wailing banshee Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 (edited) Married 21yrs- together 26. Last 7yrs were very bad. h withheld sex. i cried pleaded he left bed for spare room. I cried. I became depressed and so lonely. Did not want to come home n e more as it was just too uncomfortable being in the same home with him. decided to stay on until only child graduated hs. 2 yrs ago- h got job offer in another state he could not refuse- left me and son to finish out his final years of hs here while he lived there. over that time- h grew closer to me and decided he really loved me and wanted to fix all that was wrong in our marriage. however, i grew apart from him, came out of my depression, got physically fit again and remembered what it was to live a happy life. in comes an EA. happened so gradually formed over a hobby that demands two people and he just happened to be male but we grew close as friends and then full on crush. h trying to work on our marriage- i told him about ea. he understood and accepted his responsibility to push me to that point. (really not something i ever thought that i would ever do- but i did it so i guess it isn't fair to say that) now i am just not sure if i want to stay in my marriage. ea has ended. genuinely the most painful loss i have experienced to date. i know he was just a fictional character- someone i idolized as the perfect man.....but it reminded me what it was to feel that way about someone, to be cherished and not ignored. h tells me i just cannot forgive him yet he knows i still love him (and have been yo-yoing about that since h has been working on fixing this as he brought sex bak into our marriage and it really threw me into an emotional tizzy) when he goes comes home to spend time w/me we have an ok time doing the dinner and movies and jogging, etc. (and sex) but when he leaves i am always glad to see him go. I have concluded that i actually like myself more as just me and not his wife. h keeps telling me he knows i love him- its not fair to end it without moving there with him the way we planned to see if we can still make it. but i just dont want to but wonder if i am making a mistake. i feel i have too much baggage with him and, tho its easy to fall into habits of the past when he is here- (really due to his changing like 180 from what he was for so many years and remembering the man i married) and living in the past. but i cannot excuse the years of hell i endured while he sat bak and just plainly did not care. i am rambling- i am sorry. thoughts/comments/suggestions? Edited June 16, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Yasuandio Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Sounds like you started loving yourself again. Abandonment, and withdrawal of affection is not acceptable to you any longer. He may or may not be able to redeem himself. You are in complete control now. You best keep it that way. I had same situation - but it took years and years of abandonment and withdrawal of affection - and then a terrible protracted divorce, for me to even begin to see that I needed to love myself again. You are doing great. I admire you. Don't let go of your progress. Yas 1
Author wailing banshee Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 How far is your child off graduating form HS? to be with h in another state or stay and go my own way. its only been abouth 8months that h has changed and said he wants to fix things. i feel badly for h because he seems to be so in love with me again after all of these years but i finally love myself....
TaraMaiden Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 You know what I'd do? I'd divorce. Then see whether this relationship can actually start over, and leave yourself open to being 'dated' by your H but be a 'free agent' - insofar as you want to be... And then if things seem to work out - then see how starting again would work for you guys. There are many instances of married-divorced-back.together couples.... 2
Gunny376 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 You know what I'd do? I'd divorce. Then see whether this relationship can actually start over, and leave yourself open to being 'dated' by your H but be a 'free agent' - insofar as you want to be... And then if things seem to work out - then see how starting again would work for you guys. There are many instances of married-divorced-back.together couples.... Guess what? You've evolved! You've grown! You've achieved self actualization ~ self autonomy ~ self realization ~ self awareness ~ self consciouness etc. Its what your SUPPOSE to do! You've become your own person in your own right! So has your marriage, and now after ALL of your hard word over the years, after all of that investment of time, effort, energy, the whole of your being? You want to throw that away and start over and again?
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