theLWord Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I posted this in the Abuse forum, but this seems to get more traffic. I dated a woman for about 2 years off and on.. She has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. She was molested at a young age. I have been through more in this relationship than all relationships combined. There were suicide threats frequently, she cut herself at the beginning of the relationship, she actually did hit me once, the cops were called on us because she wouldn't stop screaming at my apartment, she went really psycho when she would drink, extreme jealousy, lying, and she constantly said she was scared I would abandon her. The good parts of the relationship though keep coming back in my mind. My ex was incredibly attractive. I know it seems shallow to be so hung up on that, but I am scared I'll always compare women to her. She was a prototype to what I thought I wanted (when she was acting sane). The sex was the best I've ever had. Also scared nothing will compare in that department. She was caring, interested in my life, believed in me, supported me, etc.. It's been a little over a week since I finally broke up with her. I blocked her e-mail and phone number and am doing NC. I'm now trying to focus on fixing myself rather than her. I've never thought I had many issues, but after researching a lot about BPD, I guess I must. I didn't think I had low self esteem, quite the opposite actually, but to stay in a relationship like that must have proved that I do, right? The fact that I was trying to fix her for so long and thought she would be different with me is troubling. My question is to people who have been with a person with bpd (or similar disorder), how did you cope with the aftermath of the abuse you put up with? How did you fix yourself to not repeat that kind of relationship again? I am in therapy but what should I tell my therapist so I can get real internal work done? I can't go through this ever again!
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