Feeling conflicted

[PR08]

I'm going to try my best here not to write a huge, paragraph-less essay because I know people don't really read those. To be honest, I don't even know if I'm posting this looking for advice or simply for relief at getting it off my chest.

 

Simply put, I'm yet another heartbroken dumpee. Different circumstances than most because the relationship was measured in months instead of years, and part of me still thinks I was not much more to her than a rebound-on-steroids, based on how quickly she was trying to move the relationship in the honeymoon stage. About a month before the break-up, she confessed to being 'confused' because her ex-boyfriend before me (whom she had dumped as well) had moved on with his life and found someone new. She immediately got jealous - although she never admitted that - and things were never the same between us. I know, I know: I should have taken that as a serious red flag and bailed out then and there. She became increasingly distant, the communication waned to nothing and the excuses built and built. I knew it was over in my heart and in my head before she brought it up.

 

It wasn't my first break-up, so I knew to avoid the classic mistakes that everyone makes in those first few hours and days. I didn't turn up on her doorstep, send her gifts, call her or text her or anything else like that. I didn't beg for another chance or plead with her to stay; I just simply dropped off the face of the Earth as far as she was concerned. It still hurt of course, but I'm proud of myself for not leaving her with memories of a pathetic ex-boyfriend on his knees in tears. She has reached out with breadcrumbs on a few occasions and I just haven't replied.

 

But here's the thing... I'm really feeling conflicted.

 

I'm not looking for advice on getting her back. I've been around the block enough to know that you cannot do anything to make an ex come back to you, and that you can only do things to ensure they never come back. I also know that they only ever tend to 'come back' when you have moved on and are no longer interested. It's happened to me with all of my previous ex-girlfriends, and it evidently happened with my ex and her previous boyfriend.

 

What's confusing me is my own feelings. In my sane moments, I keep telling myself that she really didn't deserve someone like me, and that she has some underlying issues that she really needs to work on. I personally (ego alert!) think I am much better looking than she is, and I think I lead a much more interesting and fuller life than she does. As far as I'm concerned, when I'm in that mindset, it was her loss and she'll regret it.

 

Half the time, I almost feel relieved that the relationship is over... but then I swing wildly to the other extreme and start missing her like crazy like a dumpee is supposed to do! What the heck is going on? Is this Break-Up Bi-Polar or something? Has anyone been there before, going from one to the other instead of simply sticking with one 'side'? How do I hold onto the 'moving on' frame of mind and try fading-out the opposite one?

Edited June 16, 2013 by PR08

[Eivuwan]

Hi I think that what you are feeling is normal. That person isn't good for us but it's hard to stop caring about someone so soon once you have cared for them. I feel the same way about my ex. He was selfish and unreliable and I think I'm more emotionally mature than him and deserve better. But there are times when I still miss him because he was my best friend once.