aliceinthebox Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 So to begin, I am the dumper. It has been about 6 months with no contact. I do not regret breaking up with him (I'm not going to try and justify my actions all I can say is that the situation was complicated and if you really want to know what a dumper was thinking about a break up you can ask and I can post it). During these six months I have not once even imagined I would even consider contacting him as I am a gosh darn stubborn person and I feel like since I broke up with him I have no right to interfere in his life. As such, since I broke up with him I also have no expectation of getting back together. So I guess what I'm getting at is does anyone think a second chance is possible whether it be friends or boyfriend and girlfriend? Some more background info: -He was my first relationship -Didn't know much about each other before we dated and even while we dated communication was iffy (I knew him from my childhood, happened to see him on campus about 10 years later) -We only dated three months -He probably has abandonment issues in that his father abandoned his mother and had a separate family -Break up was kind of nasty and I blamed him for a lot of our issues while at the same time saying it wasn't him, but me (yeah I know...) -He found someone a few weeks to a month after break up (I don't know if they are still together or not as we don't have mutual friends and he blocked me from facebook) Given the situation the only way I could contact him is knocking on his door and that makes me feel like I'd be reaching creeper status . Having spent the whole 6 months on LS there are three categories of dumpees, the ones who would love to hear from their ex, the ones who hate their exes guts and hope they go to hell, and the indifferent exes that still care about their ex but would never want to be in a relationship with them. Based on this I'm fearful he is in the last two categories or that he realized after the break up that he never liked me and that it was an illusion. Should I just take responsibility for what I have done and stay away from him or knock on the door and risk crazy drama and me feeling like a loser for even considering trying to make something work? I know I am an ass for breaking up with him, but I could go on for days talking about why it was necessary, but I guess those could easily be biased justifications...
TaraMaiden Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Should I just take responsibility for what I have done and stay away from him Yes. or knock on the door and risk crazy drama and me feeling like a loser for even considering trying to make something work? No. I know I am an ass for breaking up with him, but I could go on for days talking about why it was necessary, but I guess those could easily be biased justifications... It doesn't matter. Even though I think you're right - there are.... If you're having doubts about how stupid it was to be together - then it was stupid to be together. leave it be. Why would you try to reawaken something that was clearly damaged? In a way (sorry 'bout this...) you're just attention-seeking. Your thought is self-serving. It comes down to: 'Do I still have it, in his eyes, to reawaken positive interest in him? Might he still be sufficiently interested in having me in his life?' leave him alone, hun. You risk 5% good result, 95% utter humiliation. The odds are NOT stacked in your favour.
Author aliceinthebox Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 (edited) Yes. No. It doesn't matter. Even though I think you're right - there are.... If you're having doubts about how stupid it was to be together - then it was stupid to be together. leave it be. Why would you try to reawaken something that was clearly damaged? In a way (sorry 'bout this...) you're just attention-seeking. Your thought is self-serving. It comes down to: 'Do I still have it, in his eyes, to reawaken positive interest in him? Might he still be sufficiently interested in having me in his life?' leave him alone, hun. You risk 5% good result, 95% utter humiliation. The odds are NOT stacked in your favour. Lol got it. But, I gotta disagree on the attention seeking. I just miss him and was hoping there was something salvageable. I guess I wanted to try and reawaken it because I feel like I've been able to work on my problems and that I'm in a better place than I was that could make it work. :/ * I know the best thing is to keep away, but I guess I was hoping someone would say go ahead or do what you are doing and just reaffirm the stay away Edited June 15, 2013 by aliceinthebox
Kobe2345 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Lol look girl, advice is one thing, no one knows the relationship clearer than you do, if you think youre at a better place and have grown, why not give it a shot? Im sure your ex have reflected himself on the relationship and have grown also... If you think its salvagable, why not reach out.. Honestly its your choice.. You do whats the best for you. 1
inaya42 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 hi, i also don't think it would be the worse thing in the world to reach out and say hi. after a long period of NC, the distinction between dumper and dumpee becomes more obscure because it is clear that BOTH have accepted the breakup and are attempting to move forward with their lives. (interestingly, the three categories of dumpees that you describe are really just all dumpees at different stages of healing.) just be prepared to be ignored, to be told where to go, or (most likely) to get a polite but disinterested response. 1
SimonSerenade Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I won't question your motives for the break up, not every dumper is a bad one, some just end it in a messed up disrespectful way, if you feel you did wrong then by all means apologise and explain yourself to his man, I know it's daunting showing up at his door but you have nothing to lose in this situation, be a decent person and honestly ask him if he could ever have the heart to let you back in his life again but if I was you I would make sure it's something you really want and make sure exactly what it is that you want, it's only fair on the guy.
Author aliceinthebox Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 So I've been hanging out with my family this last week and apparently he didn't delete them from his facebook and so I checked. He is still dating the girl so imma not gonna rock the boat and stick to no contact and just move on with my life. Thanks guys. 1
moneyneversleeps Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 why don't you just make contact and see how he is doing? maybe he is not happy? just say hello wondering what you were up to etc etc.
TaraMaiden Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 because he's with someone! People of integrity don't rock the boat and make complications for others....he's with a girl, so she (quite rightly!) is leaving well alone.... 2
moneyneversleeps Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 she can just make contact with no real intention. maybe he is unhappy and just trying to fill a void. If they are truly happy or in love then an ex simply contacting should not and can not 'rock the boat'. Otherwise then the new relationship is way too fragile anyway...
TaraMaiden Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Oh please!! You're a right one to talk about 'contact with no intention'.....! There's no such thing, particularly as HIS agenda is patently different! 1
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