Ex boyfriend, no respect, no apology, heartbroken

[Whyyarrr]

My ex boyfriend and I dated for six years, everything was great, we loved each other, his family loved me.. Out of the blue he tells me " he no longer feels passion for me" " lost that love feeling." I immediately panicked, begged, pleaded all the things you are not supposed to do. I finally told him, " I can't be with someone who doesn't love me" I broke it off.

 

The very next day he calls me telling me that he realized I do make him happy, that maybe we just need to work on ourselves.. I was happy. I thought he snapped to his senses and saw that our love was real.. Well one year later, same month... He tells me the same thing.. At this point he had been hanging out with his new friends.. Whim I hadn't been introduced to.. And he tells me he " wants to forget about us being boyfriend and girlfriend and wants to move on" again I cry.. But don't plead. He tells me feels guilty and how it's all his fault... I tell him that it takes courage and that I hope he is happy.

 

Three weeks later he emails me a love song about a woman that forgets the man that once loved her.. We make up again. Something that is important to mention is that we never officially had the title. We just resumed our normal routine as a couple without the commitment on his part. This went on for two years. Now this year.. The same thing happened, he doesn't want to make things work, he doesn't see himself with me and we call it off. I commit to no contact.He keeps mild contact with me. Sending me emails with different video links, websites..

 

I mailed him a few of his belongings, he responds with an email of pictures of myself ( his favorite pictures of me) from a vacation we took together. I has been no contact for six days ( with the exception of mail) and started crying! I caved and thanked him for the photos and told him that I had a few of his belongings ( important documents) that I would mail to him. He suggested that we meet and I agreed. We met up the following and caught up, he told me how sad it made him to drive to my house but after seeing me was not sad anymore. We caught up briefly, and he said to me " don't be a stranger" and " thanks for the chat" after that he continued with the emails and some texts. We agreed to meet each other again to exchange the rest of our belongings.

 

Well as fate would have it, last Friday (may 31) my sister called me and asked me to check Facebook.. ( I had deleted Facebook and Instagram to not be tempted or tormented to stalk him and decipher his every post), I checked through a girlfriends phone and saw the status update bold and clear. He was in a new relationship. One month and a week after we calked it off. That morning he had emailed me a recipe and said " I can picture you making this while listening to ice cube:)" he called me that morning.. Five minutes after I found out and was crying intensely... He called and said " Hey ,( our nicknames) are we still meeting up tomorrow morning to exchange the rest of our stuff" I calmly replied " no.

 

I just found out you have a new girlfriend and I am so shocked right now.. I am going to change my phone number and give you back this phone ( my phone was under his contract, and we has agreed to keep it that way and I would pay him monthly) and please don't ever email me or call me again." His reply, " ok" I was devastated crying.. I then sent him a text telling him " I have always loved you, but we obviously feel different. I wish you nothing but the best" he wrote back " thanks. I know you loved me. Sorry I could never make you feel the same" . WTF kind of response is that ?!?

 

Well , I resisted the urge to reply. He then sends me a text asking me to not change my number, he said " I won't contact you, but I know some of my family will" I replied " your family that wants to communicate with me, will have my number" he replies " okay" fast forward to that night.. I asked him to meet up.. He pulls up, asks me small questions " how's work? " " how was your game?" I finally cut to the chase and ask " so you have a new girlfriend, huh!? " he says " yeas, I don't know Yesenia, it just happened so fast.. It just happened" I told him " I know.. We called it off ONE MONTH AGO! You move on really fast" he said " it's really hard to move on.. But I want to just move on from our relationship and be happy" he then said " I don't know if I am with her because i.am lonely or I am feeling sad... And what it looks like on the outside is not reflective on how I feel inside" I told him it didn't matter. All I see are his actions.

 

He then told me, "I guess you're finally right about me like somebody else" he also says, "when you asked me if I like Erin and remember that I told you, that is not the one you should be worried about". I don't remember him telling me that.

 

 

I then proceed to apologize to him about my fault in the relationship, I list them, and apologize and I told him that I take full responsibility for what I contributed to what was our demise of the relationship. At this point he starts feeling almost crying. Our conversation starts getting pretty tense and I want to keep calm, so I proceed to show him some pictures of a recent trip that I took. I couldn't put them on my cell phone, so he suggests "you can just email them to me like". And I respond "no,we cannot communicate it isn't fair to me because I still love you and I need to move on it isn't fair to you if you want to move on and you're still talking to me and it is not fair to your girlfriend she deserves a fair chance to be with you, and I do not think she would like it if you were speaking to your ex-girlfriend.

 

He then says "you are the one putting all the boundaries here, I don't mind talking to you."I then wish him a happy birthday, I told him that I will not be calling him on that day, I also told him that is not the way expected a suspend his 30th birthday I hope you have a great birthday. He looks sad at this point. We then proceed to leave as I walk into the front of his car and he said to me "well you have my number right, because I don't have yours" should I respond yes I did.

 

 

I deleted my email address I change my phone number, he has no way of contacting me. But what I want to know is what the hell is he thinking I am into you don't contact it is very difficult because I do miss him I was with him for eight years six official to "working it out" and I have known him for 10 years. What bothers me the most from our conversation that Friday night, was that he did not even apologize, he did not apologize the basic apology which would be "I am sorry you cannot this way I didn't know how to tell you" or "I didn't mean to hurt you I didn't know how to tell you".

 

I don't know if it's important or relevant to mention but he met this girl the last month that we were still seeing each other and in that month when I asked him how long he had been feeling that he didn't want to be with me anymore he told me a month ago a month before we broke up that's when he met her.

 

I just don't know what to think I know the best thing for me is to move on but if you can provide some sort of insight as to what the hell he is thinking still wanting to talk to me after he has his girlfriend, if I would have allow it he would have still been texting me or calling me. Can you help? I need advice.

Edited June 15, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[TaraMaiden]

TL: DR.

 

It doesn't matter.

What matters is that you dump him, leave him dumped, STICK to NO CONTACT, do not capitulate, give in or relent.

Otherwise we'll be reading this story every year, from now on, about this time.

 

If that's what you want, and what makes you happy, and what you are agreeing to put up with for the foreseeable future on an annual basis - then carry on.

 

If not - get out of this cycle, quit the responding, and don't let him back in, ever again.

Change every single contact detail you have, including your 'phone number.

 

(Don't say you can't - I did, twice, AND I run a business from my 'phone....)

 

(Ah. I see a Moderator has kindly paragraphed your post.)

 

So he's a lying cheating manipulator too.

 

All the more reason to never speak to him again.

 

Don't you think??

[Whyyarrr]

(Thanks moderator) I agree! I changed my phone number and deleted my email so he would not contact me. I just can't wrap my head around someone treating ANYONE this way. Especially after knowing him for YEARS! I don't care that he has a new gf, it's the lack of respect.

[Justletgo]

I completely feel what your going through because of my own experience.

 

We were probably being unattractive and someone else was being more attractive. That combined with people not having the ability to stay faithful is deadly.

They just felt some excitement for someone else and acted on it I think.

 

Don't expect an apology anytime soon/ever.

 

And Taramaiden is right.

 

Become your attractive self again asap. I'm working on it myself too.

[Whyyarrr]

I think you are on to something justletgo. I know I became needy and those are the things I apologized for. As I was apologizing, he started crying. Why would he cry if he no longer felt love for me?

[TaraMaiden]

Because he realises he's a jerk, and jerks don't like to be put on the spot.

 

Doubtless he has feelings for you - but the person who matters most in his life - the individual with more importance - is himself.

 

That is a constant.

There's no getting away from it - every single phase he has hauled you through has been motivated by self-interest.

[Whyyarrr]

You are right.. Towards the end he kept saying how he feels "stuck" and unhappy..with his life, not me. He never once addressed the issue he has with me. I am going to move on, I just can't wrap my head around how selfish he is. Not even an apology or even a proper " letting go" aside from him getting a new girlfriend...he still wanted to keep contact with me. What a jerk.