ConfusedHumanBeing Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 (edited) Hey guys! Wow, its been a long time since I've been here. I dont even know if the "regulars" are still here (Tara, Cav, Chi, etc etc). I've been having some questions I needed a possible answer to because its driving me crazy. I'm at about 9 months NC (or was) and I have been doing a LOT better. Honestly, it's been getting really good. I haven't concerned myself with her because I didnt care anymore....as much...So, weeks ago, curiosity got the best of me and I found out some information that was different so I snooped. DAMMIT. So I backtracked and found out these nuggets...but was wondering if you could help me out... Okay LONG story about it and most have heard, so lets go bullet points: -Together almost three years (broke up in September) -She broke up because of being co-dependent BS whatever -Turned out she liked someone else who was in a relationship for three years as well -She had sex with him, hung out, etc. -He wouldnt break up with his current GF so she said she was "preggo" -He finally told his GF, they broke up, still didnt want to be with her so she had a "miscarriage" to get him to feel bad. -She was in a funk, but she got together with one of her lost friends and found a guy through him and they are now dating THOUGH she sometimes till talkes about him through Twitter etc Fun right? Okay, so they are posting all cute stuff and hanging out and of course it sucks to see because I still care about her a lot....but there is nothing else I can do. If she was still obsessed with the 1st guy, WHY get into this new one so fast? She is acting all happy and probably is and she is doing the exact same stuff we did...which annoys the f*** out of me but whatever. Trying to make the other guy jealous or lonely I dont even know... AGAIN IM AWARE NONE OF THIS SHOULD BE MY CONCERN AND I SHOULDNT CARE BECAUSE WE ARENT TOGETHER! I preach that to people on here and myself, but life doesnt work as easily as that sometimes. 2nd one...and this is the one that pisses me off. This "lost friend" I mentioned has a long history with me. Not dating, but they were best friends back in the day, and a situation happened between all three of us (and one of my good friends) to where we all stopped talking. My ex at the time said "Oh she is a terrible person blah blah blah" IN fact, the REASON we didnt talk to them anymore happened was because of what my Ex told me about her friend. OK so they finally get to be friends again in like beginning of May (my ex and I broke up in September). So on that night, I get some facebook comment from her (I hadnt talked to her in months) on a picture that they were both tagged in pretty much saying something bashing about me....okay....THEN on twitter, I find out they are openly making fun of me on a blog that I wrote three years ago!! WTF!!! I did NOTHING to my ex but treat her like a queen. I did everything for her! She didnt have a car so I drove her everywhere, I took her to Disney with money I saved up from a clinical study where i had to be poked with needles for two weeks, I bought her everything she ever wanted and was there for her all the time. WHY IN THE F*** WOULD SHE FEEL THE NEED TO BASH ME WITH HER FRIEND?!?!? All of this annoys the hell out of me. I'm a great person. I do the right thing ALL of the time. I'm nice to people, I go out of my way to make sure everyone is happy over my own....I volunteer my time and energy to everyone else and yet EVERY bad thing that can happen (not only this) happens to me! (and yes, I know that sounds incredibly caddy because there is people in the world starving, have cancer, death in the family etc. I know and I dont want to offend anyone with what I said. More frustration) I just packed up ALL my belongings and was moving to one of my favorite cities since I was a kid (Seattle Washington) and halfway there, I get into a terrible car wreck and my car is totaled....I'm pretty miserable while THIS LYING TROLL gets to lie to me, deceive, cheat, etc and she is SOOO happy. WHERE IS THE LOGIC IN THIS?!?! Other than my cursing and porn watching from time to time lol I do everything RIGHT. Can someone answer me some of these questions? Thanks guys LS has helped me out so much Edited June 16, 2013 by ConfusedHumanBeing
aisuru Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Some people just don't know how to be alone or know how to live without being the center of attention. And I'm not speaking about you. Right now, you should thank your lucky stars you're done with this girl. And move on. I'm sorry to hear about the car accident you were in. I hope you are well. In ten years, you'll wonder why this situation was such a big deal. You will be okay.
Author ConfusedHumanBeing Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 Some people just don't know how to be alone or know how to live without being the center of attention. And I'm not speaking about you. Right now, you should thank your lucky stars you're done with this girl. And move on. I'm sorry to hear about the car accident you were in. I hope you are well. In ten years, you'll wonder why this situation was such a big deal. You will be okay. I guess.....part of me doesnt want to be "done" with this girl, but she really has given me no choices. Why would I want to be with someone who lied, probably cheated, and destroyed my life? Why do I still pine over this...for a lack of a better word....b****
TaraMaiden Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 The co-dependency is strong in this one.... Why indeed? Why ask us? Why do YOU think?
Author ConfusedHumanBeing Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 The co-dependency is strong in this one.... Why indeed? Why ask us? Why do YOU think? TARA! I see what you did there . Very nice. The co-dependency BS she spewed was not true. I didn't want to see it at the time, but it wasn't. I tired to be there for her and blah blah but it wasnt that. She had a solid crush on guy A and probably a good 95 percent cheated on me, but I have no proof. What's bothering me I guess recently is why. Why would she feel the need to openly bash me like I did something wrong after like 8 months? All I did was be there for her. Honestly, in all of this, I'm scared. I'm 27...not old by any stretch, but not a teenager anymore. I'm seeing all my friends marry and or in long relationships, and some even have kids. I want that....and now I have to start ALL over again. Thats why I was trying to move from Tennessee to Washington and I got to St. Louis and had a very bad car wreck. Now I'm BACK in TN until my insurance figures everything out. I do care about her, and I dont know why anymore. She treated me like trash the past 9 months and now bashing me. I dont understand and it really hurts my feelings. Why would someone do something like that? Immaturity? Make herself feel better? I dont even know...... The "friend" she started talking to again...there were issues that are hard to believe. In a quick nutshell, my ex found her CHEATING on my best friend (they were dating) about three years ago. I told my best friend of 9 years about it and he thought I was lying...So both him and her stopped talking to us. Later, I ended up getting a job where she worked. We made amends and were ok for months. Found out she was talking **** behind my back to other co-workers. I didn't care, but my boss did and fired her. I even tried to stand up for her to my boss, but he wanted no sort of drama around his work. So obviously, she thought I did it and then they SUPER hated me and my ex. We didnt talk, I kept dating my ex, life went on. NOW my ex and her are BFF's again, and openly talking crap about me online. Should it matter? NO obviously, but it does. AND...now my ex is dating someone her friend knows. Is it to make guy A jealous and want her again? Is it because she doesnt want to be lonely? I dont know and frankly I shouldnt care. Again, she wasnt going to stay single forever, but it hurts to see her happy and me not so happy. It's my doing for happiness and I'm trying to find it, but I keep hitting 900 roadblocks and its so damn frustrating. In the past 8 months, I've lost my job, I've lost my house, I've lost some friends, and now I just lost my car. I'm really lost right now. Im not making this into some sad story, I just....want some answers as to why someone would still be so cruel as to make fun of me at my expense though she and I both know I treated her really well....
TaraMaiden Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Well, frankly, my advice to you would be - don't sweat it. There are some things that happen, over which we have control. But those things are few and far between. The majority of things surrounding us, are beyond anything we can actively do to engineer a result for ourselves.... The issue is not what happens. The issue is how you process it, and right now, you have far more important things - more immediate concerns - to worry about. SHE - and what she mouths off - are the least of your worries. In the past 8 months, I've lost my job, I've lost my house, I've lost some friends, and now I just lost my car. I'm really lost right now. Im not making this into some sad story, I just....want some answers as to why someone would still be so cruel as to make fun of me at my expense though she and I both know I treated her really well.... The bolded bit, matters. The remainder, just piss it down the pan, and leave it be. 1
Author ConfusedHumanBeing Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 Well, frankly, my advice to you would be - don't sweat it. There are some things that happen, over which we have control. But those things are few and far between. The majority of things surrounding us, are beyond anything we can actively do to engineer a result for ourselves.... The issue is not what happens. The issue is how you process it, and right now, you have far more important things - more immediate concerns - to worry about. SHE - and what she mouths off - are the least of your worries. The bolded bit, matters. The remainder, just piss it down the pan, and leave it be. Thanks Tara.....I dont know why she keeps doing this to me and the inquiry for some reason kills me.
Author ConfusedHumanBeing Posted June 18, 2013 Author Posted June 18, 2013 Sorry for double posting...I hate when people do that because it screams attention, but I need someone to talk to because none of my friends really understand nor care at this point lol WHY AM I GOING BACKWARDS?!? Its been 9 months already and I was slowly starting to get better. I blocked every avenue of finding out anything about her and haven't talked to her physically since December. Slowly, I was getting to a point where I was being okay. Little more confident, a little more stronger, and a little bit (and its very little bit) happy. I did ALL of this to myself. ALL of it. She left me, lied to me about why she did it, got burned by the guy she left me for and is now on guy #2. I've tried to not care I really have tried not to, but I cant stop dreaming about it nor can I stop thinking about it. Then, making it SO much worse on myself, I go actively searching out what she is doing on social media. SUCCCCCCCCH a bad move. What was I expecting to see? I dont know, but now I'm hurt. Posting photos of getting flowers from new dude and them with the cat WE got from the shelter in the clothes I bought for her...doing EVERYTHING and then some we use to do. And what am I doing? Honestly, what am I doing? When does this all end? Two years and 8 month relationship should be out of my system now shouldnt it? Why do I keep rehashing? Obviously, looking at stuff is my own doing, but I have been trying so hard to move past this, and I cannot.
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