Elguapo Posted October 11, 2004 Posted October 11, 2004 Hello. I just found these forums today and thought I would post my situation. My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years. We have a lot in common, but lately we've had some hard times due to the stress of moving to a new city and work. For the majority of the last 5 years we've been the perfect couple. We've travelled the world together, our families like each other and so do our friends. Well, for the last month or so she's been planning this trip to go see her best friend who lives in Pennsylvania. So she leaves this Friday to go see her, but forgets to give me her plan details. I go to check her email account (we do this all the time with each other so it's not any big deal between us) and I find out she's not going to Penn, she's flying to Indiana. At first I thought the confirmation was in error becuase neither of us knows anyone in Indiana. However, when I look at a map I find that the town in Indiana is right across the broder from kentucky, where a guy she knows from a while back live. Someone who she has told me she thought was cute. Anyway, so I get pretty pissed. I start to snoop around in her stuff and I find an envelope from the guy filled with pictures of him which he sent to her new private p.o. box so I wouldn't know about it. Then it all starts to come togehter, within the last couple of months she's offered to go run errands and taken waaay longer than necessary to complete them. I figured out, by checking her cell phone bill, it's so she can talk to him in private. To make matters worse this guy is a total loser while I'm a good looking, ambitious yet cool guy. WTF? I can't beleive this bitch would lie to my face. She gets back into town tonight and I'm not going to say a thing. I'm going to keep quiet for a couple of days and then leaver her pathetic, lying ass when she's at work, and I'm going to take everything in the apt too! Is this the right thing to do? I'm just so pissed off at her right now. Thanks for listening.
Scott S Posted October 11, 2004 Posted October 11, 2004 Originally posted by Elguapo I'm going to keep quiet for a couple of days and then leaver her pathetic, lying ass when she's at work, and I'm going to take everything in the apt too! Is this the right thing to do? I'm just so pissed off at her right now. Thanks for listening. I'm very sorry to hear about this. I know that was very painful. It may seem of little consolation now, but better you found out now before getting married. Exiting a marriage is considerably more difficult that exiting an engagement. As for how you exit, that's up to you. If you feel it's right, then it's the right thing. On the other hand, tomorrow morning you may feel differently after you have cooled off a bit. A warning, though - when taking "everything in the apartment," taking any of her personal property technically is theft, and may casue problems later.
Shy1109 Posted October 11, 2004 Posted October 11, 2004 Sorry that happened to you....... My advice is to be the bigger person, and just leave without taking revenge..... She'll be sorry in the end.......
Author Elguapo Posted October 11, 2004 Author Posted October 11, 2004 Yeah, I'll probably just leave when she's at work or something and leave a note. I won't seek revenge or take any of her things, but it just feels good to think about it since I feel so betrayed. Thanks for the replies, I appreciate it.
iceprincess Posted October 11, 2004 Posted October 11, 2004 Wow....it seems like you thought everything was going perfect....do you know what could've prompted her to do somethng like this? Maybe she wasn't happy with the way things are...maybe she got bored and to make her "boring" like a little more exciting, she cheated on you. I'm sorry that happened to you, I know you're very hurt and want to know why the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with could do something like this to you. Don't try to be like her, fighting with fire with fire only makes ashes. You should confront her about it and then walk away from this relationship. I think letting her know that you know already and that you're going to leave her because of what she did, will hurt HER more than you just taking everything in the apartment. Anger and voilent outbursts are exactly what she's looking for, so don't give her that satisfaction. Good luck.
Merin Posted October 11, 2004 Posted October 11, 2004 Wow! Well I know you're going through a lot of different emotions right now... shock, confusion, anger, disbelief... I know there isn't any way I could contain myself with this kind of information... hats off to you for being able to keep it together. I agree with Scott that I know it doesn't make you feel a whole lot better right now... but thank Goodness you didn't marry this girl and found this out now. Again, take your time with what you choose to do here... I know how much you want to make an impact on her with this information (and for real, I don't blame you) but just make sure you really think it all the way throu... When she gets home, I would have a printed copy of her inteniary and HIS phone number highlighted from the cell phone bill... then I would present it to her... hmmm wonder what she will have to say for herself. I'm so sorry for you...
SoleMate Posted October 11, 2004 Posted October 11, 2004 Scott is right, you must not steal her property. It is not just technically theft, it is absolutely theft, and it puts you squarely in the wrong. I think it's fine for you just to suddenly vanish without warning, however. Go NC, unannounced, forever. It will drive her crazy with guilt and regret, which is about the best outcome for you, right?? Five years...five happy years...wow. My condolences.
Weird Posted October 11, 2004 Posted October 11, 2004 what a cunt. Sorry to hear about this bro. Whhhhhhhhhhy do people cheat? I dont get it. If a person is in a relationship and things aren't what they want then just leave rather than screw over the person you are with. Damn humans...
Author Elguapo Posted October 12, 2004 Author Posted October 12, 2004 OMG! You all are not going to believe this! Rememebr how I said I wasn't going to say anything when she got back? Well, she was supposed to fly back into town tonight around 11:48 at night. So I get a call at around 11:00 and what does she tell me? "You're never going to believe it but I missed the flight. I won't get in till sometime tomorrow afternoon!" WTF???? Her original flight left at 7:00om, she calls me at 11:00 to let me know she missed it? That's right I'm not going to believe it. What it means is that she's having such a good time ****ing this guy that she decided to stay an extra day! I almost let on that I know what's really going on but I held my tongue. I am so upset and hurt at the same time. Pardon my typing and grammar folks. It's the least on my mind.
Merin Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 Originally posted by Elguapo OMG! You all are not going to believe this! Rememebr how I said I wasn't going to say anything when she got back? Well, she was supposed to fly back into town tonight around 11:48 at night. So I get a call at around 11:00 and what does she tell me? "You're never going to believe it but I missed the flight. I won't get in till sometime tomorrow afternoon!" WTF???? Her original flight left at 7:00om, she calls me at 11:00 to let me know she missed it? That's right I'm not going to believe it. What it means is that she's having such a good time ****ing this guy that she decided to stay an extra day! I almost let on that I know what's really going on but I held my tongue. I am so upset and hurt at the same time. Pardon my typing and grammar folks. It's the least on my mind. MG! I so don't know how you're keeping this info to yourself! I swear I would've ruined her last night and said something! I'm so sorry! What are you going to do with this once she gets back? Ugh! I'm so sorry.. what a piece of work she is!
Lainie Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 Hey man, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I'm going through a similar thing. I know how much you're hurting, but i'd confront her and give her a piece of your mind. You cant bottle this up inside because later you will wish you had said something. I reckon you should pack up all of your stuff and leave her **** behind. IT's your decision, good luck, hang in there!
Scott S Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 Originally posted by Elguapo OMG! You all are not going to believe this! Rememebr how I said I wasn't going to say anything when she got back? Well, she was supposed to fly back into town tonight around 11:48 at night. So I get a call at around 11:00 and what does she tell me? "You're never going to believe it but I missed the flight. I won't get in till sometime tomorrow afternoon!" WTF???? Her original flight left at 7:00om, she calls me at 11:00 to let me know she missed it? That's right I'm not going to believe it. What it means is that she's having such a good time ****ing this guy that she decided to stay an extra day! I almost let on that I know what's really going on but I held my tongue. I am so upset and hurt at the same time. Pardon my typing and grammar folks. It's the least on my mind. Gee, what a surprise! Missed her flight. Now how on earth did that happen? I must congratulate you on keeping your composure, though. Most people would have blistered the paint off the walls with their response. So that means you have a little extra time to pack & load. Are there any of her lipsticks in the bathroom? You could leave a nice "Adios pendejo!" message on the bathroom mirror!
billybadass36 Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 Dude, you got the right idea. Just disappear. Don't say a word to her. She ain't worth it. It's gotta be so hard not to just unload on her sorry a$$. You're doing the right thing. Just *poof* and vanish. That would probably be the best move. Then watch the voicemails and emails come pouring in. Go out with your pals. Have you seen "Old School"? Get them to have a "Re-releasing-you-into-the-wild party". Worked for that guy...but that was a movie. Nevermind.
250r Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 Dang, some folks are just so brutal and inconsiderate. Yep, leave her and don't look back. Let her regret "the one that got away" for the rest of her life. No one deserves to be treated that way...
reservoirdog1 Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 I agree with everybody else. However, just before you walk out for the last time with your half of the possessions, make sure you leave her a letter, explaining why you're doing what you're doing. You've probably thought about that anyway, though. It's a sonofabitch... no doubt about it. But at least you got a heads-up now, before you married her lying ass. I wasn't so lucky. Get out now while it's still relatively easy. There are other, better women out there.
Karen75 Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 Just don't say a thing until you can get all your stuff together and move out. DON'T take her personal property but take everything that is yours (and all the toilet paper and tissues). When you leave, put a note on the table with the pictures and a copy of her cell phone bill. Better yet, FRAME all of the pictures and hang them up all around the house. Whatever you do, od not touch her skank ass anymore....... You have the advantage right now. You know before she knows that you know, you know?
CurlyIam Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 If I were you, I wouldn't touch her clothes, but I would break all dishes and glasses and vases. And leave a check for it behind ! God, I think I'd be furious! I think I wouldn't be able to speak or think. What am I talking about, if I were you, her clothes would have been long burned. Along with bills and paperwork! Please don't do any of the above. Think about what you need. If you need closure, have closure. Talk to her. **** pride, we're talking about 5 years here. You desirve closure, you desirve decent explinations. But most imporantly, be damn sure she's cheating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like solid proof. Like receipts from Indians! I don't know... I don't think any human being is as heartless as to do this. I really don't. You should have gone to Penn, to her friend's house. Just to be sure. I think 5 years worth this trip. I pray she's with her friends and that you're only inlove and slightly paranoid Curly
Author Elguapo Posted October 12, 2004 Author Posted October 12, 2004 Actually, I did call her friend and she claimed she knew nothing about my fiance visiting her. She was totally flustered. And I happened to find some "love notes" from the loser she's with. I'm already in the process of getting my own place and I'm outta here in a couple days. If she's back by then then I'll leave while she's at work. If not she'll be in for a suprise when she returns home from Kentucky. Oh yeah, did I tell you all? She left me a message this morning saying that she's having so much fun with her friend that she's going to stay a few more days. ****ing bitch.
CurlyIam Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 Did she ever cheat before? Because, for a beginner, she shows no mercy... Sorry to be saying this, it's just that it's quite unusual for a woman to pull such a thing all of a sudden. Is there a part of her story? Like not having enough excitment, sex, I don't know, anything? Not that any of these would excuse her, but it would make some sense. She would be selfish, not totally freaking TWISTED!
Author Elguapo Posted October 12, 2004 Author Posted October 12, 2004 No, as far as I know she's never cheated before. Her whole behaviour the last couple months had really been strange and very unlike her. Distant, petty, getting irrated at anything and anyone very easily. As much as I love her it's beginning to dawn on me that this may be a blessing in disguise. I'm getting as far away from her as I possibly can and as fast as I can.
CurlyIam Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 I don't know what to say. Maybe there is an explination. Why aren't you mad an angry and hurt and irrational like most people? May God help you and watch over you when it will hit you. I've left an almost 5 years relationship. I had been killing it for like half an year. You can't just go and let her off that easy. At least break the lease contract. Force her to live in the streets. Anything. Show any type of reaction. I mean if you guys really did love eachother at some point, even if she cheated this horribly, there would still be something left. Something to say or do... or just there. Love leaves deep scars. Don't think you can just pack your things and leave unharmed...
Author Elguapo Posted October 12, 2004 Author Posted October 12, 2004 Trust me, I'm feeling all sorts of irrational and violent feelings. I'm just one of those people who work very hard to keep things in perspective. I'm just trying to stay afloat.
CurlyIam Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 I knew I sounded like a Natzi!!! You are doing a great job and are a true fighter. I think I'm a bit more prone to dramatize things. Really, you have the best attitude ever. Hope things work out for you. I can't seem to find the right words right now...
on the edge Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 wow!! i'm truly sorry for everything that she has put you through. what a kick in the ass! i do have to say i love scott s's idea of leaving a note on the bathroom mirror with lipstick! stay strong-your doing a great job keeping it all together! your definitely the bigger person! it's hard not wanting to pull an angela bassett in "waiting to exhale"-where she takes all her cheating husbands clothes, etc. and puts it all inside his car and then torches it! break out the marshmallows! lol
Author Elguapo Posted October 13, 2004 Author Posted October 13, 2004 Well I spoke with her on the phone tonight and confirmed all my suspicions. Man, I thought I was handling it well, but as soon as the call was over I brike down like a little girl. We've both been under so much stress the last year and it seems that that just drove us apart. Now, I wish I could go back and work harder than ever to not let little things trip us up. My heart is ripped open, I can't imagine my life without her. I love her so much and we had such a wonderful time together. It's hard to believe that it's all over. I'm probably leaving tomorrow or the next day and I told her I don't want to see her again. What am I gonna do?
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