memyselfi Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 My bf and I had a fight over skype account, thought he added a new contact there, I didnt believe him saying it was my account from msn automatically added on his skype. Im not trying to make him upset or what, I didnt know that you can logged in from your msn account in skype and the two account will merge together, not until i tried it last night. I said sorry for me over reacting about it, he told me tho that im stupid when it comes to that thing, which I cant believe he said it... now he is still not messaging tho ive already said sorry, emails, text message him then on skype... he still ignore me... i was thinking maybe he needed some more space... i know its my fault but i dont think its right to tell me that im stupid... dont know what to do... any advice..
Toddbt12y1 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 No, he should not tell you..."you're stupid." You made a rash mistake. I never heard of MSN automatically adding people(I have an MSN)...it usually asks that you add them...as a notice. He is getting awfully and strangely so worked up over...basically nothing. He shouldn't been such a dick. I could understand if it was a constant questioning from you...but... You need to quit sending emails, texts....etc.You can only apologize enough...if he continues that's all on him. If he continues to ignore you....I'd consider it as a bad sign. Be cautious of this. Seems like overboarding over something questionable anyway. 2
justwhoiam Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Maybe this is not an isolated case? That is, not the first time you question his being honest? So he got offended, and at which level mainly depends on how often these things happen... You said sorry, you realized your mistake... but he surely knows that you flipped out because you were jealous. And that happens when you love someone to pieces. And he should let it go. Don't pester him. See if he gets back to you. If not, he's probably fed up of your behavior or slowly fell out of love. 2
Immortality Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Loving someone to pieces is not an excuse to emotionally abuse them for adding a contact in Skype! You deserve what you got for your behaviour. Even if he has a new friend, so what? And yes he is right that MSN accounts were merged when Microsoft shut down MSN in April 2013.
Author memyselfi Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 No, he should not tell you..."you're stupid." You made a rash mistake. I never heard of MSN automatically adding people(I have an MSN)...it usually asks that you add them...as a notice. He is getting awfully and strangely so worked up over...basically nothing. He shouldn't been such a dick. I could understand if it was a constant questioning from you...but... You need to quit sending emails, texts....etc.You can only apologize enough...if he continues that's all on him. If he continues to ignore you....I'd consider it as a bad sign. Be cautious of this. Seems like overboarding over something questionable anyway. I made my last email earlier, hoping he would read it when he get up and check email. This is the 2nd morning that he didnt message me, or say anything, I dont know what else to think, but im trying to prepare myself to whatever possible might happen...
Author memyselfi Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 Maybe this is not an isolated case? That is, not the first time you question his being honest? So he got offended, and at which level mainly depends on how often these things happen... You said sorry, you realized your mistake... but he surely knows that you flipped out because you were jealous. And that happens when you love someone to pieces. And he should let it go. Don't pester him. See if he gets back to you. If not, he's probably fed up of your behavior or slowly fell out of love. No this isnt the first time, but he knows how much i tried to work things on me being so jealous, this happens once a week. But I was being nice and calm when I question him that, and he was the one who yell at me and hang up on me... i yell back cause he tells me im stupid which I could not accept... I love him dearly and I do respect him so much... and I am not expecting he would say things like that to me...
Nerona Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 No this isnt the first time, but he knows how much i tried to work things on me being so jealous, this happens once a week. ...i yell back cause he tells me im stupid which I could not accept... I love him dearly and I do respect him so much... and I am not expecting he would say things like that to me... Well, if you think about it from his position: He seems constantly to be blamed for details that are really not meaning anything to him and yet he's standing up to it and swallowing your criticism quite a lot of times because he loves you. YOU could not accept it that he called you stupid one single time - then try imagining how you are hurting him with your criticism and doubts every single time. Being hurt by the person he loves most, permanently. That's a terrible feeling, isn't it? I'm not blaming you as you seem to be trying to work on it but it's understandable that one time all that accusations he endured exceed a limit (clear what I'm meaning?). It's your turn now. Be patient. Do wait for him to find himself able and willing to face you again. Or continue apologizing - that's a matter of your pride and personality, I suppose. But you have to endure that it's his turn to think about himself - although you can make clear (afterwards) that you are very sad about his non-communicating and that you really see that as a hard limit to a relationship. But at the moment that seems to be his manner of demonstrating you HOW MUCH you hurt him. I had that situation with my bf one time. I had criticized him quite a few times (although not perceiving it as really offending him). So one evening he really flipped out over one foolish commentary of mine and didn't want to talk to me anymore. Although I apologized an hour later he wouldn't react and continue doing so for nearly 4 days(!!!). I gave up on contacting him and waited (because actually I didn't want to give in) for him to resume communication. Finally he did. And yes, I was terribly angry and hurt by him not communicating anything and I told him. But on the other hand I understood that I had passed a limit and that he really got hurt by me and that I had to change something about my behaviour. It was a very tough time and, as you, I was terribly afraid of losing him. I went through hell. But from today's point of view I (and we) did a huge step forward in these days, learning to really respect and trust HIS needs and feelings and stop doubting. It was a hard but necessary lesson - and it worked 1
Author memyselfi Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 Well, if you think about it from his position: He seems constantly to be blamed for details that are really not meaning anything to him and yet he's standing up to it and swallowing your criticism quite a lot of times because he loves you. YOU could not accept it that he called you stupid one single time - then try imagining how you are hurting him with your criticism and doubts every single time. Being hurt by the person he loves most, permanently. That's a terrible feeling, isn't it? I'm not blaming you as you seem to be trying to work on it but it's understandable that one time all that accusations he endured exceed a limit (clear what I'm meaning?). It's your turn now. Be patient. Do wait for him to find himself able and willing to face you again. Or continue apologizing - that's a matter of your pride and personality, I suppose. But you have to endure that it's his turn to think about himself - although you can make clear (afterwards) that you are very sad about his non-communicating and that you really see that as a hard limit to a relationship. But at the moment that seems to be his manner of demonstrating you HOW MUCH you hurt him. I had that situation with my bf one time. I had criticized him quite a few times (although not perceiving it as really offending him). So one evening he really flipped out over one foolish commentary of mine and didn't want to talk to me anymore. Although I apologized an hour later he wouldn't react and continue doing so for nearly 4 days(!!!). I gave up on contacting him and waited (because actually I didn't want to give in) for him to resume communication. Finally he did. And yes, I was terribly angry and hurt by him not communicating anything and I told him. But on the other hand I understood that I had passed a limit and that he really got hurt by me and that I had to change something about my behaviour. It was a very tough time and, as you, I was terribly afraid of losing him. I went through hell. But from today's point of view I (and we) did a huge step forward in these days, learning to really respect and trust HIS needs and feelings and stop doubting. It was a hard but necessary lesson - and it worked I do understand what you mean, thank you so much for your words, I was a victim of betrayal and thats by him, before i accepted him back, i told him its going to be his last chance, and it was really a big struggle for me to bring back my trust, but then I love him so i have to work on that, if im going to rate myself from that day we get back up to now, I have so much changes i made for him, all the adjustment and compromise, well in fact ive learned to accept the fact that his ex gf is not quitting from texting him up to now, but then i said, i will just let him deal with that... what happened now is something that can be discuss about, and i approached him in a good and nice way, but then he started yelling at me... that causes me to yell back... i told him to my last email that im sorry.... and that i think i also deserve a sorry from what he said... but not pushing him to do so... that i was really hurt to what he said.... im still not getting any response from him so maybe ill just wait...
justwhoiam Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 No this isnt the first time, but he knows how much i tried to work things on me being so jealous, this happens once a week. But I was being nice and calm when I question him that, and he was the one who yell at me and hang up on me... i yell back cause he tells me im stupid which I could not accept... I love him dearly and I do respect him so much... and I am not expecting he would say things like that to me... Too many wrong things in that relationship to make it work. Sorry.
Author memyselfi Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 Too many wrong things in that relationship to make it work. Sorry. I'm not gonna give up, I know it can still be fix, I believe in that, if he needed space for him to think things, I'll give it to him, while I'm going to improve myself from being a jealous to more confident person who will trust him again.
TMichaels Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I'm not gonna give up, I know it can still be fix, I believe in that, if he needed space for him to think things, I'll give it to him, while I'm going to improve myself from being a jealous to more confident person who will trust him again. Door, meet Mat. Best, TMichaels 2
Author memyselfi Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 Door, meet Mat. Best, TMichaels I am not that, I am just a woman in love, who is trying to work things out with my relationship...
NoMoreJerks Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 (edited) OK, I can understand that he is really upset that you keep questioning his honesty, which makes you come off as quite insecure and distrustful, but why do I have a feeling he is blowing things out of proportion? I really think that sometimes, men who are not into you enough, will use it as an opportunity to phase out of the relationship or at least lower your expectations from them. My ex used to do this. I once got upset because he was giving me the silent treatment for no reason at all, stopped messaging me in the mornings, even when I once told him I was feeling physically ill, at night -- he woke up, checked his messages, and then turned off the phone and went to work (it was a LDR, but I could tell he had turned off his phone because he was no longer online on the app we used to text , when he went to work)... WHen I raised the issue with him, and asked what was up, he denied there was anything wrong, started blaming me for blowing things out of proportion, that he was stressed about work, bla bla all the usual crap -- funny how stress about work never let him go on road trips with his co-workers on the same day that he ignored my text.... He told me he will stop talking to me until I had thought about what I had done.. Frankly, no one has talked to me like that since my dad last grounded me when I was like 6 or 7.. So, anyway, I just stopped texting him and lost his number _ of course he didn't let go of me and got back to me and wooed his way back into it but he was just playing mind games, wanted to keep me as someone to talk to when bored, someone to go to when he had problems at work, bla bla, but not to put any effort into anything. I realize the situation here is a bit different, but if this guy is blowing this out of proportion, I'd reconsider. And I wouldn't keep apologizing to him. He has about as much to apologize for (for his reaction) as you do. Also, if he has cheated on you before, I'd say kick him to the curb. It just doesn't work, sorry. I know it feels crappy, but I'd get out of this before it gets even more painful. His reaction and past actions indicate that he is not interested in you and is just controlling you and you are becoming something that you are not. Be with a guy you can trust, and who will respect some insecurities you might have, and act like an adult about it. Edited June 15, 2013 by NoMoreJerks 1
NoMoreJerks Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I'm not gonna give up, I know it can still be fix, I believe in that, if he needed space for him to think things, I'll give it to him, while I'm going to improve myself from being a jealous to more confident person who will trust him again. So he cheated on you, and it's you who have to work on trusting him again? Wait, what? I though that was up to him, if he wanted this badly enough, if he wanted your forgiveness, to work on making himself trustworthy. His behaviour does not indicate that he is even putting in the effort. Sorry, but I do not tolerate that someone cheat on me. I had this done to me, and painful as it was, despite the fact that I was head over heels in love with him, I ended things and am NEVER going back to him. EVER. 1
Author memyselfi Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 Im just saying I will do my part to work things out in this relationship, but if he dont do his, I know then that I have nothing to work on, nothing to hold on to at all and time to move on... 2
Author memyselfi Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 No, he should not tell you..."you're stupid." You made a rash mistake. I never heard of MSN automatically adding people(I have an MSN)...it usually asks that you add them...as a notice. He is getting awfully and strangely so worked up over...basically nothing. He shouldn't been such a dick. I could understand if it was a constant questioning from you...but... You need to quit sending emails, texts....etc.You can only apologize enough...if he continues that's all on him. If he continues to ignore you....I'd consider it as a bad sign. Be cautious of this. Seems like overboarding over something questionable anyway. Finally we talked on skype, but before we do, he messaged me saying... i dont know what to do, then when we talk... he said he doesnt want to be with a woman who would accuse him the rest of his life doing something he dont do... I was just listening to him... then i said, its all up to him if he wanted to continue or not, because obviously i still want to work things out, but now its all up to him... told him Im gonna give him space to think things between us... we are still in a relationship so far he never ask me to remove each other in facebook in a relationship, he didnt say anything like we're done, when he said im going, i asked what do u mean ur going... he said im going to bed... so thats what happened tonight... he really sound cold that he was waiting for me to say something how to solve my attitude not trusting him tho I already said I'm gonna work on it.... I don't know how am I gonna act next, should I message him when he woke up saying good morning, then goodnight when going to bed, I'm being so confused....
justwhoiam Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Leave him alone. If he really cares, he'll be back. You don't want to tie him to you forcefully, right? 2
Forever Learning Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 (edited) Yes, just ignore him. If he wants you he'll be back. Don't chase, you've apologized. This shouldn't be such a big deal for him at this point. I think he's a drama queen and a jerk. Plus, if he cheated on you, be done with him!! And next time, DONT get into a long distance relationship. They SUCK! Hope I wasn't unclear Good luck dear. Go get you a great, honest, trustworthy, non-drama guy who lives close by. Edited June 18, 2013 by Forever Learning
Recommended Posts