xxoo Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 No, I think you missed the point there. My ex girlfriends (who were deeply in love with me) all confessed that they never would have made the first move before I asked them out. Reason? To save face/the embarrassment of possible rejection, something men have to deal with everyday of their lives. I think it's quite sad that my ex's were prepared to perhaps miss out on something very special just to save face. My last girlfriend in particular was gorgeous and never would have asked me out, as 'girls just don't do that'. For me it would be nice to be approached by a woman if only to validate my feelings that she's actually interested. Instead, I'm always questioning a girl's interest, even when they become my SO. They were deeply in love before you started dating? Speaking for myself, the man pursuing is part of what creates those in love feelings. I've never felt that strongly about a man who showed no interest in me. But ime, asking out was always just a formality after lots of mutual flirting and obvious mutual interest. Also, I can't relate to being undemonstrative about interest once in a relationship. I can't say why some women act that way, but it certainly isn't true for all attractive, intelligent women. 1
Els Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Simple one from me: Why do intelligent, pretty women NEVER ask men out? Why is that male's must always chase, and women subconsciously know this, and use it to their advantage? Most intelligent and stereotypically handsome guys I know don't do much chasing, either. 2
EasyHeart Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Most intelligent and stereotypically handsome guys I know don't do much chasing, either. Well, sometimes we do. It depends on whether the woman is worth the effort.
GravityMan Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Well, I'm pretty sure Tom Brady is not going to pick me over Gisele but I'm not going to cry about it. There are people in my league who I find super attractive! "Leagues" also are not JUST about looks, IMO. Even if a guy isn't the best looking, if he's confident and has a cool personality he will find a way to socialize (and not necessarily ask out) with "cool" women without it being awkward. Maybe he won't be the best looking guy on the block but he probably won't experience outright embarrassing, soul-crushing, humiliating rejection because his social skills are developed enough to know that unless he's getting "signs" he probably shouldn't randomly hit on the super-sexy 10 in the bar. This guy will probably end up with a really cute girl, not a 10, but most definitely a 7 or an 8. And what's wrong with that? I don't see anything wrong with suggesting people who find socializing challenging/not natural/forced seeking out SIMILAR people. I think in the end everyone would end up happier. I only bring this up because it's happened to me a few times and to my friends countless times and I felt just AWFUL for the guy. A very socially awkward guy will approach and it's immediately clear to all us girls that this guy has ZERO chance with us. He'll stumble all over his words, have unconfident body language and just generally make everyone uncomfortable. If we're talking about leagues I don't get why a guy with confidence issues like this would approach a group of hot girls thinking he has a realistic shot. Why wouldn't he go for the less conventional-looking girl, the girl he has common interests with, the one who might also be a little socially awkward? I see married couples composed of "awkward" people all the time and I am always so happy they found each other. Or...since severe social awkwardness (usually due to insecurity) affects far more in his life than just his interactions with women...he could take some steps to try and become less socially awkward over time. While many people do connect with others that are similar in some ways (lifestyle, values, etc.), I think the whole concept of "leagues" is a bit silly and overblown anyway. Any guy who's walking around thinking that "I should stay away from that woman over there b/c she's way above my league" is shooting himself in the foot. It's a bad attitude to have. Most people who are secure don't care about leagues...they barely give it a thought. BTW...I have a strong feeling that "eastcoastgirl" is a troll.
Els Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Well, sometimes we do. Aren't we a modest one? It depends on whether the woman is worth the effort. Sure, that applies to every single person on earth, regardless of gender or traits. I don't think anyone puts in any effort if they feel the other person isn't 'worth the effort'. What I meant was that humans are satisficers, not maximizers. They do what they need to obtain the results they desire. So if a guy likes a woman but she is already all over him, most would not bother to put in additional effort - because he's already getting the desired results. Why do more? It's human nature.
somedude81 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I guess I'll play too. ---------- If a young woman seems to have self-esteem issues about her body (from what people have said to her in the past) which makes her feel uncomfortable about doing certain things in private, how could I make her feel better about herself without seeming that I'm only physically interested in her?
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I guess I'll play too. ---------- If a young woman seems to have self-esteem issues about her body (from what people have said to her in the past) which makes her feel uncomfortable about doing certain things in private, how could I make her feel better about herself without seeming that I'm only physically interested in her? Aw that's sweet SD. I am kind of there and I can say lots of compliments but without being overly sexual. Tell her how gorgeous you find her, be sincere and do it often. Many people will tell you that 'external validation" won't work but for me, that's what it takes to slowly undo all the criticisms and harshness I have received in the past. Also, if you manage to make a girl feel good about herself, she will love being around you 2
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I guess I'll play too. ---------- If a young woman seems to have self-esteem issues about her body (from what people have said to her in the past) which makes her feel uncomfortable about doing certain things in private, how could I make her feel better about herself without seeming that I'm only physically interested in her? Build a relationship with her and prove that you aren't only physically interested in her. Sorry SD but your obsession with getting into her pants makes it seem like that's all you are interested in.
EasyHeart Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Aren't we a modest one? Just honest. What I meant was that humans are satisficers, not maximizers. They do what they need to obtain the results they desire. So if a guy likes a woman but she is already all over him, most would not bother to put in additional effort - because he's already getting the desired results. Why do more? It's human nature.Yes, that's absolutely right. I'll go eve farther and say that for me at least, when a woman is all over me it's a big turnoff. It's an instinctive thing, so I've never really thought about why that is, but it's probably because I subconsciously think there must be something wrong with her that I can't see yet, so I'd better not waste my time. I don't have any problem with women asking me out, but the reality is that women who ask me out are almost always women I don't want to go out with --- for the simple reason that if I was interested, I would have asked her out myself! 1
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 When I was dating I asked out men and hit on men whenever I wanted. Course, I am a go getter. If I see something an I like what I see I have no problem taking a risk. I've even been turned down, but believe it or not some women do approach. It wasn't something I have ever needed to do, I landed tons of dates from men approaching me, but sometimes if I was someplace busy I may not stand out. So I would take a chance. If a woman gets asked out all the time though I could see why she wouldn't. No need. I just did it for fun.
Els Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I'll go eve farther and say that for me at least, when a woman is all over me it's a big turnoff. It's an instinctive thing, so I've never really thought about why that is Yeah, this has been my observation as well, hence why I don't usually agree with the 'women, you should be chasing men or else you're a gorram hypocrite!' line. Without fail, I've always seen men respond with either complacence or disinterest when aggressively pursued - granted my sample isn't representative of the whole, but there are several others who concur with me. I've not tried, though, so I can't be sure of their reasons, but it seems to be much more than coincidence. However, there are women who very aggressively pursue, usually very good-looking and successful men, because they are afraid that if they let him come to them, some other woman will step in and 'get him'. I've rarely seen that work out well, but each to their own...
somedude81 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Build a relationship with her and prove that you aren't only physically interested in her. Sorry SD but your obsession with getting into her pants makes it seem like that's all you are interested in. Wow, you have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about and your post was completely devoid of any value. Aw that's sweet SD. I am kind of there and I can say lots of compliments but without being overly sexual. Tell her how gorgeous you find her, be sincere and do it often. Many people will tell you that 'external validation" won't work but for me, that's what it takes to slowly undo all the criticisms and harshness I have received in the past. Also, if you manage to make a girl feel good about herself, she will love being around you Thanks ES. Some people have said some very mean things about how she looks and it's definitely had an affect on her. Right now she has a hard time accepting compliments but I keep giving them. I am completely sincere but I don't want her to think I'm trying too hard or that they don't mean anything from me. I also don't want to make her feel uncomfortable. And yes I do avoid being too sexual with them. 1
Els Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 If a young woman seems to have self-esteem issues about her body (from what people have said to her in the past) which makes her feel uncomfortable about doing certain things in private, how could I make her feel better about herself without seeming that I'm only physically interested in her? Romance. Compliments, either verbal or simply via actions/gestures. You can make a woman feel desirable without laying a hand on her, really (though the hand can help, too ). 3
William Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Let's keep the thread focused on answering questions from men about 'Why Girls do the things they do?' Thanks. 1
KungFuJoe Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 It's a myth that women don't approach...even good looking ones. Yeah, I know it might not be the norm, but there are plenty of them out there. I've been approached far more than I've approached...though I should preface that statement by saying I hardly ever approached when I was younger and got snapped up by the time I was 25. I've been approached and "picked up" in bars, had girls I just met kiss me first, and had women straight up tell me what they would "do" to me if they had the chance. My wife both hit on me first and proposed to me...and she's the entire package...looks, brains, personality. Not a needy, desperate bone in her body. She's 110% confident and she just believes that if she wants something, she gets it. And I'd have been a fool to turn a woman like her down. 4
Lorelai Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Why do women give hints instead of telling men directly what they want? In most cases, it's because what we want is not so much "the thing" that we're hinting about.... we want the guy to WANT to do the thing we're hinting about without us having to hint. Yes, it's insanity. But apply it to just about anything, the most obvious being a marriage proposal, saying I love you, etc. You'll see I'm right. If we had to spell it out that we want to, say, get married, then we're essentially proposing and putting you on the spot. Whereas dropping hints is a way for you to know that IF you want that, she's open to it. It's still insanity.
ThaWholigan Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 It's a myth that women don't approach...even good looking ones. Yeah, I know it might not be the norm, but there are plenty of them out there. I've been approached far more than I've approached...though I should preface that statement by saying I hardly ever approached when I was younger and got snapped up by the time I was 25. I've been approached and "picked up" in bars, had girls I just met kiss me first, and had women straight up tell me what they would "do" to me if they had the chance. My wife both hit on me first and proposed to me...and she's the entire package...looks, brains, personality. Not a needy, desperate bone in her body. She's 110% confident and she just believes that if she wants something, she gets it. And I'd have been a fool to turn a woman like her down. Yes, it is a myth.
xxoo Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 My wife both hit on me first and proposed to me...and she's the entire package...looks, brains, personality. Not a needy, desperate bone in her body. She's 110% confident and she just believes that if she wants something, she gets it. And I'd have been a fool to turn a woman like her down. Hit on and ask out can be different things. From what I've observed, some guys have no idea when they are clearly being hit on. Maybe these are the same men wondering why women never ask them out.
somedude81 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Eh, I've had a handful of girls make their interest obviously known to me but physically they were not the type of women that I would be interested in. Frankly they were all the same type of woman and I wouldn't be surprised if they had made obvious approaches on men before because they don't get approached themselves.
Woggle Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Why are some women so big on tradition and the natural when it comes to what a man's role is but get angry when a man believes in traditional gender roles? 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 (edited) It's a myth that women don't approach...even good looking ones. Yeah, I know it might not be the norm, but there are plenty of them out there. I've been approached far more than I've approached...though I should preface that statement by saying I hardly ever approached when I was younger and got snapped up by the time I was 25. I've been approached and "picked up" in bars, had girls I just met kiss me first, and had women straight up tell me what they would "do" to me if they had the chance. My wife both hit on me first and proposed to me...and she's the entire package...looks, brains, personality. Not a needy, desperate bone in her body. She's 110% confident and she just believes that if she wants something, she gets it. And I'd have been a fool to turn a woman like her down. Yes, it is a myth. What do you expect? No guy wants to think of himself as so ugly that no woman in his life has ever approached. So, to keep his own morale up, he'll just reason that women don't approach much, even though it's not true. Edited June 16, 2013 by JuneJulySeptember 1
Janesays Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Why are some women so big on tradition and the natural when it comes to what a man's role is but get angry when a man believes in traditional gender roles? Why do so many men insist they want a traditional woman....but hate gold diggers or woman who value a man based on the size of his paycheck? 1
Woggle Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Why do so many men insist they want a traditional woman....but hate gold diggers or woman who value a man based on the size of his paycheck? I agree. I don't believe in traditional roles. I am anti-gold digger but I also realize that if a woman makes her own she isn't taking mine. 2
MrNate 2.0 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I feel like I should make a male version of this. 5
MrNate 2.0 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Women approach him because he's attractive and charming. They don't approach me because I'm not. Do you want to be attractive and charming?
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