Ripnet Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 This is the wisest statement of the whole thread... people try to generalize about guys do that or girls do this... but the fact is that we are all individuals and so should we be measured and judged... "Women/men do that" statements are simplistic and stupid as is telling that you know what around 3 billion of people do or how they would react to a similar situation... Whatever you experience over and over again will appear most real to you. We all do this believe it or not. People generalize when they are in great pain.
Ripnet Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I unknowingly did this a few times. The men were not honest about their intentions and mislead me immensely. As soon as I realized the reality didn't match up to what they were acting like, I got upset and stopped having contact with them. Now, as a big girl, I make sure the conversation goes there right away. If I feel they aren't genuine either way, or their actions don't match their words, I get out of the situation. So instead of fixing the problem you would just like to get away from it. The problem is that you take with you. Perhaps they change their mind or didn't know what they want. You won't know for sure unless you talk about it.
StanMusial Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Who really cares why women do what they do? It's not like knowing will make a difference. Female prerogative, cope or bail. 1
Els Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Actually, they do approach and chase. Oh, I'm sure that many do, especially in more mature demographics. My most recent opportunity to observe the dynamics between a large number of men and women was in college, though, which seems to have a bit of a mob mentality going on. The few 'popular' guys were literally swamped with girls, so most of them took the easy way out of just picking one, instead of putting in the work to chase. I have no qualms that desirable men absolutely do chase, having experienced such. Definitions of desirable might differ, though.
TheGuard13 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Am I skinny enough? Pretty enough? Assertive enough to have a great career but feminine enough to attract a partner? How do my male work superiors view me--is my success based on sexual appeal, merit, or both? Should I try to use subtle sex appeal to get ahead in work or is that wrong? Will I lose out on career opportunities if I don't act like a man at work? When I want to have kids, how on earth will I balance having a great career with being a great mom? How will I manage my husband's expectations? Will I regret staying home with my kids if I quit my job? Will I regret NOT staying home with my kids if I stay in my job? Will I be wasting my degree if I don't stay in my job? The bolded part is, to me, the thing I think about most at this point. It is a CONSTANT struggle. Compare that to how I think (probably wrongly) a man's struggles compare: Make money. Have a good career. Stay in shape. You can't be serious. You honestly don't think that men have to worry about more than this, or at least the male version of some of your concerns? Anyway, couple questions for the ladies. Do you understand that in your attempt to not hurt someone’s feelings, you often do them a serious disservice, hurt their feelings and confuse them? While I don't think this is true across the board, tell me about emotions, and the way you experience them. If you are acting "irrationally" or "emotionally", for instance, during an argument, do you sometimes/often know you’re doing it? And if so, why continue to do it? 1
xxoo Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 While I don't think this is true across the board, tell me about emotions, and the way you experience them. If you are acting "irrationally" or "emotionally", for instance, during an argument, do you sometimes/often know you’re doing it? And if so, why continue to do it? Sometimes emotions run ahead of reason. It can take me some time to understand why I got so upset about something--the real reason. In the moment, I'm just upset! Believe me, if I could turn off those emotions, I would Feels awful! 1
Els Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 While I don't think this is true across the board, tell me about emotions, and the way you experience them. If you are acting "irrationally" or "emotionally", for instance, during an argument, do you sometimes/often know you’re doing it? And if so, why continue to do it? As contradictory as it sounds, logic (in the form of human-interaction logic, not mathematical-proof logic) can be subjective. Ever seen an argument where both parties think they are being the logical one and the person they are arguing with isn't? Happens on LS all the time. Oftentimes people genuinely believe they're not being unreasonable, until they've had time to cool down from their emotions and really think about it. Both men and women. 2
charlietheginger Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Exactly. As I said, it's insanity. Many, many women, even if it's only subconsciously, want the fairy tale. We want the guy who isn't so pushy in the beginning that they make us wonder if they're a stalker, who gradually wants more, and eventually wants to marry us and/or spend the rest of their lives with us. But what I was getting at is this: we want a guy to *want* those things. We don't want to have to drop hints about a ring if we want a proposal after having lived with someone for several years -- we want them to propose because ... oh, shocker here... they WANT to marry us! And anyone who actually wants a wedding or a declaration of "I love you" that didn't come from the heart, that wasn't equally felt by the other person, is pretty darn farked up! most good looking men stay unmarried as long as possible. Look around the grocery store or mall. Most married Men have bellies look dumpy and not attractive... Good looking guys have no reason to get married. Only when they start balding losing looks do They wanna settle down... Good looking people rarely marry each other. Its usually like this Ugly guy marries ugly girl Ugly guy with money marries who he wants Ugly girl marries hot guy becuase he likes drama free women Hot guy bangs what ever can untill his hair falls out And he looses his looks Hot girl marries ugly guy becuase no hot guy wants to Settle down
therhythm Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 (edited) Welcome to the internet. What matters is how you use information. Obviously, whenever we say "Men do this . . . " or "Women do this. . ." we mean "I do this. . . " or "My Ex did that. . ." For me, I find it interesting to discuss gender difference here because it provides me with a huge set of data points that I would never get in real life and perspectives from people of different ages, backgrounds, cultures, experiences, etc. that would be impossible to duplicate in real life. I can then add that information to my own experiences and learn things. Unfortunately, I think there are some people here (esp. some men) who are unsuccessful in romantic relationships and come here looking for the secret algorithm that will make them successful with women. There isn't any such thing. Especially if you don't want to listen to any advice that makes you uncomfortable or that requires you to make difficult changes in your behavior. Some people seem to think that if they just argue with any advice they don't like, the advice will change or be invalidated somehow. That's not how it works. The internet wasn't around when I was in my teens and twenties. It wasn't until I was in my 30s that I realized that if I wanted to learn about women, I needed to ask women and not my idiot male friends who were giving my crappy advice. It's depressing to think about how much better my life would have been if I had LoveShack when I was a 25 year old idiot. This place can be an incredible resource for people who have problems with dating --- so long as they're willing to step out of their comfort zone and listen.... I agree with you if you don't get that advise out of context. The thing is that people here walk over a fine line with their relationships and you can see how often people give advise like "dump her" or "drop him like yesterday newspaper"... it is easy to give that kind of advises when you have not invested anything in a relationship... and very dangerous for the person who actually may take your advise and break her/his relationship based on what some random guys in the internet have to say... I think advise and knowledge in this site is great and is good to take as extra information given here in the analysis of your relationship... but always with the knowledge that you are the only one who knows exactly what is the status of your current relationship/dating.. Edited June 17, 2013 by therhythm
Author eastcoastgirl88 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 You can't be serious. You honestly don't think that men have to worry about more than this, or at least the male version of some of your concerns? Anyway, couple questions for the ladies. Do you understand that in your attempt to not hurt someone’s feelings, you often do them a serious disservice, hurt their feelings and confuse them? While I don't think this is true across the board, tell me about emotions, and the way you experience them. If you are acting "irrationally" or "emotionally", for instance, during an argument, do you sometimes/often know you’re doing it? And if so, why continue to do it? I think men are worse than women when it comes to using avoidance as a way to "save" a woman's feelings. How many guys have pulled the "disappearing act" or "ghosted" a girl? I realize women do this too and therefore I think both genders do it because human beings, for the most part, do not like confrontations. And no, I don't no if I'm acting irrationally. Why would I continue to be irrational if I KNEW I was being irrational? As for emotional...women are emotional, period. That's just the way it is. I try my best to be logical but sometimes I can't help it. Whenever you are getting fed up with a woman's "emotions," just remember that is the same trait that makes her a great nurturer, empathetic, caring, etc.
Author eastcoastgirl88 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 Oh, and to answer a question a few pages back about why women demand equality and then get mad if the guy doesn't pick up the check... Again, I see no point in sugar-coating so I'm just going to be as honest as I possibly can regarding my feelings on this topic... I view my work life and romantic life completely separately. I expect to be treated as an equal in the workplace. This isn't up for debate. When I'm going on a date I expect the man to pay because that's part of his duty as a man, that's the way I was raised, that's my cultural norm, that's how I believe biology works...I could go on and on. For me it's like asking, "Why do people sleep at night instead of during the day?" I don't know. They just DO! I like feeling taken care of on a first date. I like assuming the traditional role of the woman. I like wearing a dress. I like smelling nice. I think one person treating the other (whomever asked the person out) makes the entire experience special and elevates it from two friends hanging out. Growing up my dad was the provider. This is just what I saw and how I understood men should act. He always taught me not to settle for a "loser" who would refuse to pick up the bill. Hope that explains it. 1
Els Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 For me it's like asking, "Why do people sleep at night instead of during the day?" I don't know. They just DO! Actually, many of us prefer to sleep during the day, and only sleep at night when societal schedules absolutely require us to. I'm sure the same goes for some men and paying. 3
Author eastcoastgirl88 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 Actually, many of us prefer to sleep during the day, and only sleep at night when societal schedules absolutely require us to. I'm sure the same goes for some men and paying. That's why I prefaced my post with "For me"... I am curious what happens when you go out with a girl and the bill comes. How do you suggest you both pay? Do you make it clear before you make plans that you'll be going dutch? At the table? Has it ever been awkward?
Els Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 That's why I prefaced my post with "For me"... I am curious what happens when you go out with a girl and the bill comes. How do you suggest you both pay? Do you make it clear before you make plans that you'll be going dutch? At the table? Has it ever been awkward? I'm a girl, and unfortunately quite heterosexual. In my experience, though, despite coming from a culture in which many really do expect the man to pay, the girl still prepares to pay for herself until and unless the guy insists otherwise. So if a guy desires to go dutch, he simply pays for his part. All the guys I've encountered seem to genuinely desire to pay despite my lack of expectation, so I can't answer you there. I have no issues with personal preferences for treating/dutch. I just found the 'sleeping' analogy to be a curiously amusing one, and quite apt - I don't feel things should be 'just the way they are', but rather individuals should be encouraged to make their own choices. 1
will1988 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 1. Why do women like to nit pick on every thing? 2. My fiance will remember something trivial and slightly offensive that I may have said 4 years ago in the heat of an argument, something I don't even remember saying... yet she will bring these things up in present day arugments (haven't had any in months though, thank god). Why do women do this if it has no relavince to what we are arguing about? 3. Why do women believe men are psychic and know what they are feeling, thinking etc... at all times? 1
MrCastle Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I admire your honesty in terms of having the man pay and whatnot. I've always said when it comes to rights, voting, salaries, etc, we should be equal, but when it comes to relationships, we are far from it and should be treated as such. I've always used the example of the man being the protector. If my wife is a 12th degree black belt in karate, and I'm just regular me; and we hear a noise downstairs at 3am. Who's responsibility is it to go check the noise out? Even though she is capable of fighting, I would look like a major pussy handing her a bat and telling her to go downstairs. It would be my job to check it out. Same with teaching your son how to throw a football. Yes women can throw footballs. But who's job should it be to teach him sports, teach him how to fix things, etc. So, I don't mind being the stereotypical man, as long as she's willing to play the role of the woman. What I've found in recent experience is, women want the guy to live up to his classic roles (provider, protector, manly man, etc) while neglecting their own expectations (nurturer, etc etc). You can't have it both ways. If I'm gonna be the one that has to provide financially, clean the gutters, go downstairs with a bat, don't get offended when I come home from work and say "so what's for dinner?" 2
Els Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 1. Why do women like to nit pick on every thing? 2. My fiance will remember something trivial and slightly offensive that I may have said 4 years ago in the heat of an argument, something I don't even remember saying... yet she will bring these things up in present day arugments (haven't had any in months though, thank god). Why do women do this if it has no relavince to what we are arguing about? 3. Why do women believe men are psychic and know what they are feeling, thinking etc... at all times? You really need to ask your fiance that, because I'm a woman and I haven't a clue. 1
therhythm Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I'm a girl, and unfortunately quite heterosexual. In my experience, though, despite coming from a culture in which many really do expect the man to pay, the girl still prepares to pay for herself until and unless the guy insists otherwise. So if a guy desires to go dutch, he simply pays for his part. All the guys I've encountered seem to genuinely desire to pay despite my lack of expectation, so I can't answer you there. I have no issues with personal preferences for treating/dutch. I just found the 'sleeping' analogy to be a curiously amusing one, and quite apt - I don't feel things should be 'just the way they are', but rather individuals should be encouraged to make their own choices. I am Dutch... so going dutch is quite natural on me I don't really mind to pay for the first date but here in The Netherlands women often want to pay their part or even pay for the whole thing themselves... I guess I live in the paradise :bunny: 1
Author eastcoastgirl88 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 I admire your honesty in terms of having the man pay and whatnot. I've always said when it comes to rights, voting, salaries, etc, we should be equal, but when it comes to relationships, we are far from it and should be treated as such. I've always used the example of the man being the protector. If my wife is a 12th degree black belt in karate, and I'm just regular me; and we hear a noise downstairs at 3am. Who's responsibility is it to go check the noise out? Even though she is capable of fighting, I would look like a major pussy handing her a bat and telling her to go downstairs. It would be my job to check it out. Same with teaching your son how to throw a football. Yes women can throw footballs. But who's job should it be to teach him sports, teach him how to fix things, etc. So, I don't mind being the stereotypical man, as long as she's willing to play the role of the woman. What I've found in recent experience is, women want the guy to live up to his classic roles (provider, protector, manly man, etc) while neglecting their own expectations (nurturer, etc etc). You can't have it both ways. If I'm gonna be the one that has to provide financially, clean the gutters, go downstairs with a bat, don't get offended when I come home from work and say "so what's for dinner?" And I am more than happy to play the traditional female role! As for why women bring things up that happened in the past, A) I have a hard time you (the man) don't remember angering me. I hate when guys play dumb to avoid "getting in trouble." And B) I would never bring something up from the past unless I felt the issue was never truly resolved. If the issue is truly over I would never have remembered it. 1
will1988 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 You really need to ask your fiance that, because I'm a woman and I haven't a clue. It boggels the mind. I'm literally a genius when it comes to history. I can remember names, dates, places, events, stats, quotes etc... and retain that information for years. However, my fiance can remember every little thing i say in the heat of the moment for years. I thought this was a natural female ability!
Els Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I am Dutch... so going dutch is quite natural on me I don't really mind to pay for the first date but here in The Netherlands women often want to pay their part or even pay for the whole thing themselves... I guess I live in the paradise :bunny: :lmao: I was wondering where the phrase came from! Re: masculine and feminine roles, meh, IMO people should just do nice things for their partner, in the context of their own relationship (ie do what matters to your partner). Most of us don't fit neatly into boxes and really shouldn't. Some of the things the bf does for me are 'traditionally masculine' and some aren't, and the same goes for me. Not everyone desires the same things - the point is to do whatever works for you. 1
Els Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 It boggels the mind. I'm literally a genius when it comes to history. I can remember names, dates, places, events, stats, quotes etc... and retain that information for years. However, my fiance can remember every little thing i say in the heat of the moment for years. I thought this was a natural female ability! Remembering is one thing: bringing it up 4 years later is quite different! 1
MrCastle Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 :lmao: I was wondering where the phrase came from! Re: masculine and feminine roles, meh, IMO people should just do nice things for their partner, in the context of their own relationship (ie do what matters to your partner). Most of us don't fit neatly into boxes and really shouldn't. Some of the things the bf does for me are 'traditionally masculine' and some aren't, and the same goes for me. Not everyone desires the same things - the point is to do whatever works for you. I agree. I can go either way. My personality is such that I blur gender lines all the time. For example, I cook, AND I can bake. So I don't mind doing either...BUT If I'm dating a woman who demands I live up to my classic stereotypes, she should be ready to live up to hers. 1
ThaWholigan Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Why do you like guys butts? I have asked before, but it still baffles me . (rhetorical, I do remember the answer) 2
MrCastle Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Why do you like guys butts? I have asked before, but it still baffles me . (rhetorical, I do remember the answer) Post this in the dude's version of this thread if you want to read a 5,000 word thesis on why I like ass and why it's superior to boobs
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