theedge Posted October 11, 2004 Posted October 11, 2004 Hey everyone! Ok so here is my situation, maybe a bit long but I also will provide some back ground. I myself am 30 years old, a virgin and never had a girlfriend. I have had a tough time with women and always meeting the wrong ones. I tend to be the one who gets "Your too nice", "Im not attracted to you" or "I like you as a friend only" So moving on here is what has transpired the last few weeks. All of my dating life has been online. About 1 month ago I started chatting with a girl. 1st few times we seemed to get along great. While on the same website I recieved an e-mail from her friend who had said that she was the one that picked me out for her friend. After about 2 weeks I threw out the option of meeting. She told me she was weary about meeting people, so I told her to bring her friend. Her being outside the city asked if it would be okay with a venue change to her home ground. They offered to pick me up at the train station and take me home so I had no problem with it. I get off the train and they were there waiting for me. Im a pretty shy person and it was a big step for me to go alone to the burbs to meet 2 women. I would say things went well, I wasn't betting on romance at that point and nothing happened. We had a good time and then they dropped me off and ended it with hugs. Next meeting was to be dinner at my apartment and movies with her alone. It was a Tuesday so a late night wasn't going to happen. Well so happens that Tuesday came and she got spooked about the idea of being alone in my apartment. Me being the type so sense it when she picked me up asked if she wanted to maybe go out to eat. Seeming relieved she agreed, but nothing was said about her being spooked. We went and had dinner and then took a drive, I had a good time and seemed she did as well. Now at this point I never made plans for a next date. At the end of the date she was already making the next plans. She was going to come to my place and try that again. Saturday comes, and she comes over. I had mentioned before hand if she wanted to bring comfy clothes for the movies thats good. She could drink and had the option to spend the night as well. At 1st things were awkward to say the least. Opposite ends of the couch kind of thing. We watched the 1st movie and then I asked if she wanted to put the couch down as a bed. We did that and started becoming comfortable with each other. She was a bit miffed that I wasn't pawing and groping her. She made the 1st moving and things went from there. It was strictly cuddling and touching, but no sex as neither of us are ready for that. As the night prgressed we became more and more comfortable and enjoyed being with each other. She opted to spend the night. When she was leaving the next day she asked if I wanted to go to her place the following weekend. She lives in the basement sperate from her parents so we wouldnt' have to be around them. I agreed. Midway through the week we were chatting and she asked if all was still ago and I said it was. She then took the time to say, that her parents and going to want to meet me. I have never met a girls parents that I had dated so that was nerve racking but I still said thats fine. Following that she said "Oh and I made plans for you to meet my friends too" Im thinking wow this is almost sounding like boyfriend status but I still liked the idea. We both know we wanted relationships. I showed up at her place and dropped my stuff in her area and she said lets go meet my parents. Nerve racking!!!! I walked upstairs and shaked hands with them, but didn't say much otherwise. We then retired to her apartment. We again went back to the touchy feely with each other. While fooling around I put my hands below the belt and she said she wasn't ready for that so I backed off but we continued cuddling. The next day things were still great, we were talkative and still affectionate. I told her that when I meet someone I date I don't date others. I was expecting her to say thats stupid but she said I am the same way. So you could say we are not seeking others. She said at one point that I can come back the next weekend and then she would go to my place 2 weekends in a row. The plans were to do some lounging and then go to her friends. We fell alseep in each others arms got ready and went to her friends. Again nerve racking for me, meeting more new people. When we got there she instantly put her arm around me. The people I met weren't all that talkative, but either am I so oh well. We watched movies and had some drinks. When we left her and I were a bit tipsy. We got back to her place and again were fooling around. I was feeling around and put my hands down again, but she didn't resist. Things happened and again no sex but I wasn't going for that. We fell asleep but here is where things change. I woke up and sensed a change in her demeaner. For about an hour we didn't say much and she just seemed distant and closed off. I could only figure I took it too far but was going to see if it would pass. It seemed that she had no affection and my moods tend to go the same as people I am with. I felt bad that I messed up, so I figured I had to mention it. I asked her if she felt we went too far. She said it happend what are you going to do?. I asked her if she wanted me to leave after dinner and she said "I don't care, its your choice." Wasn't very reassuring. The rest of the day she seemed to be doing things that would limit the amount of affection or touching we could do. We woke up, showered, went to her aunts, then came back and had dinner with her family. I opted to spend the night and not go home. I thought for sure we would just relax on her couch, but then she said were watching movies with my parents. Again seeing that her parents were there, there would be no affection and truely there wasn't. We watched the movies and then returned to the basement. I was almost starting to feel like I was a friend rather anything else. Ever since Saturday night I had gotten one kiss and she loves to kiss. I got one at bed time as well. Today I woke up and to be honest nothing had changed from the previous day. The other times when we kissed it was passionate, well thats gone now. Ever since the other night she has been action more like a friend to me. The other nights I would always put my hand up her shirt and rub her stomach. When I attempted that yesterday and Today I got "What are you doing?" Thats my hint that she didn't want me doing it so I stopped. I asked her about the following weekend seeing if she still wanted me to come over 1 night as I had plans. I got the same kind of response from before "It doesn't matter to me, only if you want to" So at this point I can only say that I messed up and pushed it too far. I would have brought it up there but I didn't want an uncomfortable ride back home. Any ideas? Just leave it alone? Part of me expecting her disappear or come out with it that things won't work out.
Swanny Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 hmmm... this situation seems a little familar... ok... firstly... does she know ur a virgin? i understand i might be sounding a little harsh but sometimes that can be a intimidateing sign. Becos i know from experience that sometimes when a special women knows ur a virgin they tend to be a bit stand off ish... purely becos they know that after the bloke has had sex they will want to look around and have some fun (happens too often) and maybe she wants more of u. Like a more... permanet thing. Nice guys always finish last. So try to a little less outgoing, take it easy and ask her next time when u 2 r out if she would like to make it a official thing. Something like "our relationship seems a little to social, I would like it if we made it more mutual, would u?" hmmm... that should work. I hope everything goes good in the future for u.
Author theedge Posted October 12, 2004 Author Posted October 12, 2004 She knows I am a virgin and it was never an issue. I am hoping that if she does has some concern or problem she will come to me with it. Either way I plan on asking as well.
Swanny Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 has she known u were a virgin early on in the "getting to know each other" phase?
Author theedge Posted October 12, 2004 Author Posted October 12, 2004 She knew I was a virgin before we met, she has been used for sex in the past. Well I have just spoken with her. Seems that I did jump the gun and went further then she wanted. She said she doesn't feel I took advantage of her, but she has said it has had a bad ripple in regards to progress. She has now more or less said physically we have to go back to sqaure one. So staying at each others places its seperate beds, no groping or touching in a physical way. Its a setback just because its a bit of a move back words, but kissing is still good. I don't mind the setback, just means I will have to let her intiate anything. My only wonder is with out the physical will it turn more in to a friend ship? I have no idea, but I will have to let it play out.
Gala242 Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 This whole situation seems weird, its like she's the virgin and your not, I don't get why she feels so uncomfortable all of a sudden especially after she's the one who has been doing the most initiating, and from what you said that she has been used for sex in the past then i don't see why a little groping would be going too far. I would suggest to stay friends but move on, maybe if she sees you not paying her as much attention her actions might change from just being "friendly".
Rez Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 Dont beat yourself up on this one. It sounds like youre feeling guilty for having pushed things too far, and from what you say, you didnt. If she was uncomfortable with things going as far as they did, she couldve and shouldve stopped you. Dont take the blame for her feeling guilty.
Author theedge Posted October 14, 2004 Author Posted October 14, 2004 Thank you guys for helping to put my mind at ease. I have been stressing my situation for a few days now. I came home last night and was talking to her friend. Her friend was sort of the one who picked me out for her and really does like me and her together. She was telling me that if her friend decided to stop seeing me she would seriously probe her as to why she would let a catch like me go. Her friend and I talked and she said she got scared and to just let it blow over. After that I was feeling a bit better and then the girl I am dating came online. She was more friendly and welcoming so it put me at ease. I didn't really want to bring up the idea of us meeting up this weekend in case it put pressure on her. She said its been a stressfull week and that she would probably go shopping over the weekend. I asked her what she was going to shop for and she said new shirts and things. I was a bit quiet for a second debating if I should ask if we were still meeting up. She said "Oh maybe we can do some shopping for you as well", so now I figure we were still meeting up. Another good thing as well is out of this, we opted to set up a real date for Saturday. Taking a day trip to a tourist site I have never been to, then off to dinner and most likely for her to meet a few of my friends. See what I mean about me getting all worked up though? I really do wish I wasn't like that, but its hard.
zara Posted October 14, 2004 Posted October 14, 2004 stop stressing! She is probably worried that you might be more interested in losing your virginity than in her as a person so quite rightly she wants to take things slowly and get to know you as a person first - chatting online and real life dating are two different things. Forget about anything other than maybe kissing and holding hands, let things progress naturally rather than chomping at the bit to get as far as you an with her! Enjoy your shopping trip!
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