mishy Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 the problem with dating over 40 is that men still expect perfection. I am so fed up. I met a guy last night after talking online for a week, have a lot in common, i mean really particular arts culture interests and pasttimes, and i thought great, and we met after a week. I dont just meet random people unless i feel some basis of strong compatibility I mean as far as compatibility goes, really couldnt get much better We had coffee and as usual he talked on and on, as men always seem to do on a first date, and then after an hour (it was after work) he said he wanted to go home to eat. Plenty of restauarants around, as we were in the city centre , and it was clear then to me that he wasnt interested. So we walked and then parted ways and he said " I'll be in touch" what the ___ does that mean? Why do people always judge so harshly on a first meeting? I can see that, if we saw each other a few times, and actually got to know each other, something could happen. But instead, its this ridiculous job interview thing, where if you don't "pass" on "the day", you're out. One chance. So now i am in no position to ask him out or imply that i am interested because i am pretty sure judging by the "i'll be in touch" that he is not interested. I have been online, and i can see he hasnt deleted me from his contacts yet, so i guess thats something. What do you think?
sillyanswer Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 What do you think? Good rant, as per the topic. You could get in touch with him if you like, but if you've made up your mind that he isn't interested then don't bother.
daisybuchanan55 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I think you should accept that dating gets harder for women in your age bracket and to not even CONSIDER dating men who are 50 or under. To them, you'll be a younger woman. Also consider dating divorced guys with kids. You know they can commit. Life isn't fair and the sooner you realize this and develop strategies to get around it you'll be happier. By the way, "I'll be in touch" is a polite way of getting out of a situation. You're right. He's not interested. Do yourself a favor and delete him from your contacts first. Take back the power!! Then move on. Online dating is the bomb. It's like shopping. Go out on as many dates as you can. Start viewing yourself as the one doing the weeding out. Don't waste so much time talking and not meeting. When you meet in person you can figure out in three minutes if there's chemistry.
Author mishy Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 yes i feel slightly better for the rant I dont know if he is interested or not, thats the thing. "I'll be in touch" sometimes i just feel like a 16 yr old without a CLUE about men
Author mishy Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 I think you should accept that dating gets harder for women in your age bracket and to not even CONSIDER dating men who are 50 or under. To them, you'll be a younger woman. Also consider dating divorced guys with kids. You know they can commit. Life isn't fair and the sooner you realize this and develop strategies to get around it you'll be happier. By the way, "I'll be in touch" is a polite way of getting out of a situation. You're right. He's not interested. Do yourself a favor and delete him from your contacts first. Take back the power!! Then move on. Online dating is the bomb. It's like shopping. Go out on as many dates as you can. Start viewing yourself as the one doing the weeding out. Don't waste so much time talking and not meeting. When you meet in person you can figure out in three minutes if there's chemistry. LOL, i have no problem dating divorced men with kids. Most men over 35 on dating sites ARE divorced with kids. I am 43, but a young 43. i would consider men aged 35 to about 50. I have always had younger friends, im not a typical 43 yr old
shexy Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 But do you really want to be with him if he's not into you? If on one date, a guy clearly wasn't interested in me, I really wouldn't get too upset about it. It's only one date. I really wouldn't have any emotional investment in someone after a one hour coffee date. There are plenty of other guys who will be interested in you :-) 4
daisybuchanan55 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 If he was interested he would've asked for your email address or phone number. See my above post and use those strategies. Things will work out!
daisybuchanan55 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 LOL, i have no problem dating divorced men with kids. Most men over 35 on dating sites ARE divorced with kids. I am 43, but a young 43. i would consider men aged 35 to about 50. I have always had younger friends, im not a typical 43 yr old Doesn't matter...guys are weird about age. They want a younger woman. You'll have a LOT more success if you go up and not down.
sillyanswer Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 yes i feel slightly better for the rant I dont know if he is interested or not, thats the thing. "I'll be in touch" sometimes i just feel like a 16 yr old without a CLUE about men Well, "I'll be in touch" could be taken at face value to mean "I'll be in touch". He didn't use the dreaded "Take care" which means "never call me, ever". But whatever words are exchanged at the end of a date, if you're still interested you can text or call him to do some or all of the following: thank him for the date, say that you enjoyed it, say that you hope there will be another one, ask him out. The worst that can happen is that you don't go on a second date with him, at the cost of one phone call or text message and 5 minutes of your time. You've already spent that long telling us about it.
Author mishy Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 If he was interested he would've asked for your email address or phone number. See my above post and use those strategies. Things will work out! we already had exchanged phone numbers before we met
thatone Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 You don't know what's going on in his head. Maybe he met someone else yesterday that he was more anxious to go out with? Maybe he decided to get back with an ex and just didn't want to cancel on you? There are a million maybes, and you don't know what the real reason is. In short, don't take it personally.
tbf Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 If he was the only one talking, then cut the date short when he had an opportunity to lengthen it, what does this tell you? It's possible you're not much of a talker so he talked incessantly to fill the awkward silences and then, cut and run as soon as he could.Or maybe he's self-centered and didn't let you get a word in edgewise, perhaps trying too hard to sell himself.It's possible he thought you were disinterested since you didn't inject much into the conversation and then bolted, first opportunity, since he had to carry the conversation.It's possible he didn't want to pay for dinner but will contact you again. 1
Ripnet Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 . We had coffee and as usual he talked on and on, as men always seem to do on a first date, and then after an hour (it was after work) he said he wanted to go home to eat. Plenty of restauarants around, as we were in the city centre , and it was clear then to me that he wasnt interested. It's your first date! Seriously one hour is enough for first date. People do actually work and have responsibilities. He goes home and eat then do his chores? If you wanted to eat with him why didn't you ask him if he wanted to continue with dinner?? Btw nothing wrong with wanting younger women if that's what a guy wants.
chphan Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Why do people always judge so harshly on a first meeting? I can see that, if we saw each other a few times, and actually got to know each other, something could happen. But instead, its this ridiculous job interview thing, where if you don't "pass" on "the day", you're out. One chance. What do you think? I agree with you in terms of what you said there. In order to really get to know someone and feel comfortable with them outside the online chemistry is to make that effort in continuing on after the first meet. However first meeting is usually always end up feeling like a job interview because you don't know what to expect in real life compare to that picture and online connection. In most cases you just hoping that person is close to what they look like in their picture. First meeting is always about attraction. Without attraction you aren't going to go further. I'm guessing he just didn't feel that attraction in real life hence he wasn't interested further.
FitChick Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 (edited) the problem with dating over 40 is that men still expect perfection. Why do people always judge so harshly on a first meeting? There are plenty of women your age and older who look better than many women much younger. You have to make the effort. If you don't, then you can still find a man, but one who is less desirable. First, make sure your photos are clear and up to date. Head shot and full body. No coy poses to hide your double chins, belly or butt. That way if a man isn't attracted, he won't contact you and you'll never know. Edited June 15, 2013 by FitChick
BluEyeL Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Well, I'm 41, definitely not perfect, and I'm dating a 44 yo man right now, who is 6.1 tall, looks younger than 44, and reasonably good looking. Your guy didn't like you for some whatever reason. It's not that they expect perfection, you might not be his type, no chemistry etc, doesn't mean you are not attractive. I've had a lot of rejections, but that's life, you'll go through them until something "clicks" at all levels with someone. Don't fall for the BS that you need to lower your expectations and go for 60 yo men. Just strongly increase your tolerance to rejection and your patience and keep your self esteem high. DO NOT contact him, move on asap. Just move on really fast from guys who are not pursuing you hard. Move to the next and next and next until one who you also like, likes you back and is crazy about you. It's going to happen if you are patient and don't waste your time on guys like this one, who don't care for you. Good luck! 2
Author mishy Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 Well, I'm 41, definitely not perfect, and I'm dating a 44 yo man right now, who is 6.1 tall, looks younger than 44, and reasonably good looking. Your guy didn't like you for some whatever reason. It's not that they expect perfection, you might not be his type, no chemistry etc, doesn't mean you are not attractive. I've had a lot of rejections, but that's life, you'll go through them until something "clicks" at all levels with someone. Don't fall for the BS that you need to lower your expectations and go for 60 yo men. Just strongly increase your tolerance to rejection and your patience and keep your self esteem high. DO NOT contact him, move on asap. Just move on really fast from guys who are not pursuing you hard. Move to the next and next and next until one who you also like, likes you back and is crazy about you. It's going to happen if you are patient and don't waste your time on guys like this one, who don't care for you. Good luck! the last guy i had sounds like yours on a physical level. 6 foot 2, good looking, 2 years younger. he was trouble but thats a whole other story So i agree. I am not into older men, and i dont see why i should have to settle for a 60 year old. Realistically i am not that old. On a physical level i cant see there being any chemistry with someone over 55 at the very most. They would have to be in excellent shape As for the "i'll be in touch " guy, i havent done anything and am pretending to be offline. Its just frustrating because often when you meet someone in real life, as in not the internet, it can take sometimes weeks, months, years to fall for someone, you know, a work situation, or something where you see the person all the time. So i think a lot of people are fooling themselves if they think its all going to be there on that first date, and probably a lot of potential partnerships, even marriages probably never happen, because people foolishly expect that instant "boom". It doesnt happen in normal meeting situations , so why has it become compulsory in internet dating?? 1
CryForNoOne Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 the problem with dating over 40 is that men still expect perfection. I am so fed up. I met a guy last night after talking online for a week, have a lot in common, i mean really particular arts culture interests and pasttimes, and i thought great, and we met after a week. I dont just meet random people unless i feel some basis of strong compatibility I mean as far as compatibility goes, really couldnt get much better We had coffee and as usual he talked on and on, as men always seem to do on a first date, and then after an hour (it was after work) he said he wanted to go home to eat. Plenty of restauarants around, as we were in the city centre , and it was clear then to me that he wasnt interested. So we walked and then parted ways and he said " I'll be in touch" what the ___ does that mean? Why do people always judge so harshly on a first meeting? I can see that, if we saw each other a few times, and actually got to know each other, something could happen. But instead, its this ridiculous job interview thing, where if you don't "pass" on "the day", you're out. One chance. So now i am in no position to ask him out or imply that i am interested because i am pretty sure judging by the "i'll be in touch" that he is not interested. I have been online, and i can see he hasnt deleted me from his contacts yet, so i guess thats something. What do you think? This is exactly how 9/10 men of ALL ages feel with online dating. They are competing against countless other guys... As a 41 yo, I'm open to dating women of any age but since looks are the first thing I consider, most women over 40 just can't compete with younger women... 1
ja123 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 So i think a lot of people are fooling themselves if they think its all going to be there on that first date, and probably a lot of potential partnerships, even marriages probably never happen, because people foolishly expect that instant "boom". It doesnt happen in normal meeting situations , so why has it become compulsory in internet dating?? Agreed. It does seem that people want the "big" connection right off the bat. I gave a guy a chance even though I didn't feel some big wow factor upon the first meeting, and I was amazed at what chemistry developed. But, there were other factors that led to it not working out, unfortunately. Keep yourself out there, though. BlueEye's advice is good.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I am an OLD veteran and can tell you that this guy is not interested. Signs that he IS interested: -Prolongs the date past an hour. An hour passes quickly and is polite to sit through with someone you are not interested in. On average, it's a 3 hours first meet when you are hitting it off. -He will ask you questions and try to get to know you -He will mention seeing you again before the date ends (this truly happens to me in about 95% of the cases). -Post date, he will send a text within couple of hours saying that he enjoyed meeting you, looks forward to seeing you again or something along those lines (again 95% of the cases) If he does NONE of the above....bad sign. Please don't listen to those that say you should date men over 50. You can date men your own age with no problem, except for agist men which trust me are not someone you want anyway. I have never even been on a date with someone older than me by more than a couple of years and most were younger. 3
Author mishy Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 I am an OLD veteran and can tell you that this guy is not interested. Signs that he IS interested: -Prolongs the date past an hour. An hour passes quickly and is polite to sit through with someone you are not interested in. On average, it's a 3 hours first meet when you are hitting it off. -He will ask you questions and try to get to know you -He will mention seeing you again before the date ends (this truly happens to me in about 95% of the cases). -Post date, he will send a text within couple of hours saying that he enjoyed meeting you, looks forward to seeing you again or something along those lines (again 95% of the cases) If he does NONE of the above....bad sign. Please don't listen to those that say you should date men over 50. You can date men your own age with no problem, except for agist men which trust me are not someone you want anyway. I have never even been on a date with someone older than me by more than a couple of years and most were younger. yep , he didnt do any of the above. But i know that maybe after meeting a second time, he would have. Thats the problem with internet dating, you dont get a second chance
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 yep , he didnt do any of the above. But i know that maybe after meeting a second time, he would have. Thats the problem with internet dating, you dont get a second chance True, but don't take it personally. Many other guys out there. If you picked a bad outfit or you are having a bad hair day, they will dismiss you
tbf Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 But i know that maybe after meeting a second time, he would have.mishy, you have a habit of hanging on way, way, way beyond expiry date. Don't invest after one date. It's no reflection on you if he doesn't feel any chemistry. There's also no guarantee that he won't call in the future. But there's also no guarantee that he will. Continue dating others.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 the problem with dating over 40 is that men still expect perfection. I am so fed up. I met a guy last night after talking online for a week, have a lot in common, i mean really particular arts culture interests and pasttimes, and i thought great, and we met after a week. I dont just meet random people unless i feel some basis of strong compatibility I mean as far as compatibility goes, really couldnt get much better We had coffee and as usual he talked on and on, as men always seem to do on a first date, and then after an hour (it was after work) he said he wanted to go home to eat. Plenty of restauarants around, as we were in the city centre , and it was clear then to me that he wasnt interested. So we walked and then parted ways and he said " I'll be in touch" what the ___ does that mean? Why do people always judge so harshly on a first meeting? I can see that, if we saw each other a few times, and actually got to know each other, something could happen. But instead, its this ridiculous job interview thing, where if you don't "pass" on "the day", you're out. One chance. So now i am in no position to ask him out or imply that i am interested because i am pretty sure judging by the "i'll be in touch" that he is not interested. I have been online, and i can see he hasnt deleted me from his contacts yet, so i guess thats something. What do you think? So you liked a guy, he didn't like you back, and now you're butthurt. I'm sure you did this to plenty of guys back in your prime. Just the way it works. Being butthurt is not attractive though....for either sex. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 BTW mishy, I am glad to hear that you are back out there again. I am familiar with the story of your 'ex' so you are moving in the right direction
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