Lost fool Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Im 31, I've recently starting seeing a girl I meet at a work function. She is early 20's. Our first date was great and I wooed her with roses and nice dinner at fancy restaurant that saturday, etc. We slept together that night and she stayed over one night the following week. I was impressed by her beauty and personality. But I will tell you I seem to fall for the broken chick. I made the mistake of being too nice and she told me I was too good for her and that I'm too nice and she doesn't deserve me etc etc. I've convinced her that she does deserve me and a life full of happiness rather than the undesirable outcomes she has endured. Tonight I came home to find her in my bed. ( note I gave her a key a week or so before so she could let herself in after work, she actually stood me up that night) We cuddled and almost had sex. But even tho she didn't want to she allowede too get very close to the act before I said 'if you want me to stop say so' and she indicated to stop so I did. She has since left and gone to a friends for the night. But before she left she told me to be mean to her. As in tread her mean keep her keen. I'm a nice guy by nature. I'm not used to being mean bf. I guess my question is how do I keep her interested and become the mean bf she wants?
thecrucible Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I don't think you should change who you are. Please don't act mean just to get a woman's interest. To be honest I used to be mistreated by men a lot, and sometimes due to my own choices. After having therapy, I no longer reject the nice guys. The nice guys are the guys I like the most (as long as I feel that they're not dishonest people pleasers). It seems like this woman is emotionally distant and may have troubling emotionally bonding. 2
Author Lost fool Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Thanks crucible. I just feel I'm been walked all over and she doesn't want that. She wants me to take control and be a man. She doesn't want me to be an *******. I think I've been too quick to txt back and showed too much of my soft side. She says she has fallen for me and I believe her but I also feel like she could get bored if I just give in to her desires without standing up for what I want. I'm going to try to stop being so clingy and play hard to get so she feels like I'm worth fighting for. So do u think this is a good strategy to keep her interested?
runningfar Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 You can't keep up that dysfunction forever. Don't start. You'll just prolong the very messy conclusion. And she'll probably blame you even though she asked for it. Let her know you're there but she should seek counseling not you to perpetuate the cycle. She is younger, she doesn't know this yet, but this is what she needs from you. She very likely hate you later in life for anythign else. 2
meeji Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I agree. Forget about this girl and find someone that is more your speed.
pcplod Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Nope mate. Just nope. She is not just giving you warning signals, she is actually telling you. "I am trouble". Probably more trouble than you want to cope with. She is setting up her defence for the accused, well in advance, and at some future point in time there are going to be words such as "I did warn you", "You knew beforehand", at which point you will counter "Ah, yes, I knew, but I didn't comprehend". Honest. No kidding. She is actually warning you, telling you. Next time the subject comes up, just ask her, "Are you telling me you are trouble and strife"? I'll be surprised if you get a straight-forward "Yes", but on the other hand, I am not expecting you to get a emphatic "No". You, of course, really know this at heart, but you are trying to deny it to yourself because you want to only see the good things. Everybody does this, nobody gets excused, let off. 1
OwlSoul Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I do not think it must be that hard at all. Behaving intentionally and etc. to keep up a starting relationship?.. I read her words otherwise. I do not deserve you = I do not have much interest in you.
Floridita Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I know girls who habitually date *******s, but I've never heard of someone saying outright that they want to be treated badly. That is a whole new level of ****ed up. Run. Run as fast as you can.
Sunshine87 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 One word: Drama. This sort of girl has a lot of growing up to do. She does not appreciate a nice decent gentleman and is likely to be enthralled by the "bad boys". She will get bored easily.....without drama. 1
grkBoy Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I guess my question is how do I keep her interested and become the mean bf she wants? Don't change for her. Be yourself. Be the man you want to be. If she leaves...then it's her loss. She's another damaged little girl who can't embrace a good thing. I'd also just be square with her if she asks you such a thing. Tell her you won't lower your dignity or toss away your integrity to create phony drama. Stand stern and confident. Women like that...guys who stand by their convictions. Real women though...not overgrown little girls. 2
Author Lost fool Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Thank you all for your comments. It helps to get another perspective. I mostly agree with grkBoy. I think I will stand my ground and not play into her drama and just be me. She is young and I know she hasn't being with a 'nice guy' before and she doesn't know how to take me. I know I should just let her go but I'm going to give her a lil more time to come around. It has only been six weeks and as many dates and maybe I'm overeacting. i know i shouldnt bother, there is a bit more to the story as well. You will all think I'm crazy tho. She has a nine month old baby, is still living with her ex. She says it is over, I want to believe her and I do. She works nights as a bikini waitress and it is hard for her to find time for us. Now I know your thinking 'wat the hell r u doing man' get the f;(k out of there. Why can't I just let her go? Why do I continue to lie to myself and try to make it work?
Phantom888 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Im 31, I've recently starting seeing a girl I meet at a work function. She is early 20's. I guess my question is how do I keep her interested and become the mean bf she wants? WTF?????!!! This girl is messed up. You are not gonna keep her interested by being mean. You are only gonna contribute to her self-destruction. She is sick. Why would you want to be with a sick girl? 1
xpaperxcutx Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Thank you all for your comments. It helps to get another perspective. I mostly agree with grkBoy. I think I will stand my ground and not play into her drama and just be me. She is young and I know she hasn't being with a 'nice guy' before and she doesn't know how to take me. I know I should just let her go but I'm going to give her a lil more time to come around. It has only been six weeks and as many dates and maybe I'm overeacting. i know i shouldnt bother, there is a bit more to the story as well. You will all think I'm crazy tho. She has a nine month old baby, is still living with her ex. She says it is over, I want to believe her and I do. She works nights as a bikini waitress and it is hard for her to find time for us. Now I know your thinking 'wat the hell r u doing man' get the f;(k out of there. Why can't I just let her go? Why do I continue to lie to myself and try to make it work? Men and women cannot co-habitat unless due to financial means but it's still a shady area because they had a romantic history together. This woman is using you, especially since after barely 6 weeks, you already headed over the keys to your apartment. Yes, you are a nice guy, but you are a nice guy who has no respect for himself because you let this woman you barely know walk all over you.
Author Lost fool Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Everyone has issues. I'm no exception. I'm probably not the one to help this girl, but I want to be. I know the consequences and I'm willing to try to make things work because I don't want to be left wondering what if. It might end in disaster it might all work out fine. You will think this is hopeless and you could be right. If it doesn't work I will know I have it my best shot. Thanks for your replies, a bit sad nobody thought it was worth me fighting for love.
grkBoy Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 She has a nine month old baby, is still living with her ex. She says it is over, I want to believe her and I do. She works nights as a bikini waitress and it is hard for her to find time for us. Now I know your thinking 'wat the hell r u doing man' get the f;(k out of there. Sorry to sound like a judgmental prick, but that combined with her insecure need for drama are enough red flags for me to run. She seriously sounds like more trouble than she's worth. Why can't I just let her go? Why do I continue to lie to myself and try to make it work? Because you're a nice guy. I know because I used to do this a lot. It's a no-win situation. You need to learn to love being alone with yourself so you can drop these damaged girls when they come along. Hold out for a real woman. Learn to be a little selfish. Seriously.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Everyone has issues. I'm no exception. I'm probably not the one to help this girl, but I want to be. I know the consequences and I'm willing to try to make things work because I don't want to be left wondering what if. It might end in disaster it might all work out fine. You will think this is hopeless and you could be right. If it doesn't work I will know I have it my best shot. Thanks for your replies, a bit sad nobody thought it was worth me fighting for love. A healthy relationship does not require one person to fix the other. She has so many red flags that right now, you're only following your emotions. And please, love is not worth fighting for if the result is you getting used and hurt in the end. I've seen it before and I don't feel like I can sugarcoat things and say you guys will live happily ever after.
ses Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 A woman who's telling you to treat her badly will only provide heartache and drama. Her attitude reflects her past experiences. She only knows dysfunction for some reason. There is nothing you can do to reassure her of her worth because she's already broken inside. Counseling would be the best option for her. I know you care for the girl and want to see things work out but you need to cut your losses. She's not emotionally ready for a relationship at this point. You deserve a healthy and mutually fulfilling relationship. Women like and respect nice guys. Don't think otherwise. You are not the problem.
xxoo Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Treating her badly won't keep her interested. It will relieve her guilt over treating you badly. 1
KungFuJoe Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Treating her badly won't keep her interested. It will relieve her guilt over treating you badly. THIS. And wow...how come I never met any of the crazies that get brought up in this forum? I mean...good lord... 1
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Treating her badly won't keep her interested. It will relieve her guilt over treating you badly. Bingo! (10 characters) 1
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