Author mishy Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 mishy, you have a habit of hanging on way, way, way beyond expiry date. Don't invest after one date. It's no reflection on you if he doesn't feel any chemistry. There's also no guarantee that he won't call in the future. But there's also no guarantee that he will. Continue dating others. it was only last night i am just de-briefing
Author mishy Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 BTW mishy, I am glad to hear that you are back out there again. I am familiar with the story of your 'ex' so you are moving in the right direction yes you are! yes taking small steps away. I have to say my self esteem probably isnt to the level it should be, as a result of the "ex" so i end up taking any rejections just that bit harder
tbf Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 it was only last night i am just de-briefingBut this is how it begins. You get hooked on disinterest, needing to prove yourself lovable. Don't go down that road again.
Author mishy Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 No it nothing like that, just really a rant about online dating generally not so much about him, I mean I don't even know him , so i dont care
BradJacobs Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 What do you think? I think he was attractive enough to hold your interest that you wanted him to want to see you again. When that didn't happen it turned into a rant. If he were hideous or obnoxious you wouldn't be feeling the same way. Dating is the easy part. Do something together, laugh and have fun. That's dating. Dating in order to get into a relationship has never been easy unless you have no standards. The higher your standards and the older you are, the more challenging dating for the purpose of getting into a relationship becomes. Best of luck!
Ripnet Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I am an OLD veteran and can tell you that this guy is not interested. Signs that he IS interested: -Prolongs the date past an hour. An hour passes quickly and is polite to sit through with someone you are not interested in. On average, it's a 3 hours first meet when you are hitting it off. - . I spent an afternoon with a woman who I had no interested in when we went out the first and only time. Mind you I was bored and just wanted to do something but I could have done something else without her. i didn't mind being friends.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 It's always nice to see a woman face rejection. When they're 19 they like to talk about how men shouldn't take rejection personally and just keep going. Until they experience it for themselves. I see you're handling it very well OP, what with the rant and all. Dating is easy for women. So the occasional rejection really gets to them. :sick:
ChessPieceFace Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I just don't understand the resentment at someone not being interested. You expect most guys to be interested in you?? You met, he wasn't interested, move on. Go on more dates to have more options/chances. If you're going to get emotionally invested in someone's online profile and then get crushed when the first date is the last date, maybe online dating isn't for you?
Author mishy Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 I just don't understand the resentment at someone not being interested. You expect most guys to be interested in you?? You met, he wasn't interested, move on. Go on more dates to have more options/chances. If you're going to get emotionally invested in someone's online profile and then get crushed when the first date is the last date, maybe online dating isn't for you? No no, it wasnt a rant about him personally, just slight irritation about online dating
BluEyeL Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 No no, it wasnt a rant about him personally, just slight irritation about online dating OLD is a bit like blind dating, although you see pictures. Often the online chemistry doesn't translate in real life. Why don't you try other avenues as well? I met the guy I just started to date three weeks ago at a meetup. It was a combination with OLD, because he said that he saw me on match, and later on the list of participants at the meetup, and made a plan to approach me there and see if there is a connection. This way, first time wasn't really a date and it was no pressure on either side. I think it's better to go to real life events, if someone approaches you in real life, it really means they like you not your picture or your writing, which later often do not match the in person connection. 1
jacg89 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 the problem with dating over 40 is that men still expect perfection. I am so fed up. I met a guy last night after talking online for a week, have a lot in common, i mean really particular arts culture interests and pasttimes, and i thought great, and we met after a week. I dont just meet random people unless i feel some basis of strong compatibility I mean as far as compatibility goes, really couldnt get much better We had coffee and as usual he talked on and on, as men always seem to do on a first date, and then after an hour (it was after work) he said he wanted to go home to eat. Plenty of restauarants around, as we were in the city centre , and it was clear then to me that he wasnt interested. So we walked and then parted ways and he said " I'll be in touch" what the ___ does that mean? Why do people always judge so harshly on a first meeting? I can see that, if we saw each other a few times, and actually got to know each other, something could happen. But instead, its this ridiculous job interview thing, where if you don't "pass" on "the day", you're out. One chance. So now i am in no position to ask him out or imply that i am interested because i am pretty sure judging by the "i'll be in touch" that he is not interested. I have been online, and i can see he hasnt deleted me from his contacts yet, so i guess thats something. What do you think? He said "HE" will be in touch.. that's pathetic. And the food thing was an excuse to get away. He set up a time to spend some time/have a date with you... Who would expect that a date would be just a few minutes/little while? If he was interested, I'm sure he could've/would've invited you out for a bite with him... Come on... you are both adults, not little kids. About still being contacts online, maybe he hasn't had time to "delete" you or something. Its not #1 on his to do list. plus, I do a lot of online dating myself (never met anyone in real life yet haha) and the guys that I end up texting are sometimes cool at first and everything, but for example they end up being a creeper and if I lose interest... I stop talking to them... and forget to delete their contact... I'm talking for like months. haha. I only remembered this because I just deleted a bunch of old guys recently that I used to talk to.... forever ago. lastly, you already get the gist that he is not interested... but he said that he will be in touch.. please , don't make a fool of yourself and get in contact with him. if he decides to call you, fine.. but if he calls you in a couple of weeks for example, I would say.. watch out. obviously. haha. p.s. - you are not old at all! 40?! haha... don't blame your bad experiences on your age. you just haven't found your one yet Hope everything works out for you! good luck
outsidethebox Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 (edited) There's no reason to blame OLD for this. It happens in any meeting situation. Could have been a blind date, could have been any situation where you talked to a guy for an hour. The key to this is your statement he droned on and on like men do. You are passive aggressive at a minimum. Don't blame men because you don't like them. I am the pathetic 61 year old being bandied about hypothetically here but it's all good. I was getting rejected long before I was 60. I did meet a 54 year old through OKC three weeks ago and now in a happy relationship with her. It was my second meet and I was the first one she contacted so OLD worked for us, although I spent months here trying to figure it out. To be fair, after she contacted me and a couple of other guys and we had exchanged our email addresses she closed her account due to idiot men sending stupid messages like many women here have done. There is very stringent message filtering capabiities on OKC but apparently not many know how to use it. Men don't have the need to use it. And while only my second meet, it was 5 months after I created my account and I considered closing my account due to no activity after everyone within 50 miles and 20 years of me ignored my message. Just a real special feeling. But I left it there and checked once in awhile if I had any visitors. Even this meet took two weeks to happen because she was busy and I waited for her to message me she was ready. In other words I didn't hold my breath. Eventually she was though and we liked each other when we met and talked. So as always, I sort of understand the attacks on OLD but it gave me an opportunity to meet a compatible mate that hadn't happened in real life, and don't even suggest that dance stuff, I'd rather shoot myself. Still, OP, I saw all the references to your previous situation as well as your own remarks and you can't carry that baggage with you and blame whatever you're travelling on. Edited June 16, 2013 by outsidethebox 1
ChessPieceFace Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I think it's better to go to real life events, if someone approaches you in real life, it really means they like you not your picture or your writing, which later often do not match the in person connection. So true. I never did OLD but I used BBS's back in the day, met 2 or 3 girls on there that I met in person and it was always a let down for both people involved. Body language and other things just don't translate online. And in my case, I guess I have the worst or most lacking body language ever, so I'd be wasting my time with most girls who are expecting someone more normal. 1
pcplod Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 (edited) im not a typical 43 yr old The trouble is that is what all 43 yr old women say, or 43 yr old men for that matter ( I am guessing). So it's not exactly a USP that sorts out the wannabees from the genuine article. The OLD line "My friends say I look/act a lot younger than my age" or anything similar not only gets discounted immediately for being a tired old cliché but usually raises an eyebrow, to be polite about it. Personally, if I want to date a 43 yr old woman (or whatever is appropriate for my geriatric years) that is what I am looking for, not mutton dressed as lamb. I personally think that for any given age, both men or women can find that their genes have either been kind or unkind to them, especially when it comes to something as readily observable as skin tone, hair condition and the like. However, attitude can make a big difference, in terms of making you appealing, attractive both in terms of how you interact with a prospective partner and how you will appear to them. However, that attitude of mind has to be an intrinsic and authentic part of you and always been a part of you. It is not something that you can suddenly put on you like a new coat. It will just look alien on you and you will look awkward with it. Personally, I don't know what the secret is to looking good for your age as opposed to looking tired and shabby for your age or looking like an artificial trout trying to be twenty when you can't ever disguise the fact you are 43. There is defintely an art to it and if you could easily and readily bottle it and sell it you could make yourself an absolute fortune. Classy, artful, substantive, understated but slick? Quality rather than volume? I am one who definitely sees "less" as being "more". Who knows, really? All I can suggest is that I and a lot of other men at our ages, 40 to 60, are on the outlook for women, not girls. What does that mean to me? Someone who is intelligent. Someone who is confident. Someone who is adjusted, balanced, philosophical and phlegmatic about who they are and what they are but who has an enquiring mind, an open mind, who is prepared to question their values, judgements, to at least accept that often another person's beliefs, opinions, values may well be just as valid as theirs. Someone who is uninhibited but not disinhibited, who is prepared to stretch their own comfort boundaries but with reflection and due consideration. I could go on, ad infinitum, but that is the essence of it. You may well claim that you are all those sorts of things, but the trouble might be that he was not. The reason why he was "just not interested" might just as easily be that you scared the absolute $h1t out of him, or that he felt he could not live at your pace, or that he wasn't "worthy" of you. It does happen, unfortunately. Men have as many self-esteem problems as women, if not more. So be careful how you analyse yourself in the situation. When it comes to OLD, there are an awful lot of people who put up a profile, but are really not that serious about their intentions. I assume that those who put no effort or consideration into their profiles aren't really serious. It's like getting a realtor/estate agent to put up a for sale sign outside your house just to see what the interest might be or what sort of price it might command when you don't really intend to sell up. Edited June 16, 2013 by pcplod 1
BluEyeL Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Outsidethebox, happy your relationship is going strong. On the age thing, I think different people want different things. Some men want significantly younger women, some don't. Some are OK with women within their own age bracket. For example, some men over 40 don't want younger women for serious relationships (for sex, yeah) for reasons such as for example they don't want children (and younger women are more likely to want that), or want a woman who is grounded and not acting like a princess because, "well I'm 10 years + younger than you so you must shut up"... I've seen it from women much younger than their husbands. What do you want, I'm so much younger than you, I'm doing you a favor by being with you blah blah blah 1
blueskyday Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 (edited) I've never done OLD, but I have attended meet ups and loved them! It's casual and fun, and you get all the nonverbals in communication. I have been on dates with lots of guys who were also online. They tried to pull the old coffee date/interview invite on me. No way! I always smiled and said let's go for icecream instead and a walk. Much better! The trick is to do things differently. Get them out of an interview and into a let's have fun mindset! I'm in my forties and have dated a ton! Most of the guys have met me out and about in my daily life. Really, for me, it's the best way. Meet ups are great, too! They are like going out with a bunch of friends! Put yourself in the best situations. For instance, why go on The Bachelor where there is one guy deciding between scores of women when you can be The Bachelorette and be the one picking from scores of men? Don't be the interview girl either when dating online guys. Just have fun and ask questions naturally. It's awful being grilled, or in your case listening to some selfish guy go on and on about himself. If that happens, you don't want go have dinner with him! One guy who was asking me a bunch of questions a la online dating finally tipped me over the edge with a question. I asked him what the 401 I situation was, and would I be getting health benefits? We had a good laugh Edited June 16, 2013 by blueskyday
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I don't see the big deal, cOmpatibility on paper doesn't mean things wil work. The whole point of a first date is to feel someone out, if you know on the first date then even better. Would you rather him waste your time for a few weeks and then end it? I'll be in touch means not interested. Just dust yourself off and move on to the next one. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 OLD really reminds me of being in the Bachelorette, only guys are way less hot. But fair enough, so am I As for age, I VERY rarely see a guy that doesn't include up to his own age in "looking for" and most even go few years older. Yet, I was told by men on LS that only guys that will be interested in me are 10+ years older
Imajerk17 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 (edited) @ mishy's OP: Yes internet dating has its pitfalls with people not really giving anyone a chance. But its not a gender thing. Many many men have gotten the "really nice guy but no chemistry so no second date" by women expecting magic on the first meet. Sorry for your disappointment but rejection happens to everyone. I think that not even half of first dates lead to seconds. Edited June 16, 2013 by Imajerk17 1
Els Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Very true....where I live there are a ton of divorced women, and in their profiles, they write about how they feel they were "cheated" out of the past 15 years of their life....by being with the jerk they were married to. Now they have unrealistic expectations....thinking they have a 2nd chance to go out and have fun, recouping all that lost time. Only problem is they fail to realize they arent 20 anymore, they dont look like they are 20, and they dont have the body of a 20 year old.....strangely though they still diss 90% of them men that hit on them, thinking they will land that hot stud they think they deserve. Dang, I was just going to suggest that the OP and you meet up, and here you are... 1
BluEyeL Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I agree 100% . . . but the problem I have noticed is that too many women think they can "get to know a guy" through email. Those are the words directly from women. I firmly believe in meeting quick.....but I cant find a woman that agrees with that. I fully agree with meeting quickly. In fact, if I exchange emails with a guy for more than a week and he hasn't asked to meet, I'll stop responding and move on.
BluEyeL Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Very true....where I live there are a ton of divorced women, and in their profiles, they write about how they feel they were "cheated" out of the past 15 years of their life....by being with the jerk they were married to. Now they have unrealistic expectations....thinking they have a 2nd chance to go out and have fun, recouping all that lost time. Only problem is they fail to realize they arent 20 anymore, they dont look like they are 20, and they dont have the body of a 20 year old.....strangely though they still diss 90% of them men that hit on them, thinking they will land that hot stud they think they deserve. I think it's incredibly stupid to rant about past significant others in online dating profiles. Why would you want to date stupid women anyway? Besides the fact that they are not 20.
Anela Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 OLD really reminds me of being in the Bachelorette, only guys are way less hot. But fair enough, so am I As for age, I VERY rarely see a guy that doesn't include up to his own age in "looking for" and most even go few years older. Yet, I was told by men on LS that only guys that will be interested in me are 10+ years older That's weird. I see them more and more - although men my age have added a year or two above their own age.
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