Oldcatskinner Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 (edited) Well hello folks, I have lurked on this forum since googling about breakups and what to do. A little about me, At almost 30, I fell hard for a girl I had a huge crush on from years ago. It lasted a little over four months, and was the best and most turbulent time of my life. As I am writing, it is two months and some days after I suspected it was over, and a month and a half after the "Big One" fight and when she declared it was over. Granted, I sent an apology, as I was the instigator in the fight. Today is day 25 of NC for me. What a ride. Thank you community members for sharing your stories; I hate that there is pain but it is a good lesson to know that there are others fighting through this as well. Hang in there. Don't give up. You have value, and if it was tarnished, polish up, clean up, press on, and give it hell. You are special, just as your love is special. You have worth, and if you think that you are invalid, remember that you beat out millions of inferior swimmers when your dad shot you out of his loins! This has not been an easy journey for me, and as I am going through it still, the journey is like a cross country run. Hills, valleys, straightaways, unfamiliar trails, but a learning experience at the speed of life. What I have learned is: 1) I do not regret my decision to love my ex. I had the opportunity to love, and for a time she loved me. 2) These feelings of despair are fueled by my ignorance dealing with a relationship. I have had several before, but never one where I was in love. 3)I do not regret that we broke up. I don't like the way it happened, but I cannot change what has been done. I will persevere with dignity and grace. 4) Just because the relationship didn't work with her, does not mean that I am flawed. There is a difference between making mistakes and being flawed. 5) I know that she is as human as I am and not a perfect goddess, and glorifying her in that way is a set up for failure, disappointment, and heartbreak. Once you exalt a girl in this way, they get used to it, no matter when they tell you they are not perfect. Beware of making this mistake in the relationship. 6) It does not make you less of a man to seek counsel from those wiser than you. This does not mean to consult with your bartender. They are in the business of making money for a service, which is not consoling you. 7) If you are a man, do not consult the advice of women. Find a trusted man to talk to. Preferably your father, if you have a good relationship with him. 8) Walk proud, walk tall, suck it up. You are a man. You are expected to behave as one. Your balls and johnson act as counterweights keeping you walking straight when your shoulders are set back and you are standing proud. 9) Exercise. Read about the release of endorphins that this creates. It passes the time away and you are bettering yourself for YOU. 10) Be thankful for life. It can be snubbed out. 11) Listen to good music. These artist and songwriters didn't think up these lyrics, it has happened before and will happen again. 12) Don't go throw your johnson off in some honeyhole for the sake of getting over your ex. It is disrespectful to her (your fling), yourself, and your dignity. You will still think about your ex when you are balls deep in the snatch. 13) Don't contact your ex. Do what you need to to isolate contact with her. After a few days of no contact, expect the dopamine, seratonin, and oxytocin withdrawals to hit you like a freight train. Be tough. Don't drink alcohol during this time. Once this withdrawal period is over, you will be proud of yourself for getting through. 14) Allow yourself to grieve. Do this privately, or grieve to a trusted friend. 15) Understand and pay attention to circular logic in your conversations with your trusted friend(s). They want to help you. They do not want to keep hearing you rehash over progress made. Keep moving forward. 16) Read about these experiences. Some may fit your situation, some may not. One thing that is the same, there is pain and we experience it. I'll keep you posted about my journey. Wishing all of you folks well. Edited June 14, 2013 by Oldcatskinner 4
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