I want a second chance...

[aisuru]

That's all.

 

:bunny::bunny::bunny:

 

Well, that's not all, but let's just keep it short and to the point.

 

I accept it's over. But I still find myself wanting it to not be over. Hmph.

 

If you don't know my story, please go read threads started by me before posting on here. It's easy to do... Click on my name and find threads started by me.

 

Thanks for listening.

[BustedUpInside]

I feel the exact same way about my previous relationship. I get that it is over and that we will probably never speak to or see each other ever again, but I really would just like the chance to start over and see if my feelings were misplaced or if my ex really was (and still is) worth the investment.

[aisuru]

Thanks BUI. I felt silly posting this.

 

But damnit, I had a call/voice mail from him a little over a week ago that I ignored/deleted.

 

Then, I saw him on Thursday. I'm fairly certain he saw me and was dodging me before I realized he was even in the vicinity. It's possible he didn't see me. I dunno... :/

 

So of course... Everything is wide awake in my brain and memory right now. As I was driving home tonight, I saw he was home too.

 

I can't help but wonder if he's thinking of me. If he did see me the other day.

 

DAMNIT.

 

Meanwhile, I'm drafting a letter in my head that I'll never write, let alone never send to him, in my head.

 

DAMNIT.

 

I wish I could have a second chance.

 

There's my reality. I'm tempted though...

[RespectfullyAlone]

It seems the only people who get second chances are the dumpers. They have the power to apologise, and do whatever it takes to try and make another go of it.

 

The dumpees such as myself, we have nothing. Especially the BU was sudden, and without warning, and there is another guy invovled, which was my case, we have even less than nothing.

 

Writing letters, saying I love yous, nothing works. Soon enough we realize we are also nothing that has nothing to offer anyone. Thus we want our Ex back even more.

 

I'd love a second chance myself, and just like BustedUpInside, I would like to know could it have worked out.

 

I try and remember this nice thing I read many months ago...

 

"...if the relationship wasn't bad enough for you to leave before you had the opportunity to swap it for something new, it was probably worth working on."

 

That gets me everytime I read it. I was replaced, or I'll never know to be honest, she went back to the guy she was seeing on the side. Right up to the last time I was with here, she seemed happy, even telling her parents how much she was in love with me. It's Christmas. I go overseas with my Dad. 2 days later, she breaks up with my via a FB msg, knowing I am in a remote area with no reception. Thus I don't find out until late New Years eve night.

 

What a way to end a year, and start a new one. 6 months later, I can't stop thinking about her, and wanting her back despite her being engaged to her "new" guy only 6 weeks after leaving me.

 

It comes around full circle to what I first said, the dumpers have all the power. All this talk about going NC, and this and that by dumpees might give you a little of it back, but my experience has been at the end of the day, whoever ended the relationship will ALWAYS have the power with regards to how you both relate to one another. Being NC and trying to forget they ever lived, is pretty similar to just putting your head in the sand, your fingers in yours and trying to drown out your crying heart.

[hinatticus]

I'm the dumpee and I got my second chance. I'm not trying to gloat but just to say that they do happen. I also had some control over it. I changed and became a better person. Sure the dumpers may be the one that says lets try again, but if I didn't do what was necessary I wouldn't have gotten that chance.

 

Anyway, stay positive people... Happy endings happen all the time.

[moneyneversleeps]

I got my second chance and i am a dumpee.

I suggest you figure out what went wrong.

make the call and hopefully catch up.

When this comes up make sure you add at the end 'just as friends'

Then when you go out on your first date and have a great time, show that you are an awesome person that anyone would want to be with. NO PRESSURING.

 

Have a good time before you escalate to the next step.

[RespectfullyAlone]

This is all meaningless if the person that left you is either with someone else, or has not replied to your communications. Showing them how "cool" you are to be with is irrelevant.

 

No amount of supposed working on yourself will make any difference when your ex dumped you and is now off living their live without you.

 

I didn't cheat, I didn't lie. So why would I be working on myself, to become a apparently better person. It makes no sense. The ex, the dumper is the one who needs to reform.

 

It's amazing how many posts are on here concerning the dumpees, on how we have to become better, be more fitter, more amazing, more wealthy, more charming, more this and that, when for a lot of us, we were on the receiving end of our ex's nefarious actions.

 

Don't put false hope into peoples minds and hearts. Unless you are still in contact with your ex, nothing you do will ever make a difference as long as they are happy living their life without you.

[youngnlove89]

I also got my second chance. And things are getting better for him and I. They are possible. Even though people always say on here that it's a one in a million chance. I actually believe it's more possible than that.

 

Aisuru, you ignored his call and then deleted his voice mail, you saw him in public and ignored him then. Your actions prove to him that you aren't interested. I would think you aren't interested if I were him.

 

This isn't a movie where the plot is how the guy chases the girl because he loves her so much and stands outside her window with a boombox confessing his love. Life isn't like that. If a guy feels you aren't interested, they walk. And they may walk with their head down, but they walk nonetheless.

 

I can't blame the guy. He tried, you ignored.

 

It's a catch 22 though. Because you did the right thing. You did what a dumpee is supposed to do. But if you are going to talk about second chances, then you aren't doing the right thing. If you want to move on because you deserve better, then keep doing what you are doing.

 

If you want a second chance, go for it. Don't ignore his calls. Don't play games. Don't wait for his second call (that he thinks you will just ignore anyways), don't wait to run into him again (that he thinks you will just walk past and ignore him). Look at the facts. Take it from his perspective.

 

If you want something, go get it. Don't wait for that approval from strangers. Do it for you.

[SimonSerenade]

I bettered myself after the break up I had 3 years a go, eventually it became less about longing for her and more about longing for all the good things I used to be, I recovered, I learned lessons and despite all that, here I am again, just like before, left by someone who didn't even have enough respect for me to end it to my face or give me any parting words of reason or meaning, eventually you realise it says a lot more about them as a person than it does about you.

 

Most dumpers aren't mature enough to handle somebody's feelings because they see what they desire and nothing else which is why it's so vital to focus on yourself and take back all they took away from you when they left.

 

I'll never forget my first girlfriend because as young as she was back then, she knew how important it was to give me closure and a precious memory of how it ended, I knew she loved and cared deeply for me, she was honest and told me everything I needed to know, I didnt go away questioning myself or questioning how and why it ended, she did all that for me and I knew it wasn't my fault, I could move on and eventually find happiness again.

 

Anything less than that is childish and down right selfish, all I have to remember my recent ex by is that I was only worth a text message stating it was over, being ignored and being taken for a lot of money a week before she left, how she lives with herself for that, I don't know but I know I'm a better person than that and I wouldnt do that to someone, I deserved better than that.

 

I don't hope she comes back, I don't hope for a second chance, I just hope a human being could care enough for me to end it in the right way someday, sadly I don't think she'll ever do that for me, so in the end I'm left with a broken heart, loss of pride and confidence, loss of cash and a harsh lesson learned, somehow that's justified.

[inaya42]

aawww, aisuru, i'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling with this.

 

are you sure you want a second chance? what other feelings might be fueling this wish? i ask because, as you likely know, you could initiate contact and begin a slow and charming courtship that would land your ex back in your arms. are you willing to undertake that work, that emotional risk, to be back with him? is it really worth it to you?

 

i miss my ex often. he is an amazing man, a dream really. but the quality of our relationship became so poor that i could never pursue anything with him, not even an acquaintanceship. so really this is up to you... most people believe that the dumper has to be the one to initiate reconciliation. i tend to believe that this restores a necessary balance to the dynamic, but dumpees can and do initiate second chances all the time. ultimately, of course, what enables any relationship to work -- the first or the fifth time -- is two compatible, committed people. do you think that you and your ex have what it takes to make it work?

[PR08]

This is all meaningless if the person that left you is either with someone else, or has not replied to your communications. Showing them how "cool" you are to be with is irrelevant.

 

No amount of supposed working on yourself will make any difference when your ex dumped you and is now off living their live without you.

 

I didn't cheat, I didn't lie. So why would I be working on myself, to become a apparently better person. It makes no sense. The ex, the dumper is the one who needs to reform.

 

It's amazing how many posts are on here concerning the dumpees, on how we have to become better, be more fitter, more amazing, more wealthy, more charming, more this and that, when for a lot of us, we were on the receiving end of our ex's nefarious actions.

 

Don't put false hope into peoples minds and hearts. Unless you are still in contact with your ex, nothing you do will ever make a difference as long as they are happy living their life without you.

 

I understand where you are coming from, but bitterness isn't attractive either.

[moneyneversleeps]

It is about making yourself a better person.

Because then irrespective of the outcome you create a win/win scenario.

 

The breakup may not have been a result of cheating/being a bad person.

Maybe being too needy, too reliant on the other person to make you happy, too controlling, too depressing.. etc etc

Maybe you didn't make them happy because you were a self pitying person.

 

A relationship should be about encouraging each other to be the best person you both can be and to chase dreams.

It's about enjoying the times you have together and being happy, but also have the ability to enjoy being apart.

 

So definitely you need to show them you are a person of high value, and you need to be the absolute best version of yourself that you can be. You should be doing this anyway and ALWAYS, irrespective of your marital status.