My Best Relationship is Over

[shmelps34]

We had a great 9-month relationship - she is 27. An awesome connection, and she said that I was the best boyfriend she's had, after a history of guy problems. We had so many fun times, shared so much laughter. Her friends loved me, and I was a good guy, strong, passionate, kind, supportive, and sensitive, but I didn't tolerate any bull**** or mistreatment and was quite vocal about that. We are both independent and gave each other a good amount of space. After dating around in my younger 20s, I thought I had found someone that was a great match for me. We agreed that we were a good catch for one another.

 

We were doing so well until a month ago she started acting crabby and overwhelmed. I lost my job and she wasn't able to be there for me, which I was very upset about and let her know. Finally she told me she needed space and needed to be independent, which I obliged (I know not to badger someone when they ask for space). I told her that it sounded like she was having doubts, so I was going to leave her alone, and I did my own thing for a few days. But, I told her it was also good that she we were having this conversation, and she was telling me what was on her mind. I also said that nobody wants to feel smothered in a relationship, and if that what she was feeling, then she has to let me know, because I understand how ****ty that feels. Was I being too needy? I don't know..

 

I let her contact me after a couple of days and she said she wanted to work things out, and I told her I was happy about her decision. A few days later, we met yesterday, and she told me she felt like she was going to implode. She has been in a very dark place, and dealing with personal issues and that she cannot support the responsibility of a relationship. She couldn't support me losing my job because she felt like she couldn't even support herself at the moment.

 

I asked her if she was depressed and if she wanted to talk to a therapist, or if she wanted more space, but she said we should stop seeing one another and that it wasn't fair to me to wait for her. She needs to deal with her issues on her own. I told her I cared about her and was concerned, but that I understood her decision and that I was here for her. I gave her one last hug, a kiss on the cheek, and just started crying. I told her to go and that I would be okay. Generally, I think I took the breakup maturely and with dignity.

She has her own issues, and is SO independent that she doesn't like to talk about problems or share or even lean on someone for support, which I think is normal to ask for in a relationship. She has said that she likes doing things on her own terms and doesn't like being told what to do. She has a slew of family issues, has had a rough life, and it seems like she is emotionally weaker than I had thought. Some people think another guy is involved, but I honestly don't think so. She's a very honest person, and has scorned others who cheat or manipulate. Either way, I suppose it's a possibility, especially since she hasn't really been able to communicate the issues at hand. She has a problem with confrontation.

 

I plan not to contact her, and my friends and family think I dodged somewhat of a bullet. Still, I hope that she might come around and realize what a great connection we had, but this is an unhealthy thought to hold on to. Nevertheless, I care so much about her. What's sadder is not that I'm losing a romantic partner, but such a good friend.

 

As for me? I told her that I've doing great, I applied to grad school, have three interviews lined up, and my music career is taking off since I lost my job. She seemed surprised that I was doing so well. She lost a catch of a man.

[HopelessRomantick]

We had a great 9-month relationship - she is 27. An awesome connection, and she said that I was the best boyfriend she's had, after a history of guy problems. We had so many fun times, shared so much laughter. Her friends loved me, and I was a good guy, strong, passionate, kind, supportive, and sensitive, but I didn't tolerate any bull**** or mistreatment and was quite vocal about that. We are both independent and gave each other a good amount of space. After dating around in my younger 20s, I thought I had found someone that was a great match for me. We agreed that we were a good catch for one another.

 

We were doing so well until a month ago she started acting crabby and overwhelmed. I lost my job and she wasn't able to be there for me, which I was very upset about and let her know. Finally she told me she needed space and needed to be independent, which I obliged (I know not to badger someone when they ask for space). I told her that it sounded like she was having doubts, so I was going to leave her alone, and I did my own thing for a few days. But, I told her it was also good that she we were having this conversation, and she was telling me what was on her mind. I also said that nobody wants to feel smothered in a relationship, and if that what she was feeling, then she has to let me know, because I understand how ****ty that feels. Was I being too needy? I don't know..

 

I let her contact me after a couple of days and she said she wanted to work things out, and I told her I was happy about her decision. A few days later, we met yesterday, and she told me she felt like she was going to implode. She has been in a very dark place, and dealing with personal issues and that she cannot support the responsibility of a relationship. She couldn't support me losing my job because she felt like she couldn't even support herself at the moment.

 

I asked her if she was depressed and if she wanted to talk to a therapist, or if she wanted more space, but she said we should stop seeing one another and that it wasn't fair to me to wait for her. She needs to deal with her issues on her own. I told her I cared about her and was concerned, but that I understood her decision and that I was here for her. I gave her one last hug, a kiss on the cheek, and just started crying. I told her to go and that I would be okay. Generally, I think I took the breakup maturely and with dignity.

She has her own issues, and is SO independent that she doesn't like to talk about problems or share or even lean on someone for support, which I think is normal to ask for in a relationship. She has said that she likes doing things on her own terms and doesn't like being told what to do. She has a slew of family issues, has had a rough life, and it seems like she is emotionally weaker than I had thought. Some people think another guy is involved, but I honestly don't think so. She's a very honest person, and has scorned others who cheat or manipulate. Either way, I suppose it's a possibility, especially since she hasn't really been able to communicate the issues at hand. She has a problem with confrontation.

 

I plan not to contact her, and my friends and family think I dodged somewhat of a bullet. Still, I hope that she might come around and realize what a great connection we had, but this is an unhealthy thought to hold on to. Nevertheless, I care so much about her. What's sadder is not that I'm losing a romantic partner, but such a good friend.

 

As for me? I told her that I've doing great, I applied to grad school, have three interviews lined up, and my music career is taking off since I lost my job. She seemed surprised that I was doing so well. She lost a catch of a man.

 

 

Good for you man! Can I have some of your strength?

[shmelps34]

Thanks, the hardest thought is that there's another guy involved. That feels so embarassing to me.