Drseussgrrl Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Ok but you're really pretty and you have a career and other friends and you don't have jealousy problems that would cause you to not be friends with people who are married before you, and you just don't have the issues I do that would make it difficult to find a guy. You have a ton of options, I don't so I have to take what I can get and sometimes I get lucky and sometimes I don't, but I mean I can deal with it when I'm not but you just have to make do I guess. Anyways when I am 25 I will practically be 30 and imagine 30 I have to find someone who wants me (even less options then because people will be married or have kids etc..) and if I haven't been THAT lucky finding someone at 22 when I am young and my body is still reasonably tight and attractive and I am kind of pretty imagine how my luck will be at 30 nearly impossible (and I know you are going to say "well thanks I'm in my 30s" but like I said you are in your 30s and pretty and not stressed about this and you seem like you don't care if it happens or not so it's like hey whatever you can just enjoy life but I can't) . Assuming I do get lucky and meet someone at 30 I still have to date them and get married to them which will probably be a 2-3 year process so I will be 33 well my fertility is rapidly decreasing in all this time, so after the marriage I can IMMEDIATELY start trying to get pregnant, what if I can't? Or I struggle? That would be something good to have known like 10 years ago so then I have to do all this stuff to try to get pregnant and I want more than 1 baby so then my God I will end up 40 and pregnant if you can even get pregnant at 40. It is just stressful. Dude, didn't your mom have you or your brother at 39?!
Arabella Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Your obsession with having kids is unhealthy. I understand you want to be a "young and hot" mom, from prior posts, but have you considered at what cost this will come? You don't have a career yet, and any men your age you find probably won't have much of one either. Once you have children, everything for yourself is going to be more difficult to achieve. Need to work 70 hour weeks for a while to prove yourself to your boss and get that promotion? Or take on a 50k loan to get your master's degree? forget about that... you have a kid now. So yes, you may be able to find someone with little ambition to form a family with you this young. And then what? Live on limited income for the rest of your life? Don't you want to be able to provide for your child? If you're really hell-bent on starting a family within the next couple of years, forget about the 20 year old Marine. Most 20 year olds are simply NOT there at that age -- he's already told you he isn't. Why are you even bothering, if that's your goal? You can't just hope he is going to change his mind with time... that's not fair to either of you. You could try OLD and look for a man in his early 30s who is looking to settle down. He will probably already have a career, and perhaps an ex-wife and a kid or two... but hey, at least he's "tested goods". That's your best shot at getting what you want.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Dude, didn't your mom have you or your brother at 39?! Got married at 30, pregnant with me at 34 had me at 35, pregnant with my brother at 38 and he was born when she was 39.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Your obsession with having kids is unhealthy. I understand you want to be a "young and hot" mom, from prior posts, but have you considered at what cost this will come? You don't have a career yet, and any men your age you find probably won't have much of one either. Once you have children, everything for yourself is going to be more difficult to achieve. Need to work 70 hour weeks for a while to prove yourself to your boss and get that promotion? Or take on a 50k loan to get your master's degree? forget about that... you have a kid now. So yes, you may be able to find someone with little ambition to form a family with you this young. And then what? Live on limited income for the rest of your life? Don't you want to be able to provide for your child? If you're really hell-bent on starting a family within the next couple of years, forget about the 20 year old Marine. Most 20 year olds are simply NOT there at that age -- he's already told you he isn't. Why are you even bothering, if that's your goal? You can't just hope he is going to change his mind with time... that's not fair to either of you. You could try OLD and look for a man in his early 30s who is looking to settle down. He will probably already have a career, and perhaps an ex-wife and a kid or two... but hey, at least he's "tested goods". That's your best shot at getting what you want. I have dated guys with kids, my ex was 23 with a 3 year old he wants more by 25, then he dumped me , then I went out with the guy who was 28 with 3 but he had other issues and he didn't have a job... which kind of sucked. I usually try to date older guys who have kids because it is a ready made family and because their sperms obviously work. This guy just kind of happened, I didn't intend it to be serious, after the first date I didn't think he liked me because he is super shy. I don't even know what direction I want to go in, I mean I really want to go to grad school for social work but if I had a baby I think I still could? My therapist did it. If nothing else I have some degree and I can get something, I mean I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck but whats more important money or a family? To me a family. Isn't your fiancé 24 and you're 29? How did you convince him to get you pregnant? I think I can see where things go with this guy because who knows he could end up getting me pregnant too like you and our fiancé and you two are happy right?
Arabella Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I don't even know what direction I want to go in, I mean I really want to go to grad school for social work but if I had a baby I think I still could? My therapist did it. If nothing else I have some degree and I can get something, I mean I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck but whats more important money or a family? To me a family. Isn't your fiancé 24 and you're 29? How did you convince him to get you pregnant? I think I can see where things go with this guy because who knows he could end up getting me pregnant too like you and our fiancé and you two are happy right? The point I'm trying to make is that you DO have some time. You don't have to wait until you're 30, but you can wait a couple of years to develop your career more and figure out if you want to go to grad school. If you do... I assure you it will be infinitely easier without a child, and it's only a year or two (for a master's degree). So, take some time to think about it. It doesn't mean that you have to prioritize money over family. You can have both. As for me... my fiance is 26 and I'm 29. I didn't need to convince him to get me pregnant -- he wanted to. We're a little older than you, live together, and we have a solid financial situation, and booming careers. We're in a perfect place to start a family. I will warn you against any 20 year old who wants to be a father. My ex fiance was 20 when we got together, and a year later told me if I felt ready to have a child, he would be fine with it. I was like "hell no!" and I'm glad I did so. He was downright unstable and would've been completely incapable of handling the responsibility.
ses Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Relax! I know of several relationships with large age differences, and all have been successful. My father and stepmother are 6 years apart (he's older). 2 years is nothing to stress over tbh. I have several female relatives who are in LTR with younger men. My sister is 30, and her fiancé is 26. Not only are they engaged but they are expecting their first child in a few months. My cousin is a few years older than her boyfriend. They recently welcomed a beautiful baby boy together. I'm 24 and I've liked men who are younger than me. I care more about the personality and the level of attraction between us, not a number. My best guy friend is 3 years younger than me but we are incredibly tight and have the same attitude on a variety of things. I would totally date him if he were straight. Age is just a number. Take things slow and see where things go. Enjoy being with him and get to know him better without forcing your entire future upon him in a few months. Life has many surprises. There are risks in everything you do. Just take it easy. 1
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 The point I'm trying to make is that you DO have some time. You don't have to wait until you're 30, but you can wait a couple of years to develop your career more and figure out if you want to go to grad school. If you do... I assure you it will be infinitely easier without a child, and it's only a year or two (for a master's degree). So, take some time to think about it. It doesn't mean that you have to prioritize money over family. You can have both. As for me... my fiance is 26 and I'm 29. I didn't need to convince him to get me pregnant -- he wanted to. We're a little older than you, live together, and we have a solid financial situation, and booming careers. We're in a perfect place to start a family. I will warn you against any 20 year old who wants to be a father. My ex fiance was 20 when we got together, and a year later told me if I felt ready to have a child, he would be fine with it. I was like "hell no!" and I'm glad I did so. He was downright unstable and would've been completely incapable of handling the responsibility. I mean the point is your fiancé is younger than you and he got you pregnant and you said you weren't trying or preventing against it, I think in a year or 6 months if he and I are still together we might not use condoms and then who knows? And you always can slip up, but I mean I'm not trying for that but it could happen. Thinking about grad school, he complicates things more because now idk if I want to sta here and be with his or go, I wanted to go to grad school out of state, too own myself up to new men but now I have him so I have to stay. Idk I just want it to work out and we can figure everything out, he has all these goals of stuff he wants to do in the military and when I asked him where he saw himself in 5 years he was talking all about the military and levels and he didnt even say kids or wife I like him though idk I can see where it goes I guess and if in a few months its not going in that direction we can break up
Arabella Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I mean the point is your fiancé is younger than you and he got you pregnant and you said you weren't trying or preventing against it, I think in a year or 6 months if he and I are still together we might not use condoms and then who knows? And you always can slip up, but I mean I'm not trying for that but it could happen. Thinking about grad school, he complicates things more because now idk if I want to sta here and be with his or go, I wanted to go to grad school out of state, too own myself up to new men but now I have him so I have to stay. Idk I just want it to work out and we can figure everything out, he has all these goals of stuff he wants to do in the military and when I asked him where he saw himself in 5 years he was talking all about the military and levels and he didnt even say kids or wife I like him though idk I can see where it goes I guess and if in a few months its not going in that direction we can break up Yeah, my fiance and I decided to simply stop using condoms and allow for it to happen naturally. But the assumption was that at some point I would get pregnant. We both knew and wanted that... we just didn't care about when. And he may be younger than I, but he's not 20 years old. Honestly, I'm just worried that, in your zeal to become a mother, you're going to end up getting pregnant by the wrong guy. And a 20 year old is DEFINITELY the wrong guy. He's clearly telling you what he wants, and it's not a wife and children. You can certainly always break up... but all this time together will be wasted if you're not working towards your goal. He obviously won't give you what you need, so I think you should just move on to find a more appropriate guy. Better yet... do you really want to gauge how he feels about it? Lay your cards on the table in front of him. Tell him "I am looking to be married and pregnant within two years. Is this something you would want also?" and then watch. I have a feeling his reaction will tell you everything.
Drseussgrrl Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I mean the point is your fiancé is younger than you and he got you pregnant and you said you weren't trying or preventing against it, I think in a year or 6 months if he and I are still together we might not use condoms and then who knows? And you always can slip up, but I mean I'm not trying for that but it could happen. Thinking about grad school, he complicates things more because now idk if I want to sta here and be with his or go, I wanted to go to grad school out of state, too own myself up to new men but now I have him so I have to stay. Idk I just want it to work out and we can figure everything out, he has all these goals of stuff he wants to do in the military and when I asked him where he saw himself in 5 years he was talking all about the military and levels and he didnt even say kids or wife I like him though idk I can see where it goes I guess and if in a few months its not going in that direction we can break up Girl you listen up and you listen good. Do NOT stay in your hometown and forgo grad school for a 20-year-old Marine. Don't do it. Get your ass to grad school and out on your own in a new city. There are TONS of young, eligible, successful men you can meet at a bigger school in a bigger city, who could be older and are ready for what you are. I think it's great to want kids and a family. But this is an unhealthy obsession. You've been dating a month and a half and are already talking about no condoms in 6 months and an oopsie. This is incredibly manipulative. This guy has already said he doesn't want kids right now and you're scheming about how to trap him! SHAME ON YOU. Do you have a life plan at all that doesn't involve a man? Because look around you. Time is ticking by, man or no man. What are you going to do with yourself? 3
KungFuJoe Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I hate to say it, but the path IB is going down, she's going to end up a single mother.
Arabella Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I hate to say it, but the path IB is going down, she's going to end up a single mother. That's a very valid point. You can get knocked up fairly easily... but you can't make a guy be a husband to you! Remember that. Would you rather wait and find the right guy to have a family with, or rush to get pregnant and risk ending up alone? IB, don't compare your situation to mine in this regard, please. My fiance and I were both fully on board when we began having unprotected sex. You're talking about having an accident and getting pregnant. Not the same thing...
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Yeah, my fiance and I decided to simply stop using condoms and allow for it to happen naturally. But the assumption was that at some point I would get pregnant. We both knew and wanted that... we just didn't care about when. And he may be younger than I, but he's not 20 years old. Honestly, I'm just worried that, in your zeal to become a mother, you're going to end up getting pregnant by the wrong guy. And a 20 year old is DEFINITELY the wrong guy. He's clearly telling you what he wants, and it's not a wife and children. You can certainly always break up... but all this time together will be wasted if you're not working towards your goal. He obviously won't give you what you need, so I think you should just move on to find a more appropriate guy. Better yet... do you really want to gauge how he feels about it? Lay your cards on the table in front of him. Tell him "I am looking to be married and pregnant within two years. Is this something you would want also?" and then watch. I have a feeling his reaction will tell you everything. I just want to be with someone right now, and idk I mean you can't plan everything so anything could happen we know we will be sexually active so... I mean we can try to prepare but condoms break and he knows I suck at taking birth control I told him so yeah but we aren't trying. He said if it happened it would "suck" but he would focus on being a dad and a good one. That's good. But right now I just want to be with him
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Girl you listen up and you listen good. Do NOT stay in your hometown and forgo grad school for a 20-year-old Marine. Don't do it. Get your ass to grad school and out on your own in a new city. There are TONS of young, eligible, successful men you can meet at a bigger school in a bigger city, who could be older and are ready for what you are. I think it's great to want kids and a family. But this is an unhealthy obsession. You've been dating a month and a half and are already talking about no condoms in 6 months and an oopsie. This is incredibly manipulative. This guy has already said he doesn't want kids right now and you're scheming about how to trap him! SHAME ON YOU. Do you have a life plan at all that doesn't involve a man? Because look around you. Time is ticking by, man or no man. What are you going to do with yourself? I have a plan kind of, I know I want to go to grad school next year I don't know where though. Idk I mean what if he is the one? There are grad schools here too. I know time is ticking away it sucks do much because I have no clue what I'm doing. Even in the little internship I got I haven't met anyone (no attractive men at least) like where are all these people from my high school meeting the men they are marrying because I don't meet anyone, is this how my whole life is going to go? What's the point of finding a job and stuff if I'm just gonna be busy working all the time and not meeting anyone
xpaperxcutx Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 The thing is I'm realizing at this point in my life I can't be TOO picky about who I date you know? I mean not ANY penis will do because I want a good person who would be a good husband and father but then I'm like "oh wait it is taking me forever to find that so I will just go with whoever likes me... Even if he has 3 kids and an ex wife (yes I did date a guy like that and he was obsessed with me he told me he was falling in love with me after the first date)" I just feel so confused and scared and anxious so much and now his age thing is freaking me out because he wants to accomplish stuff and I am like wtf don't accomplish anything just get me pregnant and be with me forever! Lol Speak for yourself, you fall for every guy that comes along and think they are your husband.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 (edited) Speak for yourself, you fall for every guy that comes along and think they are your husband. Ummm... I haven't ever referred to anyone I've dated as my husband actually. I have said I could see myself marrying them and having a family, but no I don't "think they are my husband" get it right. Even if I did ever do that (which I wouldnt) I would never say it to them... Duh. Anyways I know this girl I went to high school with and she was like 3 years younger than me, she met her now Marine husband when she was in 7th grade, they got married this year sometime and she's having a little girl in like a month. She is 19. While I don't respect the fact that she's 19 and pregnant even though she's married, and I think he marriage will likely fail because she's so young and has no education the fact is her 20 year old marine HUSBAND married her and now they are pregnant... It could happen maybe when he's 21? That's in like 4 months Edited June 14, 2013 by ImperfectionisBeauty
xpaperxcutx Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Ummm... I haven't ever referred to anyone I've dated as my husband actually. I have said I could see myself marrying them and having a family, but no I don't "think they are my husband" get it right. Even if I did ever do that (which I wouldnt) I would never say it to them... Duh I hope you see that you tend to repeat this cycle of meeting a guy, and wanting them to be your boyfriend and overthinking about marrying them; then you post on here and go into obsessive girlfriend mode; breakup then ramble how you're never going to marry someone and have babies with them.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 I hope you see that you tend to repeat this cycle of meeting a guy, and wanting them to be your boyfriend and overthinking about marrying them; then you post on here and go into obsessive girlfriend mode; breakup then ramble how you're never going to marry someone and have babies with them. I know, but I mean I date to get married so of course I think about finding a bf and marrying them. It's a cycle unfortunately, but I feel like this time I'm not being so clingy and that's good, I can't be clingy because he lives 45 mins away :/. I just need to fast forward my life until I get to the marriage part
serial muse Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 She is 19. While I don't respect the fact that she's 19 and pregnant even though she's married, and I think he marriage will likely fail because she's so young and has no education the fact is her 20 year old marine HUSBAND married her and now they are pregnant... It could happen maybe when he's 21? That's in like 4 months Do you really think there's a big difference between being 19 and a parent and 21 and a parent? I am very afraid that you're going to engineer a pregnancy and this marine will not stick around. You barely know him; why would you throw in your lot with him in that way so soon? Why would you trust someone you barely know with a life-changing event? You could become one of those statistics you despise so much, IiB. Very, very easily. I am not saying this to insult you, but I just don't see a lot of difference between you and these women you look down on. I want to say please get smart about this but you are so stubborn and set in your ways, and you're still so very young. Maybe you do just need some life experience to temper your views and give you some much-needed perspective. But I sincerely hope you don't get it the hard way. 1
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Do you really think there's a big difference between being 19 and a parent and 21 and a parent? I am very afraid that you're going to engineer a pregnancy and this marine will not stick around. You barely know him; why would you throw in your lot with him in that way so soon? Why would you trust someone you barely know with a life-changing event? You could become one of those statistics you despise so much, IiB. Very, very easily. I am not saying this to insult you, but I just don't see a lot of difference between you and these women you look down on. I want to say please get smart about this but you are so stubborn and set in your ways, and you're still so very young. Maybe you do just need some life experience to temper your views and give you some much-needed perspective. But I sincerely hope you don't get it the hard way. Well I'm 22 and if it happened when he was 21 I would be 23, anyways I'm not going to try anything. We have a lot of fun plans for the summer and hopefully we make it until the end of the summer. I just want him go change his mind. That's why my ex was perfect he was 24 and in a rush for marriage and babies.
Drseussgrrl Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Well I'm 22 and if it happened when he was 21 I would be 23, anyways I'm not going to try anything. We have a lot of fun plans for the summer and hopefully we make it until the end of the summer. I just want him go change his mind. That's why my ex was perfect he was 24 and in a rush for marriage and babies. "I just want him to change his mind." Oh honey - you have so much to learn about men.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 "I just want him to change his mind." Oh honey - you have so much to learn about men. I know you can't change people, and you shouldn't try and I won't try but I really really wish that he would realize how cute and perfect our babies would be and want them. I'm being ridiculous I know. I need to just enjoy the time now. I like him, he is a good cuddler and cute and he likes me.
Drseussgrrl Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I know you can't change people, and you shouldn't try and I won't try but I really really wish that he would realize how cute and perfect our babies would be and want them. I'm being ridiculous I know. I need to just enjoy the time now. I like him, he is a good cuddler and cute and he likes me. Men don't think about kids that way, honey. They think about the money, responsibility, and the commitment. No young 20-year-old making squat as an enlisted Marine is thinking about that stuff yet. Actually I take that back. No SMART one is. A baby isn't just some cute perfect accessory you bring into the world. They're hard work and very expensive. I hate to sound judgmental, but it's all about you, you, you. He's perfectly within his rights to hold off on starting a family until he is CONFIDENT he'd be able to provide well.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 (edited) Men don't think about kids that way, honey. They think about the money, responsibility, and the commitment. No young 20-year-old making squat as an enlisted Marine is thinking about that stuff yet. Actually I take that back. No SMART one is. A baby isn't just some cute perfect accessory you bring into the world. They're hard work and very expensive. I hate to sound judgmental, but it's all about you, you, you. He's perfectly within his rights to hold off on starting a family until he is CONFIDENT he'd be able to provide well. I agree he is but idk I just want him to want it, but I think if he said "omg have my baby now" I would be freaked out. I just want him to want it like soon. Like in a year or 2 or 3 (assuming we date that long). Knowing that a guy wants that with me makes me feel good and important Edited June 14, 2013 by ImperfectionisBeauty
mishy Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 there is no difference between 20 and 22. I am over 40 believe me, just have fun
Keenly Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Any man who smells your desperation to change their minds and have a kid RIGHT NOW will be scared off. Ease up. I know you keep saying "I know that this , and I know I should stop that" but then you go RIGHT back into "but I wish that blah blah blah" 1
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