starrynightz45 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I've asked about this guy on this forum multiple times. I've honeslty never met someone so confusing, and I'm about ready to just let it go. Still, I'm curious and want some opinions. I've been on 4 dates with this guy, and so far, in person at least, he's been a gentleman/polite and we've had great conversation. We talk/text daily, and it's about even with who initiates - if anything, he initiates more than I do. Last Tuesday, he was talking to me and saying he was having a boring evening at home. I suggested we go out and do something. He said "well actually I'm in the middle of making dinner and haven't showered, plus I'm terrible last minute and was thinking we could do something Fri/Sat?." I said that sounded fine and we should. Though we spoke every single day the rest of the week, he never brought up the weekend. Finally, Friday at 5pm, I asked him what was going on, because I was trying to figure out my weekend. He said "Oh..umm..well are you doing anything tomorrow?" Since he didn't sound too excited or even seem to remember (which confuses me), I just told him I already made plans with friends. He said we'd make plans for another day. He called me on Sunday and asked if I was free on Tuesday and/or Saturday. I told him I was free Tuesday, and since it was only Sunday, I had no plans yet for Saturday. He said we'd go out Tuesday, and see about Saturday. I said fine. We went out on Tuesday, and he asked if I was interested in *maybe* seeing a movie on Saturday. I said sure, that would be nice. So then he said he'd let me know for sure later that week regarding Saturday, and I said OK. Thursday night, he sent me a text saying he'd let me know tomorrow (Friday) for sure about whether or not we are going out on Saturday. I just said ok and nothing else. What bothers me is that we're both on summer break from college, and I know neither of us have started our summer jobs yet. Basically, the only reason I can think of that he wouldn't be able to make it Saturday, is that he is able to make other plans that he prefers over seeing me. Am I wrong in thinking this? And is it appropriate for him to confirm or cancel our "maybe" plans on Friday for a date that was supposed to "maybe" be on Saturday?
Emilia Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 He sounds really boring. I was bored reading your post. I'd find someone with a bit more spice 3
veggirl Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Please make other plans. This guy is downright insulting. You're supposed to wait around in case he feels like seeing you tomorrow? Eff that! He is lukewarm with his interest, at BEST. Ditch this guy please! 2
PutARingOnIt Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 You're probably not the only chick he is involved with. You are probably his back up chick. When he can't give you a definite date/time it's because he has to make sure that his #1 choice isn't going to be available before he plans anything with you. 1
GI_Joy Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 If he's not making you a priority, you shouldn't make him a priority. As simple as that. Match his level of commitment. He sounds real flaky--don't bend over backwards trying to fit his schedule.
sillyanswer Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Basically, the only reason I can think of that he wouldn't be able to make it Saturday, is that he is able to make other plans that he prefers over seeing me. Am I wrong in thinking this? But it's okay for you to invent having already made plans with friends for the previous saturday? 1
Author starrynightz45 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 You're probably not the only chick he is involved with. You are probably his back up chick. When he can't give you a definite date/time it's because he has to make sure that his #1 choice isn't going to be available before he plans anything with you. I seriously considered this, but the thing is, he is in constant contact with me. It's hard to see how he could keep up that kind of communication with more than 1 woman. He texts/calls daily. When I don't respond to texts, he'll text again. He always wants to know how I am, what I'm doing, etc He's even asked me if I'm just dating around or looking for a relationship. I said relationship. He said him too, but that he wanted to take time to get to know one anothe first before making that decision, which I agree with. Again, he could totally have another woman too. But I just don't get that vibe from him, considering the amount of consistent contact we have. Just tonight he had an art show and continued to text me throughout the night, sending pictures etc. it's a very, very strange situation to me.
Author starrynightz45 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 But it's okay for you to invent having already made plans with friends for the previous saturday? He had made plans with me and forgot about them/didn't seem to care much about it. Should I really have made him think that's ok by going out with him after I brought it up? Not going to happen.
sillyanswer Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 He had made plans with me and forgot about them/didn't seem to care much about it. Should I really have made him think that's ok by going out with him after I brought it up? Not going to happen. Ok. Don't date him, then. That's a pretty simple solution. 2
PutARingOnIt Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 (edited) I seriously considered this, but the thing is, he is in constant contact with me. It's hard to see how he could keep up that kind of communication with more than 1 woman. He texts/calls daily. When I don't respond to texts, he'll text again. He always wants to know how I am, what I'm doing, etc He's even asked me if I'm just dating around or looking for a relationship. I said relationship. He said him too, but that he wanted to take time to get to know one anothe first before making that decision, which I agree with. Again, he could totally have another woman too. But I just don't get that vibe from him, considering the amount of consistent contact we have. Just tonight he had an art show and continued to text me throughout the night, sending pictures etc. it's a very, very strange situation to me. It is not hard at all to communicate with more than one woman. Trust me on this. If this guy is flaking/waiting until the last minute to make plans/acting like he doesn't know he when he is going to be available, there is another chick that he likes more. You are just someone he passes time with until he can be with his first choice. I was involved with a guy who was doing this. He would initiate contact, say he wanted to see me, give a time when he would be available and I wouldn't hear back from him at all. If I contacted him to see if we were still on, he would come with some excuse. I was not his only option. I tried to make excuses but finally came to accept the fact that I was only his "back up pu$$y". Nothing more. The last time he did this, I just read his text and kept it moving. I didn't even text him to see if we were still on. Now he is mad at me. LOL. He can't be mad at me when he is constantly flaking. Edited June 14, 2013 by PutARingOnIt 3
NoMoreJerks Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I seriously considered this, but the thing is, he is in constant contact with me. It's hard to see how he could keep up that kind of communication with more than 1 woman. He texts/calls daily. When I don't respond to texts, he'll text again. He always wants to know how I am, what I'm doing, etc Oh trust me, he can. If my ex could, anyone can. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 (edited) Now he is mad at me. LOL. He can't be mad at me when he is constantly flaking. Seriously? People these days are so entitled... Edited June 14, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language 1
Star Gazer Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I seriously considered this, but the thing is, he is in constant contact with me. It's hard to see how he could keep up that kind of communication with more than 1 woman. He texts/calls daily. When I don't respond to texts, he'll text again. He always wants to know how I am, what I'm doing, etc ... Again, he could totally have another woman too. But I just don't get that vibe from him, considering the amount of consistent contact we have. Just tonight he had an art show and continued to text me throughout the night, sending pictures etc. it's a very, very strange situation to me. Considering married men with very full family lives are able to pull off detailed and elaborate affairs, I'm sure this guy has enough time to text more than one woman at a time. It's been 4 dates, and this guy is insulting you. Why are you investing?? 3
MidwestUSA Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Dude isn't interested enough to plan ahead (I agree with those who say he's leaving his time open for a better offer, but I'll bet he's not getting many) and he's not spontaneous either! Make yourself unavailable, see how hard he tries, then forget him. Better yet, just forget him.
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 You are barely an option for him. Stop making him a priority. You can do better. Move on. 1
Author starrynightz45 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 So he just gave me a call and asked by what time I wanted him to let me know for sure if we were going to go out on Saturday. I told him to let me know by 5 the latest, and I also asked, "Are you waiting on something?" He said "No, no it's nothing like that. Two friends were unable to make it to my art show yesterday and said they wanted to get dinner on Saturday to make up for it, but they are flakey. I'm going to give them until 5 to call me." Well, I don't know honestly. I still feel like a plan B. I think I might not go. And if he cancels, I'm definitely rejecting his next few invites.
daisybuchanan55 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I love coming on this board and reading posts like this because it makes MY situations crystal clear. I have been YOU so many times in the past, and sometimes all it takes is reading the same story from another girl to understand that, DUH, this guy is NOT interested, you ARE his backup plan, and he is DEFINITELY texting other girls. Do not waste any more time. Delete his phone number, stop responding to texts and calls, forget him. You aren't a priority in any way, shape or form. You probably never will be. I know how you feel because I am one of those girls who has made every excuse in the book. The unfortunate part is that if you're making ANY excuse you're already in a losing battle. Better to learn this lesson sooner than later and learn to recognize genuine interest vs. back-up plan BS. You'll thank yourself later. You are WAYYY to good for this entitled dbag! 2
daisybuchanan55 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 So he just gave me a call and asked by what time I wanted him to let me know for sure if we were going to go out on Saturday. I told him to let me know by 5 the latest, and I also asked, "Are you waiting on something?" He said "No, no it's nothing like that. Two friends were unable to make it to my art show yesterday and said they wanted to get dinner on Saturday to make up for it, but they are flakey. I'm going to give them until 5 to call me." Well, I don't know honestly. I still feel like a plan B. I think I might not go. And if he cancels, I'm definitely rejecting his next few invites. No, no, no! So he's basically telling you that his two flaky friends take such priority over you that he is going to leave you waiting around ALL WEEKEND? By the way, these could be imaginary friends, I hope you realize. We could be talking about another girl here. And I GUARANTEE you, whether these are friends or another girl, you better believe he will try to hit you up for a booty call late Saturday night. "What are you up to? Come to xyz bar" sounds about the standard line. By that point you'll be so worked up about wanting to see him that ANY attention will feel like some sort of victory, when in reality it's a major insult! If he were genuinely interested he would plan dinner with his friends on another night. YOU would be top priority. He would not be so rude to leave you waiting around. If I were you I would wait until he contacts you again and then say sorry, you made other plans since his were so up in the air. If he tries to reschedule, tell him you're sorry but you have too many other invitations too wait around for last minute plans, then hang up. Rule of thumb: if he wants to see you on a weekend for a date, he should ask you (with concrete plans, none of this waiting around bs) by Thursday afternoon. Enough "No, sorry, I already have plans" will train him into asking you out earlier. If he EVER says he had to "wait and see" then let him "wait and see." While he is "waiting and seeing" you better fabricate some other plan if he waits until after Thursday to firm things up.
sillyanswer Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 So he just gave me a call and asked by what time I wanted him to let me know for sure if we were going to go out on Saturday. I told him to let me know by 5 the latest, and I also asked, "Are you waiting on something?" He said "No, no it's nothing like that. Two friends were unable to make it to my art show yesterday and said they wanted to get dinner on Saturday to make up for it, but they are flakey. I'm going to give them until 5 to call me." Well, I don't know honestly. I still feel like a plan B. I think I might not go. And if he cancels, I'm definitely rejecting his next few invites. Yes, you're plan B. He just told you that his flakey friends are plan A. I'm not sure that playing games of rejecting his next few invites will help your cause. Just decide if you want to stop dating him, and if so then do that. 2
carhill Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 He's even asked me if I'm just dating around or looking for a relationship. I said relationship. He said him too, but that he wanted to take time to get to know one anothe first before making that decision, which I agree with. Compared to your recounting of his actions, it certainly doesn't appear he's interested in either getting to know you or developing a relationship with you. If you otherwise find him attractive, perhaps, if the timing is right in the future, re-visit the dynamic if he contacts you with clear and unambiguous interest. I note this because of how you described him and his behavior when with you. His personal life is largely unknown, absent you clearly not currently being a priority in it. For now, move on to other suitors and interests. IME, such behaviors are fairly commonplace in the college age demographic. Everything is free-flowing and casual. It's summer
tbf Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 This guy is about as self-centered as they come. Understand that you're not someone else's convenience. Walk away. 2
shexy Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 He sounds really wishy washy, and that would get on my nerves really quick!
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 So he just gave me a call and asked by what time I wanted him to let me know for sure if we were going to go out on Saturday. I told him to let me know by 5 the latest, and I also asked, "Are you waiting on something?" He said "No, no it's nothing like that. Two friends were unable to make it to my art show yesterday and said they wanted to get dinner on Saturday to make up for it, but they are flakey. I'm going to give them until 5 to call me." Well, I don't know honestly. I still feel like a plan B. I think I might not go. And if he cancels, I'm definitely rejecting his next few invites. Sorry, but more like Plan Z at this point. You're going to have to learn to cut guys off who string you along like this ...in case all his backups fall through. Unfortunately, this is a total waste of your time and just downright insulting. You can do better! Really. Waaaay better!
Gottabestrong Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 He said "No, no it's nothing like that. Two friends were unable to make it to my art show yesterday and said they wanted to get dinner on Saturday to make up for it, but they are flakey. I'm going to give them until 5 to call me." Wow, I would not accept that behavior from a friend, telling me that she can't confirm plans because she is waiting to see if another flaky friend will confirm plans with her first. I would tell her to reschedule to a different day for when she wants to hang out with me and I am not just a back-up in case her more exiting plans fall through. Much less from a guy who I am dating and who is supposedly interested in potentially being my boyfriend down the line. Please, no matter what you decide to do, let him know that this behavior is not acceptable in dating. If only to make it easier on the next girl. 1
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