DBW Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 To begin with, I have been dating my girlfriend for 3.5 years and I am in love with her. But in the past year and a half we have been having problems. Now I know I am no piece of cake, but I feel like I am the only one addressing and fixing problems that are my fault in our relationship. First off, we argue a lot. At least once a week. I feel like the topics are simple and even though I try to resolve it, it's like she wants to be upset about it. Also, she holds on to things that have happened in the past and even though we talk about it and resolve the issue, it's like she lies just to get through it and say its fine. Also, she has personal problems that make her self conscience. She is by no means a fat girl, but she could lose about 20lbs. Not my suggestion by the way. I tell her she is attractive to me and I am happy, but she is not happy with her weight which makes her self conscience. This is not only hurting our relationship but our sex life. Also, being that she is unhappy with herself, it's like she starts out upset about it and takes it out on me by getting upset with me over simple things. She has tried to do diets and whatnot but it never sticks. I even offer to workout with her but she doesn't want to workout with me. I'm no fitness star but I work on a farm so I do have a muscular body. I feel like I am trying to help her to help our relationship but she is refusing my help. We are both 23 and from what I have seen in the past 3.5 years, I feel like that is how our relationship will always be. I am also concerned because I have hobbies (hunting, fishing, guns) and spend money on my hobbies but she gets upset when I buy things that are expensive for my hobbies. She has not hobbies so I feel like she does not understand. Also, I have given up things for our relationship like dipping tobacco, friends, and other things so I feel like I am trying. I am not sure what to do. About a month and a half ago I told her I wanted to break up and told her all these reasons and she said I was right and she would fix it and things would change. It lasted about 2.5 weeks and things are going right back to the way they were. When things are good they are great and we have the best relationship. But it seems like those times are becoming fewer and fewer. It's like it gets too good and she has to find some drama. I love this girl and don't want to lose her but breaking up seems to be my only option. Any advice?
coffeebean201 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 you have to figure out if she is going to outgrow this need for drama. that may take some time. She also needs to love herself more, and the weight will drop and she will allow her own hobbies to flourish. The stress is making her be very hard on herself, so she's unhappy, leads to drama etc. sounds like you are counter-reacting by spending money on hobbies, which also gets you away from her. you've kind of retreated to your hobbies? i'm just guessing. hugs
SimonSerenade Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Take it from me, don't leave her, the pain isn't worth it, forget your problems and the past, don't try to fix what's broken, it's broken, I know how it feels to be the one making an effort at the issues, it's hard and it questions your worth, she's not trying because she's sick of hearing them all the time, forgive and let go, start your relationship fresh and empty these issues from your mind. Sometimes that's the only way, some issues stand the test of time but your girl has bad points aswell as good, focus on the good and accept the bad, the sooner you accept them as something you can't change the easier it gets to live with and move on from, by the time I realised this my ex was too far gone and I lost her, no matter what I tried and implemented, it didn't matter anymore. Don't let it get to that point for you, remember, breaking up own always the best option and it's not the only option, hope it works out for you friend, I truly do.
Author DBW Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 (edited) I'm not retreating to my hobbies. I include her in them when I can. And I'm not holding on to things of the past. She is. It seems that if the weight thing goes away it'll work but idk what to do to fix it if she resists everytime. I do agree that I need to figure out the drama thing but I am ready to move forward to the next level but I can't if I know there will always be unnecessary drama Edited June 14, 2013 by DBW
CptSaveAho Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 shes 23 years old and a female... there will always be drama also women are allowed to hold on to things from the past and bring it up... its the only double standard they are allowed... i personally ignore it if she gets mad at you for you being you...hanging out with your friends, spending time on your hobbies, etc... that's her problem... tell her to deal with it it sounds like you are looking more for reasons and validations to break up with her more then anything
coffeebean201 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I'm not retreating to my hobbies. I include her in them when I can. And I'm not holding on to things of the past. She is. It seems that if the weight thing goes away it'll work but idk what to do to fix it if she resists everytime. I do agree that I need to figure out the drama thing but I am ready to move forward to the next level but I can't if I know there will always be unnecessary drama Women aren't simple creatures. If you want better results with your woman, you MUST LISTEN MORE. And it will take MORE THAN ONE TALK. They actually have a phrase for it: Active Listening. For the woman, this kind of man feels like a guy who watches TV for the whole time you are talking to him and only catches maybe 1/2 of what you were trying to say. That is what communication probelms feel like for the woman - well at least for me. Hope that helps. You sound like a great guy.
Author DBW Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 I'm not looking for a reason to break up. She is a great girl. I want to move forward but the simple things are stopping our progression. God forbid something serious ever happen. I do listen. I even leave my phone in another room when we hangout so I'm paying attention to her and not letting anything distract me. And we have talked multiple times. The last time was just an attempt at a wake up call to her. I only gave her another chance because I want it to work. I don't feel like she really thought I was serious.
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Personally I think you're doing just fine! It is NOT your job to make her love herself! You are entitled to enjoy your hobbies, spend money on yourself, certainly since you try to include her. I'm not sure why the other posters think you aren't "listening" to her. You are NOT responsible for another persons happiness, moreso If they don't/ won't take the initiative. Above all, DO NOT give up on your own hobbies! Even if you're in love with her, you cannot take away from number one- you!
Emilia Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I love this girl and don't want to lose her but breaking up seems to be my only option. Any advice? There are lots of people that just b**ch and moan but don't do anything to help themselves. I suppose it's your call whether you want to live with someone like that.
Mack05 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 without reading a single line of your thread..............GO.. Stick to it, if that is what you decide to do..
Author DBW Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 (edited) Alfred, she is not my ex. This is my current gf. Some of the advice so far is great and is helping me. Anyone else have any suggestions??? Edited June 14, 2013 by DBW
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