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Hope for the Broken Hearted :)

KatZee

By KatZee
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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KatZee Established Member

KatZee

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Over a year ago my ex boyfriend of three years dumped me flat. Left me for someone else. I found out he cheated on me, and had lied to me pretty much our entire relationship. He was selfish, cowardly, immature, and he became emotionally abusive towards the end.

 

I was left destroyed. I was broken. I had no confidence. No self esteem. He had me brainwashed that I was awkward, and that it was my fault his friends didn't like me. He was constantly criticizing me, picking me apart, and I was a broken person for a while after the split.

 

The point of my thread isn't to bash my ex. It's to let you know that even if you think you've hit rock bottom, even if you think you'll never meet someone again, even if you think you'll never love anyone the way you loved your ex... YOU WILL.

 

However, it happens when it's meant to happen. Do not force it. Don't immediately jump and rebound and force the situation. Be single if you're hurting now. Embrace the pain and accept it. Go through each phase of the split. Anger, pain, sadness, anxiety, despair, hate... just get it out there, experience it and keep pushing forward.

 

Get out with your friends, grow on a spiritual level. Grow on a mental and emotional level. Heal those wounds your ex inflicted on you. Bottom line, be HAPPY. Enjoy life. Get out there and do things. Don't think a relationship is what makes you whole.

 

Believe me, when you're MEANT to have another significant other, and you're ready for it, you will. And there's no way around it. There's no hiding from it. When it's your time again, it will come for you. You won't have to force online dating, or endure crappy blind dates from friends. It will just happen.

 

Because this is what's recently happened to me. For the first time in my life I remained single after ending a relationship. For over a year I experienced all I wanted to experience. I've had tons of fun, done new things, I've gotten through the negative emotions from my ex. I've forgiven myself. I'm guilty of trying online dating, I'm guilty of trying speed dating. But at those times, I was not ready. I was hurting and it was too fresh. So of course none of that worked out for me.

 

Three weeks ago I went out with my friend. I met a guy. He legitimately just fell out of the sky and straight into my lap. As if the cosmos finally said, "Here. You're ready."

 

I'm taking it slow, but when it's meant to happen, when it's the right time, it will come to you. So don't lose faith, don't think this is the end of the line for you. There is always something waiting in the wings for you, and fate like that can't be run from. So be excited. Be VERY excited for the future. :)

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daddy87 Member

daddy87

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Glad u wrote this post! Because that's how i felt when i first broke up with my ex last year and i kinda still feel the the same now but not as bad. Id say probably the last 2 months i've starting to feel better...i think its just came to the point i know what ever i do she wont give me another chance although she has been giving me mix signal thats why i've been hanging for over a year. Its just when my emotions goes up and down i guess. Plus we got a little child together that's why i find even harder especially when i drop or she comes to get my daughter my feelings start to come back again. All i want is to feel happy again, i do still love her alot but i know it takes both of us to make it work so i cant force it.

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KatZee Established Member

KatZee

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Glad u wrote this post! Because that's how i felt when i first broke up with my ex last year and i kinda still feel the the same now but not as bad. Id say probably the last 2 months i've starting to feel better...i think its just came to the point i know what ever i do she wont give me another chance although she has been giving me mix signal thats why i've been hanging for over a year. Its just when my emotions goes up and down i guess. Plus we got a little child together that's why i find even harder especially when i drop or she comes to get my daughter my feelings start to come back again. All i want is to feel happy again, i do still love her alot but i know it takes both of us to make it work so i cant force it.

 

I will always advocate NC but in your situation it is impossible because of your child together. You need to take the reins back and completely disengage from her. Stick to conversations only about your son, do not speak to her any longer than necessary. Don't allow her to lead you around by the nose with mixed signals. She either gives you a concrete "I want to work it out" or you keep walking.

 

Is it possible to have someone with you when she drops your daughter off? This way they can answer the door and you don't need to see her?

Chris715 Established Member

Chris715

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Thanks for writing this. I'm pretty close to the rock bottom part right now, my confidence and self esteem are dwindling around zero. I feel empty and in despair and it's impossible for me to imagine a happy future with anyone. Still, encouraging to read this :)

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Giha Established Member

Giha

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Hey, thank you for posting this. I've been doing unusually well this past week but the weekend jump threw me back into the gutter. Your post made me smile :)

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athousandquestions Established Member

athousandquestions

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thank you for posting this :)

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daddy87 Member

daddy87

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I will always advocate NC but in your situation it is impossible because of your child together. You need to take the reins back and completely disengage from her. Stick to conversations only about your son, do not speak to her any longer than necessary. Don't allow her to lead you around by the nose with mixed signals. She either gives you a concrete "I want to work it out" or you keep walking.

 

Is it possible to have someone with you when she drops your daughter off? This way they can answer the door and you don't need to see her?

 

yeah i have been trying to do that which does help, the less i see her is better well wont say better but i know if i see her and not being able to be with her feels even worse.

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KatZee Established Member

KatZee

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Thanks for writing this. I'm pretty close to the rock bottom part right now, my confidence and self esteem are dwindling around zero. I feel empty and in despair and it's impossible for me to imagine a happy future with anyone. Still, encouraging to read this :)

 

You're going to be just fine. I know it. Keep your chin up and try to find the good in every day. Even if it's something stupid like the sun is out. :)

J_L_C Established Member

J_L_C

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This pots helped a lot because its almost been one year since we split and its HARD. I'm ready to move on.

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Dundas Member

Dundas

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everything'll get better with time.

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BLo7687 Member

BLo7687

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Great post. I realize it's just not my time right now. This "waiting" thing does suck though. I just hope brighter days will come soon. Just got to be patient again and let things fall into place.

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KatZee Established Member

KatZee

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Overtime, can the dumper grow back respect for the one they dumped and become yet again interested...?

 

I know your breakup is fresh, so of course your mind is going to wander here, but please try to put a stop to it. Can it happen? Sure. Nothing is impossible. Will it happen? Most likely not. Don't cling to hope like this, and you REALLY need to cut the communication with your ex. You guys don't have a friendship and it's only further hurting you.

 

The best you can do for yourself right now is complete NC and work on your own life. This way you're moving on, you're meeting new people. If she comes back down the line, great! Now you have the power to accept it back or turn her down.

destroyed4sho Established Member

destroyed4sho

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Thanks Katzee this post is comforting and helpful. It has taken me ALOT of time to recover and it have been a grueling year so far.

I have been about more than 8 months NC. It has been a tough road and even though it does feel its getting better, my mind has a mind of its own. The constant thoughts are still there and sometimes when I think about how it all went down, so cruelly and cold, I still experience the" shock" emotions.

I wonder if this experience will jade me in future relationships. I can't visualize trusting someone else at this point. Hopefully with time, these issues will fade too.

Thank you for this, this will be bookmarked. Congrats on remaining NC for More than a Year!

cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

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Hey KatZee. Im so happy for you. Hopefully everthing goes great with this guy!

 

You are absolutley right about a person coming into you life with out even looking for it when you are ready. As soon as i started getting really indifferent my new gal just seemed to show up totally unexpected.

 

I wasnt even looking for a new RS as i was enjoying being single finally. Chins up everone. You will recover and be happy and likey meet someone who blows your ex out of the water! Rock on! Cav

OzHeartache Established Member

OzHeartache

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Thanks KatZee,

 

tired of feeling like this, I know in my head that it will happen for me oneday, My heart is still holding me back to a degree but I know in time my head will win over my heart and ill be done with these feelings of loss, hurt, confusion, no self esteem etc etc

 

Cant wait for that day like you've experienced :)

LovelyDaze Established Member

LovelyDaze

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Great post, KatZee!

 

In 2009 when I joined LS, I had ZERO hope that I'd find anyone I would love anyone more than my ex BF. I just KNEW it.

I grieved so hard I thought I was having a daily heart attack from crying so much. Well, nearly four years later, I am with the most wonderful man:love:.

 

We have been going great close to two years now and I don't know what I ever saw in my ex!

 

When we are in our heartache, all we can see is that our ex is our very last chance at love which is beyond untrue. I have the common sense now to know that even if my current BF decides to leave, I will grieve, get through it, bounce back, and become happier and wiser again. We all forget that there are billions of people in the world and that many, many, many people would be an incredible match for us. There isn't just "one."

 

Good luck to you and I hope all works out for your happiness!

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