Thoughts on a recent breakup: The Shy Girl.

[Antares]

Hi Everyone

 

I originally came to this forum many years ago, after a breakup. Like most I did all the bad things; I begged, pleaded and even sent a few lame emails for the first couple of weeks. Actions that made me feel horrible and pathetic and I finally stopped trying to win her back. A month later I found this site, learned about NC – discovered that what I was doing was actually a ‘thing’ - and the rest is history.

 

I never signed up at that time, but I read everything I could. I learned so much from this community that I’ve come back here from time to time. The advice given here helped me grow as a person and I love where I’m at as person because of it. I have so much more confidence and self respect then ever before.

 

I realize that once a break up happens there’s little to actually fix. The less you do the better. NC all the way. When the cord is cut, as much as it hurts, it's best to recover for my own well-being.

 

So here’s my current situation. I guess I’m looking for some thoughts.

 

Back in early December I met a wonderful woman. During our first date we immediately clicked. Our conversation was easy, not a single awkward moment. By the end of the night I walked her back to her door and we kissed. It seemed to last forever. It had just started snowing and it was pretty damn romantic. She texted me an hour later to let me know that she got home safe and we both talked a bit more. Around midnight we both said good night.

 

After that we started calling every few days and would see each other about once a week. We had an amazing connection. We shared many of the same interests, goals, ideals, sense of humor and would have many a great zany conversations leaving us both laughing and in tears. She was sweet, kind, sincere, and warm.

 

She was also inexperienced when it came to dating. She was a shy person and admitted that it took her a while to feel completely comfortable around new people. She said that it even takes a long time to feel comfortable with new friends, let alone romantic partners. Truthfully, I’m actually the same way. We became intimate slowly, step by step. My favorite nights were the ones when she would finally fall asleep in my arms. I understood that it was a process and liked that we were taking our time getting to know one another.

 

Things were going really well but at the end of April she broke up with me. She called up in tears, sobbing the entire time. She mentioned that she felt like she just didn’t know yet what her feelings were. I tried to reassure her that her feelings were ok. That dating is discovery. There’s no time limit set to these things. (Especially for someone like her who takes her time feeling comfortable around new people)

 

She actually had a lot to say. The conversation lasted about an hour. She said that dating me was the longest she ever dated anyone. That she had feelings for me, that she felt we had an emotional connection from the start, that she was attracted to me, liked spending time with me but in the end felt like it wasn’t working…or as she said, ‘too much work’.

 

I gave it one shot at trying to convince her that we could make it work. But she didn’t agree. She didn’t want all the responsibility of being the “goal keeper” or the decision maker. I kept calm, wished her all the best in life (and I really meant it) and then said goodbye.

 

I’ve been NC since that call. I realize that it was a very quick romance, but I genuinely had feelings for her. I care about her. And respect her decision. Admittedly, I do miss her. Other than that, I’m actually doing really well – have a great job, been busy with work. Have a camping trip and vacation coming up as well.

 

So I’m looking for anyone’s thoughts about this. I waited all this time to post because I wanted some time to reflect and get my mind clear. I realize that there’s only so much analyzing that can be done for a break up. In the end, she ended it. She felt it was better to not see each other any more than make it work. That’s core of it.

 

But I’d like to learn from this situation. And yes…I’d actually love another shot with her.

 

I’m not planning on breaking NC any time soon. But on the same point, I don’t think she’ll ever make the leap to call me again herself. I think she’d be too shy/scared. I think at some point I do want to reach out. Maybe sometime this summer just send something friendly and light. Something to reopen communication. If it goes well – take it one step at a time. If not, I'll move on.

 

I realize that moving on is most likely what’s in the cards, but I also don’t mind being rejected once more from her – if it means knowing for sure.

 

Thanks in advance.

[Antares]

Bump.

 

Anyone? Anyone have any experiences with a shy girl who did the dumping?

[OrangeSnack]

Let me first just say that you have a positive attitude towards this and that it's a good thing. I also want to share with you that I am currently going through the SAME thing, except she back off because her ex bf passed away. It was really confusing in the beginning because I didn't find out until later. She told me 3 weeks after little or no communication via text that the friend who passed away was an ex b/f. It felt like a heavy load of rocks were lifted off my shoulders but at the same time I was wondering if our relationship can still continue. Can we still share the same intimate conversations we have? Can we still genuinely like one another? And most importantly can we share our emotions with each other? I knew for a fact that she liked me and had feelings for me and I did too. As for her shyness, I don't think she's shy but I think she has a fear of commitment because it was her ex b/f that passed away. Anyhow back to my story, I initiated the whole NC thing last week for about 4 days and out of the blue I got a text from her saying that she's finally back and asking me how I was. I didn't want to respond to her text at first but I did it anyway just to make me feel better and perhaps she is finally normal? Well clearly, I did not get the message correctly. It felt like I was back on square one again. It took the next day for her to respond to me and that's when she told me that she is on a recovery health plan and that she's struggling to come back to life, she also apologized to me how things have gone and that she wasnt thinking straight. I comforted her with a nice gesture by saying that there is no need for you to apologize. I told her that when she is ready my ears and arms will be open. The next day I texted her again wishing her a good day, no response. Two days later, I texted her to see how she's doing, no response. Maybe I'm overthinking it but I get it. I get what she's doing. She's not ready to talk and I'm being too clingy. Time for me to go back to NC.

 

As to my situation, I don't want to give up hope but I feel that it is necessary to move on because 1). I need someone that is emotionally stable 2). I need someone who is ready for love. By no means it is her fault that she is not responding to me. It could be many reasons but based on social media, she is acting "normal" amongst her friends, but hey that's her life and maybe that's how she grieves. I can't wait for her forever and I have a life of my whole. I have learn that a relationship takes two commitments, not just one. If you are ready, it doesn't necessarily mean that your partner is ready. You're a trooper for being positive and having a positive outlook on life. Me on the other hand took me awhile. I'd say it took me about 3 weeks to understand where I stood. At least your gal told you the truth so your situation is quite different.

 

Personally, I wouldn't cut her off entirely but at the same time I wouldn't put all your eggs in one basket. Don't expect too much because like yours it was a short fling (mine was 3 weeks and we talked everyday, planned everything, and talked about our inner most feelings. We were very affectionate and passionate). I think it's a wonderful idea that you can catch up with her once in awhile but be careful as to how often you do it because you don't want to show any of your true colors. I know I won't cut off my gal entirely but I will let her move the ball. I will remain NC, even if it means forever (well that's hard cuz she's always on facebook and I can see everything on there). For me, I think I have done enough pushing and if she's serious about moving forward, then she needs to start doing the chasing.

 

I am so glad I ran into your post because if I had your positive outlook, I would have been in a better situation than today. I think these past few weeks I have learned a lot about myself. I need to be realistic with my life and my approach on life. And perhaps one day when she is ready, I will listen, but in the mean time, I'm going to focus on me. I wish you the best of luck.

Edited June 17, 2013 by OrangeSnack

[flitzanu]

Hi Everyone

 

I originally came to this forum many years ago, after a breakup. Like most I did all the bad things; I begged, pleaded and even sent a few lame emails for the first couple of weeks. Actions that made me feel horrible and pathetic and I finally stopped trying to win her back. A month later I found this site, learned about NC – discovered that what I was doing was actually a ‘thing’ - and the rest is history.

 

I never signed up at that time, but I read everything I could. I learned so much from this community that I’ve come back here from time to time. The advice given here helped me grow as a person and I love where I’m at as person because of it. I have so much more confidence and self respect then ever before.

 

I realize that once a break up happens there’s little to actually fix. The less you do the better. NC all the way. When the cord is cut, as much as it hurts, it's best to recover for my own well-being.

 

So here’s my current situation. I guess I’m looking for some thoughts.

 

Back in early December I met a wonderful woman. During our first date we immediately clicked. Our conversation was easy, not a single awkward moment. By the end of the night I walked her back to her door and we kissed. It seemed to last forever. It had just started snowing and it was pretty damn romantic. She texted me an hour later to let me know that she got home safe and we both talked a bit more. Around midnight we both said good night.

 

After that we started calling every few days and would see each other about once a week. We had an amazing connection. We shared many of the same interests, goals, ideals, sense of humor and would have many a great zany conversations leaving us both laughing and in tears. She was sweet, kind, sincere, and warm.

 

She was also inexperienced when it came to dating. She was a shy person and admitted that it took her a while to feel completely comfortable around new people. She said that it even takes a long time to feel comfortable with new friends, let alone romantic partners. Truthfully, I’m actually the same way. We became intimate slowly, step by step. My favorite nights were the ones when she would finally fall asleep in my arms. I understood that it was a process and liked that we were taking our time getting to know one another.

 

Things were going really well but at the end of April she broke up with me. She called up in tears, sobbing the entire time. She mentioned that she felt like she just didn’t know yet what her feelings were. I tried to reassure her that her feelings were ok. That dating is discovery. There’s no time limit set to these things. (Especially for someone like her who takes her time feeling comfortable around new people)

 

She actually had a lot to say. The conversation lasted about an hour. She said that dating me was the longest she ever dated anyone. That she had feelings for me, that she felt we had an emotional connection from the start, that she was attracted to me, liked spending time with me but in the end felt like it wasn’t working…or as she said, ‘too much work’.

 

I gave it one shot at trying to convince her that we could make it work. But she didn’t agree. She didn’t want all the responsibility of being the “goal keeper” or the decision maker. I kept calm, wished her all the best in life (and I really meant it) and then said goodbye.

 

I’ve been NC since that call. I realize that it was a very quick romance, but I genuinely had feelings for her. I care about her. And respect her decision. Admittedly, I do miss her. Other than that, I’m actually doing really well – have a great job, been busy with work. Have a camping trip and vacation coming up as well.

 

So I’m looking for anyone’s thoughts about this. I waited all this time to post because I wanted some time to reflect and get my mind clear. I realize that there’s only so much analyzing that can be done for a break up. In the end, she ended it. She felt it was better to not see each other any more than make it work. That’s core of it.

 

But I’d like to learn from this situation. And yes…I’d actually love another shot with her.

 

I’m not planning on breaking NC any time soon. But on the same point, I don’t think she’ll ever make the leap to call me again herself. I think she’d be too shy/scared. I think at some point I do want to reach out. Maybe sometime this summer just send something friendly and light. Something to reopen communication. If it goes well – take it one step at a time. If not, I'll move on.

 

I realize that moving on is most likely what’s in the cards, but I also don’t mind being rejected once more from her – if it means knowing for sure.

 

Thanks in advance.

 

well, the last bit is the part you need to focus on...about being rejected again. her being shy isn't going to have anything to do with her reaching out to you. she had the courage and wasn't shy about dumping you directly, so she's not going to be shy about contacting you again if she changes her mind.

 

so as you know, you've got a 50/50 shot. you can message and ask if she's changed her mind...and if not...then you know for sure and you drop her forever.

 

based on her actions and her not contacting you (i assume?) it sounds like she made her choice and stuck to it.

[Antares]

Flitzanu: I've definitely kept that in mind. I don't think I've felt rejected by her per se. I mean, yes, she ended things and that's technically a rejection - and I wish it could've worked out - but I don't look at it as a qualifier of my own feelings towards myself. I remember now, that one of her reasons for feeling stressed out at that time she felt bad for rejecting me while we dating. Like she felt that she knew I wanted more and didn't want me waiting. Even though that's what dating is for and I was really okay with our timing.

 

You're definitely right, though; she whipped up the courage to end things. She can certainly do the same if she changes her mind. And since she's been completely silent since that day, it means, most likely, that her decision is the same.

 

I suppose what I'm thinking about these days is, would a person with shyness keep quiet if their feelings had changed. Would she feel it too awkward to call up?

 

During our time together it seemed as though every time we got a bit closer, with each stage of intimacy, there was some trepidation. Probably due, in part to inexperience and shyness, partially to feeling comfort only after knowing someone a long while. Our last month she started coming around more easily - she'd initiate more. Our last week she was calling me, scheduled our last date...and on our last date talked about things we wanted to do that summer.

 

OrangeSnack: Thanks for responding. Sorry to hear that you're going through something similar. I'd say that my first break up I was pretty bad. It was this site that got me here. You're right, though, we can't wait around or put our eggs in one basket. I'm not quite ready to date anyone else right now. I'm focusing on fun things this summer instead.

 

Thanks to you both!

[flitzanu]

think about your own behavior in a relationship. shy or not, you're going to act interested right? and at any point if your feelings wane, you are gonna start feeling like you are wasting time. i honestly dont think her issues had anything to do with shyness, it just sounds like she wasn't that into you. dont mean that personally, but if she was hesitant for so long it seems like she was working to convince herself it was what she wanted, and realizes it just wasn't.

[Antares]

Just thought I'd come here and make a short update. My original thread is here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/401804-thoughts-recent-breakup-shy-girl

 

Update:

Last week my Ex texted me after about 3+ months of no contact. (We met in December and she broke up with me in April saying it wasn't working/ too much work. So a short relationship, but a good one.)

 

In July I went on vacation for a few weeks, something that she knew I was planning on doing before we BU and it was during my time in a certain area that she finally texted me out of the blue.

 

She wanted to know if I had in fact gone on vacation. She had been there before and wanted to know how I liked it. She asked if she was allowed to say hi.

 

I was busy having fun and so I responded the next day during a quiet moment. She immediately texted back wanting to know more. I asked her how she was doing and she said that the past month was rough. A close family member had passed away and she felt it was important to her that she see how I was doing.

 

I responded by giving her my condolences and wished her family the best in hard times. We texted back and forth a couple more times, laughed a bit, and I said that I had to go but she should chat again soon. She agreed.

 

I returned home this week and decided to send a quick text to her just to check up on her and her family. She responded immediately again and said thanks. She wanted another update on my vacation and we actually got into a really friendly chat. She was warm and friendly, funny, and brought up things she remembered about me from our time together.

 

After a little bit I finally asked her why she decided to text me last week. She admitted that she had been wanting to for some time, but felt nervous. She thought I would be bothered by her. She thought my silence meant that I was gone and over her. I joked around with her at this and we both laughed. She again wanted to make sure that she wasn't bothering me. She said that when her family member had passed she finally decided she had to see how I was doing.

 

I ended the text by saying that I had to go and she said next time we should talk on the phone. Then she said "Night ____!!"

 

Besides all of this, I'm actually doing really well. I've been dating here and there and meeting new girls. Nothing serious. Work has me busy and I've been hanging out with friends more. Vacation was amazing. (This is actually my first night at home, resting)

 

I'm just going to take this step by step and not rush into anything. I realize that there are a lot of bad exes out there, who break nc just for ego boosts, validation, etc. But this one was not really like that at all, she's actually very sweet and inexperienced, and whether or not she wants to try again, she's at least being respectful. Some of the girls who I've spoken to about this say that they think she definitely wants another chance, but might be too afraid to actually ask me out right now. We'll see.

 

So no real questions, just thought I'd share. If you're waiting for your ex to break NC...don't. Just get on with your life, make it the best you can for yourself and when you least expect it, life might just surprise ya.

[Destromarch]

Well it's great to hear good news. If you want to get back together with her, then I'm rooting for you two. Hope everything turns out great.

[LinkWorshiper]

I'm just going to take this step by step and not rush into anything. I realize that there are a lot of bad exes out there, who break nc just for ego boosts, validation, etc. But this one was not really like that at all, she's actually very sweet and inexperienced, and whether or not she wants to try again, she's at least being respectful. Some of the girls who I've spoken to about this say that they think she definitely wants another chance, but might be too afraid to actually ask me out right now. We'll see.

 

So no real questions, just thought I'd share. If you're waiting for your ex to break NC...don't. Just get on with your life, make it the best you can for yourself and when you least expect it, life might just surprise ya.

 

Your whole story really resonates with me, bro. My boyfriend had a real internal crisis that had been on a slow burn from long before I even knew him -- stuff that even stemmed from adolescence. It was also hard for me to separate the fact that our break up had literally nothing to do with me and everything to do with the fact that he didn't know how to handle a lot of things inside himself that he had spent a pretty decent portion of his life ignoring. And even though I kind of knew all this the entire time, it wasn't until I asked for NC (his inability to figure out what he wanted was starting to affect me) that he really seemed to get his head on straight with figuring things out. I think it has helped both of us out a lot, and I think if things are going to work out between us, it's been BECAUSE of NC.

 

And I know this because after three weeks of NC, he sent me this long letter detailing the emotional pain he was experiencing and how he was trying to handle years and years of ignoring himself and his complications with drugs and booze. That he has never felt so emotionally awful in his life, but he finally knows that he's doing things for himself that will make him better. He then speaks about how he was unhappy just being casual acquaintances with me and that he knows I was too, but that we had to be strong to get through this, because we were people who were honest with our feelings. He then urged me to grow for myself, said I was a beautiful soul and I ought to start tempering it and showing it off, and then asked that I forgive him when he was finally a person he admired.

 

So hot damn, yes! It's amazing how life will surprise you and reopen doors or take you on routes you weren't expecting. I sure hope you keep up contact with your girl now that she's bridged that gap between you, since it sounds like it took a lot of courage for her to. She might be trying to test the water, so I think now is the time to stop worrying about NC or pride or whatever, and just do what feels right!

 

I'm rooting for you too

[Antares]

Thanks for the 'rooting' guys. Just taking it as little baby steps. It's still early to know, it might go no where.

 

Link: Sounds like you've been thru some rough stuff. Glad to see you have your own head on straight. It's good that your ex recognizes his problems, but I think he needs to get those problems fixed before being in a relationship. I mean, I don't know your exact situation, but take some space - even for just your own well being. Even if he's breaking NC to tell you this, I think you need to stay NC for a bit more. If he fixes himself up and comes back into the picture...great. But three weeks aint it. Good luck to you too.

[Antares]

So another update:

 

In the last few weeks we've had a few really great and short conversations. She's been funny, and warm and even a bit flirty.

 

This week we finally had a phone call. It lasted for 2.5 hours and for the most part, was pretty light. We immediately got right back into our normal rhythm; joking w each other, playful teasing, warmth, honesty. Not a stitch of awkwardness. We discussed everything that we were up to during the summer. I was playfully coy at first. After about an hour, I asked her what made her want to reach out to me and she said that the BU was really rough on her. (I had assumed she was relieved, but apparently that wasn't the case) Immediately after the BU, she cried for days and weeks and wanted to talk to me. Everyday she'd tell herself not to. And then when her fam. member passed, she NEEDED to hear from me.

 

She then asked if I was dating anyone. I thought at this point it was possible that she was fishing for information..maybe to reconcile. I played it cool and funny and she laughed. She mentioned that she had a few horrible dates and I said the same. She asked me if I ever thought about her, or the BU. I said sure...that I thought the BU was probably the best decision at that time. That it took guts but it was healthy to do so. But I said that I thought about it afterward and thought that were some things we could've done to fix what wasn't working. Little but important tweaks.

 

And that's when she disagreed.

 

She said that she never really felt completely at "ease" w me. That she knew that she cared about me and thought that I was one of the most genuine and wonderful guys she's ever met, but thinks that my confidence in myself, and that I know myself very well emotionally, makes her feel nervous at times...since she doesn't. At this point she started crying. She said that she knew that I didn't want just friends and couldn't do that either...but she had to reach out nonetheless after the death. That she thought about me everyday and truly cares about me and misses me...and doesn't want this to be the last time we ever talk.

 

That really confused me.

 

Now...I'm doing really well. Seeing friends, going on new dates, working hard. Even though I would love another shot with her, and we know that we care about one another, I think we both realized that we wouldn't be talking to each other anytime soon. I told her that regardless of the outcome I was glad we caught up. I said that I assumed that she had already moved on and was relieved after the BU. She said that she wasn't and that she really did care and miss me.

 

I guess what I find confusing is, why would she reach out to me, after crying for weeks and after an important family crisis...when she doesn't feel at 'ease' with me. For me... if I didn't feel at ease with someone, I wouldn't go to them during a family crisis. I guess I know she just wants friendship...but why be friends or care about or even miss a guy you don't feel at 'ease' with.

 

She once said that she takes a long time to feel comfortable with new people..whether people who are friends or people she tries to date. So a part of me thinks this is her personal progress. But it's not something I can wait for.

 

Right now I'm going back NC. I guess I'll either hear from her at some point...or never.

 

If anyone has any opinions, I'd love to hear them. Thanks in advance

[headinthecloud]

Based on your description about her being sweet and shy, I think she genuinely felt guilty about ending the relationship and probably reached out to you to ease her conscience. You have a very positive and seemingly balanced approach to dating - in fact you give me hope there are some good guys out there. If you keep this level head of yours then you'll find someone who truly appreciates all your great qualities, without the struggles. She's out there...and she's trying to find you too. GL

[flitzanu]

So another update:

 

In the last few weeks we've had a few really great and short conversations. She's been funny, and warm and even a bit flirty.

 

This week we finally had a phone call. It lasted for 2.5 hours and for the most part, was pretty light. We immediately got right back into our normal rhythm; joking w each other, playful teasing, warmth, honesty. Not a stitch of awkwardness. We discussed everything that we were up to during the summer. I was playfully coy at first. After about an hour, I asked her what made her want to reach out to me and she said that the BU was really rough on her. (I had assumed she was relieved, but apparently that wasn't the case) Immediately after the BU, she cried for days and weeks and wanted to talk to me. Everyday she'd tell herself not to. And then when her fam. member passed, she NEEDED to hear from me.

 

She then asked if I was dating anyone. I thought at this point it was possible that she was fishing for information..maybe to reconcile. I played it cool and funny and she laughed. She mentioned that she had a few horrible dates and I said the same. She asked me if I ever thought about her, or the BU. I said sure...that I thought the BU was probably the best decision at that time. That it took guts but it was healthy to do so. But I said that I thought about it afterward and thought that were some things we could've done to fix what wasn't working. Little but important tweaks.

 

And that's when she disagreed.

 

She said that she never really felt completely at "ease" w me. That she knew that she cared about me and thought that I was one of the most genuine and wonderful guys she's ever met, but thinks that my confidence in myself, and that I know myself very well emotionally, makes her feel nervous at times...since she doesn't. At this point she started crying. She said that she knew that I didn't want just friends and couldn't do that either...but she had to reach out nonetheless after the death. That she thought about me everyday and truly cares about me and misses me...and doesn't want this to be the last time we ever talk.

 

That really confused me.

 

Now...I'm doing really well. Seeing friends, going on new dates, working hard. Even though I would love another shot with her, and we know that we care about one another, I think we both realized that we wouldn't be talking to each other anytime soon. I told her that regardless of the outcome I was glad we caught up. I said that I assumed that she had already moved on and was relieved after the BU. She said that she wasn't and that she really did care and miss me.

 

I guess what I find confusing is, why would she reach out to me, after crying for weeks and after an important family crisis...when she doesn't feel at 'ease' with me. For me... if I didn't feel at ease with someone, I wouldn't go to them during a family crisis. I guess I know she just wants friendship...but why be friends or care about or even miss a guy you don't feel at 'ease' with.

 

She once said that she takes a long time to feel comfortable with new people..whether people who are friends or people she tries to date. So a part of me thinks this is her personal progress. But it's not something I can wait for.

 

Right now I'm going back NC. I guess I'll either hear from her at some point...or never.

 

If anyone has any opinions, I'd love to hear them. Thanks in advance

 

 

sounds pretty typical, she opened up a little bit emotionally, but definitely made sure to push you away by saying she's not at ease. i wouldn't try to interpret any of that, just take it as her establishing her boundaries.

 

seems as if you understand she's not trying to get back with you, so i'd go back to NC and steer clear of her.

[Antares]

Flitzanu: Totally agreed. I'm glad we had that phone if only to air some of our feelings and thoughts. 90% of that phone was amazingly happy and light. Even the downside of it still felt good, just not in a reconciliation way

 

But yeah, it's done. A friend told me that since we're in different stages of life, my confidence in myself and my emotions makes her feel nervous or maybe inferior since she's more confused about hers. And I can understand and accept that. Even though she cares about me, there's nothing I can do to 'fix' that. So it's over. If the universe wants us back together, it'll happen. Otherwise, it's time to move on completely.

 

headinthecloud: Thanks for the kind words. Yes to what you said too. She admitted on the phone that it was selfish of her. One of the things we talked about before the Bu was was that we could never do just friends...and 'just friends' never really works. It was so strange having her admit that the BU was hard on her, that she cried all the time and yet forced herself not to call me. And that the family crisis forced her to let go for a minute.

[Antares]

Just thought I'd come back around today and read some posts. Been having a hard week.

 

Since that last phone call w my ex back in August, (which you can all read a few posts up) I've done pretty good. Been busy with work, hung out w friends, made plans. Even went on a few more dates with other girls. However, meeting new girls, it just seems like I'm hitting a wall.

 

I've been thinking about my ex a lot recently. And going on new dates doesn't help. Dates that technically go really well. I sit there on the date, and smile and joke around and have a good time. They go well. But on the inside, I keep comparing them to the ex. Which sucks, but it's true. Haha. Either, they won't be as good a kisser, or aren't as funny or fail to pick up on my sense of humor or sarcasm (or vise versa), or just flat out aren't as interesting. Or just fail in some other way. And in the end, I realize that I don't want to initiate further contact or ask them out again.

 

I wasn't expecting that and it sucks. I want to move on, but my mind is still a bit stuck in place. I do miss her. I've never been a big 'dater', and take my time find people that I'm interested in.

 

When she broke up with me initially it was easier to move on, since I thought she didn't really dig me. That she didn't feel a strong connection was made. But during that call in August, she basically confessed that it was all there and the BU was hard on her. I didn't expect to hear that. And I guess it suddenly made me realize that what we had, was something. Even if it wasn't meant to last very long.

 

Ah well.

[flitzanu]

stupid as it sounds, you'll stop comparing when you find someone you're actually into. trust me.

 

i'm incredibly arrogant and picky about the girls i date, and will go years being single waiting for someone to connect with. you'll find her, or you'll end up settling and being bored.

 

i just prefer to wait.