elena1 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half. He is 25 and I am 19. Our relationship started as a LDR one but we do our best to travel as often as we can. Regardless cultural differences and an age gap we just click together and I know he is my soul mate. I am moving to England in September to start university, so there will be no more time zones and long flights! I have been under a lot of pressure during the past month with exams and all of the stress has helped me bottle up my emotions and fears towards our relationship. We haven't seen one another in two months and we need to go one more without seeing one another. We have gone six months without physical contact, so I guess I can't say that not seeing him triggered my strange behavior. I've been acting not like myself in the past few days. Asking him things about his exes, doubting he feels as sexually attracted to me as before. I should add that even though I've had other relationships before, he was my first. Considering the fact that our relationship has started as a long distance one we haven't had many opportunities to explore our sexuality. The last time when we were together was great but before that we just needed to tune in. I am usually a very confident woman but my achilles heel is the fact I am worried if he feels sexually satisfied - not that he doesn't tell me or show me he does but in the beginning of our relationship he used to send me pictures and just express his desire more often. Blinded and deluded, I have compared myself to the brief stories I have heard about his exes, not realizing that when he was with them they didn't need to rush to see the Eiffel Tower or the Sistine Chapel. Being so busy with finals lately we haven't had much chance for time on cam. Yesterday night we were messing around and I was asking him how often he watches porn, when I heard an answer "one or two times a week" considering we haven't had any cam time in weeks, I flipped. I felt like my insecurities and fears burst out of my tight little bottle and flooded him. He said my behavior was anything but attractive. We have grown so much for the time we have been together and our relationship has changed for better. But my fears are threatening to ruin what we have built. We talked for another hour after my outburst and he wants to help me calm my soul and find my path to my normal self. He keeps saying that he loves me more than anything or anyone but I now feel like I am harming him more than cherishing him. We've decided to deal with my emotions together. I am scared I will mess it all up. I don't want to be clingy or depending, I am just scared not to lose what we have because of my childish act. Help!
avelonia2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Try to stop for a minute and just breath. The only thing you need to realize is that a person is with who "they" want to be with and they "feel love" for the person they truly love. If he's with you it's because he wants to be and not for any other reason. Try to use exercise and moments of introspection to quiet your mind of all that other stuff that is attached to fear. As the saying goes, "there is nothing to fear, but 'fear' itself." It's so true! Look "inside" to figure out why you are allowing fear to control your life. I used to do that too and have learned that facing those fears head on and "talking" about them dissipates them. Hope this helps in some small way. We are ALL a work in progress.
justwhoiam Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I think it's normal. You felt like you don't know him. You do, but maybe not as much as you might wish. You're going to be close to him soon, so that time will be useful for you, to know him better in real life, and so that there are no secrets (or almost so) between you two.
Author elena1 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 I think it's normal. You felt like you don't know him. You do, but maybe not as much as you might wish. You're going to be close to him soon, so that time will be useful for you, to know him better in real life, and so that there are no secrets (or almost so) between you two. Thank you! I just don't want to be unfair to him and I felt like I was. I realize I can be a slight bit of controlling and no one deserve to be controlled. Hopefully things will work out great and we will have a feature together! Try to stop for a minute and just breath. The only thing you need to realize is that a person is with who "they" want to be with and they "feel love" for the person they truly love. If he's with you it's because he wants to be and not for any other reason. Try to use exercise and moments of introspection to quiet your mind of all that other stuff that is attached to fear. As the saying goes, "there is nothing to fear, but 'fear' itself." It's so true! Look "inside" to figure out why you are allowing fear to control your life. I used to do that too and have learned that facing those fears head on and "talking" about them dissipates them. Hope this helps in some small way. We are ALL a work in progress. Thank you! I realize he loves me with his whole being but I need to feel absolutely desired by the person next to me (very possibly due the the fact I feel insecure towards our sex life) and lately our hectic lives influenced into changing the amount I get. This must be caused by my fear of not being the best at something, not being good enough. I will try my best to take things slowly and not be afraid without a reason.
jphcbpa Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 but I need to feel absolutely desired by the person next to me . Try to explore what this is all about for you. What is this "need" and why do you have it. He can't fix you. The watching porn is not the issue here per se. It triggered something in you and you became "flooded" with emotions. Keep this about you and your fears (false evidence appearing real). Perhaps it might be some love addict triggers popping up for you? Fear of abandonment? You are on the right path for wanting to talk about and take a look at this.
Author elena1 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 Try to explore what this is all about for you. What is this "need" and why do you have it. He can't fix you. The watching porn is not the issue here per se. It triggered something in you and you became "flooded" with emotions. Keep this about you and your fears (false evidence appearing real). Perhaps it might be some love addict triggers popping up for you? Fear of abandonment? You are on the right path for wanting to talk about and take a look at this. You made a great point here. Actually, the fact he watched porn made me feel hurt because he knows I am always more than willing to help him in any way I can (sorry for sounding vulgar, this wasn't my intention) but didn't even seek it. I don't have anything against porn or him watching porn at all, I just couldn't believe he would rather do that than text me, call me or just say he watched porn and had a good time. It seemed to me like I was being less desired by him. The thought of him not even caring to mention he watches porn, considering I am as accepting and understanding as one can be, is what's underneath this issue. My inner battle is definitely one that I should win and I will do my best to, also I promised myself to be completely honest with him so no more emotions will get bottled up.
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