Ldr: Cheated

[bahaghari]

Well, I dunno if this is the right spot to post my thread but I'm really in a hard spot right now. I'm not really the type of person to get advice online but I can't talk about this problem with anyone who knows me and her personally so I'll give it try here.

 

So here's the story. I'm 27. Me and her were living together for almost 6 years now. We have minor fights but no history of something major like this one. Last November, she needed to go to overseas to work there. Our only means of communication was chat through IMs and via phone. We had fights sometimes on chat and phone while she's there. But its really minor fights like most couples do experience. We have happy moments as well. But just this last April, I felt something different. I felt something's not right... She's always been busy on her work and always go to dinner with her co-workers and stuffs like that. She never wonders about me anymore unlike before. So I decided to read articles about cheating and found almost all the signs perfect on her. I investigated deeper for months until last week I finally able to confront her when I was like 70% sure there something wrong going on. I bluffed her that I bugged her phone before she left so I know what she's doing on me. She called me and burst in tears. That's when I finally realized I was right. She told me everything in detail. The hardest thing is she's been seeing a married guy. They had sex 3 times over the past 2 months. It really hurts me badly. Been broken to pieces. I can't stop crying and couldn't eat for more than 30 hours.

 

The day after she told me everything. She rushed and flew home to try to talk to me. She was really sorry and said she was out of her right mind on those days when she did that. We talked and talked and cried and you know what's funny? I can't get mad on her. I'm like a hot headed guy but I don't know. I just want to hold her more tightly than before. I really really love her so much. She begged me to start everything again... I can see how sincere she is, how sorry, and how hurt she is for what happened. I told her not to go back there anymore and live her life with me now. I told her to drop everything and start again with me. She said just give her a couple of days to settle everything there like her resignation, etc. She said it will only take two weeks to settle everything there. But her boss told her she needs to stay until they find a replacement for her and render a month to train the replacement which is too long for me... I'm afraid that if I pick the pieces of myself without her helping me I will forget about her and move on alone. I really wanted to grow old with her. I'm also scared that the things she have done will haunt our future. Will we be able to rebuild trust? Can we go back to the untainted happy days like back then?

 

Oh and btw, she really loves her work. Its like her dream. It pains her to drop that job. But she's willing to drop that just to be with me. I dunno what to do right now. Should I wait for more than a month? What if I am healed and have moved on when she gets back? Please I need your advice and opinions. And sorry for my english.

[justwhoiam]

I bluffed her that I bugged her phone before she left so I know what she's doing on me. She called me and burst in tears. That's when I finally realized I was right. She told me everything in detail.

Smart move.

 

Will we be able to rebuild trust?

If you really love her, you'll be able to get past this. But she must be sure of her feelings. I would think that by coming back to you and leaving her job, she's showing you her priorities and how much she values your relationship. I'm not trying to minimize her mistake. Just make sure she's doing all that because that's what she wants for real, and not out of guilt.

 

Can we go back to the untainted happy days like back then?

Yes. She told you what happened in detail... so you should know about that. We don't. The only problem would be if she fell for this married guy. But I guess not. You need to get close again, she was alone in a different country for too long.

 

Should I wait for more than a month?

If the contract is binding for her, yes. That doesn't depend on her. In some cases, if you decide to leave unexpectedly, you owe an indemnity to the employer... and it's like she's worked for free. Not ideal and maybe not even feasible.

 

You sound like a sweet guy and she must have realized that what happened wouldn't have led to anything. And she risked to lose you. When you get there and you really love someone, you don't risk it a second time. That's what I think.