Why Girls Do the Things They Do: Q&A for Men

[hoping2heal]

Please?

 

If a woman does this to you it's because she literally thought of you as a penis and nothing more. She wanted to use you to get off but since you weren't available she found someone else. Plus, women are bombarded with the idea that men want sex all of the time, they'll eat their own eyeballs to have sex if necessary, they think about sex more times in an hour than hair on their body etc. So, if a girl is turned down for sex that's a huge ego punch and she's not ever going to want to have sex with someone who offended her like that.

[xxoo]

How do you go from wanting to sleep with someone, initiating said sleeping, to not wanting to see them at all?

 

This is easier for women because so much of our attraction is other than physical appearance. It could be that you turning her down turned her off to you--for reasons suggested above.

 

It could also be that her invitation for sex that day was very specific to the circumstances that day: hormonally horny day of the month, maybe feeling lonely, maybe something else. Maybe casual sex just doesn't appeal to her most days.

[neveragain34]

OK I'll bite:

 

You're on a first date with a guy you met off say Match. How long does it take usually for you to decide that you could be or could not be interested? Describe in detail a first date you went on where you wanted a second. First impressions, how the first 10 minutes of conversation, thecrest of the date. Now do the same for a "decent" first date where you did not want a second.

 

I usually know on the first meet, regardless if it's a quick meet for coffee or a dinner date. If I'm on the fence and unsure, I'll give the guy one more chance and definitely know by the end of the 2nd date.

[SuperGeek]

Ha the responses to this thread confirm that I'm, as a man, totally screwed (not in a good way) in the dating field

 

oh well, guess I'll have to find something else to do with my time on this planet.

[SuperGeek]

I'm not the OP, but the answer seems simple to me.

 

Male Answer: Economics. Sex is scarce (limited) for males and requires a lot of work, energy, money, and time to get it. Sex is abundant/unlimited supply for females. This situation creates a large, often unfulfilled demand for sex on the male side, and a huge supply of sex for the female side. Showing evidence of this in society is pretty simple, i.e. prostitution industry (black maket) is 95% females supplying sex to males. Adult websites are 90% delivered to adult males. Yadda yadda....

 

The rest of it I'll let the OP answer. I'm guessing the girl that texted you probably has so many males she can hit up for causal sex that there is no reason to try again with a guy that has rejected her in the past, even if it's a single occurrence.

 

It's like tap water faucets. Would you try to use the same drinking fountain again if you found it was dirty? Nope! You'd avoid it likely for life and get water at another faucet because there are TONS OF DRINKING FOUNTAINS all over. That's how it is for girls. Males wanting sex ALL OVER.

 

Why do women close the window after one rejection? A reasonable rejection I might add.

[Imajerk17]

My post might have been a bit... *ahem* melodramatic.

 

My point is that men do have concerns that go a lot deeper than eastcoastgirl88 might have been aware of. I DO stick behind what I said that if a family has financial problems, the responsibility (according to the family's social circle, society, and even within the family) falls upon the man. tbf I get that your husband might be a high earner but it isn't like that for everyone.

 

The gender roles we have are fine. Just treat us with respect and realize that it's not all peaches and cream being us.

[SuperGeek]

The gender roles have significantly changed since the baby boom generation and continue to change. I'm not saying they are wrong, but they are in flux and that makes it extremely difficult to figure out what women want in society today. I'm a mid 30s male and find it very hard to know what women are looking for usually as EACH ONE is a giant JIGSAW puzzle with 15,000 pieces.

 

As a male I get rejected on dates 9 out of 10 tries and that's on a good week. How the OP can sit here and say males have it so easy is beyond me. Could female egos take that much rejection constantly?

 

The gender roles we have are fine. Just treat us with respect and realize that it's not all peaches and cream being us.

Edited June 18, 2013 by SuperGeek

[SteveC80]

Why are womens restroom are a disaster zone i here? i thought you were supposenly cleaner and less gross then guys but ive heard different

[HotTea]

Just honest.

 

 

Yes, that's absolutely right.

 

I'll go eve farther and say that for me at least, when a woman is all over me it's a big turnoff. It's an instinctive thing, so I've never really thought about why that is, but it's probably because I subconsciously think there must be something wrong with her that I can't see yet, so I'd better not waste my time.

 

I don't have any problem with women asking me out, but the reality is that women who ask me out are almost always women I don't want to go out with --- for the simple reason that if I was interested, I would have asked her out myself!

 

Would you help me understand something from your point of view? I just started on line dating..literally today... I put up my picture, I'm pretty..not big boobs super model, and I'm 47, but still..I put a witty profile and a nice picture taken TODAY..got like 10 e mails right away...lots of compliments "hey your profile is great, your pretty", blah blah blah etc... so I checked out some of the guys profiles and they seemed cool, I answered back, yes I would like to chat or meet or whatever in response to the way they stated it then BOOM...no more messages from those guys, why would that happen? I'm not desperate, just looking for people to go out with. I literally just agreed to communicate in the way that they requested and they went cold...that was 3 different guys..what do you think?

[Els]

Okay, yeah; I agree with that. I'm not expecting her to text me again and proposition me for sex.

 

I'm saying, if she was willing to have sex with me initially (her idea first), what's changed after I tell her I have to take a rain check?

 

Why is it when *I* try to reach out and set something up, she's done.

 

How do you go from wanting to sleep with someone, initiating said sleeping, to not wanting to see them at all?

 

Uh, my guess is that she got some other guy to fulfil her cravings, and maybe she's set for the next week? Or maybe they hooked up into a slightly more permanent arrangement? Or she feels that you're playing hard to get, so she nexted you?

[tbf]

tbf I get that your husband might be a high earner but it isn't like that for everyone.

High earning has nothing to do with it, since I'm fully capable of supporting the entire family on my own. I'm also not the only woman on this planet capable of doing so.

 

Women Entrepreneurs Out Earn Men By 14% - Forbes

 

H's response was more focused on the first part of your list, where you were so concerned about driving every aspect from the beginning, to the relationship. He's telling you to relax and enjoy the process more.

[somedude81]

My girl is coming back from a two and a half week long trip next and I want to surprise her with some flowers. We had our first of three dates roughly a month ago so the relationship is very new, though we regularly text and skype or call at least every other day.

 

We had a conversation where flowers briefly became a topic and I found out which kind she likes.

 

If I do give her flowers she won't be expecting them at all.

 

I don't really want to give her a full bouquet and am wondering if it would be OK to get her one or somewhere between three and five.

 

Also I'm not sure about the proper treatment of flowers. There is a chance that next time we see each other she will stay the night at my place, so would I have to get a vase for them? Or just stick them in some container that can hold water if they need to be kept in water at all?

 

Does it seem like a good idea to surprise her or should I not bother?

[Els]

I DO stick behind what I said that if a family has financial problems, the responsibility (according to the family's social circle, society, and even within the family) falls upon the man.

 

Yes, this happens in the culture I come from (though possibly less in other cultures), so I get your point there. Hence my constant assertions that sexism really sucks for everyone, in contrast to the rosy belief that some of the male posters here have that all dudes in non-Western cultures are livin' the good life. That sort of pressure has made several men crack to the extent of committing suicide or working themselves literally to death, most notably in developing Asian cities (Japan, China, Singapore, etc).

 

That being said, I agree with tbf that a lot of your post (the parts not related to financial responsibility) sounds like a slight bit of overthinking that might be detrimental to you.

 

My girl is coming back from a two and a half week long trip next and I want to surprise her with some flowers. We had our first of three dates roughly a month ago so the relationship is very new, though we regularly text and skype or call at least every other day.

 

We had a conversation where flowers briefly became a topic and I found out which kind she likes.

 

If I do give her flowers she won't be expecting them at all.

 

I don't really want to give her a full bouquet and am wondering if it would be OK to get her one or somewhere between three and five.

 

Also I'm not sure about the proper treatment of flowers. There is a chance that next time we see each other she will stay the night at my place, so would I have to get a vase for them? Or just stick them in some container that can hold water if they need to be kept in water at all?

 

Does it seem like a good idea to surprise her or should I not bother?

 

Anything would be fine IMO. My suggestion would be a simple bouquet of a few flowers, not too elaborate.

 

Edit: Whoops, just realized you already know her favourite flower. Go for it then

Edited June 18, 2013 by Elswyth

[Eternal Sunshine]

Okay I actually have a question.

 

I have not read every page so forgive me in advance if it has been answered already.

 

Now this may just be my personal experience but everytime I turn a girl down for sex for whatever reason, that's the end. I get no more chances.

 

I don't mean I say something like "I don't want to have sex because you smell today."

 

I mean I'll get a text at 2 am from some horny girl inviting me over, but for one reason or another, I'm forced to decline. Usually I have an early day the next day and need to get sleep or I pigged out that day and feel bloated and ugly and not sexual at all--whatever the case may be.

 

I say "oh baby I wish I could but ______, so we'll meet up another time. Cool?"

 

And they'll say "lol...alright cool"

 

That's usually the end.

 

I've never closed a window of opportunity and had it opened again.

 

Once a girl closes that sex window, it stays shut.

 

Whereas for me; anything short of slashing my tires will keep my window open. Even then, if you apologize nicely for slashing them, I might still bang ya.

 

Why do women close the window after one rejection? A reasonable rejection I might add.

 

 

Because women take any rejection, especially sexual rejection much worse than men. They would only consider you after-rejection if they were crazy into you.

[therhythm]

Okay I actually have a question.

 

I have not read every page so forgive me in advance if it has been answered already.

 

Now this may just be my personal experience but everytime I turn a girl down for sex for whatever reason, that's the end. I get no more chances.

 

I don't mean I say something like "I don't want to have sex because you smell today."

 

I mean I'll get a text at 2 am from some horny girl inviting me over, but for one reason or another, I'm forced to decline. Usually I have an early day the next day and need to get sleep or I pigged out that day and feel bloated and ugly and not sexual at all--whatever the case may be.

 

I say "oh baby I wish I could but ______, so we'll meet up another time. Cool?"

 

And they'll say "lol...alright cool"

 

That's usually the end.

 

I've never closed a window of opportunity and had it opened again.

 

Once a girl closes that sex window, it stays shut.

 

Whereas for me; anything short of slashing my tires will keep my window open. Even then, if you apologize nicely for slashing them, I might still bang ya.

 

Why do women close the window after one rejection? A reasonable rejection I might add.

 

This is so off from my personal experience

 

I would even say as much as I reject a woman as more they get into me... I even have wondered if some women understand the word "no" properly...

 

It is not that I turn down sex very often but when I do it I honestly never had a problem getting it in a later moment if I wanted to...

[MrCastle]

This is so off from my personal experience

 

I would even say as much as I reject a woman as more they get into me... I even have wondered if some women understand the word "no" properly...

 

It is not that I turn down sex very often but when I do it I honestly never had a problem getting it in a later moment if I wanted to...

 

Yeah I don't get it. Maybe just bad luck on my part.

 

Or maybe they think "wtf I thought guys would have sex under any circumstances, how could he turn it down?"

 

Will have to keep the female responses in mind for next time. As well as bang the next time I'm given a chance and not rain check it.

 

Thanks for the answers ladies.

 

Okay I have another one.

 

Why is being indifferent so effective? At least in short term dating (have no clue about relationships).

 

I mentioned this in another thread; but when I'm "cool", or present a take it or leave it attitude--it gets me further than if I say something like: "I really like you. I think we have good chemistry."

 

When I'm apathetic, that seems to be when I have the most success.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Yeah I don't get it. Maybe just bad luck on my part.

 

Or maybe they think "wtf I thought guys would have sex under any circumstances, how could he turn it down?"

 

Will have to keep the female responses in mind for next time. As well as bang the next time I'm given a chance and not rain check it.

 

Thanks for the answers ladies.

 

Okay I have another one.

 

Why is being indifferent so effective? At least in short term dating (have no clue about relationships).

 

I mentioned this in another thread; but when I'm "cool", or present a take it or leave it attitude--it gets me further than if I say something like: "I really like you. I think we have good chemistry."

 

When I'm apathetic, that seems to be when I have the most success.

 

I can't answer that one as it's not really true in my case

[will1988]

Okay I actually have a question.

 

I have not read every page so forgive me in advance if it has been answered already.

 

Now this may just be my personal experience but everytime I turn a girl down for sex for whatever reason, that's the end. I get no more chances.

 

I don't mean I say something like "I don't want to have sex because you smell today."

 

I mean I'll get a text at 2 am from some horny girl inviting me over, but for one reason or another, I'm forced to decline. Usually I have an early day the next day and need to get sleep or I pigged out that day and feel bloated and ugly and not sexual at all--whatever the case may be.

 

I say "oh baby I wish I could but ______, so we'll meet up another time. Cool?"

 

And they'll say "lol...alright cool"

 

That's usually the end.

 

I've never closed a window of opportunity and had it opened again.

 

Once a girl closes that sex window, it stays shut.

 

Whereas for me; anything short of slashing my tires will keep my window open. Even then, if you apologize nicely for slashing them, I might still bang ya.

 

Why do women close the window after one rejection? A reasonable rejection I might add.

 

This has also happened to me. I had a kind of FWB situation when I was still technically a virgin... she said we could go all the way but I'd have to go down on her. I was like Awesome... never done this before, seen it alot in porn. Well she smelled like low tide on a hot august day! I politely turned her down. That was the end of the FWB situation. I do like to do dive, but not when it is low tide nor crimson tide. lol

[hppr]

I mentioned this in another thread; but when I'm "cool", or present a take it or leave it attitude--it gets me further than if I say something like: "I really like you. I think we have good chemistry."

 

Yeah as a guy I see that and experience it all the time.

 

Personally I think those women have self-esteem issues, they need tons of validation and chasing and winning an aloof, "I have options I don't need you" type of guy is a way of patting themselves on the back.

[EasyHeart]

Would you help me understand something from your point of view? I just started on line dating..literally today... I put up my picture, I'm pretty..not big boobs super model, and I'm 47, but still..I put a witty profile and a nice picture taken TODAY..got like 10 e mails right away...lots of compliments "hey your profile is great, your pretty", blah blah blah etc... so I checked out some of the guys profiles and they seemed cool, I answered back, yes I would like to chat or meet or whatever in response to the way they stated it then BOOM...no more messages from those guys, why would that happen? I'm not desperate, just looking for people to go out with. I literally just agreed to communicate in the way that they requested and they went cold...that was 3 different guys..what do you think?

I've never OLDed, so I'm not a good person to answer this question. OLD seems to have its own culture, and I don't pretend to understand it!

[MrCastle]

You are better prey than you are a predator.

 

Me specifically? Or people in general?

[Charlie Harper]

After reading how the OP is Id say this: She is the kind of girl I attract like a magnet.

[charlietheginger]

This has also happened to me. I had a kind of FWB situation when I was still technically a virgin... she said we could go all the way but I'd have to go down on her. I was like Awesome... never done this before, seen it alot in porn. Well she smelled like low tide on a hot august day! I politely turned her down. That was the end of the FWB situation. I do like to do dive, but not when it is low tide nor crimson tide. lol

 

I met a guy that's gay . I have a female friend thats friends

With him. we joked if he had ever been with a female.

He said yes when he was 16 . His words were like this.

" omg she dropped her panties and i swear it smelled like

A dirty trash can the entire room stunk "he said he told

Her i can't do this grabbed his clothes and ran

 

We told him not all women stink. So my female friend

Bent over pulled down her bottom shoved her poo swa in

His face . He damn near ran screaming outta the room.

 

What ever happened to him at age 16 trumatized him

Really bad.

[MrCastle]

I met a guy that's gay . I have a female friend thats friends

With him. we joked if he had ever been with a female.

He said yes when he was 16 . His words were like this.

" omg she dropped her panties and i swear it smelled like

A dirty trash can the entire room stunk "he said he told

Her i can't do this grabbed his clothes and ran

 

We told him not all women stink. So my female friend

Bent over pulled down her bottom shoved her poo swa in

His face . He damn near ran screaming outta the room.

 

What ever happened to him at age 16 trumatized him

Really bad.

 

 

Girls smell sometimes. It is what it is.

 

I can't think of one that was absolutely terrible, but I've heard some tales.

 

I always thought women did a smell test before having sex. If they don't, they should.

[jma500]

Perhaps she's not attracted to the sort of man who doesn't ask her out because he is 'afraid' he can't keep up with her? I know I'm not. Any man who believes he has nothing to offer me, who FEARS asking me out for a simple cup of coffee, who is crippled by the thought of rejection to the point where he'd rather be alone than face it....is NO man I'd EVER be physically or mentally attracted too.

 

compassion isn't your strong suit is it? Any other male flaws you would like to point out? We can't all be dream guys. We know it and we don't bother trying. No point to it.

 

I'm not afraid to approach a man. I just know in my heart that I couldn't be attracted to the sort of man who would NEED to be approached. I'm sorry, but I like men with balls. *shrugs

 

 

 

How many men complain that all women are 'gold diggers' and are only interested in them for their money? Even if you had a ton of money and suddenly gained interest from lots of women, you'd resent them for only being interested in your bank account as opposed to yourself as a whole.

 

The only one that is holding you back, sir, is you.

 

if women didn't like him when he was broke but suddenly he got a ton of money and then women became interested, what do you think the reasonable conclusion would be? Pretty simple deduction really. While I wouldn't resent them I certainly would distrust them and their motives. I'd be foolish not to.

Edited June 19, 2013 by jma500