Six91 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Hello, ill start with telling you a bit about myself and my girlfriend. We are 22 years old and have been together for 5 years, she is my first love. (we were both virgins, if that matters). I love her extremely much and we spend most of the day and every night together. I am in a pretty challenging university and I took some exams around 16-24 may. Last two months before the exams I was barely at home any time of the day. Basically i only slept there, was home late every night. I found out on 20. May that she had been talking with this a bit older guy from work on Facebook and through texting, it started at the end of April. (a lot of texts and Facebook messages). I confronted her and she was really sad and told me that I was never at home. she meant that she wanted/needed good attention. I asked her if anything happened and she told me that he kissed her once at work, that is all that happened. I asked her what they talked about and she told me that he is married and they talked a lot about their relationships and he has 3 kids and wants a divorce but is to afraid. He complemented her a lot, which she said that she liked. She stopped talking to this guy(he had started another job at the beginning of may) when i found out. After that we talked a lot and we want this to work. She thought that I had stopped loving her or something, she wasn't in first place in my life anymore. I corrected that. Today I wanted to go through her phone records, just to see when this all started. She didn't want me to but was with me when i did and didn't stop me. There I found the texts (I btw never saw any texts or his phone number in her phone), from there I know when it started exactly. The last month we have been doing very good, we love each other very much but I have doubts.. What should I do?
oldshirt Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Is this the same gal that made out with some dude from work at a party a year ago and then bragged to her friends that she was proud of it? Don't you think there is a bit of a pattern starting to emerge here? There's kind of two different forces taking place here. One is that you two have been together since you were 17 and were each other's first loves so there is a lot of comfort, safety and security in your relationship. The other is that you are both young and full of hormones and there is a whole world of new experiences and adventure out there. I'm going to guess you have been pretty involved in your studies and have been real dedicated to that and haven't been flirting with other chicks and schmoozing and interacting with other women much. That is actually good thing and good that you are concentrating on getting through school, but where I am going with this is if instead of concentrating on your education if you were out partying and hitting on chicks you would be making out at parties and having affairs at work too. She just beat you to the punch because she is a young cute chick and isn't absorbed with school and so she has had more opportunities to step out of the safety and security of your relationship and taste some of the forbidden fruit that is out there. Right now you are fighting simple biology. She is full of hormones and is at the height of her sexual market value and every Tom Dick and Harry is trying to stick their dick in her. You are always going to be fighting an uphill battle to keep other men out of her bed for the next few years. You need to decide if that is a battle worth your time and energy or not. Here is the light at the end of the tunnel that you need to keep in mind. In a few years you are going to be done with school and will be establishing yourself professionally and financially and you will be more developed and filled out physically and then YOU will be the one with all the opportunities and realizing all the adventures and opportunities out there. YOU will be the one that will be having people giving you the eye and flirting with you at work and hitting on you at parties. As long as you don't let yourself get fat and lazy, your market value will continue to rise from when you graduate college until you are probably in your 40s. Where as her's will continue to fall as she ages, especially since she already has a child. What I am saying is even though it is painfull now to have her cheating on you every time you are looking away and you instinctively want to hold on to her for security and comfort. It may be in your best interests to let her go, concentrate on finishing school and starting a good career and then in a few years you will have your pick on young, attractive ladies that don't have baggage where as she will be getting older with a child and history of screwing around on her partner. Y'know the old saying, " he who laughs last........." 1
TaraMaiden Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Honestly? I'd give her space. A lot of it. Miles, in fact. I read your previous thread. It's almost a duplicate situation, eh? This is a repeating pattern by the sound of it. Either you really are a little negligent (which may or may not be true) or she has a wandering eye and wants to have a taster of a different life. It's probably a hefty dose of both and I'll be honest with you, I am pretty sure the only reason you two are together, is the commonality - the child you have together. Had you both not been parents, I suspect you would have gone your separate ways a while ago. You're both very different people to those you were when you first met. And at the risk of banging an old drum, neither of you are mentally "fully cooked" yet.... There's too much going on around you guys to keep you on an even keel and where you both are now. You'll always have her in your life, as the mother of your son. But emotionally, she's going to fade at some point. You might as well either prepare for that now, and be ready for it, or release you both form further complications and give each other the liberty to expand, evolve and grow.
Author Six91 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 Thanks for your rich answers. Some more info We were told early in or relationship not to let the child bind us together. We agreed on that and have not let that be the case. We sometimes talk about this topic and both agree that it is not what our relationship is about. I have been extremely negligent recently and I also was so when the previous situation occurred. I went to school at 8-9 am and often came back home 12-1 am. Never had time to talk on the phone for long etc. She never wanted to sleep with this guy from work, she says. At first they were just friends chatting on facebook and a little texting. They talked about their work, their relationships and problems following. Then he started complementing her and she liked the complements. It is more of an emotional affair right? not that it is any better.. We have been together almost 24/7(like usually when I'm not at school) since I found out and she is very sorry and she regrets it greatly. I have been at parties and gotten hit on and those kinds of things. I just don't let it affect me.
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