one2many Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 To explain my title... went from LDR to moving in together... but just broken up recently and will head back to where I was from. Been reading a lot of posts here lately and it has been helping me recoup/heal... appreciate all of the life stories and advises that I been reading. Tried to keep it short... if I can.. Met her thru a mutual friend on a random night out when she visited my town. Didn't really initiate conversation until she has returned to her city and we started FBing. Text and calls soon to follow. I am getting to my late 20s, so there are some red flags that initially bother me... but I write them off because 1) I haven't been in a relationship for a while 2) She is very attractive 3) Everybody deserve a chance? Red flags are.. 1) Still in school 2) No career 3) Still in the partying phase Looking back in my pasts, I usually ignore this type of girls right away because I am serious and really want to get to the next step in life (the M word!!!!) After talking for so long, we finally set up our first hangout for her to come up. We drink/club/party... and when we got back, we almost slept together... (She pulled me in the bedroom, and sat on the top of me)... I slowed her advances as 1) she is drunk 2) I don't want to take advantage I should have just read that another red flag and not to get involve. Her personality and mine really match up because we both get along easily and seem to be so far drama free. We both don't carry any baggage (or so I thought) Some more time has passed and a few more events with red flags came up. They are not too big, just make me raised my eye brow. 1) Told some white lies about girl nights... but obvious there are other guys there (happened a few times) 2) Told me a few times that she would be home soon, and disappeared for 3-4 hours 3) One time when I was there physically, she got drunk and grind/dance with one of her guy friend As I grew more closer to her, I also grew more insecurity because of our distance and her red flags. However, I do value our time together, when it is just us two; it is the most wonderful magic moment I ever been in. I keep telling myself... she will change and grew out of this phase. And I will continue to lead example ( as I have raised no red flags or do anything questionable to her that I know of) We did a 2 -3 weeks of vacation and we had the best of time. I literally threw out all my worry and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Not too long after that I decided it is time to move forward with thing and get rid of the distance so I can be closer to her (now looking at it, it is more going down there to keep an eye out on her with my insecurity with her) So I got a new job, move down there, and also got a place with her so she is closer to school. I have done everything in my power to make this work. I don't think I can say the same from her. On a few occasions, late at night, she would get a few texts. I would ask who that is... and she would say her sis is texting. I didn't pay too much attention, until one time that came in around 3 am. So then I started ... wait for it... snooping. I found out many things from the snooping 1) lies that she told me from the start 2) her many arrangement of meet up with guy friends ( whom I never heard of or met before) 3)Her arrangement to meet up with those guy friends all happened to be time and date when I will be out of town 4) Found out she dated this guy that she lied to me about on multiple occasions. That she is still in constant contact, and she even suggesting of bringing him to meet me... And they both LOL at me that I didn't know about them. I was just surprised how much more I uncovered... and how twisted her mind is... MIND you that on the surface she is not like that... she seems to be in totally in love with me. I just felt like I did way too much for her to be taken for granted.. and being disrespect. That’s the part I can’t stand. You can lie to me, you can hurt me, but don’t disrespect me and treat me like a fool. On numerous occasions, we already discuss how she would feel if she was in my shoes…. Yet I doubt she ever put herself there. Long story short, we fight, we make up, we break up, and cycle repeats. We are no longer together and I am on my way out of this city. For all of you looking into LDR, here is what I learned: 1) Following your heart.. if you see red flags.. don’t ignore them 2) Don’t move for somebody for the wrong reason (because I felt insecure about her) 3) Most people don’t change, this is who they are 4) When you are in LDR.. the issue is that one of you is on “vacation” mode.. so things are always better and cheerful 5) Always “snoop” , don’t be a fool!! Just do it once and if he/she passed, don’t do it anymore 6) Make sure the other half is in the same stage of life as you are… I know at time I am unknowingly judge her 2
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