marriagesucks Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 So my question is how do i deal with the stress of a divorce?......i hang out with friends and talk to family members by phone because theyre 1000+ miles away. im happy when my daughter is around. shes only 17 months old. i hate the fact that she has to go through the stress of her dad and i switching off with her all the time. her dad has been extremely decieving throughout this whole process so far. i am the one at lost so far, which i dont mind too much besides the fact that i get lonely. the only thing that frustrates me is that her dad plays with my emotions non stop and is being very dishonest. i think he does it because he knows i still love him and am not quite over him yet. he is being so very anal about it all. talking to him about this is not an option. well, how am i supposed to deal? if it wasnt for us having a child together, ignoring him would be no problem. *sighs*
dizi Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 How long have you two been divorced? Was there a particular reason why? How long were you married? Does he pretend to have interest in you and then act like a jerk? Did you two try marriage counseling? Is there ANY WAY you can get back together, or would you?? Not having friends or family nearby is difficult when trying to go through something so devastating. I live 800 miles away from everyone I know and it's not easy...this is a great place to get advice. I hope you can get some that will help you.
Pookette Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 I'm sort of getting from your post that he's deceitful about the custody?
Author marriagesucks Posted October 12, 2004 Author Posted October 12, 2004 Originally posted by dizi How long have you two been divorced? Was there a particular reason why? How long were you married? Does he pretend to have interest in you and then act like a jerk? Did you two try marriage counseling? Is there ANY WAY you can get back together, or would you?? Not having friends or family nearby is difficult when trying to go through something so devastating. I live 800 miles away from everyone I know and it's not easy...this is a great place to get advice. I hope you can get some that will help you. The divorce is still in process and hasnt been finalized yet. There are many reasons for our divorce, but if you let him tell it he will make it seem like its all my fault. I have posts on here as far back as March telling everything he has done to me. Since our divorce isnt finalized, this month makes it 2 years, but our divorce statred in June. Yes he does pretend to have intrest in me then act like a jerk. He is a jerk. We tried marriage counseling but it didnt work because he decided not to be honest in our sessions. I dont think I would ever get back with him, nor would he ever get back with me. Thanks for your advice.
Author marriagesucks Posted October 12, 2004 Author Posted October 12, 2004 Originally posted by Pookette I'm sort of getting from your post that he's deceitful about the custody? He has been deceitful about that among many other things. And this isnt just with the divorce, he was this way during our marriage as well. He always tells me one thing then does another. I believe that he gets satisfaction out of seeing how upset he is able to make me and he enjoys it.
Pookette Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 quote:Originally posted by Pookette I'm sort of getting from your post that he's deceitful about the custody? He has been deceitful about that among many other things. And this isnt just with the divorce, he was this way during our marriage as well. He always tells me one thing then does another. I believe that he gets satisfaction out of seeing how upset he is able to make me and he enjoys it. Get a lawyer on his ass. He can't be doing that kind of thing with your kid. Exactly how is he deceitful about the custody?
Matilda Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 When you get divorced from a man who you believe is a "jerk", you basically just have to accept the fact that is what he is. Knowing that, you then have to raise your child with him in the best possible way you can. First of all, don't let him play with your emotions. You say that you don't think you would ever get back with him, well if that is true, then you need to believe it, and then act like you believe it. Once you know that the marriage is done, and the only relationship you have with him is as parents of your child, then it will be much easier to deal with the emotional stuff he's throwing at you. It just won't affect you in the same way. As far as custody goes, if he is truly being deceitful about it, then yes, you do need to go to a lawyer and get a temporary custody order until the divorce is final. Then there will be rules, and he will have to follow them, or pay the consequences. Even though, he is acting like a jerk, remember that this is a man that you will have to be dealing with probably for the rest of your life. Try very hard to not let him make you angry. Remember, your marriage is over, and having arguments about your relationship, is just having arguments for the sake of having arguments. All that relationship stuff is in the past. You can't change the wrongs he did, you can't even change the wrongs you did. You can't make him be a better man. He is who he is, and you have to make the best of the situation for your child. Unless he is abusive to your daughter, then he needs to be in her life. The courts will also agree with this. She needs him in her life. I divorced my first husband when my daughter was 1 year old. As she has gotten older, I have seen the need for a relationship with her Dad increase. Remember, that no matter how big a jerk he is to you, she will love him and want to be with him, because he's her Dad. My ex and I, even though I think he is a jerk still, have a good relationship when it comes to parenting our daughter. We both realize that her needs come first. From now on, if he brings up emotional or relationship stuff, say "I'm not going to talk about that anymore. Our relationship is over. We need to concentrate on making the best life for our daughter that we can now." If you are truly done with the marriage, you need to accept it, and act like you are done, otherwise he will continue to manipulate you.
Recommended Posts