therhythm Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Ok, I am going to ask one of the two questions that bugs me about women behavior... I hope any of you can enlighten me. Why some women have always a hidden agenda? I have got in some FWB agreements with women who had the hidden agenda of getting me into a relationship from the beginning... why? I have told them from the beginning I wasn't into them, why would they think things will change? Just because the had sex with me? (please be aware that I have said some, I am not generalizing about all women behavior but about some women behavior) 1
KatZee Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I don't need to hear your justification. If it were the next time and I were the guy, here's what I would want you to do. Give dinner about 15 minutes, don't order anything, and just say, "You know. You're just not my type. Do you want to go on or not?" It's not really fair for you to lead him through the whole date being standoffish while he tries like an idiot to win you over. Us guys all know it's about looks. The other thing you are doing is teaching him a valuable lesson. And I don't need to feel like I need to justify myself to you. We had MOVIE tickets. You don't go into a movie and walk out 15 minutes later, sorry. I have tact. I also don't need you telling me what I "need" to do. I haven't had one person ever call me out for being an a.sshole.
KatZee Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 But I think you could be very blunt with unattractive men. I know it's tricky. You don't OWE it to them per se, but it would be nice. Like maybe just be completely standoffish the whole first part of the date (dinner), and if he doesn't get it, go home after that. I think it's a nice thing to do. I don't lead in attractive men on. The date I went on, I didn't even get in his personal space. My body language was actually that of someone completely not interested. I didn't flirt, we talked, did the dinner/movie combo and I told him straight thereafter that I didn't see it working.
Pompeii Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Honestly? Because I've never, ever had to. Not once. And why are a lot of you guys so bitter about the natural order of things? Men have persued women since the dawn of time. I don't care what year or century it is and that lame, overused 'equality' argument (always used here by whining men who think women should take over the heavy lifting) doesn't CHANGE what's been biologically built into us. Suck it up, buttercup. That still doesn't transcend the fact that most women in this era want to have their cake and eat it too. 1
Pompeii Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Most intelligent and stereotypically handsome guys I know don't do much chasing, either. Intelligence is irrelevant to attraction. Men who are aesthetic don't need to approach.
tbf Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Most intelligent and stereotypically handsome guys I know don't do much chasing, either. Actually, they do approach and chase. 1
therhythm Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Just honest. Yes, that's absolutely right. I'll go eve farther and say that for me at least, when a woman is all over me it's a big turnoff. It's an instinctive thing, so I've never really thought about why that is, but it's probably because I subconsciously think there must be something wrong with her that I can't see yet, so I'd better not waste my time. I don't have any problem with women asking me out, but the reality is that women who ask me out are almost always women I don't want to go out with --- for the simple reason that if I was interested, I would have asked her out myself! At the risk of getting called immodest as well I am going to say that I have approached women only when the one I was really interested in did not approach me first (not often to be honest) I unlike the quoted like it when women approach me, it boost my ego every time and I have a big one I think it all depends on the way a woman approach you... some are sexy and insinuating and others are just desperate.... the second ones will get as much as FWB if something .... 1
Ripnet Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Why do so many men insist they want a traditional woman....but hate gold diggers or woman who value a man based on the size of his paycheck? Men wouldn't have this problem if women didn't work or just divorce because she got bored. Traditionally people didn't easily divorce. 1
hudson701 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Honestly? Because I've never, ever had to. Not once. And why are a lot of you guys so bitter about the natural order of things? Men have persued women since the dawn of time. I don't care what year or century it is and that lame, overused 'equality' argument (always used here by whining men who think women should take over the heavy lifting) doesn't CHANGE what's been biologically built into us. Suck it up, buttercup. Ah bless good for you. It must be nice to have your ego stroked everyday. So, if this 'equality' argument is so 'lame', then I guess women have no right to complain in regard to, say, men being paid and respected more in the workplace, or, never being branded a 'slut' when playing the field etc.... It's how it's always been, and how it always will be. 1
tbf Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I feel like I should make a male version of this.Please do. This would be interesting. 1
KungFuJoe Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Why is it such a big deal on who approaches who? I mean, I understand the "stereotype" that men do the chasing and women sit around with chastity locks around their vaginas waiting for Prince Charming to show up with the key, but jeez...are we that naive? 5
sweetkiwi Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Simple one from me: Why do intelligent, pretty women NEVER ask men out? Why is that male's must always chase, and women subconsciously know this, and use it to their advantage? Mmmmm, here I am, and yes I do. 3
Lorelai Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I can't read minds. I wouldn't be able to satisfy you. Exactly. As I said, it's insanity. Many, many women, even if it's only subconsciously, want the fairy tale. We want the guy who isn't so pushy in the beginning that they make us wonder if they're a stalker, who gradually wants more, and eventually wants to marry us and/or spend the rest of their lives with us. But what I was getting at is this: we want a guy to *want* those things. We don't want to have to drop hints about a ring if we want a proposal after having lived with someone for several years -- we want them to propose because ... oh, shocker here... they WANT to marry us! And anyone who actually wants a wedding or a declaration of "I love you" that didn't come from the heart, that wasn't equally felt by the other person, is pretty darn farked up!
sweetkiwi Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Ok, I am going to ask one of the two questions that bugs me about women behavior... I hope any of you can enlighten me. Why some women have always a hidden agenda? I have got in some FWB agreements with women who had the hidden agenda of getting me into a relationship from the beginning... why? I have told them from the beginning I wasn't into them, why would they think things will change? Just because the had sex with me? (please be aware that I have said some, I am not generalizing about all women behavior but about some women behavior) I unknowingly did this a few times. The men were not honest about their intentions and mislead me immensely. As soon as I realized the reality didn't match up to what they were acting like, I got upset and stopped having contact with them. Now, as a big girl, I make sure the conversation goes there right away. If I feel they aren't genuine either way, or their actions don't match their words, I get out of the situation. 2
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I think men on here need to stop complaining so much. You guys generalizing just come off as whiners who rather than man up and take a chance, would rather sit back and blame the ladies for your dating woes. Want to hear something crazy? Women DO approach. I love approaching, I'm successful at it to. Why? Because I have fun with it, I can tell you many time I have cold approached at a bar or bookstore and they ended up having a girlfriend. One guy I flirted with for a full five minutes. Walked up to him and introduced myself, and trust me, he was probably way out of my league. But I did it, and we had a fun conversation! When I asked for his number and he told me he was taken I told him that she was a lucky lady and that I hope he enjoyed his night out with the guys. It was a great experience, I was at the bar alone that night and he ended up inviting me to sit with his buddies. People need to start having more fun, the second you learn to enjoy being alone and being you, the better dating will get. Because you stop caring of they are taken, or if the first date doesn't work, or of even after 3 dates it doesn't work. Desperation is a downfall. Take chances, meet new people, work on getting out of your heads and out of your shell.
therhythm Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I unknowingly did this a few times. The men were not honest about their intentions and mislead me immensely. As soon as I realized the reality didn't match up to what they were acting like, I got upset and stopped having contact with them. Now, as a big girl, I make sure the conversation goes there right away. If I feel they aren't genuine either way, or their actions don't match their words, I get out of the situation. I understand that you got upset if they leaded you to believe there were any hope for you in a future together... but to defend my case, I was totally honest with those women and I kept repeating them time after time that I was only interested in their friendship and having some fun together... they still found clues from my behavior (or so did they say) to think that it could be more ... :confused: I felt cheated every time this happened and it happened a lot... I can't understand why someone can find hope for a relationship in facts like "because you stayed and slept with me the whole night in stead of leaving after having sex" or similar things when I have clearly said I was NOT interested in a relationship at all... 1
sweetkiwi Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Ah bless good for you. It must be nice to have your ego stroked everyday. So, if this 'equality' argument is so 'lame', then I guess women have no right to complain in regard to, say, men being paid and respected more in the workplace, or, never being branded a 'slut' when playing the field etc.... It's how it's always been, and how it always will be. This certainly isn't my reality. I don't need to approach either, but I do with the type of men I like. Usually the nerdy, sweet, quiet types who are intimidated by women like me. If I waited for them to come up to me I'd never have any fun . I get approached by these guys on OLD because many assume I must be worse looking () in person. And there's a certain safety in online correspondences. There's no problem with people who prefer typical gender roles, absolute equality, or anything in between. I don't align myself with any of those camps. I approach, I cook, I love sex, and I can pop out healthy babies (one day...). I am an individual. 2
sweetkiwi Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I understand that you got upset if they leaded you to believe there were any hope for you in a future together... but to defend my case, I was totally honest with those women and I kept repeating them time after time that I was only interested in their friendship and having some fun together... they still found clues from my behavior (or so did they say) to think that it could be more ... :confused: I felt cheated every time this happened and it happened a lot... I can't understand why someone can find hope for a relationship in facts like "because you stayed and slept with me the whole night in stead of leaving after having sex" or similar things when I have clearly said I was NOT interested in a relationship at all... Ahhh, they were hoping against hope that you would feel, or did feel, differently. They blinded themselves, as have I. You appear to be the type of man that is honest, so I believe you were upfront. That still doesn't change the fact that they saw what they wanted. Reality is quite fluid that way . Some leave trails of broken hearts wherever they go. And the kind ones have their heart broken a little each time too. You cannot change how people choose to see certain situations, but if you notice the pattern emerge I would get out ASAP because you already know what comes next. 1
therhythm Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I am an individual. This is the wisest statement of the whole thread... people try to generalize about guys do that or girls do this... but the fact is that we are all individuals and so should we be measured and judged... "Women/men do that" statements are simplistic and stupid as is telling that you know what around 3 billion of people do or how they would react to a similar situation... 3
Imajerk17 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 (edited) OK, one more question for the women: I do OLD and I see a lot of profiles of women where they have pictures of them getting palsy-walsy with other guys (their ex? Close male friends?). WHY do so many women do this?? The only thing I can think of is that many women (subconsciously or consciously) buy on the approval of other women ("if other women like him he must be worth getting to know") so perhaps these women are assuming we are buying on the approval of other men. Thing is though, the last thing we want to think about when it comes to a girl we are dating is having too much fun with her guy friends, especially when alcohol is involved! Keep those pics out. Edited June 16, 2013 by Imajerk17 1
Star Gazer Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 This is the wisest statement of the whole thread... people try to generalize about guys do that or girls do this... but the fact is that we are all individuals and so should we be measured and judged... "Women/men do that" statements are simplistic and stupid as is telling that you know what around 3 billion of people do or how they would react to a similar situation... Amen!
EasyHeart Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 There's a huge difference between approaching and pursuing. What we were talking about a few pages back was women who pursue men and ask them out. Obviously, there's nothing unusual about women smiling or saying "Hi" or otherwise initiating some interaction. And it's not uncommon for women to "hint" that they want to go out with you by saying things like "We should get together sometime." That kind of stuff is so common that it doesn't merit any kind of discussion. (If smiling and saying "Hi" to someone is considered pursuing, then I pursue at least a dozen women a day -- and twice as many men. And I'm positively stalking the post-op transsexual who works at my neighborhood grocery store). What's unusual is when a woman actually asks a man out directly or pursues a man (eg, calls him before he calls her, makes followup dates before the man does). Those kinds of things don't happen very much, at least in my peer group. Nature doesn't seem to have much problem connecting assertive men with receptive women. The problem for a lot of the people around here is that we have to figure out a way to connect the assertive women with the guys who won't approach a woman or ask her out. How do we do that??? 2
Ripnet Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I think men on here need to stop complaining so much. You guys generalizing just come off as whiners who rather than man up and take a chance, would rather sit back and blame the ladies for your dating woes. If men don't speak up then who will listen? You know one time I dated this lady and she was hurting me, I didn't like what she was saying. When I tried to bring it up she refused to listen. Eventually I "man up" and walked away. With the women I have encountered they had poor communication, especially in listening skills.
sweetkiwi Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 If men don't speak up then who will listen? You know one time I dated this lady and she was hurting me, I didn't like what she was saying. When I tried to bring it up she refused to listen. Eventually I "man up" and walked away. With the women I have encountered they had poor communication, especially in listening skills. Sorry, I stopped paying attention after "men"... 2
EasyHeart Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 This is the wisest statement of the whole thread... people try to generalize about guys do that or girls do this... but the fact is that we are all individuals and so should we be measured and judged... "Women/men do that" statements are simplistic and stupid as is telling that you know what around 3 billion of people do or how they would react to a similar situation...Welcome to the internet. What matters is how you use information. Obviously, whenever we say "Men do this . . . " or "Women do this. . ." we mean "I do this. . . " or "My Ex did that. . ." For me, I find it interesting to discuss gender difference here because it provides me with a huge set of data points that I would never get in real life and perspectives from people of different ages, backgrounds, cultures, experiences, etc. that would be impossible to duplicate in real life. I can then add that information to my own experiences and learn things. Unfortunately, I think there are some people here (esp. some men) who are unsuccessful in romantic relationships and come here looking for the secret algorithm that will make them successful with women. There isn't any such thing. Especially if you don't want to listen to any advice that makes you uncomfortable or that requires you to make difficult changes in your behavior. Some people seem to think that if they just argue with any advice they don't like, the advice will change or be invalidated somehow. That's not how it works. The internet wasn't around when I was in my teens and twenties. It wasn't until I was in my 30s that I realized that if I wanted to learn about women, I needed to ask women and not my idiot male friends who were giving my crappy advice. It's depressing to think about how much better my life would have been if I had LoveShack when I was a 25 year old idiot. This place can be an incredible resource for people who have problems with dating --- so long as they're willing to step out of their comfort zone and listen.... 1
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