MadKurlz Posted October 11, 2004 Posted October 11, 2004 Well, It finally happened. He dumped me. We were dating for 3 months. things were fab of course the first month and a half, then the past month, he changed, became very unaffectionate, very dry, non loving.i asked him if he was still into me on friday night he said of course. So I felt better and things were cool until last night, 1/2 hour after having sex , laying in bed, at midnite, he tells me that i got him into thinking about the question I had asked him and that he was not feeling the same way for me the way I was feeling for him. I was not surprised, I kinda felt it coming. Yes Im hurt, yes I cried, and went home. But Im not gonna go crazy about if, if the man doesnt want me then im not gonna chase after him. Anywayz my point is that he sd he wanted to stay really good friends because he enjoyed my company (which he prob meant the sex), he didnt mind if i came over everynight to hang out and work out with him, and Im also really really close to his mom, and we get along great, and do a lot of projects together. Well, today he gives me a wake up call this morning, then he emails me all day today,t alking normal stuff, & being a bit more sweet than usual. Then he calls me at 5 oclock today. Telling me about how the dog peed on his bed. Now, I know he wants to be friends, but is this healthy for me? And why is he being sooo nice. Is it cuz he is feeling guilty or like a dog for doing wat he did and stringing me along.
UCFKevin Posted October 11, 2004 Posted October 11, 2004 He dumped you last night and today he's acting like you're best friend? That's really lame. Are you happy with being just friends? If not, have no shame in telling him you don't want that and it's too painful. It's really odd for that to happen so immediately.
babybear Posted October 11, 2004 Posted October 11, 2004 MadKurlz, Guys never have any clue what they want, and the grass is always greener on the other side for them. They often make decisions on impulse with little or no forethought of foresight. My bf and I had been together for 3 months, when things started to go downhill. So, I called him up and broke it off. I was willing to work it out, but he was distant, and I just wanted someone who was more into me! So, we break up around 3 pm. He calls me at 7 and asks if I want to go study. (We were in college at the time.) I said okay and go to his house to meet him. We didn't kiss or anything, and when we get to the library we sat at different tables b/c I needed my laptop and he needed to read. Every hour or so, I'd see an email from him telling me the ppl around him were noisy, and that he wanted to get a snack, or he wanted to go home already, or he'd write me jokes. It was like I was SO much more appealing suddenly because I wasn't his! (He even told me a few months later that once we weren't "labeled" and he was pressure free, that he liked me SO much more. And yes, that is awfully immature.) Then he insists on walking me partway home, and tells me to make sure I call him when I get there. So, I do and he invites me to breakfast the next day. He was a different guy! Well this went on awhile, and he asked me if I would be his gf again! It's been 2 yrs! Moral of the story: I'm not saying you'll get back together, or that you even should or want to. He sounds a bit confused is all and there's no good in forcing a guy who doesn't know what he wants into anything. He could be confused for awhile, so do whats good for you...and definitely don't wait around hoping he'll come around. I just don't think he has any clue what he's looking for. Babybear
Rez Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 Guys never have any clue what they want, and the grass is always greener on the other side for them. They often make decisions on impulse with little or no forethought of foresight. Bit of an unfair generalization don't you think? He broke up with you 1/2 an hour after having sex?! Thats messed up. Maybe its like you thought and he's feeling guilty about things. Maybe he's relieved that you took it well and might still want to be friends. Ive never behaved like him so I'm not sure why he's doing that. As far as being friends, only you can decide what's right for you. If its really over and you want to move on, it might be easier for you to not talk to or see him for a while. If you do want to try to be just friends, make sure of your motives. If you're just remaining friends in the chance that you'll get back together, you might end up even more hurt, or it might just make the pain last longer. If you really think you can make the transition to being just friends, then go for it. I suppose it could end up like babybear's situation and you may end up back together too. It really comes down to how much you think you can handle and how much you want to put yourself through if it does end up that he really does just want to be friends. If he tries to pull the "friends with benefits" thing. I strongly suggest to tell him where to shove that idea. I'm guessing that would really mess with your head. It would for me anyway.
Swanny Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 i broke up after haveing sex once. It wasnt good it hurt me alot. And to top it off me and the girl r not friends. But i do not mind, we go our seperate ways.. kinda like... "Thanks for the time, it was good" sorta ****... but never said that, but i just pick that up....
babybear Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 Rez, of course it's a generalization. I know there are some wonderful guys out there who are waiting to treat their gf like gold. But, a lot of guys tend to act this way...at least when they're younger. It's like they're so itchy about settling down...as if the moment they settle down, swedish bikini models will come knocking at their door. Not gonna happen. I just really think that if he wants you one moment and not the next, he obviously cares, but is not ready to take the plunge. So, find someone who is! Babybear
kellyp1 Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 Be strong. You may want to draw the line a little. Don't always be there when he calls, wants to stop by. It may be up to you to draw the line and show him the difference between friend and girlfriend. If he wants you as more, then he will figure it out pretty quick.
ziggue Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 Do you still have feelings for the guy? If so I would lay low for a while because having him around alot will only mess with your mind. Especially if (agreeing with Rez) he tries to pull the "friends with benifits" deal. Bet that will happen after he sees what single life (If he isn't getting any. . Lol) is like after a couple of weeks, months. You may just be wanting to be friends with him because you might think of him as a back up boyfriend. If you get tired of being single maybe too. I agree with Babybear as well in saying that it seems he only wants to have you around when it is conveniet for him and is not ready to take the plunge.
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