Why Girls Do the Things They Do: Q&A for Men

[KungFuJoe]

Let's just say that if I ever could jump in a time machine and go back to when I was single, the NUMBER ONE requirement I would have for being with someone seriously would be instantaneous attraction. None of that "grow on you" or "learn to love" for me. And I don't mean in just a physical sense. I'm talking that "spark" you feel when you first meet someone. I've only felt that twice in my life and both women became unforgettable experiences in my life (the latter being my current wife, of course). The rest, I could take or leave.

[Ripnet]

A guy who isn't showing interest is less interesting. Why would she ask you out?

 

Also, an intelligent, pretty woman gets plenty of attention from men. She knows what interest looks like. If you don't flirt with her, she may conclude you aren't interested.

 

Yes but if a woman really likes a guy and he doesn't know she will lose him. There was a guy where the girl asked him out and they are deeply in love with each other.

[Ripnet]

This is a little bit of what I was talking about in the 'attractive' thread. I think you are quite lucky to be able to continuously attract men that are very physically attractive to you, and so you will take nothing less. I think that's fine.

 

But I think you could be very blunt with unattractive men. I know it's tricky. You don't OWE it to them per se, but it would be nice. Like maybe just be completely standoffish the whole first part of the date (dinner), and if he doesn't get it, go home after that.

 

I think it's a nice thing to do.

 

It's weird because for me it's more of a vibrational thing. It isn't what I considered sparks but mutal vibrational thing. This is even before speaking with one another. Probably visually especially body languages comes into play. I really don't know how to explain it. It's just sexual attractive for me it's different and I surely don't think about kissing this person. I've only felt it twice in my life but I was afraid of doing anything because it was really intense and didn't know what was going on now that I'm much older I probably could deal with it.

[xxoo]

Yes but if a woman really likes a guy and he doesn't know she will lose him. There was a guy where the girl asked him out and they are deeply in love with each other.

 

Well there you go. It isn't "never", is it?

 

When two people have profound attraction, they generally get it done.

[charlietheginger]

It's weird because for me it's more of a vibrational thing. It isn't what I considered sparks but mutal vibrational thing. This is even before speaking with one another. Probably visually especially body languages comes into play. I really don't know how to explain it. It's just sexual attractive for me it's different and I surely don't think about kissing this person. I've only felt it twice in my life but I was afraid of doing anything because it was really intense and didn't know what was going on now that I'm much older I probably could deal with it.

 

The vibration was probably her cellphone on vibrate

Sitting on the table....

 

If she likes you she ignores the phone

If she wants to end the date she says oh i need to take a call

 

S

[Ripnet]

The vibration was probably her cellphone on vibrate

Sitting on the table....

 

If she likes you she ignores the phone

If she wants to end the date she says oh i need to take a call

 

S

 

This was before when cell phone became popular.

[charlietheginger]

This was before when cell phone became popular.

 

Her pager.....

[joystickd]

I will ask one about something that happened to me today.

 

I have known this woman for a while and told her how I felt. She kind of gave me the runaround so I moved on and she found out. I tried again and she said she said she wasnt attracted to me and only wanted friendship. It bothered me more because she was a friend before any of this and I felt if she respected me she would have told me that sooner. Well we started back talking and I mentioned about doing nothing this weekend and I mentioned that I wanted to get "into" something emphasis on into. Today she texts me about what I wanted to do today. I told her " remember I said I wanted to get into something. I'd rather do that than go out". She said I thought you were different. I told her I was but she gave me the runaround when I was acted that way. I told her I was tired of being different so I decided to join the crowd. Women don't respect men when they act that way.

 

Why give that response if she wasn't really attracted to me?

[eastcoastgirl88]

Simple one from me: Why do intelligent, pretty women NEVER ask men out? Why is that male's must always chase, and women subconsciously know this, and use it to their advantage?

 

I don't ask men out because every time I've asked a guy out it's ended badly. It screws up the natural order of biology. I know a lot of people disagree with me but in my experience, I've always had better results when I let the guy do the asking. Even if I ended up seeing the person I initially asked out for a little bit, his sense of urgency is gone and I find myself ALWAYS having to do the initiating or unsure of his feelings for me.

 

What I WILL do is give a clear opening to men I find interesting and attractive. I'll make it clear I like him so it's easy for him to do the asking out.

 

The other reason I don't ask out men is because I don't have to. There are enough men who will ask me out that I don't have to worry about doing the asking.

[Ripnet]

Her pager.....

 

That's not the kind of vibration I was talking about.

[eastcoastgirl88]

I will ask one about something that happened to me today.

 

I have known this woman for a while and told her how I felt. She kind of gave me the runaround so I moved on and she found out. I tried again and she said she said she wasnt attracted to me and only wanted friendship. It bothered me more because she was a friend before any of this and I felt if she respected me she would have told me that sooner. Well we started back talking and I mentioned about doing nothing this weekend and I mentioned that I wanted to get "into" something emphasis on into. Today she texts me about what I wanted to do today. I told her " remember I said I wanted to get into something. I'd rather do that than go out". She said I thought you were different. I told her I was but she gave me the runaround when I was acted that way. I told her I was tired of being different so I decided to join the crowd. Women don't respect men when they act that way.

 

Why give that response if she wasn't really attracted to me?

 

If I am reading this correctly you basically tried to change your tactic with this woman, sent her a sexually explicit text and then she was offended?

 

You did this because your "nice guy" approach didn't work?

 

If that's what you're saying, you should NOT ever send sexually explicit texts to women unless you are 110% comfortable with your social skills/this type of texting. Unless the tone/timing is EXACTLY right, it will come off inappropriate and creepy.

 

I'm not sure what your question is though...

[MrNate 2.0]

No offense intended eastcoastgirl but I'll have to disagree with a lot of your responses, at least in terms of my perspective. This doesn't make your responses wrong or bad. But it does prove that men can't cookie cut women.

 

Seconded.

 

So many of you other women have seen a lot more of life. I hope the people here with questions seek input from other women with more experience under their belt before coming to any conclusions.

[GoodOnPaper]

Let's just say that if I ever could jump in a time machine and go back to when I was single, the NUMBER ONE requirement I would have for being with someone seriously would be instantaneous attraction. None of that "grow on you" or "learn to love" for me. And I don't mean in just a physical sense. I'm talking that "spark" you feel when you first meet someone. I've only felt that twice in my life and both women became unforgettable experiences in my life (the latter being my current wife, of course). The rest, I could take or leave.

 

That's nice - and I certainly wish I could have felt that toward my wife - but I don't think such intense instantaneous attraction is feasible if you are not already considered instantaneously attractive to the majority of the opposite sex. We've seen a response from the OP about staying in your league. How on earth can that generate this intense attraction that we all seem to want? Everything seems to spiral down to taking what you can get but when we do, we're in the wrong for not being head-over-heels in love.

[eastcoastgirl88]

That's nice - and I certainly wish I could have felt that toward my wife - but I don't think such intense instantaneous attraction is feasible if you are not already considered instantaneously attractive to the majority of the opposite sex. We've seen a response from the OP about staying in your league. How on earth can that generate this intense attraction that we all seem to want? Everything seems to spiral down to taking what you can get but when we do, we're in the wrong for not being head-over-heels in love.

 

Well, I'm pretty sure Tom Brady is not going to pick me over Gisele but I'm not going to cry about it. There are people in my league who I find super attractive!

 

"Leagues" also are not JUST about looks, IMO. Even if a guy isn't the best looking, if he's confident and has a cool personality he will find a way to socialize (and not necessarily ask out) with "cool" women without it being awkward. Maybe he won't be the best looking guy on the block but he probably won't experience outright embarrassing, soul-crushing, humiliating rejection because his social skills are developed enough to know that unless he's getting "signs" he probably shouldn't randomly hit on the super-sexy 10 in the bar. This guy will probably end up with a really cute girl, not a 10, but most definitely a 7 or an 8. And what's wrong with that?

 

I don't see anything wrong with suggesting people who find socializing challenging/not natural/forced seeking out SIMILAR people. I think in the end everyone would end up happier.

 

I only bring this up because it's happened to me a few times and to my friends countless times and I felt just AWFUL for the guy. A very socially awkward guy will approach and it's immediately clear to all us girls that this guy has ZERO chance with us. He'll stumble all over his words, have unconfident body language and just generally make everyone uncomfortable.

 

If we're talking about leagues I don't get why a guy with confidence issues like this would approach a group of hot girls thinking he has a realistic shot. Why wouldn't he go for the less conventional-looking girl, the girl he has common interests with, the one who might also be a little socially awkward?

 

I see married couples composed of "awkward" people all the time and I am always so happy they found each other.

[SJC2008]

Got to the table and he hesitated over the menu and was not assertive about anything. He kept wavering and changing his mind.

 

It cracks me up how a lot of women can pick up on things like indeciciveness and body language better than men but they still haven't cracked the "Will he stay?" code just yet have they? lol Natures way of leveling the playing field!

[KungFuJoe]

Well, I'm pretty sure Tom Brady is not going to pick me over Gisele but I'm not going to cry about it. There are people in my league who I find super attractive!

 

"Leagues" also are not JUST about looks, IMO. Even if a guy isn't the best looking, if he's confident and has a cool personality he will find a way to socialize (and not necessarily ask out) with "cool" women without it being awkward. Maybe he won't be the best looking guy on the block but he probably won't experience outright embarrassing, soul-crushing, humiliating rejection because his social skills are developed enough to know that unless he's getting "signs" he probably shouldn't randomly hit on the super-sexy 10 in the bar. This guy will probably end up with a really cute girl, not a 10, but most definitely a 7 or an 8. And what's wrong with that?

 

I don't see anything wrong with suggesting people who find socializing challenging/not natural/forced seeking out SIMILAR people. I think in the end everyone would end up happier.

 

I only bring this up because it's happened to me a few times and to my friends countless times and I felt just AWFUL for the guy. A very socially awkward guy will approach and it's immediately clear to all us girls that this guy has ZERO chance with us. He'll stumble all over his words, have unconfident body language and just generally make everyone uncomfortable.

 

If we're talking about leagues I don't get why a guy with confidence issues like this would approach a group of hot girls thinking he has a realistic shot. Why wouldn't he go for the less conventional-looking girl, the girl he has common interests with, the one who might also be a little socially awkward?

 

I see married couples composed of "awkward" people all the time and I am always so happy they found each other.

 

This post just irks me to no end. Too lazy to pinpoint why right now but from this post and your other posts you sound pretty immature and clueless.

[hudson701]

A guy who isn't showing interest is less interesting. Why would she ask you out?

 

Also, an intelligent, pretty woman gets plenty of attention from men. She knows what interest looks like. If you don't flirt with her, she may conclude you aren't interested.

 

No, I think you missed the point there. My ex girlfriends (who were deeply in love with me) all confessed that they never would have made the first move before I asked them out. Reason? To save face/the embarrassment of possible rejection, something men have to deal with everyday of their lives.

 

I think it's quite sad that my ex's were prepared to perhaps miss out on something very special just to save face. My last girlfriend in particular was gorgeous and never would have asked me out, as 'girls just don't do that'.

 

For me it would be nice to be approached by a woman if only to validate my feelings that she's actually interested. Instead, I'm always questioning a girl's interest, even when they become my SO.

[HotTea]

Hey great idea boston chic

I really like this because it is getting guys to ask questions that they normally wouldn't ask and I would like to jump in to offer some responses to those questions too... You poor guys having to figure women out.. I know some of us must seem just crazy to you!

AND tbf has a point, you cannot cookie cut women. As you can see some women are getting out there trying to be part of the world like the one who started this post.

Others are just not nice at all, and for no apparent reason, like the two women who keep complaining about this post.

See those two are just nasty and there's your answer to why women trash their girlfriend's men. Some women are just nasty for no good reason. unexplainable

[HotTea]

I agree there's women who aren't attracted to a guy at all and wanting to continue to date the guy hoping there will be chemistry. Better off not continuing nothing upsets anyone is under the impression the person is interested but really isn't interested.

 

What should a girl do? I couldn't really say, "Hey I'm a 10 second girl so I already know we don't have chemistry so I'm not gonna continue the date.." that seems rude. If I just continue the date and enjoy the company of another human maybe we both have a good time and then go our separate ways?

Is that unfair to the guy? I think guys do that sometimes don't they? go on a date then never call the chick again...no chemistry or whatever..Yes I know that is one of the big questions women have, why he didn't call.. there's even a book called "Why He Disappeared"

 

What if girls and guys do it to each other equally but only see it from our perspective

[sillyanswer]

He chose a wine after making sure I like wine.

 

He ordered another bottle without me asking, while I was in the bathroom.

 

He drove me home and we had a nice makeout in his car. When I got out there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that not only did I want to see this man again, I wanted to MARRY this man.

 

After 2 bottles of wine between you, are you sure you want to marry someone who drives drunk?

[Eternal Sunshine]

Eastocoastgirl,

 

Do you really let complete strangers pick you up in their car before ever meeting them in person? :eek:

 

You don't know them from Ted Bundy.

[ltjg45]

Honestly? Because I've never, ever had to. Not once.

 

And why are a lot of you guys so bitter about the natural order of things? Men have persued women since the dawn of time. I don't care what year or century it is and that lame, overused 'equality' argument (always used here by whining men who think women should take over the heavy lifting) doesn't CHANGE what's been biologically built into us.

 

Suck it up, buttercup.

 

In a way, this basically leads to some women' issues as to why they can't get the one decent male to be any more than FWB even if they have the career, looks, etc etc to set them apart from the crowd because women is being a bit too passive for their own good.

 

Am I saying that you should basically approach as if you are a man? No however if the only males that approach you is clearly not the type you want and the ones you do want is not paying you any time of day.....

 

.....maybe you need to let those you do want know that you exist and you got interest.

 

Unless you are fine being lonely. At least then you can get a taste of what some males actually go through. I'm sure we don't mind.

 

The way you think is getting outdated esp. with looks being very subjective. I'm glad for this change, actually, regardless if I should approach or not.

 

Sounds like you are one of the few women that got the males you want to approach you. Either you got a low amount of dealbreakers or you got very lucky. I don't know which one fits for you but, apparently, it works since you didn't get any backlash from having this way of thinking.

[Janesays]

In a way, this basically leads to some women' issues as to why they can't get the one decent male to be any more than FWB even if they have the career, looks, etc etc to set them apart from the crowd because women is being a bit too passive for their own good.

 

Am I saying that you should basically approach as if you are a man? No however if the only males that approach you is clearly not the type you want and the ones you do want is not paying you any time of day.....

 

.....maybe you need to let those you do want know that you exist and you got interest.

 

Unless you are fine being lonely. At least then you can get a taste of what some males actually go through. I'm sure we don't mind.

 

The way you think is getting outdated esp. with looks being very subjective. I'm glad for this change, actually, regardless if I should approach or not.

 

Sounds like you are one of the few women that got the males you want to approach you. Either you got a low amount of dealbreakers or you got very lucky. I don't know which one fits for you but, apparently, it works since you didn't get any backlash from having this way of thinking.

 

 

*shrugs. I've never approached and I ended up with my dream guy. I don't think I'm 'lucky' since a good majority of my happily married girlfriends never approached, either, and still managed to settle down with the guy of their dreams.

 

When someone says, "I don't approach because I don't have too," please don't automatically assume they are lonely or settling. Most likely they don't have to approach because they are snagging QUALITY men just by being themselves.

 

I mean, seriously. This question is like asking a multi millionare why he doesn't clean his own house and assuming he lives in filth because he doesn't. The obvious answer is: "Errrr....because I'm rich enough that I don't have too."

[ltjg45]

*shrugs. I've never approached and I ended up with my dream guy. I don't think I'm 'lucky' since a good majority of my happily married girlfriends never approached, either, and still managed to settle down with the guy of their dreams.

 

When someone says, "I don't approach because I don't have too," please don't automatically assume they are lonely or settling. Most likely they don't have to approach because they are snagging QUALITY men just by being themselves.

 

I mean, seriously. This question is like asking a multi millionare why he doesn't clean his own house and assuming he lives in filth because he doesn't. The obvious answer is: "Errrr....because I'm rich enough that I don't have too."

 

I never said I came to that assumption.

 

I'm sure women who is 35+ in age and has found their life partner has managed to avoid this massive change America is going through right now where women is, on average, is out earning men and as a result men on average is not so quick to actually approach women esp. those who can't hang with them because their role as being the breadwinner can't be met anymore.

 

For those who hasn't found their life partner yet is dealing with this and it is quite the eye-opening experience unless you got a ton going for you. Even then, that may be used against you since your expectations of a mate would be assumed to be too high for most males to even get your initial interest let alone keep it.

 

I'm still learning how to handle this myself, after all. If this is what people call "fun" in the dating scene, I'm not seeing it. It's more like I'm the court jester. I just hasn't been embarrassed enough to realize it yet.

[Janesays]

However, you can't say that this is just another problem thrown on top of everything else they are dealing with right now. I have seen some scenarios where a male and a female has interest in one another and yet the female earns more and the male is afraid that he can't keep up with her.

 

Perhaps she's not attracted to the sort of man who doesn't ask her out because he is 'afraid' he can't keep up with her? I know I'm not. Any man who believes he has nothing to offer me, who FEARS asking me out for a simple cup of coffee, who is crippled by the thought of rejection to the point where he'd rather be alone than face it....is NO man I'd EVER be physically or mentally attracted too.

 

I'm not afraid to approach a man. I just know in my heart that I couldn't be attracted to the sort of man who would NEED to be approached. I'm sorry, but I like men with balls. *shrugs

 

As a male who is still trying to find work, I have a hard time thinking any woman who is working at all would give me the time of day since I got nothing (literally).

 

How many men complain that all women are 'gold diggers' and are only interested in them for their money? Even if you had a ton of money and suddenly gained interest from lots of women, you'd resent them for only being interested in your bank account as opposed to yourself as a whole.

 

The only one that is holding you back, sir, is you.

Edited June 16, 2013 by Janesays