see her or hardly see her, right now you need this, maybe be open with her and tell her how you feel, see if you can't figure something out, you can't go on the way you have, you've been strong for too long, if she pes crazy on you just give her the cold shoulder treatment, it's no less than she deserves right now. It must be frustrating for you right now because of the way things ended and how she's chosing to spend her time but man, by no means is that a reflection on you, some women who commit early and leap into a huge commitment like that tend to react like that grasping at something to hold on to their teen years. Where as good guys like us simply look back and say "good times" and move on, more and more women these days just don't want to settle down and live a long loving life with someone, it's crazy because maybe 50 years a go that was the ultimate dream, ever since my ex had our son she was very on and off with me and acted at times like she just resented me for missing out on so much. Me and my recent ex ended very similarly, we got engaged (big commitment) and since then her attitude changed and she would constantly doubt it and put the whole idea down, she acted very mean like she resented me for the commitment, she even said once "I only said yes to you because I didn't want you to hate me, I didn't want to be engaged", anyway that's over now and I no longer have to live with someone who's so hot and cold like that so maybe that's for the best, unfortunately this is how young women are now. Me personally, I never gave it much thought, I was always simple, just wanted to settle down with a nice girl, work hard and have a good life and if I ever missed anything from my teen years or my childhood I'd go online and download some emulators and play the hell out of some retro games until the momet passed lol human nature, it's messed up.
Author daddy87 Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 i defo agree with you there man! Its such a horrible feeling but its not a choice so i guess i rather live happy then being miserable lol is your ex with anyone else now? the one who had a child with you i mean also have she ever tried to come back to you? not saying im gonna wait because ive already told my ex that once my feeling have completely gone for her there will be no chance, she didn't like that when i said lol
SimonSerenade Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Your a man and I'm geussing she's the kind of woman who makes you feel like the roles are reversed, isn't it crazy how women are the ones pulling this kind of crap now?, used to be men who cheat longing to ride Thomas the spank all day long and have that free life style, what happened to us? Lol. I'm not sure if she's with anyone now, she was at one point, he was a really really nice guy so it was so hard to hate him plus he was good with my son so I couldn't of hoped for a better scenario but my kid ALWAYS tells on her, last I heard she was crying and she hadnt seen him in a while. Don't want to give you false hope here but yeah she did, I had to post online that I was seeing other people because i didn't want her back, normally I wouldn't lie about anything but I was desperate to be rid of her, in the back of my mind I still pondered the idea because we had a kid and we'd be a family again but those feelings disappeared when I got with my recent ex because I fell in love with her, my vision of my ex changed, she wasn't beautiful anymore, she wasn't fun, she was just a plain old fat single mum lol and I had a hot slim girlfriend by my side, I couldn't believe how much time I had wasted pining for her, a year and a half of sadness and longing dispelled just like that. I got a lot to thank my recent ex for in that respect, now I can move on from her one day and find me another hot slim girl again, though my ex never apologised for what she did and what she put me through or tell me how she felt all that time, I think she pushed me over the finish line and gave me my ego back just by coming back. 1
SeeingRed Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I wouldn't say you have to be mean, but i suppose that depends on the situation. I try not to be mean to my ex, but i have since found that he has been lieing about me, and people are just eating it up. i dont get why he is still going on about it, our breakup was years ago. you cannot go for NC you have a kid together, it will be challenging for the child, and its just not fair. regardless of what went on with you two, it should never affect the child. 1
Author daddy87 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 I defo agree with you Si, years ago relationship was so much more simple lol! Like nowadays you here people celebrating there 30years anniversary...Wow!! Yeah i think I'm just kinda scared how i would feel when she actually do get with someone else before me? I mean i don't feel to bad now so just hope i can handle it Ok then. Also i do worry that i wont be able to find someone else, isit normal to feel like that? Plus being a single parent do you think its harder aswell to find someone to accept that? Alright so you put that you were seeing someone to get rid of your ex?? how long after u broke up until you changed it online??
Recommended Posts