Ima Loser Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Need some advice.. I asked this classmate of mine out for coffee weeks ago through email..A bit of background..We were classmates before..I found him to be really attractive and we ended up talking after class and hit it off. He replied to my coffee invitation enthusiastically and he suggested a day and time. But instead of coffee, we ended up going to the local restaurant/bar for drinks on his suggestion. We met at school after our classes and walked over together..We hit it off again and turns out we have much more in common than I thought..He was asking a lot of questions about me, we had a lot of laughs, etc..Such a nice time..Everything was going fine until he mentioned he was seeing someone. In my head I was like "damn!" but I didn't show it..I just continued the conversation..I gotta be honest and say that kinda surprised me.. He didn't talk about her the whole night, just the one instance. .Maybe I should have asked his situation when asking him for coffee?..He even paid for our drinks and drove me home. Before I exited the car he said we should do it again. I'm taking it he liked being with me? I emailed to say thanks and that I had a great time and liked his company, but left it at that because he has a girlfriend. He replied back and said the same thing and wants to meet up again like we did before..Am I missing something here? Why would a guy who has a girlfriend want to hang out with me again? Especially if it's just the two of us..I know guys can have friends who are girls, but I'm not sure about this..His girlfriend doesn't know me and I don't really "know" him and am not one of his good friends or anything...I feel awkward about this..I already told him I would like to meet up again but now I am thinking if that's a good idea or not..I am very attracted to him, but he is spoken for..Could he have been single when I initially asked him but during the weeks before we met up, he met a woman but still wanted to meet up with me? I don't know.. I feel weird because he is the one who said we should meet up for drinks again. Any thoughts on this?
InsaneTrombone Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 Well if he was in a normal relationship with a woman, this would be odd on his part. It could be a few things I suppose. He's clearly eager to see you again. Personally, I'd see him a second time and see how it goes. I wouldn't bring up the 'seeing someone' thing unless you start to notice things getting pretty flirty. Sounds like you two have a lot in common and enjoy eachothers company but I wouldn't approach him about it if everything appears normal, it may turn him off and then he doesn't speak to you anymore because he specifically told you he was seeing someone else. Maybe he's keeping his options open. Tough to say, if you really want to know, ask him, but be prepared on how he may react if he isn't on the same page that you're on. 1
KatZee Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 If he has a girlfriend then I would stay away from hanging out one on one. I'd keep him arms distance and only meet him in public places with other people. Who knows what his intentions are. Maybe he's a player and looking for a bit on the side. Even if he's not, I think it's sketchy that he takes other girls who are not his girlfriend out to bars, and pick up their tabs. I wouldn't be happy if that were my boyfriend. 2
dizy Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I am in a similar situation. He actually knows that I like him. Never mention that he has a gf. He is suddenly becoming so much more friendly and smiling much more lately. It's hard and difficult to deal with, but if you have feelings for him you will likely have a very hard time being "just friends". He's got nothing to lose. If he realizes that he likes you more, he can dump the other one, if not, he will just keep you at arm's length. You've got to make a decision that's in your best interest. 1
Crafty Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Hmm 'seeing someone'. Did he say girlfriend? Maybe he meant just dating someone, nothing serious/exclusive just yet. Just be like "so this girlfriend of yours? She's okay with us meeting?" If he says it's not his girlfriend, then you're all good. If replies with something along the lines of "yeah, she doesn't care. She does this all the time." Then probs best for you to get up and leave... At least you'll know you've saved yourself from dating a d bag who could potentionally do the same to you. 1
TaraMaiden Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 .... Just be like "so this girlfriend of yours? She's okay with us meeting?" If he says it's not his girlfriend, then you're all good. No, it means he's probably lying.... If replies with something along the lines of "yeah, she doesn't care. She does this all the time." No, it means he's probably lying. ....best for you to get up and leave... At least you'll know you've saved yourself from dating a d bag who could potentionally do the same to you. This bit is true in either case. (*potentially*) 1
Lansing Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I used to go to this group outing/get together once a month. There were like 8 girls and two guys. I enjoyed the compan of the girls and had kept in touch with 3 of them outside of the group (plus one I was already friends with). I had asked out these three girls out to events, etc on a friendly basis. Two of them thought it was romantic interest. I didn't mentioned the girl I was daing at the time because I was very casual with her but I did need to set the record straight after a few times hanging out one on one that things were strictly platonic. I see keep in touch with them all and I do enjoy their company. I wouldn't consider dating any of them. So, things could be different with this guy but don't assume he is interested, and don't assume that the girl is a GF. 1
ASG Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I have this friend, we met a few years ago while working together. Ever since we've been going out for drinks a few times a years, either one on one or as part of a group, though the group part was mostly incidental, as I'd go meet him after work and some of his colleagues (that I also know) would go to the pub as well. He has a girlfriend, who when I met him, was touring with a show, so was barely home. I only met her last year for the first time. There was nothing sketchy about our drinks/meet ups and was always strictly platonic on both sides. I'm sure the GF knew all about me, even though we'd never met. He might just be in the market for new friends! 1
eastcoastgirl88 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 He might have nothing but innocent intentions but if I were you I'd steer clear simply because you have romantic feelings for him. There is NOTHING worse than pining after someone unavailable. It gets you no where! 1
Author Ima Loser Posted June 18, 2013 Author Posted June 18, 2013 Well, I messaged him and said that it would great to meet up again and haven't heard from him since..I know he checks his email every day and what not. It's not like I professed my love to him or anything, or made him feel awkward, so why would HE avoid me? Especially if he's the one who asked to meet up again? It's gotta be because he is seeing someone and is keeping his distance..We did hit it off pretty good though..Ugh..
Mr.Mango Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 You might be over thinking this. If he wasn't flirting with you, then it's not wise to assume he was hanging out with you to potentially date you. I'm a guy and most of my friends are girls. I ask them out for drinks all the time, we all know we're not in the league to date each other and that's fine. Some of us guys just like to hang out with girls, nothing more than that. If he is actually seeing seeing someone else, just accept it and move on. If he ignores you it might be because you're coming on too strongly. I tried being friends with a girl that liked me and let me tell you, it can be awkward. He probably honestly just enjoys your company and likes hanging out with you. Also, I doubt he's avoiding you because he hasn't responded to hanging out immediately. People get busy and can lose track of things.
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