maestrok Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Two of my girl-friends agreed with me that it is plain disrespectful but I would like to hear a broader perspective. This guy and I had known each other for about a month - first date last week. During the first date, we pretty much made it crystal clear to each other that we both are interested. Not much effort during the week on his part but I did initiate texting him twice or so, so we did talk. And then yesterday he asked me out for the second date, which was supposed to be tonight. But he asked me to make the plans, which I did - took me 3 hours. That was slightly disturbing for this was only our second date - but didn't think about it too much. Then this afternoon, he said he woke up late so wants more time to get ready and wanted to push the meet up time for an hour. I said fine (I was really fine until this). Then about an hour before the new meet up time, he said he needs to work out and wanted to postpone for another half an hour. I was super upset at this point. So I just called it off. Do you guys agree that this is disrespectful and selfish on his part? And if so, is this understandable or forgivable, and would you guys still date this guy? Is he doing this because I made it clear on the first date that I am interested in him? What should I do now... I'm so upset that he would treat me this way.
charlietheginger Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Two of my girl-friends agreed with me that it is plain disrespectful but I would like to hear a broader perspective. This guy and I had known each other for about a month - first date last week. During the first date, we pretty much made it crystal clear to each other that we both are interested. Not much effort during the week on his part but I did initiate texting him twice or so, so we did talk. And then yesterday he asked me out for the second date, which was supposed to be tonight. But he asked me to make the plans, which I did - took me 3 hours. That was slightly disturbing for this was only our second date - but didn't think about it too much. Then this afternoon, he said he woke up late so wants more time to get ready and wanted to push the meet up time for an hour. I said fine (I was really fine until this). Then about an hour before the new meet up time, he said he needs to work out and wanted to postpone for another half an hour. I was super upset at this point. So I just called it off. Do you guys agree that this is disrespectful and selfish on his part? And if so, is this understandable or forgivable, and would you guys still date this guy? Is he doing this because I made it clear on the first date that I am interested in him? What should I do now... I'm so upset that he would treat me this way. Maybe he wants to pump up his arms shower and Look good on your date..... Lets be real if he showed up at your place he still Has to wait a hour for you to finished getting dressed
Author maestrok Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 Maybe he wants to pump up his arms shower and Look good on your date..... Lets be real if he showed up at your place he still Has to wait a hour for you to finished getting dressed What? Where is this coming from? personal experience? then why are you applying this on me? People plan so they can get ready and plan other things accordingly. I came back an hour and half earlier to get ready in time. That's why people plan yknow? Not to keeping pushing the time back which simply doesn't respect other person's time and life.
pyramid Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Completely disrespectful. I'm glad you canceled. What do you do now? Move on to someone who respects your time! 2
Author maestrok Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 Do you think I should give him a benefit of doubt - like a second chance (if he asks)?
pyramid Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 You can if you want to... but this is the time when he should be going out of his way to impress you. You haven't even had a second date & and he's already doing whatever he wants without a thought to how it affects you. Now if that's the kind of person that you can see yourself in a relationship with, I guess you don't have anything to lose. 3
CC12 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 You can if you want to... but this is the time when he should be going out of his way to impress you. You haven't even had a second date & and he's already doing whatever he wants without a thought to how it affects you. Now if that's the kind of person that you can see yourself in a relationship with, I guess you don't have anything to lose. Good post. It was pretty disrespectful of your time, OP. I see no reason to give him another chance. He made it clear that it's more important to sleep in and then workout than it is to stick to plans he's agreed to. And that he sucks at time management. If he had good reasons to postpone (twice!) then I would say maybe you should cut him some slack, but "I slept too late" and then "I need to workout" are such dumb reasons that it's almost offensive. Actually, not almost. It is offensive.
Tinie Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 No you did the right thing. A guy who is truly interested in you isn't going to make you wait. 3
ChessPieceFace Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 No you did the right thing. A guy who is truly interested in you isn't going to make you wait. While generally true, not everyone is the same. OP, fairly certain one or more of the following is true: - he's not that into you - he's just a thoughtless person who lacks a general sense of empathy - he's playing by some stupid "players manual" about how to immediately gain control in a relationship I dunno which. But any of those are bad for different reasons.
Lansing Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Yeah, as a guy I think you made the right decision. I am not sure what kind of date you had planned that took you three hours to plan though! If he wanted to work out/etc he should have figured that into his original schedule. He sounds super flakey. I can see being late because you assumed traffic would be smoother or whatever but I am talking 15 minutes not hours... I really would not contact him again. If he contacts you again and asks you out you will have to make it clear to him that you won't put up with that kind of crap if you do want to give him another chance.... But, he might just be trying to get you in a position to have sex as he doesn't seem to respect your time!
Maleficent Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Postponed to go to the gym? Here we call 'em Douchebags.
Author maestrok Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 Yeah, as a guy I think you made the right decision. I am not sure what kind of date you had planned that took you three hours to plan though! Haha yeah nothing intense. Just dinner but I wanted to pick the right place so tht both of us will have a good time - he didnt want certain dishes - so I had to factor in so many variables... Location time preference ambience post-dinner spots etc etc I guess I shouldnt have shown that much interest this early. After our first date I really thought this guy was different from the rest. But guess I was wrong - this makes me sad i wish things had worked out differently oh wells
xpaperxcutx Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Haha yeah nothing intense. Just dinner but I wanted to pick the right place so tht both of us will have a good time - he didnt want certain dishes - so I had to factor in so many variables... Location time preference ambience post-dinner spots etc etc I guess I shouldnt have shown that much interest this early. After our first date I really thought this guy was different from the rest. But guess I was wrong - this makes me sad i wish things had worked out differently oh wells He's not a bodybuilder is he? Whatever the case is, this was supposed to be the second but he's already showing his true colors. Someone like that who expects to bend for his needs is selfish and not likely to be relationship worthy.
Author maestrok Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 He's not a bodybuilder is he? Whatever the case is, this was supposed to be the second but he's already showing his true colors. Someone like that who expects to bend for his needs is selfish and not likely to be relationship worthy. No he is not a bodybuilder nor a trainer. Im so disturbed that he would treat me this way and so disappointed. Sigh. Cannot concentrate today on anything. Thought after a long time I had finally met someone different and its so disappointing.
scorpio1978 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Oh no, no, no. He is setting the tone for bad behavior from the get-go. I would not waste your time or give him a second chance at all. He blew it and either is too much of a jerk to care or is too much of a flake to realize. Bad all around. If you give him a second chance, I foresee you back on this forum asking for more advice on how to handle a d-bag. 1
vegaslady Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I'd tell him to take longer at the gym and it's good he has something to keep him occupied as I sure as hell wouldn't! NEXT.
colombiana28 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 well you can do two things: accept another date with him and accept this behavior for the rest of the time you know him, or let him know you are a decent, self-respecting woman who will NOT accept being treated like this, an dump his sorry ass. 1
Author maestrok Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 Yeah ... It's so clear and seem easily doable when it is someone else's situation - but so difficult to actually stay strong when it's my situation. #sigh#
D-Lish Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Yeah ... It's so clear and seem easily doable when it is someone else's situation - but so difficult to actually stay strong when it's my situation. #sigh# It's not really that tough of a decision- it's only a matter of saying "okay" to his indifference, or moving on. You said that you had a good date- but you had to text him afterward to keep his attention. A guy that is truly interested is going to show mutual interest at the very least. He asked you out again and then made you plan the date after giving you his restrictions and preferences- then he had the audacity to keep pushing the time so he could do something else while you waited. Yes, it's disrespectful- so knowing that, what should you do?
AKisBaked Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Good for you for doing what you did. He pretty much stood you up because he knows he got something going for him. Don't tolerate dumbass's like him. No class. And this is from a guy speaking.
CC12 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Yeah ... It's so clear and seem easily doable when it is someone else's situation - but so difficult to actually stay strong when it's my situation. #sigh# Does this mean you're going to continue seeing him? Are you still talking to him?
Author maestrok Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 No I did not talk to him yet (this only happened two days ago btw.) And he has not yet to talk to me either. I cannot not see him at all because we go to same grad school and we are in the same class..... So I dont know if I should ignore him if he ever comes up to talk to me in person? Or should i respond hi at least? Or give him a chance to explain himself?
scorpio1978 Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 I think you should be cordial and polite, but not date this guy. Could you imagine if you started liking him and it ended badly and you have to see him every day in class, feeling awful? What does he have to explain? He acted like an ass. His actions said it all. If you choose to date him, that's on you, but expect sub-par treatment.
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