Author NoMoreJerks Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 (edited) This makes me want to make an OLD profile for a GUY. I have always wondered what the experience would be like for a guy. Lurking on this site and reading all these tales of woe only further peaks my curiosity! I'd expect that it's probably the same. Honestly, I really think that most women would also not take the time to get to know someone and have a decent conversation via messaging , before meeting up. It's disappointing, if you think about it. And most men on OLD do like that. They like the ones that do not have these sorts of interesting, intriguing conversations. One would think that these sorts of conversations would get someone interested in meeting you -- after all, I do not want to be asked out on a date just for my looks -- rather than just the looks. The sad thing? You see a few nerdy guys (and not drop-dead gorgeous either, so it's not like they have a chip on their shoulder), who have an interesting job, and you talk a bit about your shared interests in computers, programming, etc., and then they blank you. Apparently I'm too smart for a woman? It's all so dumbed down, it's so intellectually stifling, it's sad. And I thought I was on to something with that guy I was having an OK chat with on an OLD site..... oh man, was I wrong.. Edited June 15, 2013 by NoMoreJerks
eastcoastgirl88 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I'd expect that it's probably the same. Honestly, I really think that most women would also not take the time to get to know someone and have a decent conversation via messaging , before meeting up. It's disappointing, if you think about it. And most men on OLD do like that. They like the ones that do not have these sorts of interesting, intriguing conversations. One would think that these sorts of conversations would get someone interested in meeting you -- after all, I do not want to be asked out on a date just for my looks -- rather than just the looks. The sad thing? You see a few nerdy guys (and not drop-dead gorgeous either, so it's not like they have a chip on their shoulder), who have an interesting job, and you talk a bit about your shared interests in computers, programming, etc., and then they blank you. Apparently I'm too smart for a woman? It's all so dumbed down, it's so intellectually stifling, it's sad. And I thought I was on to something with that guy I was having an OK chat with on an OLD site..... oh man, was I wrong.. I have done a lot of OLD with a lot of success. I almost always get from messaging to date. I think the key is this: you can be as interesting as smart as can be, but if you don't seem playful, fun, cute and charming the guy may pass on asking you out. There has to be something feminine about you that moves the guy to view you not as a platonic human but as a potential romantic partner. Would you consider yourself playful in your conversations?
Author NoMoreJerks Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 And I mean, I can totally understand if he just wasn't interested in me? But he could've just come out and said so after those few messages.... apparently people lack the decency to do even that... or maybe I am being kept on the back burner as an option, once he does not have any luck with the other ladies... so pathetic. I mean, am I even expected to put up with that? A guy who is not interested enough in me after having a good long chat, and won't even bother to respond to my last message, can kiss his chances goodbye of ever talking to me again... but just... I mean... the fact that he didn't even say, sorry, I am not interested in you.. that says a lot..
Author NoMoreJerks Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 I have done a lot of OLD with a lot of success. I almost always get from messaging to date. I think the key is this: you can be as interesting as smart as can be, but if you don't seem playful, fun, cute and charming the guy may pass on asking you out. There has to be something feminine about you that moves the guy to view you not as a platonic human but as a potential romantic partner. Would you consider yourself playful in your conversations? Oh, trust me, I was quite playful, and fun. There really was nothing wrong I said or did in my message that might turn off ANY guy. Seriously. It was a good balance of intelligent and fun. Which is what is so puzzling.
eastcoastgirl88 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I think you'll save yourself a lot of heartache as soon as your realize and accept that life and romance are not always "right" or "fair." If you learn that this is just the way of the world and stop fighting against it, you will have an easier time letting things roll of your back and approaching dating with a more positive attitude.
eastcoastgirl88 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Oh, trust me, I was quite playful, and fun. There really was nothing wrong I said or did in my message that might turn off ANY guy. Seriously. It was a good balance of intelligent and fun. Which is what is so puzzling. This may be too personal but would you consider sharing the back-and-forth of the messages you sent, with any identifying details removed of course? I would love to read and analyze the dynamic!
Author NoMoreJerks Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 (edited) This may be too personal but would you consider sharing the back-and-forth of the messages you sent, with any identifying details removed of course? I would love to read and analyze the dynamic! well, it's too long to post in its entirety. It started off with him messaging me, and I replied by saying that I saw that he was in the game design industry and that I was into games a lot. He asked me what games I play, and what sorts of programming languages I use. I replied, and asked him about his likes/preferences, and also, that I saw that he has a Siamese cat, and that I ADORE Siamese cats! He sent me a picture of his cat, and another message asking me about what I had studied, etc. I replied by saying, your cat's sooooo adorable! A few things about games, and then, asked him what he does for fun.. he replied by saying some stuff about his job, a few things about games he likes, and then said what he likes to do for fun, asked me what I like to do for fun. I replied by saying that I am starting a job teaching at a university. I also felt like I should take it to the next level and be a little more fun and not just keep talking about games and nerdy interests. So I talked at some length about what I like doing in terms of outdoors activities, etc., in a very fun, and funny, way. Silence since then. I mean, that's an extremely condensed version of it. In my replies, I did pay quite a bit of attention to the stuff he said about his job, gaming, programming, etc. Overall, I thought it was a good balance... Edited June 15, 2013 by NoMoreJerks
Author NoMoreJerks Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 you'll need to make at least two. the hot guy and the geeky guy. the difference will be startling. I don't message "hot" guys in general. That's not to say I message ugly guys that I am not attracted to, but there is a certain vibe I get from some of the pictures hot guys usually post... usually, they post pictures of them partying out, or showing off their muscles or something of that sort.. it doesn't give me the feeling that they would be into intelligent conversation... or that they'd be my type.
MidwestUSA Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Hate men much? Huge throbbing gristle, LOL! Thanks, Chaucer! What is with the bitter obsession over getting wood, jerking off, etc.? Not all men get a hard on cuz the wind blew in that direction. If you're as hot as you say, they'd be jerking off under the table at Starbuck's with you across from them. You're obviously upset that that doesn't happen to you? 1
eastcoastgirl88 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 well, it's too long to post in its entirety. It started off with him messaging me, and I replied by saying that I saw that he was in the game design industry and that I was into games a lot. He asked me what games I play, and what sorts of programming languages I use. I replied, and asked him about his likes/preferences, and also, that I saw that he has a Siamese cat, and that I ADORE Siamese cats! He sent me a picture of his cat, and another message asking me about what I had studied, etc. I replied by saying, your cat's sooooo adorable! A few things about games, and then, asked him what he does for fun.. he replied by saying some stuff about his job, a few things about games he likes, and then said what he likes to do for fun, asked me what I like to do for fun. I replied by saying that I am starting a job teaching at a university. I also felt like I should take it to the next level and be a little more fun and not just keep talking about games and nerdy interests. So I talked at some length about what I like doing in terms of outdoors activities, etc., in a very fun, and funny, way. Silence since then. I can diagnose your problem right now. SO glad you shared the details! You are leading the conversation. You're taking the man's role. You're pushing the conversation forward. He may not even be able to tell you you're doing this but he is subconsciously getting turned off by it. This is because men should be the ones to lead initial conversations. You should be a lady, politely answering and volleying back questions, of course, but you should not be aggressively starting off convos by saying you realize he's in the game industry and what does he do etc. etc., then pushing the convo towards outdoor activities...that's HIS job. He will value the conversation (and you, by extension) the more he has to invest. How do I know this? Because I am like you. I used to do ALL the things you do. I thought I was being incredibly friendly and chatty when really I was taking away all my sex appeal and mystery! I know this probably sounds sexist, and it probably is, but once I started doing things differently I got way different responses. Example...if he says "Hey," your response should be "Hey." Not, "Hey! I see you're in the gaming industry! Me too! What games do you play?" As the convo progresses, let's say you're talking about games and you want to change the subject. Say he says "Yeah, I love that game!" Do not respond with "Me too! But I also love camping. Have you ever to XYZ campground?" It simply indicates too much interest too early on. A more appropriate response when you want to change the subject would either me a simple "Me too!" or a ":)" Then let him change it. Try this strategy. I guarantee it will work.
Author NoMoreJerks Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 Hate men much? Huge throbbing gristle, LOL! Thanks, Chaucer! What is with the bitter obsession over getting wood, jerking off, etc.? Not all men get a hard on cuz the wind blew in that direction. If you're as hot as you say, they'd be jerking off under the table at Starbuck's with you across from them. You're obviously upset that that doesn't happen to you? lol, no thanks, I've had enough guys drool over me (almost literally) and grind against me. Not sure I like it, unless I am in ONS mode, which these days I seem to be in. But I would hate to think that a guy would be unable to control that sort of thing, from the very first date. In a way it's flattering, but at the same time quite degrading. I'd rather he got really hooked on what I had to say, and not the fact that my boobs are huge and I have a great body and am so pretty.
Author NoMoreJerks Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 Well, I actually don't think I did what you said was what I did wrong. Maybe it came across that way because it was a crude summary of the interaction. But I definitely did not seem overly interested. Just interested in a conversation.. that is all. I think it was a good balance between sounding too interested and too disinterested... I don't know. But then again, I cannot read minds to know what went wrong there. And I mean, fine, whatever, but it just is bizarre and sad and disappointing. This is one of the very few men who have shown a decent ability to carry on conversation.
eastcoastgirl88 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Well, I actually don't think I did what you said was what I did wrong. Maybe it came across that way because it was a crude summary of the interaction. But I definitely did not seem overly interested. Just interested in a conversation.. that is all. I think it was a good balance between sounding too interested and too disinterested... I don't know. But then again, I cannot read minds to know what went wrong there. And I mean, fine, whatever, but it just is bizarre and sad and disappointing. This is one of the very few men who have shown a decent ability to carry on conversation. You might find that the less you talk the more a man will demonstrate his conversation skills by typing more thoughtful responses in an effort to get more from YOU. Just a thought
Author NoMoreJerks Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 Um being in one night stand mode will turn off lots of guys, especilly good guys. my personal belief is past is past but not everybody has this belief. Well, when I am in that mode, I am not looking for a guy to have a relationship with. I don't do this often. I've only done it once.. or maybe twice (not sure what that last one counted as, I think it was a ONS, though at first I just thought of it as sex after the first date). *shrug*
veggirl Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 So if a guy has a date for next tues, first date with an online girl, when would he be allowed to ask you out? Obviously not for before cause he's lined up something else...what about after, for Friday? Is it okay as long as you're the last one so far? Gimme a fkin break. If a guy likes you, he's not interested in other girls. You expect an Insta relationship. You practically consider guys you meet once to be your bf like they already need to be exclusive to you. Why don't you just freakin ask if they multi date and next em if they do. Or myob about their future dates until you've established exclusivity with them.
veggirl Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Well, when I am in that mode, I am not looking for a guy to have a relationship with. I don't do this often. I've only done it once.. or maybe twice (not sure what that last one counted as, I think it was a ONS, though at first I just thought of it as sex after the first date). *shrug* Not true. You were in ons mode when you got pissed the business guy didnt see you as anything more than sex. Remember? Or do you go from ons mode to R mode as often as you go pee!
Author NoMoreJerks Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 Not true. You were in ons mode when you got pissed the business guy didnt see you as anything more than sex. Remember? Or do you go from ons mode to R mode as often as you go pee! What? I had a ONS with a guy who was in town for 2 days, and I never expected anything more from it. Never exchanged numbers or anything of the sort, didn't get mad at him. He just left in the morning, and that was that. Where are you getting all this stuff from??
Author NoMoreJerks Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 So if a guy has a date for next tues, first date with an online girl, when would he be allowed to ask you out? Obviously not for before cause he's lined up something else...what about after, for Friday? Is it okay as long as you're the last one so far? The beef I have is with people who line up dates with multiple people before even going on a date with the first person in line.. and then they take their pick. It's degrading.. to them as well as to the people they are going out with, regardless of where in the queue one is. Why not just go on a date, decide you don't like someone, and set up a date with someone else THEN?
Author NoMoreJerks Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 Don't expect quality guys when you are in ONS mode. Expect to be used. I don't. I never went into a ONS thinking I can sex myself into a relationship. I mean, I wouldn't want to... The reverse has been true, though -- I've had a date turn into a ONS, because it turned out that's what the guy really wanted. He wanted to then turn the ONS into FWB/frequent booty calls, but I was not up for that.
veggirl Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 What? I had a ONS with a guy who was in town for 2 days, and I never expected anything more from it. Never exchanged numbers or anything of the sort, didn't get mad at him. He just left in the morning, and that was that. Where are you getting all this stuff from?? Not the married guy. The guy you watched blade runner with. Don't date guys who multi date. Problem solved. Many don't.
eastcoastgirl88 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I don't. I never went into a ONS thinking I can sex myself into a relationship. I mean, I wouldn't want to... The reverse has been true, though -- I've had a date turn into a ONS, because it turned out that's what the guy really wanted. He wanted to then turn the ONS into FWB/frequent booty calls, but I was not up for that. I wouldn't really call a date turning into a ONS the "reverse" of a ONS turning into a relationship. A date turning into a ONS is still a ONS. As for FWB, I'd rather have a ONS over that arrangement any day. Always turns out horribly. 1
xxoo Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 The beef I have is with people who line up dates with multiple people before even going on a date with the first person in line.. and then they take their pick. It's degrading.. to them as well as to the people they are going out with, regardless of where in the queue one is. Why not just go on a date, decide you don't like someone, and set up a date with someone else THEN? Ideally, it isn't "pick" but rather "connect". When a man or woman connects, the others don't matter. If he is still looking, he hasn't connected yet. Obviously, it is nearly impossible to connect before a first meeting in OLD. Therefore, the men demonstrate the unconnected behavior of continuing to look around until connection occurs. 1
Author NoMoreJerks Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 Not the married guy. The guy you watched blade runner with. Don't date guys who multi date. Problem solved. Many don't. I met the guy while I was having dinner in a pub. It was 7 pm. He gave me his number, and after I sent him a text to let him know my number, he set up a date. I went on the date, turned out he wanted sex, so I obliged, and no, I didn't get pissed off at the fact that all he wanted was sex? I did have a beef with him trying to do booty calls at 11pm, though. That's all. I didn't mind the sex. Probably the best sex I've ever had.
Author NoMoreJerks Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 I wouldn't really call a date turning into a ONS the "reverse" of a ONS turning into a relationship. A date turning into a ONS is still a ONS. As for FWB, I'd rather have a ONS over that arrangement any day. Always turns out horribly. Yes, you are right. A date turning into a ONS is still a ONS. But it was, at first, a date in my mind. I thought he was interested in more than sex. When I realized he wasn't, I just obliged and enjoyed the sex. He's been after me since then, but only texting me last minute late at night (booty call). So yes, he wasnt interested in more than sex, but it was technically a "date". I agree about FWB vs ONS, btw. I would take a ONS any day over a FWB. I will never be anyone's FWB. EVER. 1
eastcoastgirl88 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I met the guy while I was having dinner in a pub. It was 7 pm. He gave me his number, and after I sent him a text to let him know my number, he set up a date. I went on the date, turned out he wanted sex, so I obliged, and no, I didn't get pissed off at the fact that all he wanted was sex? I did have a beef with him trying to do booty calls at 11pm, though. That's all. I didn't mind the sex. Probably the best sex I've ever had. If you have casual sex like that right off the bat the guy has no reason to believe you are not okay with getting booty-called. 1
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