Goodbye Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 It seems quite clear from the other thread that spouses may be unaware of quite elaborate affairs going on. The thread suggests that often the affairs are worked into the daily lives of the cheater. For example, if he travels for business, that is when the affair takes place. Or, it is kept to the work place. Apparently affairs are fairly easy to pull off even in homes where the BS is a very active participant in the marriage...and are not often the fall out of a loveless/sexless/roommate type marriage. My question is, after D-Day, did you (BS) have an "aha" moment and put 2 and 2 together? Did all sorts of things you wrote off as work stress or moodiness suddenly make sense with the backdrop of an affair? My exH had an affair just before I filed for divorce. I was unaware of it taking place. I only found out about the affair during a deposition he gave during our divorce proceedings. When I realized he'd been seeing another "soccer mom," suddenly several different events I'd written off as not a "big deal" made sense. And when I realized the time frame of his affair, it became very clear to me that he was only admitting to a very small part of what was really going on.
waterwoman Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Yes to aha moments goodbye, many of them. First response was to feel relieved, almost satisfied to have put another jigsaw piece in place, followed by a wash of pain.
Author Goodbye Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 Yes to aha moments goodbye, many of them. First response was to feel relieved, almost satisfied to have put another jigsaw piece in place, followed by a wash of pain. Understandable.
seren Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Yes, I too was able to fit the pieces of the jigsaw together and was able to say, so that's why this or that happened, why he came home and was acting like he had been body swapped. It also explained a lot of the more poignant moments when he would break down, tell me what a crap person he was and that he was afraid he was losing me (that was a total head spinner). Like WW, the truth was a relief that I wasn't going crazy, the hang up calls, the drive by's of a small purple car, lots fell into place and when I new I couldn't believe that I hadn't thought Affair, rather than anything else. I loved and trusted H and so an A was the very last thing I would have thought of. You live and learn, unfortunately. 2
ComingInHot Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 goodbye wrote,"... "aha" moment and put 2 and 2 together? Did all sorts of things you wrote off as work stress or moodiness suddenly make sense with the backdrop of an affair?" Oh my holy hepher, gotta love the ole' hindsight is twenty/twenty!! It All became so clear... the working late thing and the picking arguments over STUPID stuff and the exOW's disrespectful, and overall pisdiness towards me. I sometimes (never anymore really) thought what If I DID jump to the insane conclusion H was cheating on me... I'd (probably/maybe) be D'd and off on another R w/some completely wonderful, NON-Cheating man. Or Single and struggling, yet providing happily for our children* But at least I'd KNOW, It Wasn't ME and I'm NOT crazy. On the other hand, I found that out too... Sorry all, I'm whipped and a smidge goofy tonight. 3
2sure Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 You know, I didn't have aha moments. There was nothing different about him, nothing different about his schedule. I found out through pursuing gut instinct alone. And I'm not a trusting person to begin with, so even that was probably my own habit kicking in. 1
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