The Situation Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 (edited) I really have tried to make my relationship with my ex work a few times, but always fell short because I didn't give myself enough time. It's been a couple of months since I last properly spoke and saw my ex, and I'm still thinking it's wrong, because I miss her for who she is, among everything else. Trouble is, at the moment, she really isn't in the frame of mind to speak to me, which is heartbreaking, but what if I say to her next week that I want her back for good? She surely wouldn't be interested, too much damage has been done, right? I guess it's down to her then. If I'm brave enough, I can see myself coming back and getting badly hurt. Edited June 14, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Moved posts from another thread; deleted quote
TaraMaiden Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Given that your last meeting was hosyile, yes, i think you have to accept that this one is gone. She is younger than you, and as such less mature, less geared up with experience. She should never have become your therapist. I don't know who engineered that move, or whether it was deliberate, or whether it was a situation you took advantage of, but she was certainly never equipped emotionally to be able to carry THAT particular can, and frankly she should never have been required to do it. No training, no boundaries, no ability to deal with what you needed. I would say she became exhausted. Understand this, I'm not blaming you: But you state in your other post - The recent ex ..... was there for me, and eventually made her move, which in hindsight I wish I'd rejected in order to recover properly, but being how attractive and lovely she was, plus my inexperience, I had little choice. Actually, in hindsight you probably know that isn't true. You let it happen, because you wanted it to happen,and maybe even needed it to happen. It's a shame it was with someone so young. You do know that at 21, her brain hadn't finished forming or 'connecting up' yet, don't you...? She became my therapist as I struggled to deal with my previous, long-term, cheating ex. I was devastated, but the recent ex was there for me, and as much as she tried to fix me with words and amazing sex, it was never enough..... It's tragic that you allowed this to go on. You could probably see what was happening. She truly may not have been fully aware of what role exactly she was fulfilling, but perhaps - as you now know 'it was never enough' - you should have eased up.... Did you actually turn to a professional, qualified therapist for help in dealing with your 'previous ex' issues, at all?
Author The Situation Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 Given that your last meeting was hosyile, yes, i think you have to accept that this one is gone. She is younger than you, and as such less mature, less geared up with experience. She should never have become your therapist. I don't know who engineered that move, or whether it was deliberate, or whether it was a situation you took advantage of, but she was certainly never equipped emotionally to be able to carry THAT particular can, and frankly she should never have been required to do it. No training, no boundaries, no ability to deal with what you needed. I would say she became exhausted. Understand this, I'm not blaming you: But you state in your other post - Actually, in hindsight you probably know that isn't true. You let it happen, because you wanted it to happen,and maybe even needed it to happen. It's a shame it was with someone so young. You do know that at 21, her brain hadn't finished forming or 'connecting up' yet, don't you...? It's tragic that you allowed this to go on. You could probably see what was happening. She truly may not have been fully aware of what role exactly she was fulfilling, but perhaps - as you now know 'it was never enough' - you should have eased up.... Did you actually turn to a professional, qualified therapist for help in dealing with your 'previous ex' issues, at all? That hit me hard. In answer to your last question, I have been through counselling, but didn't start until January this year. Far too late, I know. But I don't wish to be blamed for any of my actions. Inexperience got the better of me, too. I didn't know how to deal with it, I didn't know I needed time and space to recover from being cheated on. I didn't know that I wasn't ready for someone new. I've learnt this now, and really wish I'd known all this at the time. Do I feel responsible, though? Partly. It takes two for it to happen. No, she should never have become my therapist, but she wanted to be there for me and I needed support. That's all it was at first, until she made her move and it felt good, because we have/had a great connection. If it didn't feel right, I wouldn't have gone for it. I certainly never took advantage, I really am too good a person to think like that. I was a wreck, and she was there. 'Classic rebound', maybe? I 'eased up' a few times, which probably answers everything, that it was never going to turn into love. She loved me, but I wasn't ready to commit, not because I want(ed) to sleep around, which definitely isn't "me", but because of everything that comes with it (meeting family, friends, holidays etc). I just wish it was someone else. She was too good to waste and I really am sorry about it, both for the pain I caused her and the loss I've incurred.
TaraMaiden Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I hate the pain people feel in situations like this. It's actually physical agony, in the pit of the stomach, just under the rib-cage. I know it, I recognise it, I acknowledge it.... I'm sorry you must be feeling it, hard. You both did what you needed to do, and gained what you needed at the time. maybe if you'd had "official" counselling at the time, the burden would have not been so great. Sadly, I think it all just became too much for her to keep carrying.... It's a bitch, huh?
Author The Situation Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 I hate the pain people feel in situations like this. It's actually physical agony, in the pit of the stomach, just under the rib-cage. I know it, I recognise it, I acknowledge it.... I'm sorry you must be feeling it, hard. You both did what you needed to do, and gained what you needed at the time. maybe if you'd had "official" counselling at the time, the burden would have not been so great. Sadly, I think it all just became too much for her to keep carrying.... It's a bitch, huh? Your understanding of it is too good, it's as if you were there! It did become too much, and I don't blame her or hold any grudges. She loved me like I've never known. She'd have done anything for me. Knowing I've lost that is heartbreaking. I just wasn't ready and am so sorry for it. Thank you for spelling things out. Time will tell now.
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