edelveis Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Hi.well after 3 weeks of NC and absolute silence she texted today on my birthday at 6 o clock in the morning(!) saying:happy bday.i m sorry and i miss you.she texted me in whatsupp application for smart phones from a number of hers i didnt know so i replied:thank you,but who are you?after a while her photo appeared so i knew it was her.the thing is i would have never replied if i know it was her even if i struggled very much till a few days ago about texting her.3 weeks ago i took the desicion to totally ignore her apologize messages and calls and let my silence say everything.i dont know why she did it,now that i have started feeling slighlty better.its like she smelled it and decided to make my life a bit more difficult.my reply has not been delivered to her yet coz she logged off 2 hours after sending it but she is online in whatsupp by her original number.what do you think of this message?why did she do it and how u think i should respond?i cant understand where did she find the courage to send after what happened.
Ordinaryday Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 standard dumpers guilt. they don't want you back but they feel kind of guilty about hurting you so by reaching out with a halfassed breadcrumb it allows them to feel better about dumping you. incredibly rude, as it gives no thought to your wellbeing and the possibility that the breadcrumb might set you back.
drpepper1886 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Agreed, my ex didn't contact me for 7-8 months and then sent me birthday text, I said thank you the next day and continued NC. Didn't send her a bday text 10 days later for hers. Haven't talked since. Stay the course.
lop98 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Yeah, I think it's polite to say thank you, and then back to NC.
Ordinaryday Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Yeah, I think it's polite to say thank you, and then back to NC. I wouldn't even do that, I would just flat out ignore, saying 'thank you' assuages their guilt and allows them to feel all high and mighty about how they did the 'right thing'. Why would anyone give them that? 1
th90 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I wouldn't even do that, I would just flat out ignore, saying 'thank you' assuages their guilt and allows them to feel all high and mighty about how they did the 'right thing'. Why would anyone give them that? That much is true and I agree. But if we don't even say thank you, does that make us look like unforgiving/spiteful/etc ex? I know we should not care what they think, but what about being the bigger person and just have the courtesy to at least thank them for the wish?
Ordinaryday Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 That much is true and I agree. But if we don't even say thank you, does that make us look like unforgiving/spiteful/etc ex? I know we should not care what they think, but what about being the bigger person and just have the courtesy to at least thank them for the wish? I wouldn't say it makes you look those things at all, I'd say it simply makes it look like you have nothing to say to someone who made it clear they don't want you in their life. And by not responding you will mess with them a bit because they will start to wonder whether you received the message, why you have not responded, if not responding means you are over them and so on. It messes with their heads and the best part is you don't have to do anything to do it. And when they send the breadcrumb they are anticipating a response and if you respond politely they will think 'oh they are being nice, great, that means things are cool between us. I no longer have to feel guilty' and if you respond rudely they will think 'what a rude jerk! I so nicely and generously go out of my way to wish him happy birthday, even though I didn't have to, and how does he repay this kind gesture? By being rude! I SO made the right decision by dumping him!' so no matter how you respond THEY WIN. The only way for you to 'win' is by not responding at all! 2
coffeebean201 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 part of her still likes you. you can tell because of the 6am message, it arrived actually on your birthday it arrived in the midst of clear no-contact. the different number is a warning sign. 1
flitzanu Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Hi.well after 3 weeks of NC and absolute silence she texted today on my birthday at 6 o clock in the morning(!) saying:happy bday.i m sorry and i miss you.she texted me in whatsupp application for smart phones from a number of hers i didnt know so i replied:thank you,but who are you?after a while her photo appeared so i knew it was her.the thing is i would have never replied if i know it was her even if i struggled very much till a few days ago about texting her.3 weeks ago i took the desicion to totally ignore her apologize messages and calls and let my silence say everything.i dont know why she did it,now that i have started feeling slighlty better.its like she smelled it and decided to make my life a bit more difficult.my reply has not been delivered to her yet coz she logged off 2 hours after sending it but she is online in whatsupp by her original number.what do you think of this message?why did she do it and how u think i should respond?i cant understand where did she find the courage to send after what happened. you're in NC, she is not in NC. she didn't break anything. there's nothing unusual about a dumper contactiing the ex to say happy birthday. it means absolutely nothing.
Author edelveis Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 well the only thing is that she is not the dumper.if u read my previous threads u will understand.
Author edelveis Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 part of her still likes you. you can tell because of the 6am message, it arrived actually on your birthday it arrived in the midst of clear no-contact. the different number is a warning sign. Coffeebean i agree that the different number is a waring sign.what could it be according to you?
TaraMaiden Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 It's a sign that she didn't want you to know it was her, which was a sure-fire way of getting you to break NC. You were curious. She wanted that. She KNEW you're in NC, so she had to find a way to get you to pander to her ego and assuage her guilt. She took the back door route, and you fell for it like a sucker. I get a call from an unknown or withheld number? Leave a message. if i don't know you, you get nothing from me. If I DO know you (and if it's appropriate) I will get back to you. Maybe. or possibly not. But to answer a 'call' from an unknown number?? Foolish, dude... That's the stuff dumb threads are made of. 1
Ordinaryday Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 It's a sign that she didn't want you to know it was her, which was a sure-fire way of getting you to break NC. You were curious. She wanted that. She KNEW you're in NC, so she had to find a way to get you to pander to her ego and assuage her guilt. She took the back door route, and you fell for it like a sucker. I get a call from an unknown or withheld number? Leave a message. if i don't know you, you get nothing from me. If I DO know you (and if it's appropriate) I will get back to you. Maybe. or possibly not. But to answer a 'call' from an unknown number?? Foolish, dude... That's the stuff dumb threads are made of. I keep getting missed calls from a private number, they NEVER leave a message. I kind of wonder if it is an ex just ringing to see if my number is still activated and that I am still alive. Confession time: occasionally I have dialled my exes number from a private number for the same reason. Pathetic, but I figured it would go to voice mail and I just wanted to hear the sound of her voice. it is pathetic, but I am only human. 1
TaraMaiden Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I have a selection of automatic responses to a caller whse call I can't/won't take. The one I choose most frequently, for an unknown/unrecognised one, is: "I don't recognise your number, please text me or leave a message." They never, never do. in my case, it's more often thjan not market research (because i google the number and I get a programme called "whocallsme".....) Log in that number and if it's a commercial company, it will tell you. if there's no trace - it's in all probability private..... 1
Author edelveis Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 It's a sign that she didn't want you to know it was her, which was a sure-fire way of getting you to break NC. You were curious. She wanted that. She KNEW you're in NC, so she had to find a way to get you to pander to her ego and assuage her guilt. She took the back door route, and you fell for it like a sucker. I get a call from an unknown or withheld number? Leave a message. if i don't know you, you get nothing from me. If I DO know you (and if it's appropriate) I will get back to you. Maybe. or possibly not. But to answer a 'call' from an unknown number?? Foolish, dude... That's the stuff dumb threads are made of. If you want to think that i felt like a sucker u can but i dont agree with it.I answered because my mind would have never thought it was her and i said only the typical.She knew i would know it was her coz in this application u can se the prof photo even if the person is not in ur contact list and also the name but after a while.but i agree she wanted to make me curious about it and maybe she expects me to text her on her normal number to see if i still care but i am not going to.
TaraMaiden Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 delete, block, deny, ignore - and do not fall for the "unknown number" trick, again....
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