L8Bl00mer Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 First thing is first, I found this site because I have realized that I am a social latebloomer. It is obviously bothering me because why would I be googling and researching about if it's normal to be this late in developing a romantic life? I suppose what I really need is words of advice, suggestions, and help on how to break out of this shell I'm in. So I am a 22 year old female, I have never dated before, never had a boyfriend before and of course, I'm still a virgin. Words cannot describe how I truly feel when I see all of my peers and siblings pursue their own dating lives while I remain all alone, with no experience and no true sight as to were I am going as far as my social/romantic life goes. To make my situation more clear, I am a very shy/introverted individual, and what contributes to that are my own insecurities. I am a plus sized girl, I go to school online - which doesn't help me in my quest for a social/dating life, I don't know how to drive, I don't work (which my excuse for not working right now is getting through with school), and I still live with my parents. Elaborating on the latter, I suppose I am so dependent on my parents that I don't know how to get started in living life as an adult. My parents encourage me to maintain my dependent ways, saying that I'm not "grown yet", asking me "what reason is there to rush?"/"what's the point in living on your own considering the economy and having the luxury of not worrying about bills", etc. In short, I go nowhere, my average days are spent inside the house on my laptop. Overall, I feel like I am trapped and simply stuck in one deep rut and I don't blame anyone else but myself, but it's really getting the best of me right now and I feel myself breaking down. I feel that for starters, something that would help me would be to develop a personal life. More specifically, finding a boyfriend. If I had that, I would be more encouraged to bloom like those around me, but my problem is how do I get started in doing that? What do I do, where do I go? As I get older, this problem gets worse. How do I stop being afraid to get out there? Then, how do I get out there if there is really no place to go and with nobody to go? Truth is, I'm lonely and I want relationships beyond the internet, but I'm failing. Is there anyone out there who has been in a similar situation that finally broke out of it? If so, how did you do it?
Carenth Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 (edited) Yup been there, done that. I was heavily depressed and a larger guy when I was in my late teens (skinny as a child puberty played hell with me), early twenties. Then when I was about 20 or 21 can't remember exactly I basically clicked that I didn't want to live like this for the rest of my life. I've always been introverted, being around too many people for an extended period of time is mentally exhausting for me. I wanted a relationship too however I didn't like who I was and figured "how will someone else like or love me if I don't like or love myself?". So I went on a course to improve myself over the last several years. I went and got help for my depression from doctors, which then allowed me to focus on my other issues. I went on a serious diet/exercise/lifestyle change. This is something from my opinion no one but yourself can decide you want to change. I lost a quite a bit of weight. Decided to get myself an education, forced myself to get a part time job that would throw me in with other people and force me to interact with them (retail job). This really threw me out of my comfort zone but it helped me learn how to better interact with people in general and the opposite sex. I've been very happy for the last 5 years, best years of my life thus far. If you saw who I was back then and now you would not be able to tell we were the same person. However none of this came easy, it was a lot of hard work. I've had a couple of relationships and dated quite a bit. I'm currently in a relationship I'm quite content with. Getting a boyfriend won't fix your other issues, that is something you have to do for yourself. If that is the reason you are wanting to get into a relationship it's the wrong one. I understand the loneliness I really do, but needing someone else before you change won't leave you really happy. Because you would be changing for them and not yourself. Edited June 16, 2013 by Carenth 1
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