ntvan07 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 (edited) I have been with my boyfriend for about 6 months. I'm 23, he is 31. We have lived together since March, it worked out better for me, as I have been on my own since I was 17, and it wasn't worth paying for an apartment when I'm always here. I come from an abusive upbringing, and I don't really communicate with my family. My boyfriends mother has kind of taken me under her wing, and has been like a true mom to me- he has such a wonderful family. There are a couple things I have noticed in this relationship, and then it will lead to the most recent issue, that really has been like a kick to the stomach. There were always jealousy issues from him, god forbid there was a guy on facebook or on my instagram that liked ANY picture, it could be of the Boston Bruins for gods sake... and then the constant comments about this "past" that I supposidely had. I've dated a couple people, but there is no "past." I was never the partying type, always held a full-time job, and I always was on my own. We could be driving together down the road, and my ex would drive by, he drives a tow truck for a company out here (granted this is a SMALL town lol), and my current boyfriend would make a big thing of him driving down the road, even when I wasn't paying attention to him at all. When I moved in here, I naturally took on the role of cleaning the house, and there was so much stuff just cluttered everywhere. As I started unpacking, and organizing stuff, I came across all of his exwifes stuff. They have been divorced since 2011, and they have a 4 yr old together (he comes here when my boyfriend isn't working- we get along VERY well... he is VERY attached to me ) You name it, it was here- wedding photos, pictures from their honeymoon, her old insurance cards, cards she had given him... It sort of threw me into a thought of... Why...? Why is all her junk still here? His mother and I talked about it a little, and she said that when his exwife left, she took stuff that wasn't hers, and they had to go get it back from her. I just left the situation alone, and thought of his exwife as a little bit crazy. As time went on, I found more and more things. I have even found HER family photos, and baby pictures of her other son (she got pregnant in college or something) laying around the house. It was a slap in the face to some extent that I had to find all of this stuff, but then again, I'm a girl, and I would have cleaned the house completely if I had gotten divorced. My current boyfriend stopped drinking last year, he was an alcoholic, it will make 1 yr of not having a drink on 6/17. He was active in the fire department, and he stepped down from his chief position, only to regain a captains position this past January when we started seeing one another. For the longest time, he wouldn't go on any calls... all of a sudden, he does. He was taking Lexapro from the time he stopped drinking, up until March (he just took himself off of it-cold turkey) when I moved in here. I believe its his mother that has said he is bipolar. I've experienced the mood swings, and we've had some crazy fights. Last week we got in an argument and he made some threats towards me- he would snap my phone in half, he would beat me up... and it hasn't been the same since. He keeps going back to an incident we had a month ago. We both decided to delete our facebooks, but when he realized I had an Instagram, he went on there and tried to add me. I frequently take people off of there, and add people from time to time. He made a screenshot of how many friends I had, and even went as far as counting the guys I had. Before I added him, I went through to see if there was anything that would upset him. I figured it wasn't worth dealing with him if there was something that would upset him. I don't use instagram for anything personal, mostly sports pictures or catchy quotes... But he noticed that I had deleted people, and it set him off. I stupidly tried to cover up for myself, but eventually I just told him the truth, I deleted some people, and that's really not anything out of the norm for me. To this day, he still puts in my face that I'm a "liar" and he doesn't trust me. Since the incident last week, he uses this instagram incident as a reason to why he doesn't know if he wants this anymore, he told me that he was raised to never forgive a "liar" and that he doesn't know what he wants now. Anyone who has ever lied to him in the past, he just cuts out of his life. When I ask him why it has to be like this, he says, well you should have thought about it before you "lied" to me. I feel like this is completely unfair to some extent. He has always taken my past, or his jealousy issues, and used them against me. I don't care for his exwife, and we have had issues about her, but I love his son like he is my own. We have this little family and we all have a great time. I asked him if I should leave, I just don't think I should stay here, if he is too busy deciding what he really wants, and he tells me no. He tells me I don't have a place to go and he wouldn't just throw me out. I got up last night and grabbed a couple things and fully planned on just leaving for a little while. He followed me to the door and he told me he would follow me, that he had to make sure I was safe... that I wouldn't be out on the street alone, because I don't deserve that. I got wicked emotional, and he stayed up and talked to me and just let me know he is here for me, hes not going to hurt me. Everybody else in my life has just thrown me out, and I just find my way on my feet. I feel weird that he would allow me to stay in this house, we still sleep next to one another and everything. I don't know where his head is. We have good nights, and then we have nights where I feel so broken down, all I do is cry. We'll watch hockey together, and talk on and off. I'm not sure what the deal is. I feel ashamed for saying this, but I think this is something that is worth working on. I didn't cheat, I have never done anything to hurt him intentionally. I just am starting to feel depressed, as he has pulled away, the I love you's have stopped, he doesn't treat me like before... its killing my self confidence. Am I completely off base with this? Please let me know. Obviously the honeymoon phase disappears, but I don't think this is something that completely ruins a relationship. Its not like I'm hiding the mistake I made. I fully own up to it. I feel like he just wants something to be pissed off about. We have both talked about how close we are, and he says he misses the old us. So why is he still holding this over my head? I get the evil eye when I bring up anything about the junk that was left around this house, or him having an attitude. Why can he be a jerk, but yet I have to keep my mouth shut? Please help Edited June 15, 2013 by ntvan07
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