My progress, 8 months NC

[Harradin]

Felt like writing this down, as I'm now pretty much 9 months post BU and 8 months NC. My first girlfriend (I had experience but not a relationship,) it didn't last long but it was intense as she went through a hard time so we grew very close and we spent virtually every minute together, I was her first boyfriend.

 

So what happened with mine (heavily condensed) : I was 19 turning 20 and she was 17. Everything was fine (I treated her like a princess) until her parents divorced, she was devastated so I did the right thing by being there for her. I was going away for the weekend, the day before I left she told me how grateful she was that she had me, thanked me for being there for her and how much she loved me. Over the weekend she went completely distant, she wanted to see me but we couldn't as she had a last minute thing. The next day I received an email from her, that told me she saw a friend of mine over the weekend, "nothing" happened but she started a relationship with him while she was with me. The email was written by my good "friend," I could tell by the writing style. I asked her why as soon as I got the email, she had the nerve to tell me that neither of them did anything wrong! I was heartbroken and absolutely crushed. I found out afterwards this so called friend got one of his mates to send her messages on Facebook a week before trying to break us up, he then started sending her messages basically making the move on her, he amped it up when he found out she was upset about her family matters.

 

Up to a month later she kept sending me texts and talking about me with mutual friends so I had enough and tried to get her back, she lead me on then told me she couldn't decide, so I made her decide on the spot. She chose him, she virtually begged me to stay in her life as a friend but I refused flat out, the reaction I got was anger actually, I wasn't expecting her to be so pissed off. I've not spoken to her since and blocked every form of contact she could ever do, the only way she could contact me is if she knocked on my door. But so far that hasn't happened nor has she tried to contact me.

 

I had counselling, ranted on here etc. It took me 6 months to get over her, I did expect her to break NC in some way but she never did. I have to admit it did affect me a bit because it meant that I didn't mean anything to her, considering how I treated her like a princess, tried to make her feel loved etc, it kinda feels all one sided.

 

I wouldn't take her back or anything, what she did to me was sickening. Its sickening, disgusting and just despicable. What sort of person allows themselves to be manipulated, cheats on someone who's gone the extra mile for them and then leaves them for someone who clearly manipulated her out of that relationship (I know she chose to leave, but he seemed to play his cards right in a sense.) Plus considering how she betrayed me in such a fashion, there is no way she could ever make it up to me. I think that it should be left in pieces rather then patched up, especially as she was the one who broke everything.

 

I found out a month ago, she cheated on the guy she left me for for someone else who I sort of knew. Which is sad really because it shows how pathetic and immature she was. I am actually afraid of seeing her again, because I'm afraid that maybe old feelings would come back or something like that and I couldn't bare to look at her after she treated me so disgustingly. So I wouldn't say its indifference but more of a painful situation. I have a nagging gut feeling that she is going to try contact me soon but I don't see why considering she's tried in 8 months and I have my own life to live!

 

I found out that my family hated her when they met her, which was awkward as it would have been nice for them to tell me!

 

Dating wise I've not dated since, I don't feel ready but at the same time I have sort of been missing a relationship and I should get back out there. I suppose its a sort of a limbo really.

 

But overall I've got most of my confidence and self esteem back, I wasn't in bad physical shape (lean but unfit) and I'm lean but physically fit now, I've worked hard at uni so its coming along nicely. Its just a painful memory I don't want to relive nowadays, I found out who my true friends were too, so that was good as I know who to trust now. I guess when I start going out with the next girl, the memories will all fade away and not be painful and I'll forget about it.

 

NC is hard, I found it really hard to try not to contact her or anything else, but it does work if you put in the effort. it sounds like I haven't made much progress but I have, I feel no urges to contact her or want to get back with her or anything.

Edited June 16, 2013 by Harradin

[maturityassets]

Sometimes you may never feel ready to start dating. I started dating 2-3 weeks after my BU even though I was not over my ex. While I should feel guilty for dating so soon after my BU, my ex hooked up with 2 guys in that time, and then wanted to see if we could spark. That's just stupid of her. Still I'm not over my ex in some ways after 3 months. But in that time I met a really nice girl. She is so kind and thinks the world of me, and every time she calls her "Hi" is like the first time meeting me. We aren't labeled anything yet but we treat each other as boyfriend/girlfriend already and the only thing preventing me from labeling it is making sure I'm not doing anything in spite of my ex. I genuinely want this new relationship to be defined on its own terms, so we just go on dates until I'm ready. So get out there and don't be afraid of feeling nostalgia when with another girl because it will happen no matter how long you will wait. Just don't expect a new relationship to replace the previous one, a new relationship just holds a different type of feeling once you realize it.

Edited June 17, 2013 by maturityassets