PDunny Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 So I am going through a rather bad break up that is somehow civil. I will start with the history first. We got together 7 years ago, she left someone else for me. She got pregnant quickly and our kids were adopted. We have had spurts of great romance and downtimes. We have broken up about 6 times overall typically lasting a few weeks. Often times involving her with another man. I am madly in love with her but for the last year or so things have been very stale. She told me she does not love me like that any longer but when I told her that I would always be there for her, she nearly feel. We embraced earlier and I saw a tear fall down her face, so I know there is some emotions left. About 6 weeks ago she started seeing another person behind my back. She was molested and abandoned as a kid so actions like this are common when she feels neglected. I know I am making excuses etc, but I love this woman with all of my heart. Anyways, the guy she is with is far younger than her (He is 18 about to be 19). I am confident that they will not last long but I do not want to wait for their honeymoon phase to end as that could take months. She said that if anything happens between them, I will be the first to know. I am confident I can sleep with her but I am not wanting to break them up like that. If I do, I feel it would not assist with the foundation of our relationship. So essentially, the question becomes how can I make her/him not like each other? I am currently playing the friend card, occasionally becoming a bit crazy but I can control myself if I have a set plan. I think getting him jealous might be the best option since she hates jealous guys (Reason why she did what she did). I also need to make it look as though it was not my doing as much. I don't just want her to leave this guy, I want her to never want to be with him or anyone but me. I am offering to let her live with me and I to some degree support her. I know he should say absolutely not to this but he can not afford her for sure. My concern is that she may take the offer and continue to stay with him since his lack of money will no longer matter. They both have very low paying jobs. On the other hand, I imagine she might see how much I am better than him and decide I am better for her. Plus I miss her a lot and would rather be her friend/roommate that nothing. Any suggestions to help break them up without me looking like a douche/jealous freak?
SimonSerenade Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Aw man I feel sorry for you right now, that is a lot to deal with, I don't know what to suggest to you, most relationships like that fizzle out in their own without need of a helping hand, I can't suggest how to break them up as that's a tad manipulative but if your strong enough to deal with this then yeah be there for her and accept her reasoning. In your shoes, there is just no going back from that or any justifyable reason to do that, I mean seriously, she needs professional help if she thinks that's right, I wouldn't just let her do that to you and I'd say for once give yourself a break and take a break from her, you might love her but are you not romancing more at the thought of her rather than the actual her who stands in front of you, I just can't see how you could love her after she's done that to you. Seriously man, good on you for being so big and strong about all of this, if a girl I'm in love with had sex with another man wether she was with me or without me, she'd never get another chance because when you love someone your body and soul belong with them and nobody else, as soon as they break that bond it's over, same applies to me too, that should be the standard for today's society, if you get back with this woman, you should make her aware of that. Good luck to you, I hope you find your happiness, wether your with or without her but honestly, you deserve better and from the sound of it, your a good guy and could definitely get better.
Author PDunny Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 (edited) Simon I agree with you 100% to some degree. We probably should not be together. I, however, am not that much better than her. She does what she does to end the relationship, I give her the 'reasoning' to do it. I allow the relationship to go stale while I focus on work or something else. I ignore her, stop listening to her and take advantage of her. I know she needs to feel loved constantly and that if she does not get it from me, she will get it somewhere else. I do not blame myself for what she has done, it is completely her fault. I do however blame myself for knowing what was going to happen, knowing how to fix it and making other things priorities over her. As for getting better than her, she is the love of my life. I know this in my heart and soul. She knows this as well. We both know we shouldn't be together right now, that we both need to improve. She needs to mature and grow up, I want to help her do this. And after being independent maybe she will be able to really see what my side of the relationship has been like. As for an update to the original posting: It has now been 6 days that we have been separated. We are being civil, but she is still with her new boy toy. I am sure that they will break up soon (Again he is 18, and she is very demanding) and that she will come back to me. Does anyone have any positive results on this? I just read over youngnlove89's post and really feel like I am in the same shoes:-/ Second Update: After reading around the forums some, it seems as though she has "Grass is Greener Syndrome". I love you but I am not in love with you, she fits the age range perfectly and it seems to always happen when things are about to become more positive. Any suggestions on helping her get past this phase? Edited June 16, 2013 by PDunny
CC12 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Any suggestions to help break them up without me looking like a douche/jealous freak? If this is the kind of thing you have to resort to in order to get her back, there are some big problems. I mean, think about what you're considering. You're considering scheming against her and sabotaging her life. And correct me if I'm wrong, but if you're successful at that, she'll basically have no other choice but to live with you (because she's currently living with her new boyfriend, right?) and she'd pretty much have to be with you. That's kind of sick, to be honest. I know you're hurting, and desperately eager to get her back, but being manipulative isn't the way to get a relationship to happen. She's made a choice, and that choice is to not be with you. You should try to accept that and respect her decisions. If you want to wait forever in the hopes that she'll come back to you someday, then go ahead and do that, but you can't interfere with her life. If you love her as much as you say you do, her happiness should matter more than your desire to be with her. So my advice to you is to stop "playing the friend card" because you are not her friend so you're being dishonest, and just take some time to yourself to work on some things and gain perspective. I believe that would help tremendously. 1
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